Page 26 of His Unforgettable Bride (Bride Ships: New Voyages #4)
Twenty-Six
Real politeness is the outward expression
of the most generous impulses of the heart.
J uliet had put off the conversation regarding her past long enough. If Henry hadn’t left, he’d buck her up for the upcoming heart-to-heart, then sit beside her as a pillar of support. But he couldn’t help her now. He’d been gone for three days.
Juliet’s stomach lurched as she poked her head into the drawing room. Musical notes floated in the air. Positioned on the piano stool, Tabitha’s fingers roved across the silky keyboard. Livy knitted in a spindle-backed rocker, half of a rose-colored blanket draped over her lap.
Couldn’t she postpone the chat until Tabitha finished playing the piano? Even better, why not tell the sisters about her wayward pickpocketing days tomorrow over breakfast?
But then Livy raised her hand before Juliet ducked out of the doorway. “Please join us, dearie.”
Tabitha stopped playing, turned toward Juliet, and softly smiled. She didn’t waste her grins. Offering one now was almost like an embrace between friends. “Would you like a warm cup of tea on this snowy night? It’s jasmine, and you’ll find all you need on the cart.”
“Yes, ma’am, and thank you.”
Well, this was it. There would be no more stalling with the dreaded conversation. Juliet moved toward the double-tiered wooden cart with two large, spoked wheels in the back and two little ones in the front. Tonight, it was positioned in the corner near Peaches’s cage.
After reaching the cart, she picked up a teacup and slowly poured her tea, in no hurry to rush about. Then she returned the pot to the cart.
The piano playing resumed, and the bird whistled. Juliet wouldn’t have stumbled over Gray in the woods if not for the parakeet. So much—and especially her heart—had vastly changed since then. Did Gray think about her half as much as she pondered him?
She yearned for his smile across the room and missed challenging him at chess, even though he always let her win. The sound of the town’s chiming bells was a painful reminder of their shared moments, and the absence of his warmth in every room was a constant ache.
And she missed kissing him. She missed that a lot. But she craved more than intimacy. His loyalty made him irresistible, not to mention his kindness and wit.
Tears welled in her eyes, blurring her vision. She sipped her tea as the evening wind creaked the rafters. Even the house mourned and complained about his absence. Who could blame it? Certainly not her.
Finally, she rejoined the sisters and settled onto the deacon’s bench beside Livy’s chair. Then she shifted her head to the left. Did the Currier “Just as I am, though tossed about,
With many a conflict, many a doubt;
Fighting within and fears without,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come!”
Just as I am ? The exact four words that graced the first page of her grandfather’s journal. What a peculiar coincidence.
“Whatever is wrong, dearie?” Livy lowered her long knitting needles to her lap.
Juliet blinked aside the tear caught on her lashes. Pesky thing. “It’s nothing. This song reminds me of my grandfather, is all.”
“It is lovely and poignant. Did he sing it to you once upon a time?”
“Not that I recall, but he wrote ‘Just as I Am’ in his journal, which I still have. I always wondered why he opened his diary with those words.”
After Tabitha finished the song, she rose and moved toward the shiny deacon’s bench. Her much-loved slippers shuffled across the floor, offering a sense of coziness that even Juliet felt. “That song always makes me weep, and I never weep.” She released a little lady-like sigh as she sat beside her. “I suppose I’m convicted to stop carrying around my strife and lay my worries at God’s feet.”
Juliet half-heartedly nodded and set her teacup and saucer on the carpet. Whether from the tender song or rattled by Henry’s leaving and Ruby’s possible return for the jewels, she contemplated talking to Him again. What did she have to lose?
Tears swelled inside her, and she swallowed the bundle. She refused to turn into a blabbering idiot in front of the sisters. Or even God. How precisely did someone place their worries at His feet, anyway?
Her stomach spun, and she pressed her hand against the constant motion. She’d already lost the man she loved. Was she about to say goodbye to the two women who’d become the closest thing to a mother she’d known since infancy?
Heaven knew she didn’t want to. They had sheltered her, taught her to be ladylike, surprised her with a fancy dress for the dance, and treated her like a…daughter.
But she’d lived as a criminal for almost two years. Some folks might hold the fact against her, yet the sisters had gracious natures. Whether they would or would not, it was time to learn the answer. “Once upon a time, I was a thief.” She hung her head, examining the geometric shapes on the carpeting as she awaited the sisters’ reaction.
“In Victoria?” Livy asked, her voice high and screechy. “Mrs. Moresby said you didn’t steal from the Firths.”
“That’s true. I wasn’t a thief then and will never be again.” The sisters deserved her respect, and Juliet raised her chin. “But I was as a girl in Manchester after my grandfather died and before I landed in the orphanage. Based on his Bible teachings, I understood the wrongness of it, yet I pickpocketed anyway.”
Juliet pursed her lips before spitting out the remainder of her sour recitation. “Until now, I questioned if I had the nerve to tell you about my unflattering past.”
Livy clutched her ivory cameo dangling on a black ribbon around her neck.
Silence hung in the room before Tabitha patted Juliet’s arm. “And the song prompted you to do so?”
“Partially. I’ve considered telling you for some time because Livy said a true lady has a pure heart. The good Lord knows I don’t have that, but I’m working toward it. Then the song’s lyrics mentioned being tossed about and many conflicts and doubts. Well, that describes me, especially since Gray left.”
Livy leaned forward, concern in her eyes. “Because you miss him?”
“It’s far worse. I love him, and he also loves me. But he’s a prince, and I’m a pauper. We don’t belong together any more than I belong here with you.”
Also, Gray had a fiancée back home, but Juliet hesitated to mention that nagging detail. A piece of her wanted him to sweep back into the house, promising his undying love and plans to remain in Everly forever. But that story was only a fairy tale.
If Gray intended to return and was eager to see her again, he would have arrived by now. Then again, she had told him never to come back.
Livy smiled gently at Juliet. “My dear child, you are beautiful inside and out. And you were that way even before we started the manner training.”
The old skepticism spinning inside Juliet for years refused to abate. If she was beautiful inside and out, why had so many people left and rejected her over the years?
Tabitha reached for Juliet’s hand and squeezed. “You belong here, Juliet. And you belong with Gray. That’s easy to see.”
“Not for me. I’ve never belonged anywhere.” Tears once again threatened the backs of Juliet’s eyes. “And I wouldn’t blame you now that you know about my thieving if you want me to leave.”
Tabitha leveled a severe gaze upon her. “It almost sounds like you want us to do so.”
Juliet’s ready response died. Did she?
“Do you think you’re pushing us away because you fear we might eventually reject you?” Tabitha asked. “And do you think you’re doing the same with Gray?”
“No, I don’t think so?—”
“If you’re afraid of getting hurt and losing people,” Tabitha continued, “then you might be distancing yourself before it can happen.”
Holy Moses, what if Tabitha was right? What if she was letting her fears from her past keep her from staying in one place and finding a new home? Maybe she had come into the drawing room just moments ago trying to sabotage her job and her relationship with the sisters to leave them before they left her.
Tabitha squeezed her hand again. “Whatever the case, you’re our family now. And you can’t get rid of us that easily.”
“That’s right, dearie.” Livy’s eyes filled with tenderness. “Besides, everyone makes mistakes. Don’t you think it’s time you forgive yourself? I do.”
Hoping not to cry, Juliet leaned back and focused on the Currier & Ives framed scene again. Could she forgive herself? A sense of unworthiness had trailed her forever. If she’d known how to stop the shadows, she’d have banished them long before now.
Livy resumed her needlework. “Ages ago, and I won’t tell you how many years, our poor mother abandoned my sister and me on a rich man’s doorstep.”
“We were three and five,” Tabitha added. “Not to mention dirty, ill-mannered, and didn’t trust a soul.”
Juliet touched her parted lips. The revelation answered why the sisters failed to resemble the oil painting of their father in the dining room. Perhaps also partially why they’d offered her a job despite the incident at the Firths’. “I never suspected.”
“Why would you?” Tabitha gave Juliet’s hand a final pat before releasing it. “Our dear adopted mother, with the help of a governess and a finishing school, taught us manners, elegance, and refinement. Sadly, she died shortly before we debuted in society.”
Glassy-eyed, Livy nodded. “Tabitha and I thank God we landed on Mr. and Mrs. Sherwood’s doorstep long ago. And every day, we thank God you landed on ours.”
Juliet swallowed the impossibly large lump stuck in her throat. She hadn’t believed God heeded her calls for help for so long. But hadn’t He spared her life and given her Tabitha and Livy? And Gray?
Gray claimed to love her just as she was. And so did God, according to the song’s lyrics. Therefore, why not extend grace to herself? Was it as simple as handing the load to Him through prayer and trust? Maybe. She could at least try.
With her eyes closed, she silently prayed, mentioning her gratitude and the troubles in her heart.
When Tabitha rose, Juliet reopened her eyes. She didn’t feel entirely different. Maybe it would take longer to unstick all the debris that had built up in her life to choke off her prayers. But she did feel better for having laid her worries at His feet.
“I am tremendously curious how the next week will unfold.” Tabitha moved to the teapot to warm her drink. “I wonder who will return first, Miss O’Reilly or Henry.”
Livy’s knitting needles again clacked as her hands moved in a soothing rhythm. “Perhaps Miss O’Reilly is too busy counting her reward money to bother with us anymore?”
Juliet drew a deep breath and slowly released the air. Knowing Ruby, she’d probably come back eventually despite receiving a heap of money for finding the missing prince. And what about Gray? Would he even want to return after their time apart, now that he had reexamined the future and what was at stake?
For goodness’ sake, the man had a fiancée, which utterly ruined everything.