Page 38

Layla

“If I would have known you were going to take me traipsing through the mud, I would have worn different shoes,” I complain as I try to maneuver around a mud puddle in my tennis shoes.

Teagan chuckles, then turns to grip either side of my waist before lifting me over the puddle. “We’re in Ireland. What did you expect?”

“It’s the Green Isle,” I remind him. “Not the brown one.”

He laughs again, the concern that’s been knotted in my chest loosening. I was worried that my normally happy-go-lucky Irishman was going to be as gloomy as the autumn sky above us for the rest of the day.

When Teagan showed me to the bathroom, I pulled him in with me, locking the door behind. I think he thought it was going to be a repeat of the club in Texas, and while the idea crossed my mind, what I did do was wrap my arms around him, hugging him tight in a silent reminder that I have his back, just like he has mine.

“Where are we going anyway?” I ask.

Being outdoors is great, to an extent, but sloshing around in the muck and mire of the woods is not.

“Just a little further. Promise.”

Sighing heavily, I follow behind him. I try to step where he steps, hoping to minimize the amount of mud I’m collecting on my clothes. After a few more minutes, he stops, stepping to the side. While still under the canopy of the trees, what’s before us is a tiny clearing with a small, crumbling structure. I stare wide-eyed and completely confused.

“Did you bring me out here to kill me?”

“Fucks sake, no!” Teagan cries indignantly. “It’s a…oh, c’mon, I’ll just show ya.”

Giggling, I let him lead me to the little murder shack. The door is hanging off its hinges, windows are covered with plywood, and the wind is making whistling noises as it blows through the holes in the roof and walls.

Not creepy at all. Nope. Definitely not.

Teagan slowly pushes the door open, revealing a single room covered in dust, twigs, dried leaves, and broken glass. There’s a rickety table in the center, and a small hearth on the opposite wall. I hesitantly step over the threshold, casting a wary eye around the space. I’m expecting a jump scare, because that’s what my brothers would do. It’s not until I squint my eyes that I see what he’s wanting to show me.

The wall to my left is covered in chalk drawings and lines of handwriting. I approach slowly, being careful not to step on the broken shards of glass. Teagan is strong, but if I cut my foot, there’s no way he’s going to be able to carry me all the way back to his parents’ house.

Crouching down, I peer at the first drawing. It’s a stick figure, carrying a pole over its shoulder with a bundle tied to the end. In crooked lettering under it, it reads: Step one: leave the farm. Following the arrow drawn after, the next drawing is the same stick figure on a boat with a large sail. Step two: go somewhere new is scrawled below that. The last stick figure is surrounded by other stick figures, all with big smiles drawn on. Step three: be happy. Off to the side of that is a list.

What Will Make Me Happy?

-No sheep EVER again.

-My own dog.

-Help people.

-Play football.

-Kiss a pretty girl.

-Eat biscuits at every meal.

Tears have gathered in my eyes, but I laugh at the last two. It breaks my heart to think of a young Teagan feeling so miserable in his own home that all he wanted was to run away. Footsteps crunch behind me.

“I know I had a decent life,” Teagan says softly. “I was always fed and cared for, had all the things a lad could want. My Ma was loving and gentle, but she never stood up for us, or herself, where Da was concerned. She always sided with him. He wasn’t abusive. We’d get our hides tanned when needed, but he never raised a hand to us otherwise. But I never really felt like I had a father, just an employer. I can’t remember a single time that he played with us. He never kicked a ball around with me, pushed Tommy on a swing. He was gentle with Tarrah, but never affectionate. Probably why she’s marrying that arsehole.”

I stand, pivoting to face him. His hat is pulled down low over his eyes, and his hands are tucked into his pockets again. I don’t say anything, just listening as he continues.

“Anyway, this is where I’d come on the bad days. Sometimes Tommy would join me, but he spent most of the time attached to Ma’s legs. The day I drew that,” he nods toward the wall, “Da had been giving me hell for not doing something properly with the sheep. He was constantly on my arse about something, but never more so than with those fecking sheep. I could have been perfect in every other aspect, but one mistake in the fields or barn made me a disappointment.”

“Teagan,” I whisper, reaching out to cup his face with both hands, and forcing him to meet my gaze. The light in his eyes has dimmed and it guts me. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

He squeezes his eyes shut and inhales a shuddering breath. I’ve never seen him cry, and I don’t want to start now. Not because he shouldn’t show emotion—if there’s anything he does well, it’s share his feelings—but because the idea of someone hurting him so badly that he feels broken leaves me heartbroken and filled with rage. I want to go to battle for him. He’s said how he will always be there to block shots taken at me, but who guards him?

In soccer, each position is essential. They all benefit the other. Teagan is a goalie, the last line of defense before the ball hits the net. Before the opposing team even reaches the goalie however, they go through the defender. It’s the defender’s job to the keep the ball from even getting to the goalie.

Right now, I’m Teagan’s defender, and the last thing that I will allow to happen is for one more shot to be fired in his direction.

“We don’t have to stay here,” I say softly.

“Yeah, let’s get back to the house.” He starts to pull away, but I hold him firmly.

“No, babe. I don’t mean here .” I pin him with my eyes. “I mean with your family. You didn’t come all the way to Ireland just so your dad could make you feel like shit and put you to work. We’re here for our friends’ wedding. We can spend some time with your mom and then head to Kilkenny. Spend it with people that you know love you.”

He gives me a pained expression. “Then I’ll feel guilty.”

“I know.” Stepping closer, I slide my hands from his face, winding them around his neck. “I get it, but that’s on them. Not you. If your dad can’t even give you a proper greeting without immediately trying to get you to fill some role he thinks you belong in, then you aren’t obligated to stay.”

* * *

The moment we return from our walk, Teagan’s dad immediately requests his help. I don’t get a chance to object before he agrees, kissing my temple before following his father outside. He looks so defeated, like a dog with his tail tucked between his legs.

That’s enough. I won’t stand for this version of the other half of my heart.

While the men do whatever they need to do with the sheep, I offer to help Siobhán and Tarrah with dinner preparations, with the single goal of telling them we won’t be staying with them. And I won’t be subtle about why.

“I hope you don’t mind bunking with Tarrah tonight,” Teagan’s mother says warmly as she stirs something on the stove. “With Gerard staying as well, I’m afraid the guest room is already spoken for. I don’t know how things are done where you’re from, but unmarried couples don’t share a bed in our house. I’m sure you understand.”

Gerard. That’s Dickhead’s name!

I want to roll my eyes so hard, but instead, I paste a regretful smile on my face. “Of course. My family is the same way. However, Teagan and I won’t be staying the night. So there’s no need to make any extra fuss.”

The spoon clatters onto the stove. “I’m sorry? You’re not staying? But I thought…”

Tarrah has paused peeling potatoes, and stares at me with wide eyes.

“We were going to, but I think it’s best if Teagan and I stay elsewhere. We’d like for our visit to be pleasant, but I don’t think that can happen while there’s so much tension between Teagan and Mr. O’Brien.”

Siobhan, slowly wipes her hands on a dishtowel, not meeting my eyes. Tarrah is full on gaping at me.

“My dear, some things are what they are. Martin is…very dedicated to the farm, but he’s…getting older, you see, and it’s becoming more and more difficult for him to manage on his own. He always hoped that Teagan would follow in his footsteps, so when the lad left for the States, it was quite the blow.”

I nod. “I understand what you’re saying. My family also had certain expectations of me, but they recently realized that I’m my own woman who has dreams of my own. The same is true for your son. Teagan is the most wonderful and caring person I’ve ever met. He wants to do what he can to help everyone he knows, but he also needs to be able to pursue his dreams without the guilt hanging over him. ”

“Ach, we don’t guilt him!” Teagan’s mom cries. “We just remind him of his responsibility as the oldest son. It’s his familial duty to take over when Martin is no longer able.”

“Mrs. O’Brien,” I say carefully. “I mean you no disrespect. It’s obvious that Teagan gets his caring nature from you. I saw that the moment I met you. However, we no longer live in the age where everything passes to the oldest son. You have other, very capable children that not only live here, but I’m sure know just as much about the farm as Teagan does. Probably more at this point.” I pause, letting the weight of my words fall.

“Teagan has made a life for himself in another country. It’s unfair and unrealistic to expect him to change that.”

Siobhán’s eyes fill with tears, hands twisting together in front of her. “I know you’re right, I do. I want nothing more than for him to be happy, but oh how I miss the lad. He’s always been this ray of sunshine, even as a wee wan. The only time I ever saw him not smiling was when he was helping with… oh .”

In a moment of clarity, her eyes meet mine and I nod sadly.

“Is when he was helping with the sheep,” I finish for her.

There’s a stretch of silence as I let the words permeate the air.

“I always loved the sheep,” Tarrah declares suddenly.

Teagan’s mom and I jerk our heads in her direction.

“What’s that, dear?”

“I love the sheep. I was always so jealous when Da made Teag go with.” She resumes peeling potatoes, not meeting our eyes. The pompous tone gone, she now just sounds sad. “It never made sense to me that Da would have him check the lambs when he knew that I loved it. I’d ask, and he’d tell me it was men’s work and to go back inside with you, Ma.” Her hands never stop moving across the potato.

“I thought if maybe I acted more like Da, he’d see that I was just as capable as either of the boys. But he didn’t notice, so I stopped asking. I started to pretend I wasn’t interested, but every chance I got, I’d listen in while he instructed Teag. If you told me I had to take over the farm today, I’m confident I could do it. I even have ideas to make it more efficient. ”

I’m speechless. Who knew that under that frigid persona was a girl that just really loves…sheep.

“I think I’d like to hear those ideas, Tarrah.” A gruff voice sounds behind me and we all shriek, not realizing that Martin was standing just outside the kitchen.

“Jaysus fecking Christ, Martin! Ya scared the ever lovin’ shite out of me!” Siobhán yells, then slaps her hands over her mouth like she can’t believe she just swore in her own home.

“Bravo, Ma!” Tommy calls from the other room, Teagan’s warm laugh following.