Page 17 of Home (Haven #7)

“I’m going to bed, Bart. I’m not as strong as I used to be.”

“You could have fooled me. It was you who found Kitty today.”

Samuel laughed. “And it was you he was glad to see.”

“For about two minutes before he chased us off. Stupid feline,” Bart grouched, doing his best to rub his shoulder and lower back at the same time.

“You should be glad he was excited to see you. I am. It could have been a lot more of an issue if he didn’t like you. I don’t know what I was thinking trudging around out there calling for him,” Samuel said.

“Vivian needs to train him to be more careful.”

“I think he thinks you’re as strong as he is. I’m sure he didn’t mean to knock you down.”

“Tell my back that. And yes, he did. He was herding us away from the forest’s edge.”

“He could have really hurt someone if he wanted to. He didn’t want to,” Samuel said. “Can you imagine being the target of his anger?”

“I’d rather not,” Bart said.

“Me neither. At any rate, I’m going to bed. Vivian and Alexandrus will be home tomorrow. I want to be ready for them when they get here.”

“Good night, Dad,” Bart said.

“Night, son.”

Bart turned back to the kitchen cabinets and the refrigerator he’d been searching through before his father came to say goodnight. “Oh, this looks good,” he said, finding a covered platter of olives and fruits and cheeses. He closed the door to the refrigerator and turned around, platter in hand as he tossed a couple of olives into his mouth. He stopped mid-chew when he came face to face with Mirilla. A very nervous Mirilla.

“Hi,” she said.

He made a show of glancing in the direction of the living room and the front door, then back toward Au'revele’s quarters.

“I came though Au'revele’s quarters again,” Mirilla said, knowing what he was getting at.

“Of course, you did. You are aware those quarters are assigned to someone other than you, and there’s a little thing called privacy. I’m pretty sure that applies to one’s quarters as well.”

Mirilla sighed. “I am aware. I just wanted to speak with you and didn’t think it would be a good idea to be admitted by the guards at the front door. Au'revele is with the Sirena in medical anyway and won’t know I ever used her entrance to get here.”

“So, it’s okay if somebody just traipses through your quarters at will if you’re not there?”

“Bart, please. We both know I’m taking liberties I wouldn’t normally. That’s how badly I needed to see you. It’s already caused me issues yet here I stand.”

“What kind of issues?”

“It’s of my own doing, I’m sure. It’ll pass, but I can’t help but think had I not been using it in a way that I shouldn’t have been, it wouldn’t have been lost.”

“What’s lost?” he asked.

“My passkey.”

“Mirilla, the multiverse isn’t punishing you for using your key for personal reasons.”

“It might be!”

“Mirilla…”

“I know. I’m just feeling like it serves me right.”

“It probably fell beneath your dresser or behind it.”

“I’m sure it was on my dresser. I took it off then went into the cleansing chamber. But it wasn’t there when I came out. I’ve been using my spare.”

“It’ll turn up. ”

“I’m sure. But I have to report it to the Sovereigna. She won’t be happy. It’s a breach of security. But despite that, I’m here taking a chance to speak to you anyway.”

“Because you want me to know that you’re nervous to tell the Sovereigna you lost your passkey?”

“No. I needed to speak to you and you wouldn’t even look at me long enough for me to say two words. I haven’t been able to locate you at all since the last time I saw you in medical.”

He picked up a piece of cheese and popped it in his mouth before he looked up at her again. “Ever think there might be a reason for that?”

“You’re avoiding me! I knew it.”

“Seems like the right thing to do.”

“How could it be the right thing to do?” Mirilla demanded.

“I told you what I wanted. It doesn’t work for you. You’re ashamed to be associated with me, so I’m doing you a favor by not associating with you.”

“I’m not ashamed of you!”

“As long as no one else knows about us, right?”

“I’m simply trying to protect my own reputation. There will come a time, very soon at that, that you’ll return to your matters of state, and I’ll be left behind. I don’t want to have to deal with the whispers that will follow if I’ve not at least made an attempt to keep my private matters private.”

“Is that what you think? That I’ll go and leave you behind?”

“Isn’t that what you did last time?”

“No! Well, yes, but not literally. I did not leave you here and pretend nothing at all happened. I always planned to come back.”

“You never gave any indication that you’d return for me.”

“I did! I said I would.”

“In the heat of the moment. And I’ve not seen you nor heard from you in months. What was I supposed to believe?”

“My words.”

“I did, for a while. Then I began to more believe your actions, or the lack thereof.”

“I don’t say anything I don’t mean. I never have. And I never meant to disappoint you, or push you to think ill of me. And I’ve already said these things, we discussed this. I let you know that I wanted to speak to you, to see you. But that I knew you were protective of your position here and were afraid of how word of our time spent together would affect it, so I didn’t try to contact you.”

“Then why is this situation any different to you? It’s not different to me.”

“Because I introduced you to Quin, to Vivian. I let it be known that you are someone who is very special to me. You were okay with that.”

“With your people. But when it comes to letting down those that depend on me, I take issue with it. And that’s what I did. I forgot my place and I didn’t perform as was expected and I can’t have that happen. And when I tried to tell you what I was feeling, you became cold and distant. Then you became angry and wouldn’t even look me in the eye.”

“Because I was hurt. I was angry. And your attempt to explain anything seemed like nothing more than an oh, crap, everyone is going to find out I was with Bart. That’s humiliating.”

“I was nervous. I’d failed in my duties. I was late for my usual scheduled meetings. I was late to deliver breakfast to my Sovereigna! No one had even learned of our association and I was already making mistakes. I was very disappointed in myself and in the situation I’d created. I never once said I was disappointed in you.”

“But you were, weren’t you?” Bart asked.

“No. I was not. I was afraid of where our time together would leave me, but I wasn’t disappointed in you. I knew you just didn’t understand. But I also knew that I was out of time. I had to address what was most evident first, then later all I had to do was to explain my thoughts to you and you’d understand. Even if you didn’t agree with them, you’d understand. But you didn’t give me the opportunity! Which is why I’m here now, sneaking through someone else’s quarters like they haven’t been assigned to anyone. ”

Bart stood his ground sullenly, eating some of his tray as he looked her in the eye, weighing her explanation. Finally he shook his head.

“What? What does that mean?” she asked.

“I’m sorry. I felt like a dirty little secret. I was proud to have you stand beside me, even if it was just here in my family’s quarters. It hurt when you seemed angry to have anyone, even my own father, witness you as you tried to sneak away.”

“I’m sorry. I should have handled it better.”

Bart half-heartedly lifted a hand and waved her apology away. “Don’t be. I should have been more understanding. Instead I was caught up in my own emotions and didn’t stop to consider that you were dealing with your own emotions as well as dealing with a possible fallout from your coworkers and possibly even your livelihood.”

“Why didn’t you realize then what it could have possibly cost me?”

“You said you’d admitted to Eula that you were interested in me. But then suddenly you were acting like it was a secret. I didn’t know what to think.”

“I did, but I didn’t go too fully into detail with just how advanced our relationship had gotten. It was apparent that I was taken with you, and you were interested in me, but exactly what and whether it would lead anywhere were never addressed.”

“I understand.”

“Do you?”

“I do. I should have understood as it was happening. Instead I was offended. I assumed you knew what I was feeling. We discussed it.”

“I’m a servant, Bart. A ranking one, yes, but still, a servant in the palace where you’re a guest. Where members of your family are among the royals who live here. You said sweet things last time you were here as well. Then you left. I did what we discussed — I took it a day at a time until I saw its path. Then I let go of the hope I held. When you returned and showed renewed interest I was flattered, and I wanted so badly your pretty, promising words to be real, but the only thing I had to compare them to were the words you spoke last time you left, and the silence that followed. Whatever happened between us, I accepted knowing that it might be no more than a few stolen moments, but I wasn’t ready to advertise it to any others in the palace. Not until I knew for sure.”

“I’ve never considered not returning to you. I have responsibilities to tend to as well. They rival those of your Sovereign, I dare say, and more. But I never considered not returning. It wasn’t if, it was when. When is now, Mirilla.”

Mirilla’s brows rose in surprise.

“You matter to me. You make me happy. You make me feel. It’s been a very long time since anyone has been able to make my emotions come to life. Instead, I operate like a robot. Regulations. Laws. Requirements. Contracts. Demands. Concessions. I never saw you as a servant. I saw you and still see you as an equal. So what if you have a job in the palace, and thank God that you do, because without it I may never have had the opportunity to meet you.”

“You matter to me, too. I should have given you more credit than I did. I should have taken any opportunity to spend time with you, regardless of what others might think. Respect is just so hard won here that I was trying to hold on to both.”

“You are respected. You’ll be respected no matter what.”

“One can hope,” she said.

“No, I’m not hoping. I know.”

“And how would you know?” she asked. “All I have is how well my job was done yesterday. How well people see me perform my duties and the respect that gets me.”

“Do you not think you’ll have respect as my wife?” he asked. “Any who even consider not giving you the respect you deserve will answer to me without hesitation.”

Mirilla froze. Time seemed to stop as she struggled to make sense of what he’d just said, doing her best to determine if they were still just having a conversation or if he’d stepped into new territory with their relationship. “I… it, I’m sure that I… what?” she finally asked .

“I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not as familiar with Cruestaci mating traditions as I should be, based on who I’ve chosen to have by my side. I have no idea if there is a certain time frame, or certain customs that must be observed before I can formally ask for your hand, or if I should request permission from your family, or not. But I know that I want you. I know that when I leave here this time, I want you at my side, as my betrothed, or if we can do it that quickly, as my wife. I don’t plan on leaving you behind again. I don’t plan on spending each night lying in my bed wondering if you’re thinking of me, as I think of you. I want you at my side. And if I’m required to wait, then I will be making it clear to any and all who will listen that you are mine, and as soon as certain customs are satisfied, we will be married and you’ll be joining me, forever, wherever it is that we end up.”

Mirilla stood across the room from him, simply staring at him, speechless.

“Mirilla?” he asked after an uncomfortable silence.

She remained where she was, and a slow blink was all he got in response.

Bart set the platter down and walked over to where she stood. He got down on his knees and gazed up at her. “Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

“I have so many questions,” she finally managed.

“I’ll answer them all.”

“Will I maintain my position here?” she asked.

“I know you worked hard for it, but as Chairman, I spend eighty percent of my time on the Unified Consortium Defense Space Station. At the end of my appointment as Chairman of the Board, we can reside wherever you wish. Earth. Cruestace, or any planet in between. Tell me what you want and we’ll make it happen. But I cannot be apart from you for extended periods of time. I just won’t be able to perform to my best capabilities if you are in one place and I’m in another, so my answer to you remaining on here is that it’s not likely.”

“Will your peers not look down on you because I’m not of your class? ”

“Mirilla, there are no classes of people in my society. And even if there were, I don’t care what you did or do for a living. I respect you. I love you. All that matters to me is that everyone will see that you are my wife and equal if not superior to me in all things.”

She thought about it while he remained on his knees.

“Are you saying no?” he prompted. “Tell me if you don’t feel the same way and I’ll never bother you again.”

“No! I do love you. I’m just… shocked.”

Bart smiled. “Me, too. I never thought I’d feel this way.”

“Can we keep this to ourselves until your visit here is at its end?”

“Why?” he asked.

“I wish to give Sovereigna Eula proper notice. And I wish to advise Sovereign Zha Tahl of our plans. And I would like to tell my brother personally, rather than have him hear it from others. He’s all I have left. And I’d like to put people in place to continue my responsibilities so that they are not neglected when I do leave.” She stopped and focused on him. “When would we leave?”

“I must be back on the Consortium station in three days time.”

“Three days?” she asked nervously. “It’s not a lot of time.”

“Tell me how much time you need to prepare and I’ll make it work, Mirilla. But know this, if you accept me, you’ll never be alone again. I will not settle for being separated from you. I love you. I’ll protect you, and stand beside you always.”

Mirilla smiled at him as tears started to collect in her eyes. She nodded.

“Yes?” he asked excitedly.

She nodded still. “Yes,” she whispered. “Yes. I just ask for time to set everything to rights here before we make it public knowledge.”

“Done!” he said, getting up off his knees and taking her in his arms. “You won’t be sorry.”

“I love you,” she said into the crook of his neck as he held her tightly in his arms .

He sighed and loosened his hold on her enough to look into her eyes. “That’s the best thing I’ve ever heard.”