Page 108 of Hunted By Fear

But I’ll never find out.

I can’t risk it.

If I were stronger, I would sever all ties myself, but I’m not. Just the thought makes my stomach roll as I choke back the urge to vomit. Thankfully, I’ve been out a while because there’s nothing to throw up.

I breathe through my panic and feeling of sickness before I force my eyes open once again. All three of them are watching me. The concern shining in their eyes pulls on my heartstrings, but I push the feeling aside.

Bast is to my right, his arms wrapped around me in a way that usually makes me feel safe, but right now, all it does is remind me of the pain. Talian is to my left, lying on the bed watching me, though he doesn’t touch me, and I’m not sure if that’s better or worse. I can feel his worry as if it’s oozing out of him and into the air, and the way his eyes watch me, it’s as if he’s fighting the urge to reach out and touch me. Ruin stands beside the bed behind Talian, his eyes fixed on me. I get the feeling he’s spent the better part of my nap pacing.

I steel myself for what I’m about to do as I move out of Bast’s arms and closer to Talian. His eyes go wide, but he doesn’t complain as he looks between Bast and me, seemingly confused.

I don’t blame him. Bast has been my comfort since I woke up here, but right now, Talian is my mate, the only one who doesn’t seem to want to break the bond. I don’t trust that he won’t change his mind, but for now, he’s all I have.

”Aeri…” I hear all of Bast’s questions with just that one word, but I don’t have the answers he wants. I don’t have any answers at all.

He seems to understand, and while I can almost feel his longing to reach for me and pull me back into his arms, he manages to keep his hands to himself.

The room is quiet, and it’s pathetic, but I swear I feel like I used up all my energy simply moving to Talian.

Depression.

That’s what this is. I know the signs, the symptoms, but despite that, I don’t have any desire to fix it.

“Why would a demon, or the devil, want a mortal mate?” The question is out before I can stop it, my voice ringing out like a bell after so long in the quiet.

I sound pathetic, and I swallow down the urge to tell them to ignore me, craving their answer even though it won’t help.

I’m not surprised when it’s Bast who answers.

“Why wouldn’t we, Aerilyn? You’re…” he trails off as if trying to find the right word. “You're amazing and beautiful and caring.”

“And smart,” Talian adds.

“And funny,” Ruin says this time from the end of the bed, and I crack an eye open to see him seated on the bench, his eyes boring into me.

Their words are nice, but not enough to convince me, not when I know the truth.

He doesn’t want me, not really.

“Why does it hurt so bad? Asta was never mine, but I feel like a piece of me is missing.”

A tear rolls down my face, and I don’t even try to hide it or bat it away, not when another already follows it.

“It’s a bond, one given to you by the universe, and Asta broke it. It’s going to hurt because it was a part of you. Written intoyour DNA from the moment our souls are born.” I can hear the awe in Ruin’s voice when he talks about mates and bonds. Until Asta broke ours, I felt the same. I’d never heard of mates before coming here, didn’t know they were a possibility, but it was new and exciting, and being tied to Lucifer, while scary, made me happy in a way I couldn’t explain.

It makes sense, but I don’t like it. I don’t want this kind of connection if it’s only going to cause me pain.

“So I’ll just have this hole in my heart for the rest of my life?” And it’s only going to get worse when Lucifer leaves. Once I’m safe, he won’t need to shelter me, and I’m sure Kai will reject me, too. He doesn’t seem like the type to want a mate.

What I don’t understand is why Asta isn’t hurting too?

I don’t ask, though. Honestly, I don’t want to know.

Would it make me feel better to know he is?

No. As much as I hate this, I wouldn’t wish it on him either.

Nobody answers, but that’s answer enough. I’d thought I’d slept all I could, but I was wrong, and I happily fall back into the dark, happy for an escape.