Page 23 of How to Stake a Vampire (Diary of a Reluctant Werewolf #2)
DOMESTIC INVESTIGATIONS
“I’m telling you, that vampire was definitely up to something,” Bo insisted from the back seat for the fifteenth time since we’d left the Hawthorne mansion. “He had shifty eyes.”
He had his nose stuck to the Bentley’s window again and was leaving marks on the glass that would probably involve some kind of detailing to get off, judging from the way Samuel’s fingers kept twitching on the steering wheel every time he looked at my dog.
“All vampires have shifty eyes,” Pearl said from her permanent perch on Victoria’s lap. She swished her tail lazily. “It comes with the territory of being a predator.”
“This was different,” Bo protested. “He kept looking around like he was casing the joint.”
“He was probably trying to figure out why a Husky was interrogating him about his grocery habits,” Samuel said darkly.
“What exactly did Bo do?” Victoria asked. “Wait, never mind. I don’t want to know.”
I swallowed a sigh. The Hawthornes were getting the full Husky experience, whether they wanted it or not.
“I was being thorough,” Bo huffed. “Real detectives ask follow-up questions.”
“Real detectives don’t corner random vampires and demand to know why they’re loitering near blood banks,” Samuel retorted.
“I’m telling you, he kept circling the block,” Bo insisted. “Nobody needs to drive past a blood bank three times unless they’re casing it.”
Samuel’s knuckles whitened on the steering wheel.
“Maybe he was lost,” I intervened hastily.
“Vampires do have a bad sense of direction,” Victoria observed.
Pearl’s whiskers twitched. “I’m impressed the mutt can count to three.”
“I can count much higher than that,” Bo said proudly. “I know all the numbers up to—well, lots of them.”
Samuel muttered something under his breath.
It was Sunday morning. We were on our way to Barney’s place to discuss yesterday’s incident at the blood bank and how to proceed from there. The vampire had been adamant the strategy meeting take place at his home and that the Tremaines be invited.
According to him, he and the vampire power couple had confidential information to share that could aid our investigation.
Didi, Gavin, and Detective Johnson had excused themselves from attending, probably because no amount of overtime pay could justify sharing the same breathing space as Victoria and the Tremaines.
It was Samuel who had advised bringing Pearl along for her historical perspective.
I would have laughed had I not recalled the cat’s various uncanny abilities, not to mention her talent for knowing things she had no business knowing.
If we were about to dive into dark vampire secrets, having a supernatural feline with questionable origins and an attitude problem might actually be useful.
Victoria, on the other hand, had connections throughout Amberford’s supernatural community and knew how to navigate vampire politics without accidentally starting a war. Plus, someone needed to keep Pearl from insulting anyone important enough to hold grudges.
Samuel turned onto a tree-lined street in Amberford’s historic district, a few miles from the Hawthorne estate. I inspected the row of large Victorian houses sitting behind immaculate gardens and lawns so perfectly manicured they looked like someone had used a ruler to trim each blade of grass.
We were definitely in vampire territory.
Samuel pulled up in front of a three-story mansion painted in tasteful burgundy and cream. It sprawled across a large plot and had wings and annexes that seemed to have been added over the years.
“Barnabas has excellent taste,” Victoria observed with approval.
I studied the eldritch weather vanes cautiously. “It’s very, er, vampire-y.”
Pearl sniffed. “They may serve tea in actual china cups here.”
Bo’s eyes gleamed with a morbid light. “I bet it’d be easy to bury bodies in the garden.”
A familiar Rolls-Royce was already parked in the driveway.
“The Tremaines beat us here,” Victoria noted.
I eyed the silver Audi behind Gregory’s car with a puzzled frown. “Who else got invited?”
An uncomfortable expression danced across Samuel’s face. “Virgil and Ellie.”
I stiffened. “What? Why?!”
“Barney insisted,” Samuel said. “He claimed this concerns them too.”
My stomach did an uncomfortable flip, both at his words and the fact that he’d kept this a secret from me. I wasn’t happy about my best friend potentially walking into danger. Again. The whole vampire-transformation thing was still too fresh in my mind.
What if she got hurt, or worse?
“Could you perhaps save the panic for an actual crisis?” Pearl said sharply. “Your anxiety is making the car smell like stress sweat.”
“Fur Ball’s right,” Bo panted.
We climbed out of the Bentley before I could come up with a suitable riposte.
Barney’s home was even more impressive up close.
The shingle roof was adorned with gables sporting ornate Victorian woodwork and Gothic finials.
Quaint bay and oriel windows protruded from the brick-and-decorative-wood-trimmed facade in unexpected places, adding to the mansion’s rambling charm.
Everything was perfectly maintained, from the brass door knocker shaped like a bat to the spotless stained glass and the topiary bushes framing the front lawn.
The place made my apartment look like a college dorm.
“I should have worn my bow tie,” Bo remarked as we headed up a cobblestone pathway to a wraparound porch with intricate spindle work and whimsical newel posts.
“I shall buy you another one, for casual occasions,” Pearl said graciously.
I was about to ask “With what money?” when we reached the wooden front door complete with Gothic motifs and oversized hinges.
Someone had put googly eyes on the bat brass knocker.
We stared.
The door opened before any of us could comment on this blatant anomaly. Barney appeared in a pair of perfectly pressed slacks, a crisp white shirt, and armed with his usual aloof expression. He froze at the sight of the googly eyes.
The vampire muttered something under his breath, peeled them off, and stuck the offending items in his pocket.
“Victoria, Samuel, Abigail.” He nodded politely, the look he gave us indicating we were never to speak of what just happened. The vampire lowered his gaze to Bo and Pearl. “I see you brought the usual suspects.”
“Hello, Barnabas,” Victoria said pleasantly. “Thank you for hosting us.”
Bo wagged his tail. “I smell cookies.”
“My housekeeper just baked a fresh batch,” Barney admitted. “Please, come in.” He stepped aside.
The interior of the vampire’s home was not what I thought it would be. The dark wood, expensive rugs, and furniture that was probably older than my grandparents I kinda expected. What I didn’t anticipate was how lived-in it would feel.
“Nice place,” I said, meaning it.
“Thank you. I’ve been here for a hundred and fifty years.”
Bo gulped. “That’s like, really old in dog years.”
A vampire in a butler’s uniform appeared from what I presumed was the direction of the kitchen. He was plump, pale, and carrying a silver tray laden with tea service.
“Ah.” He smiled affably at our sight. “I see the rest of your guests have arrived, Master.”
Barney made the introductions. “This is Harold, my butler.”
An unholy cry rent the air somewhere at the back of the house before we could greet the butler. I let out a gargled sound. Pearl hissed and arched her back. Bo yelped and jumped behind me. Samuel and Victoria flinched.
Bar pursing their mouths, Barney and Harold looked otherwise unfazed.
A head popped out of a room down an impressive hallway to the left.
It was Ellie.
“What the heck was that?!” Her face brightened at the sight of me. “Hey, Abby!” She bounced down the corridor and engulfed me in a bear hug that almost broke my ribs.
“Oh. I’m sorry.” My best friend grimaced at my wheeze. “Virgil warned me about the superstrength thing, but I’m still getting used to it. Hi, Victoria.”
“Ellie,” Victoria greeted cautiously while I tried to get my breath back. “You look very…healthy.”
Ellie beamed. “I fed before I came.”
Yup, I was never going to get used to hearing those kinds of words out of my best friend’s mouth.
Virgil strolled behind Ellie, his expression wary. “What was that scream just now?”
“I apologize,” Barney said, contrite. “That was Melvina, my housekeeper.”
“She gets a tad melodramatic at times,” Harold said apologetically.
On cue, heavy footsteps came from the direction where the butler had originally appeared.
A dwarf with a braided beard and an unhappy expression traipsed into view, a baking tray in her mitt-covered hands.
She had a battleaxe strapped to her back and was wearing an apron adorned with comical vampire-themed scenes.
Bo snickered at one of a vampire overreacting to garlic and another getting startled by sunlight.
I was pretty certain I was looking at the perp behind the googly eyes.
“It’s a disaster, Master,” the suspect blubbered. “The latest batch of cookies—they—they came out wrong too!”
Our gazes dropped to the divine-smelling chocolate chip cookies she was presenting like some kind of natural disaster. They were shaped like bats.
Headless bats.
Ellie wiped some drool from the corner of her mouth. “Those look yum.”
My best friend’s newfound appetite for blood had evidently not impacted her sweet tooth.
“These things happen,” Barney said patiently. “I’m sure they’ll taste just fine.” He narrowed his eyes slightly. “Incidentally, I confiscated another pair of googly eyes just now.”
Melvina averted her gaze guiltily.
“They were to cheer you up, Master.” She drew an abstract pattern on the floor with the toe of her steel-capped boot. “You’ve been kinda glum lately.”
“I’m always glum,” Barney said curtly. “It’s my default expression.”
I masked a grimace. At least the vampire had insight.
“How about you put those on a plate and bring them to the drawing room?” Harold told Melvina gently. “And lose the axe.” The butler’s tone got fractionally sharper.
“But it’s a family heirloom,” the dwarf protested. Her beard trembled at her employer’s and the butler’s stern looks. She twisted on her heels and stormed back toward the kitchen.