Page 19 of Hooked On The One That Got Away (Miss Lovelock’s Agency for Broken Hearts #3)

Chapter Nineteen

They stayed mostly in bed for the rest of the weekend.

In between, they ordered food deliveries and lay on the blue couch and watched old series of Taskmaster .

Willow had a bath. It took ages to fill but it was worth it.

Charlie managed to fit in there with her, but he didn’t stay long as he was up at the end with the plug, which was poking him, in his words, ‘right in the butt and not in a good way’.

He helped dry her, though, and then took her back to bed and made her all sweaty again.

Willow lost count of the number of orgasms. She was in a blissful haze, occasionally pinching herself just in case she’d been wrong about it being a dream.

After a while, the sex stopped being urgent and became ridiculously lazy. Sunday afternoon saw them both lying on their backs, legs entwined in a way that gave Charlie access but required them both to do nothing but slowly move against each other.

‘Is this what Tantric sex is supposed to be like?’ Charlie murmured.

‘I know nothing about Tantric sex,’ said Willow. ‘And I’m happy to keep it that way.’

She guided his hand from her breast down to where it was needed, and he brought her to a languorous climax. Willow waited for his to follow, but it didn’t. She turned her head and saw he had his eyes shut.

‘I can’t be bothered,’ he said, sensing her question. ‘Too much effort.’

‘Want me to help?’

‘I honestly think it’s worn out,’ he said. ‘Just let it rest where it is. Like a squirrel curled up in its warm, cosy tree hole.’

‘Charlie!’ Willow protested with a laugh. ‘I like squirrels, but that image is bad. ’

He opened one eye and grinned at her. ‘Admit it – you’ve missed my sense of humour.’

Willow gave him a look. ‘Get your squirrel out of my tree hole, Charlie. One way or another.’

Charlie chose the most pleasurable way and sank back into the pillows.

‘That’s it,’ he said. ‘I’m spent. I’m a husk.’

‘You’re an idiot,’ said Willow.

Charlie turned his head and kissed her shoulder. ‘But you love me.’

‘I do,’ said Willow. ‘Maybe I’m the idiot?’

Charlie didn’t respond. Willow knew him well enough to tell his good mood had turned, and he’d become thoughtful. She didn’t have the energy to try and anticipate what he’d say next, so she lay there until he was ready.

‘You haven’t asked me anything about what I’ve been up to,’ he said. ‘Not one question.’

‘Because you said you couldn’t tell me yet,’ Willow pointed out. ‘And I agreed to wait.’

There was a pause. ‘If I were you, I would have.’

‘Good thing I’m me , then,’ said Willow, with a hint of impatience.

She turned her head, too, so they were nose to nose. ‘Do you want me to ask you a question?’

Charlie’s mouth was downturned in a way that made him look about twelve. ‘No,’ he said. ‘Maybe …’

He rolled on his back again and expelled a frustrated breath. ‘I just – I want you to think well of me,’ he said. ‘I want you to be proud of me. But I want that right now , and I can’t have it.’

It would be so easy, Willow thought, to tell him that she knew. But if she did, it would worry him, and Willow guessed he’d need to be fully focused this coming week.

That said, she did have one question that wasn’t directly related to his – what would you call it? Undercover mission? It also wasn’t the kind he was fishing for, but too bad. He was the one who’d brought the subject up.

‘Charlie, you really did break my heart when you left,’ she said, and saw him wince.

‘Amazingly enough, your very short note wasn’t enough to stop me from blaming myself and having the most miserable year of my life.

I understand everything you’ve said about confidentiality and risk, but could you not have given me some kind of message?

The occasional email from a fake address?

Even an old-fashioned letter? One bunch of flowers on my bloody birthday ?

’ Willow was breathing hard now. ‘ Who would have found out about that ?’

‘Fuck …’ Charlie screwed his eyes shut for a second, then looked at her.

‘I wasn’t allowed,’ he said. ‘I know, I know!’ he added, hastily, seeing Willow’s outrage. ‘I’m a grown-ass man and can make my own decisions, and I could have found a way to message you – I could have.’

He expelled a breath. ‘But I was afraid. That if I did, I’d put everything at risk. I’d never had such responsibility before, never had so many people counting on me. Never wanted to succeed so badly, either …’

‘You put being a hero before me,’ said Willow quietly.

‘Fuck!’ Charlie yelled it to the ceiling. ‘Yes. Yes, I did. And I’m ashamed and sorry but also – fuck it.’

He propped himself up and frowned down at her, his jaw set.

‘Willow, you’ll probably get straight up and leave when I say this, and I wouldn’t blame you.

But I will say it – I would do it again .

There’s no one more important to me than you, but I needed this.

I needed to feel like I wasn’t being crushed by the world, and by people who think that power gives them licence to do whatever they want.

I’m a very ordinary person with no special abilities, and I wanted to prove that people like me don’t have to roll over and take it.

I’m not sure what the hell I’ll do next, but my life has changed forever, and I’m not going back.

I want you with me so badly, but I understand if that’s not what you want.

’ He paused, out of steam, breathing hard. ‘I’ll understand …’

Willow took her time to respond. She had to test out her feelings, poke around and see if there were any tender spots still, any lingering hurt.

To her surprise, there was very little that flinched when she prodded it.

Probably, she guessed, because she knew Charlie meant what he said.

And that this time, he’d given her a choice, a say.

She absolutely could remain resentful that he hadn’t done so the first time, and that he hadn’t put her first. Or she could move forward with him on a more equal footing.

Because he would tell her everything from now on, wouldn’t he? He’d promised. No more secrets.

‘I’m still hurt and pissed off,’ she said to him. ‘But I’ll get over it.’

Charlie’s face was a picture of amazed relief. ‘Willow–’

She held up a warning finger. ‘One condition, though. Not negotiable.’

‘Okay?’

‘I want in,’ she told him. ‘Whatever it is you and your people are doing next, I want to be involved.’

More than I already am. But she decided to leave that unsaid for now. Besides, all she’d done so far was take pictures of dead fish. It wasn’t exactly John Le Carré.

‘But … you don’t know anything about our work,’ said Charlie, puzzled.

‘I know it’s important,’ said Willow. ‘I know it’s risky and that’s exciting. Terrifying, too, I’m sure, but I feel that if I can swim in a freezing river infested with murderous swans and boorish coxless fours, then I can handle anything.’

Charlie opened his mouth, then shut it again. ‘I – don’t know what to say,’ he finally managed. Followed soon after by, ‘Coxless fours?’

‘Joke writes itself, doesn’t it?’ said Willow. ‘Now, go get us snacks. I’m starving.’