Page 8

Chapter Eight

brYNN

“W ait,” I call after him. “What about the fire?”

He clears his throat, calling over his shoulder without looking back, “Don’t worry about it. I’ve got everything handled.”

But I’m leaving Murrieta soon. I want to add, my heart sinking. For every step I’ve taken towards this mountain man tonight, I feel like a large, impassable gulf has been permanently sunk between us.

How do I bridge it? How do I make Beau understand I want so much more from him?

“Beau, I feel like I said something wrong. I’m sorry. Please,” I say, standing up quickly and following him down the hallway.

He turns on his heels unexpectedly, bringing us within inches of each other. I stare up into his stormy mahogany eyes, trying desperately to read his guarded thoughts. Our breaths co-mingle in the achingly beautiful, frustratingly impenetrable space between us.

“I’m sorry if I asked too many questions. Brought up stuff you don’t want to talk about.”

“You don’t get it,” he says darkly. “I did things in the Corps I’m not proud of. Things I can never repent for or change. One of the last men I targeted—murdered if you want to get technical—had a wife and children. I’m no longer certain he was truly a military target, though no one ever told me why I was assigned to take him out. It had more to do with geopolitics and finances than anything, I’d imagine. But I can’t help feeling I robbed the man of his life, so how in the hell can I deserve to lead one myself? Especially considering there were probably other targets … targets assigned to me in the name of freedom and making the world a better place, though their demises were never intended to do either. You deserve better than that, Brynn, no matter how much I feel your soul calling to mine.”

He turns away, and my hand comes up reflexively, palming his shirtless back. Desire crashes into my core at the innocent gesture, quickening my desperate need for this man.

But his pain is real, his thoughts anguished. So, I push my desires to the side, drawing closer and wrapping my arms around his waist. “Please don’t reject me, Beau. I need you.”

He grabs my arms, drawing me closer until my soft core is pressed tightly against his firm back, my lips against the angular planes of his shoulder blade. An undercurrent of intimacy runs between our bodies, as if our spirits touch. “You have to know I’m not the kind of man who can watch injustice happen, especially injustice against women and children. I will act, I have acted … taking the law into my own hands when justice fails.”

His words hammer into my head, and yet I find them comforting rather than menacing. Softly wrapping myself even more tightly around him, I ask, “That doesn’t surprise me, Beau. You’re my protector and probably other people’s, too.”

“And a chastiser.” He exhales sharply. “That’s why you shouldn’t get tangled up with me.”

“I don’t agree.”

“Need I remind you, yoga girl, what karma looks like for a murderer…”

“You mean the karma of a soldier? The same as for any other person. It’s based on their intentions.”

“My intentions have always been good, honorable, bathed in the desire to serve my country, to protect the most vulnerable, to prove to the world I’m worthwhile … enough. God, your truth-telling experiment has me spouting shit I’ve never admitted to anyone. Even myself.”

“It’s okay,” I whisper against his back. “You need this. We need this.”

“We?”

I nod against his back, feathering it with my lips. “Whether you’re ready to admit it or not, we’re tangled together, Beau… Karmically, emotionally, mentally…”

“I could never let you bear the weight of my karma, though I don’t even know what that entails.”

“I’m not asking you to know, mountain man. I’m asking you to feel.”

He exhales loudly. “I feel you in every cell of being, to the depths of my soul. Even if you left me, I would carry a part of you with me … somehow.”

“Yes,” I say, a thrill running through my body at his welcome words. “Fate has brought us together?—”

He turns in my arms, his big hands gripping my hips. “Does it have to be fate? Or can it be something else?”

“What?” I ask breathlessly, confused by his question.

“That brought us together?” His eyes penetrate my soul, swirling with unreadable emotions.

“I don’t care what you want to call it. I need you, Beau. More than I’ve ever needed any man, right or wrong, logical or illogical. I need you to make me feel safe and loved…”

“And complete,” he finishes, staring down at me. Suddenly, he scoops me up in his arms, effortlessly. Like I’m dainty and precious. I let out a little puff of air, shocked by the bold move after so much longing. As a plus-sized woman who’s used to towering over many guys, I never get to feel this way. I love it. I love Beau, though it makes no sense at all.

His lips seize mine hungrily, a deep growl rumbling up from his chest as he ravages my mouth. I melt into his embrace, and his tongue slips between my lips, dancing with mine and casting delicious sparkles of heat up and down my spine. Pulling back and breathing hard, he drinks me in with his eyes. “You’re sharing my bed, Brynn. Tonight … today, tomorrow, whatever the hell time it is. And I’m not letting you go until we’re fully, completely, thoroughly entangled.”

I wrap my arms tightly around his neck, pressing my cheek against his chest and feeling his heartbeat. Everything about this is rushed and haphazard. Yet it feels more right than anything I’ve done in a long time. Being here with my stalker, snuggled in his arms, surrounded by his house and the things that he loves, I feel at home in ways I never thought possible. In ways I thought I would never want as a self-declared digital nomad.

“I can’t tell you how much I’ve wanted this over the past week,” the mountain man pants in low tones as I turn the knob of his bedroom door, and he kicks it open gently, leading me straight to his bed. He sets me down on the bottom corner so that my legs straddle it, unhesitatingly dropping to his knees in front of me. “I have to make you feel good, Brynn. Better than you’ve ever felt before. I want you to crave me down to your very essence … the way I crave you.”

I open my mouth to answer, but instead, a ravished sigh escapes me as his hands slide up my outer thighs and beneath the edges of his massive sweatshirt. His startled eyes meet mine as he lets out a surprised sigh, saying, “You’re commando right now? Fuck, Brynn.”

I nod, giggling. “You didn’t expect me to put a dirty pair of panties back on after my shower. Did you?”

His face simmers as he questions, “Were they dirty, Brynn, or were they wet? I need to know.”

“Oh, Beau,” I exhale as his fingers tease over my hips, squeezing and massaging them possessively.

“Honesty,” he reminds with a naughty smile.

“Drenched. Like every other pair since the first time I saw you.”

“Yeah?” he says, a ravishing smile dancing across his lips. “And what have you done for yourself when I made you so wet?”

I exhale sharply as his fingers tease their way to my inner thighs, tracing the crease where my thighs meet my hips on either side, mere inches from my pussy lips. “Self-care,” I squeak, my voice indignant as I try to form words, desire swirling thick and palpable around us.

“Did you finger yourself to thoughts of me? Or use a vibrator?” His face is dark and dangerous, filled with a ravenous need.

“I fingered myself, pretending it was your fingers…”

“And what else?” his voice comes out like a grunt.

“Your tongue and your cock.”

“You’re going to make me come, and I haven’t even touched your pussy yet. I shouldn’t be surprised, considering how watching you undoes me on every fucking level,” he confesses. “I’ve jerked off to you more times this week than I’ll ever admit, the thought of your warm, velvety cunt wrapped around this cock almost more than I can bear.”

His confession tightens my core to the point of painful urgency. “Beau, I need you so much. All I could think about when I was on the yoga mat doing poses at the lake was how much I wanted you to come up behind me and claim me as yours.”

He growls, more animal than man, sitting back on his heels. “Fuck, if I had known… It was all I could think about, too.”

“Really?”

“Really. Everything about you turns me on so hard. I can’t explain it.”

I want to believe his words, but their meaning is unimaginable to me. “But I’m not supermodel skinny or anything like that?—”

“You’re fucking perfect. The kind of perfection I want to ride all night long and fill with my cum.”

“Is that it? You’re thinking with your cock until you get what you want?”

His face storms. “Absolutely not. I’m not that kind of man. But I am a very demanding lover with the right woman. I’d need you daily, Brynn. Sometimes hourly. Be forewarned.”

My cheeks flush, and I inhale deeply, steeling myself for a confession. “Just so you know… I mean, this isn’t a big deal or anything. But I’ve kind of never been with a guy before, even though I’ve used a vibrator and stuff. So, I probably won’t seem like a virgin to you. But you need to know in case I’m absolutely terrible at this the first time.”

Beau’s nostrils flare, and he licks his bottom lip.

I should wait for him to speak, but I feel vulnerable and nervous, and I need his reassurance. So, I add, “That doesn’t change anything, right?”

“Not at all,” he says tenderly, running his fingertips up and down the insides of my legs and leaving shivering trails of desire. “But I will be more gentle. I promise.”

“It doesn’t change how you think about me, though?”

He scrunches his face. “Why would it do that? I want you for who you are right now, Brynn. Not what you did or didn’t do in the past. But I should probably warn you, it will make me even more possessive than I already am, which could be a problem considering how independent you are.”

I knit my forehead unsure how I feel about his statement. “What do you mean?”

“If you let me be your first, I’ll want to be your last, too. I’m not sure you’re ready for that kind of commitment.”

I giggle, shaking my head. “I’m fixating on the past, and you’re rushing ahead to the future. But the only thing that actually exists in this life is now. How about we focus on that?”

“You suddenly sound very wise, Butterfly,” he replies, teasingly pulling up the hem of his sweatshirt and staring at my shaved pussy. “Fuck, you’re beautiful. I’ll try to focus on the present, but I’d be lying if I said my goal isn’t to make you so goddamned addicted to me that you’ll never leave me.”