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“Who am I killing this time?” Axel sighs, dropping into a seat beside mine. He’s joking. Mostly. He hasn’t actually killed any of my boyfriends. Yet. Though that kid that bullied me for a few years did mysteriously disappear. Pretty sure he transferred schools though.

“No one. This guy is really…great,” I finish rather weakly. Axel spots my lack of enthusiasm of course and raises an eyebrow at me.

“Great? Wow I don’t think I’ve ever heard such an underwhelming accolade.”

“It’s just—” I begin. And then I pause with a deep sigh. I love the guys, but they’re guys through and through. Sometimes I need a little girl talk.

“It’s just…c’mon, Peony, you can tell me anything. What’s his name?”

“Promise you won’t kill him?” Axel smirks at my request. I’m not stupid. I know what he gets up to when I’m supposed to be tucked up in bed. I know they’ve joined some sort of gang and are doing dangerous things. I just don’t understand why.

“For now. But when he hurts you, all bets are off.”

“His name is Chad. And I really like him,” I admit. I still feel awkward discussing this with Axel, but at least the others aren’t around to witness my embarrassment too.

Axel snorts.

“What?” I demand.

“What kind of a name is Chad?”

“What kind of a name is Axel?” I fire back, scowling.

“So what’s the problem?” Axel sighs.

He’s not you.

Any of you.

“He...I don’t know. Something just doesn’t feel right,” I admit, reluctantly.

“So dump him.”

“Shouldn’t I give him a chance?”

“Peony, if you’re not feeling it at the start, it’ll never come. These things don’t grow with time, they fizzle out.”

I consider his words. It sort of makes sense. Axel’s relationships all seem to fizzle out pretty quickly. The others too. But I have to disagree. Not that I can tell him that. My feelings for the three of them have grown over time. What started as an innocent crush in primary school has become a burning secret I battle every day to hide.

“I just want you to be happy, Peony,” Axel tells me with a soft smile. My stomach flips; I love it when he’s like this. Softer, kinder. Only ever when we’re alone though.

“Well at the moment I’m happier with him than alone,” I confess quietly.