Page 62 of His Temporary Duchess
Well then.
Well.
The tightness in Eleanor’s chest grew. It was not as though she had been hiding from sight, or failed to inform any of the servants where she had gone. The implication was obvious: he had not cared enough to seek her out.
Her breath shuddered out of her lungs, but she refused to cry. Instead, she went to one of the back parlors where she had done some sewing, and sat, staring sightlessly at the wall for long moments before she came back into herself.
Enough of this, she told herself sternly.If you have a problem with your husband, all you must do is speak to him.
Easier said than done.
The setting sun bathed the world as she made her way to his study. She knocked and called his name. Then, when she received no answer, she let herself in.
The room was empty. The disappointment stabbing her gut felt as though it had rendered her through. Sebastian had gone, and he had not so much as sent a message for her.
Perhaps he had gone to see Lady Lydia.
She pressed a hand against her stomach, willing herself to keep her composure. Surely he would not be away all evening—they were due to dine together in just an hour or so. Her thoughts calmed. If he had left, she would merely wait for him. No doubt she was overthinking, anyway. She had the tendency to do so when she was upset.
To pass the time, she moved about the study, which had retained the cleanness she had given it all those weeks ago. Her fingers moved over dustless, clean surfaces. The hearth had been swept out, and if he had been drinking in here, she saw no evidence of it.
The man who inhabited these rooms now was happier than the one who had inhabited them before.
As she passed his desk, remembering the time she had seen his letters and learned how deeply he cared, she came across something she hadn’t seen before. A slip of paper sticking out from behind the escritoire. Curious, she tugged it free.
The page was in Sebastian’s handwriting. Half-finished, by the look of it, and she would have put it back, had she not caught sight of her name.
It was… a list.
Remove the mouse and deny her further pets
Limit her freedom
Force her into subservience
Small cruelties
Refuse to eat with her
Make her believe she repulses me
Dismiss her ability to alter the house to her liking
Ignore her
The list went on and on. Some things she noticed almost immediately—the way he had refused to allow her to changeanything about the house. Other things she suspected he had not gotten around to doing. Certainly, he had not convinced her that he was repulsed by her.
Although hehaddenied her for a long time.
All of it—everything he had done had been under the pretense of having her separate from him. Even now, no doubt, he was hoping that she would finally have it within herself to leave so he would not have to chase her out.
Ever since their marriage, she had been trying to win him over, and he had been doing his best to chase her away.
Her breath left her lungs and she sat abruptly. It was one thing to suspect him of harboring feelings for a lady other than her, butthis?
It was too much to bear.
How could she live with this knowledge? She had always known he had not loved her, and had not married her out of any desire to—but she had not known how desperately he had wanted to be free of her. Free of his marriage. He had wanted nothing more than to be rid of her.