Page 17 of House of Night (House of Night #1)

17

Recovered Journal of Dr. Georgia Clark

June 26, Year 1, Emergence Era

They’re leaving today. I have to stay strong and let them go, no matter how much they ask me to go with them. This is where I belong. Here, in this city that’s on the edge of a precipice. We’re at the brink of something that will either make or break mankind. I send my hopes and my love with each of my friends. I told them I’ll meet them in Atlanta once I can convince Juno to come with me. They knew I was lying, Gretchen especially. But she and I share a secret that even the others don’t know about. We’ve created a substance that could change everything… But only if it works.

I don’t leave my room for four days. At least, I think it’s four days by my count. I have no memory of how I got back here the night of the ball. For once I’m glad I can’t remember.

Food appears outside my door like always, though I don’t know how. It’s different, the dishes simpler, the silverware laid out a bit more haphazardly. I pick at it, my stomach aching with emptiness. I didn’t realize how Melody’s personal touch made everything better. I didn’t realize …

Her body shuddering on a silver spike.

I flinch at the sudden image, then roll into a ball, hugging my knees. I’d wanted her dead. Gloated at the thought of the vampires killing each other.

I didn’t know.

How could I have known it would be her?

It shouldn’t have been her.

And Valen just watched. Stood there with his hand over my mouth, forcing me to swallow my grief and anger. A vicious creature. The one who killed Juno. Why does that somehow make it hurt even more? He’s just another one of them. There is no warmth, no kindness, no mercy. He’s slaughtered his way through this world, and no one can stop him. Certainly not me. I’m no one. Whatever work I did on the cure, it wasn’t enough. I was a bit player put on the stage by my sister just like he said. That’s all.

My gown lies on the floor beside the bed. I wish I could burn it, wipe it from existence. Gregor’s hands on my bare skin, his fangs embedded in my flesh. I shiver and burrow beneath the blanket as tears threaten.

Sleep comes and goes, but I often wake to phantom screams. Vince’s. The little girl’s. My own.

I run my fingers along my neck, then my earlobe. They’re unharmed, the skin overly sensitive in those spots but undamaged. Healed though I don’t know how.

In these past fevered hours, all my dreams of escape have faded. Even if I could somehow get away from this estate, there’s nowhere to go. No safety. No one.

My thoughts have circled the drain, coalescing into one stream. I have only one option. A single chance to end all of this for good. Whatever information might be hiding in my mind, I can take it with me. Whitbine won’t have a chance to strip it from me if I’m dead.

On the fifth day, I resolve to move around. With quiet steps, I roam the halls, a ghost in a haunted mansion. When I find Melody’s quarters, I sit on her small sofa. Her floral and citrus scent still lingers in the air, but the room is still. All her color and vibrancy are gone, dead on a silver spike while I did nothing.

Did I do nothing when Juno was killed? Was I there when Valen hurt her? Was that the trauma that broke my mind and erased my memories? I don’t know. I’ll never know. I say a silent apology to Melody. It encompasses many things, my failure to save her, my coldness toward her when all she had for me was kindness. She was a vampire, but she wasn’t a monster. Could there be more like her? All the ghouls at the ball—not a single one of them had any kindness, any care for the humans they slaughtered. That child, her screams, I can’t escape them.

No, there was only one Melody.

In her closet, all her beautiful clothes are hung neatly, one sky blue dress set out from the rest. As if she might walk right in and change into it. I run my fingers along the fabric, a tactile goodbye.

“I always envied your taste.” I rest my cheek against the dress for a moment.

I wander out of her rooms and past the piano, which I now know belonged to Theo. I’d burn it right along with my dress if I could, watch it crackle and spark until it was nothing but cinders and melted strings. I won’t get the chance.

Slowly, I climb back to the bedroom level and stand at the top railing. The castle falls away below me, level after level, each one slightly jutting out farther than the one above it. The black stone wall, smooth and cold, lies just beyond. I never managed to explore any deeper than the level where Gorsky ambushed me. If there’s anything else lurking in the lower darkness, I suppose it will be the first to find me.

Gazing down, I realize I’ll need to launch myself as hard as I can to clear the piano level. That should give me enough of a fall to kill me. I have to hope I die on impact, but if I don’t, I’ve accepted that fate. I might suffer, but it won’t be for long. It won’t be anything compared to what Valen did to Juno, what he’ll do to me if I stay here, locked in this castle.

I want to be brave and strong. I’m not. I’m scared as I look down into the blackness, my heart thundering, blood rushing. But I’m also resolved. It has to end now. All of it. I won’t be a pawn for the vampires any longer.

With shaking hands, I grab the railing and throw first one leg over, then clamber onto the thin ledge on the other side of the rail. It’s just enough for me to stand using the sides of my feet. Holding on, I lean forward and try to gauge my jump. It’ll take a hard launch, but I’m pretty sure I have enough strength to make it past the next railing. Not much more than that, though. It has to be enough.

Unbidden tears roll down my cheeks, and fear mixes with self-preservation, both screaming at me to climb back over.

My muscles don’t want to obey as I crouch against the rail. I release one hand, only hanging on by one now. My body trembles, vertigo making everything below me appear so much farther away. I close my eyes and breathe in deep.

I hope I’m forgiven just as I hope Juno and Melody are forgiven. Just as Vince hoped he was forgiven.

Bending my knees, I get as low as I can, then spring forward into the open air, into the freedom of death.