Page 33 of Hold Me
“I don’t know yet. I have an exam on Tuesday.” I help Alessandra toward the parking lot.
“Exam?” Alessandra stops and frowns at me. “You fucking kidding me, girl? You’d miss this ‘cause of an exam? What’s wrong with you?”
“I’ll think about it. Come on. You’re drunk.” As I drag her to the car, I look back at the hotel. There won’t be another party. I’ll make sure of it.
As soon as Raphael lets go of him, Caleb rolls over to the other side of the bed. As Raphael releases a content sigh, Caleb closes his eyes and hopes Raphael will tell him to leave. He fights the urge to pull the sheets over himself because he can’t stand the man’s touch or eyes on him.
“You were amazing,” Raphael says, and Caleb rolls his eyes, glad that Raphael can’t see his face. His jaw clenches and he has to take a deep breath to stop himself from fidgeting. His whole body itches as if his skin were too tight, and he wants to rub at it until Raphael’s scent is gone forever.
When Raphael places his hand on Caleb’s waist, Caleb barely manages to suppress a flinch. Raphael has touched him so many times that he’s used to it, but today it’s different. His thoughts fly back to Lilith. She finally saw him for what he really is. Why did he even dare to hope that he could have at least a few moments when he could be someone else? Someone who isn’t just a toy to be used. Now there’s no chance Lilith will ever see him as anything other than a whore.
“Caleb?” Raphael says softly, his heavy, warm hand tracing circles across Caleb’s back. “Look at me.”
Caleb bites down on his lip, and reluctantly turns around to face Raphael. He wipes all emotion off his face when he looks up into the worried blue eyes. A wave of nausea rises inside him. He hates that look in Raphael’s eyes and his gentle touch, as if the man cared one tiny bit about him. Sometimes Caleb likes to pretend that Raphael truly cares, but today he can’t. Not after what Raphael has just done to him.
“What’s wrong?” Raphael asks, placing his hand on Caleb’s cheek.
“Nothing,” Caleb quickly says, but Raphael’s eyebrows rise up and his touch turns from gentle to painful as his nails jab into Caleb’s skin.
“Don’t lie to me. You know I hate when you do that.” Raphael grips Caleb’s chin.
Caleb swallows, his heartbeat increasing. If he doesn’t say anything, he or Jade or Isaac will get punished for it. And if he lies again, Raphael will know, which will only make the punishment worse.
“You’ve been acting strange lately,” Raphael adds, letting go of him, but his eyes are still intent on Caleb’s. “Is it because of that client? That woman you offended last night?” Anger flashes in Raphael’s eyes and Caleb goes perfectly still.
If Raphael finds out what exactly Lilith told him yesterday, things could go terribly wrong for both Lilith and him, or maybe not. For all he knows, Lilith will lose interest in him eventually. He’ll never see her again, except maybe at some party. And for some reason, that thought hurts so much that his chest tightens and it’s hard to breathe. He wishes more than anything that he could turn back time and just make sure Lilith never sees him.
Caleb blinks, hoping Raphael won’t see through the lie. “I’m sorry. I was... It wasn’t about her.”
“Then what was it about?” Raphael cocks his head to the side.
Caleb can see in Raphael’s eyes that the man doesn’t quite believe him, and Caleb’s never acted like that around a client before... Well, at least not after his training... not after he learned the high price of his mistakes. He hesitates and sees Raphael’s mouth twitch. If he doesn’t tell the truth, Raphael will lose his patience.
“I... I haven’t been taking my pills,” he says and looks away. It’s the truth, but Raphael doesn’t need to know the real reason. He will probably still get punished for it, but anything’s better than admitting that he’s been thinking about Lilith. “They’re in my room.”
“I see.” Raphael’s face is expressionless. “What did you plan to do with them?”
“Nothing, I swear.” Caleb’s eyes widen in panic. “I just wanted to see if I could do without them, and... I can’t.”
For a moment, Raphael is quiet and Caleb braces himself for his reaction.
“You’ll give the pills back to me,” Raphael finally says. “And you’ll take the ones I give you. You see how going without them makes you. You don’t want to anger me, do you?”
“No, sir,” Caleb says quietly, a bit of the tension seeping out of his shoulders.
“Good.” Raphael rises to his feet, and Caleb starts to get up too until Raphael shakes his head. “No, stay here.”
Caleb nods briefly and lowers himself back onto the bed. As Raphael strides off to the bathroom, Caleb places his arm over his eyes, worried about what Raphael has in mind for later. The room is quiet and all Caleb can do is stare at the white ceiling. His nerves jittery, thinks about Lilith again.
What is she doing now? Is she horrified by what she saw? Does she hate herself for ever laying a finger on him, for letting him touch her, for taking her virginity? He sits up, fighting a wave of nausea. Maybe it’s really the pills. Maybe he’s losing his mind. Why would Lilith care about him? She got what she paid for. He’s nothing more than a toy to her, just like to everyone else.
She’s not like Heather. She can’t be. He doesn’t know what she meant when she said she wanted to help him, but he doubts it’s anything good. Roughly running both hands through his hair, he nearly tugs out a couple of strands. If he could just forget about her... but her blue eyes haunt him. As he sinks back to the bed, he hopes he’ll never see her again.
Time can’t pass fast enough, and when I call Lloyd and ask him if I can come see him at the station, I’m so terrified that I don’t know what to do. I’ve left an anonymous tip-off about the party a couple of hours before it was supposed to begin yesterday, and I’m dying to find out what happened.
As Lloyd comes toward me with a smile on his face, I’m surprised that the station looks calm as usual.
“Hey, Lil. Wanna go grab something to eat?” he says. “My shift is just over.”