Page 18 of His Runaway Duchess (Regency Wedding Crashers #3)

CHAPTER 18

D aphne had slept poorly. Was it any wonder? She could still remember the moment her stomach dropped, the pleasure from their earlier encounter vanishing entirely.

“You can go now.”

That was what he’d said, in the most off-hand, careless way imaginable. As if none of it mattered. As if she didn’t matter.

As Daphne dressed for the day, she tried to swallow down the pain. Because it was pain, something she realized with a jolt of misery.

Perhaps I care about him a little more than I originally intended. Perhaps I want him to care about me .

Bother.

She could already see how this was going to be a problem.

A movement outside the window caught her eye, and she peered out to see none other than Edward himself striding briskly across the lawn.

“It’s Joan, isn’t it?” she asked, directing her question to the maid helping her dress.

The girl beamed. “Yes, Your Grace.”

“Well, Joan, would you mind doing me a favor? Might you go down to the stables and let them know that I’ll be going out for a ride later?”

“Of course, Your Grace.” Joan hesitated, glancing out the window. She hid a small smile. “Will His Grace be going with you?”

Daphne bit the inside of her cheek. “I don’t know yet.”

She found Edward shortly after that. He was walking down a narrow path, weaving between two high hedges. His arms were tucked behind his back, and he was frowning, lost in thought. He was looking at nothing in particular.

She had to hurry to catch up with him.

“Edward, wait!”

He turned, and she had the satisfaction of seeing genuine surprise on his face.

“Daphne, what are you doing out here at this hour? Why aren’t you at breakfast?”

“This is my house, too, now,” she puffed. “I saw you, and I wanted to talk.”

He sighed. “And why did you want to talk to me, Daphne? If you wish to discuss the events of last night?—”

“And what else do you think I’d want to discuss?” she snapped. “I truly cannot make you out, Edward. One moment you act as if you cannot control yourself around me, the next you act as though you cannot stand me.”

He gave a huff of annoyance. “I do not ever act as though I cannot stand you. That is unfair, Daphne. Have I ever been cruel or given you real grounds to resent me? I have tried my best to oblige you where I can.”

She bit her lower lip. It was true, he hadn’t exactly been cruel , although it was rapidly getting tiresome to try and work out his true motivations. The desire she’d seen in his eyes had been real, but then it seemed to vanish as soon as she reached out to touch him back.

Am I doing something wrong?

Daphne felt a flicker of unease. She’d considered this before, of course. She’d never been intimate with a man, naturally, and there might be unspoken rules she was ignoring.

In short, there might be a number of things she was doing wrong while remaining blissfully unaware of her mistakes. Should she have insisted on Edward taking his pleasure, too? He hadn’t seemed inclined to do so—or so she’d thought. Surely he would know that she had no experience at all in such matters.

Stop it . If I am doing something wrong, then I cannot possibly think what it might be. It is up to him to tell me.

“You are not cruel,” she said.

Edward shot her a quick, sideways glance but said nothing. The path widened, and at least Daphne could walk alongside him, instead of scurrying behind.

“I’m sorry if I made you think so,” she added. “But really, you cannot blame me for being confused.”

He sighed. “No, I suppose I cannot.”

“Did you think any more about what I said? About…” She paused, swallowing and praying that she would not blush too intensely. “About last night.”

A muscle tensed in his jaw. “Regarding which aspect?”

“I want a connection, a proper marriage, at least in some respects. I wanted to renegotiate our rules.”

He didn’t look at her, and Daphne guessed that he could remember all too well. He trudged on for a moment in silence, his jaw set.

“No,” he said, at last.

Daphne waited for more, but that was it. That was all he had to say. Just no .

A flicker of anger surged up inside her. How dare he? How dare he dismiss her feelings and her carefully worded requests? She wasn’t being too demanding, nor was she suggesting they entirely scrap the previously agreed-upon rules. She would still not interfere in Alex’s upbringing and would keep her interference in Edward’s life to a minimum.

Why must he keep me at a distance? And, if he must stay away from me, why can’t he be consistent about it?

“Why not?” she burst out before she could stop herself.

Edward sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. For the first time, she noticed how tired he looked. He was pale, with circular purplish smudges under his eyes.

“I’m afraid it’s a question of practicality,” he said, shrugging. “It’s to keep you safe. I can’t alter my conditions—they’re there to protect you.”

“Ha!” Daphne burst out, louder than she’d intended.

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, clearly annoyed. “What is so very amusing?”

She hurried ahead of him, turning so that she blocked his path, forcing him to look at her.

“I haven’t the faintest clue what you want from me,” she said, looking him dead in the eye. “And frankly, I don’t believe that you do, either. I am entirely fed up with you. You say these conditions are for my protection. Well, it’s quite apparent to me that these conditions are not for me, not one bit. They are there to protect you .”

He blanched, opening his mouth to speak.

Daphne felt as though she’d heard quite enough, so she stormed past him and back along the pathway.

“I’m going for a ride,” she called over her shoulder, not looking back. “If you’d like to discuss this further, feel free to join me.”

He said nothing, and soon Daphne had left him far behind.

She had gone a little way out of the stables, trotting up the hill towards the folly where she had first met Alex, when the sound of hoofbeats echoed behind her.

Heart clenching in hope, she twisted around in the saddle.

Her hopes were immediately dashed. Her heart sank, and then she felt guilty for reacting in that way. Because it was Alex, his little face beaming, bouncing up in the saddle and riding towards her. He was followed at a distance by an elderly groom, puffing up the hill after him.

“Joan told me you were going out for a ride with Papa,” Alex explained, pulling alongside her. “I thought I would come with you. That’s all right, isn’t it?”

She smiled down at him. “Of course it is, Alex.”

He paused, glancing around. “Where’s Papa?”

“He’s not coming, I’m afraid. But perhaps he’ll join us another time.”

Alex seemed crestfallen. “I hope so. I didn’t see very much of Papa yesterday. Did he enjoy himself, do you think? Mrs. Trench said that on their wedding day, a bride and groom find themselves very busy and might not enjoy themselves too much. It seems unfair that Papa would not have a good time.”

“I’m sure he managed quite well, Alex. It was a busy day, but it’s over now, so we can take a breath and concentrate on the life ahead of us. What about you, Alex? Did you enjoy the wedding?”

Judging by the way Alex’s face lit up, he had enjoyed himself a great deal. He broke into chatter, talking about who he’d talked to, which ladies he had danced with—turned out he was quite popular, and something of a darling amongst the women—and what he had eaten.

A great deal of most things, it seemed.

“I fell asleep directly when I finally went up to bed,” Alex said, sighing in satisfaction. “Mrs. Trench said she’ll talk to Papa again about getting a dancing master for me. She said that perhaps you might want to talk to him about it, too, what with you being the Duchess and all.”

“I’ll do what I can, Alex, but I’m afraid that would go against the rules.”

Alex frowned. “Rules?”

Daphne cursed herself for being so careless. How could she explain to the child that she was not really his father’s wife?

“Well, I’ve only just now joined your family,” she explained, “so your papa doesn’t want your stepmother to take over your upbringing… yet. He wants to raise you himself, you see?”

Alex did not seem happy with this. “You don’t seem like a stepmother,” he muttered. “I like you a great deal, Daffie.”

She reached out, taking his hand. It was a stretch, what with them both being on horseback, but she managed it.

“And I like you too, Alex. You mustn’t think otherwise. I’m thrilled to be your mama, and I hope now that we can all be a family. That would be nice, wouldn’t it?”

Alex’s taut, little face relaxed into a smile. “Yes, I’d like that.”

By this point, they had reached the top of the hill, the folly just a little way along the ridge. They stopped, their horses standing shoulder to shoulder, and took in the view. The poor groom was still puffing below, at least halfway down the hill.

“That was where I first met you, do you remember?” Alex said, pointing to the folly.

Daphne smiled to herself. “Yes, I remember. It feels so long ago, doesn’t it?”

“I’m glad you stayed,” Alex admitted. “I like you being here, Daffie. You make the house happy.”

She bit her lip, a lump forming in her throat.

Just say it, Daphne. Just say that you’re glad you stayed, too.

Would it be a lie?

I don’t know anymore.

Fortunately, Alex seemed to have taken it for granted that she would agree with him. He glanced around, his gaze landing on the steep slope of the hill on the other side, flattening out into a smooth field. A tree trunk lay near the bottom of the hill, smooth and thick and begging to be jumped over.

Apparently, Alex thought the same thing.

“I bet I could jump over that,” he said, pointing at the trunk.

Daphne smiled to herself. “I bet you could. You’d better not, though. Your papa might worry.”

Alex wrinkled his nose. “He wouldn’t have to know.”

“Best to obey him, though, even if he’s not here,” Daphne said, patting his hand. “I tell you what, though—we could have a race.”

Alex’s face lit up. “A race? You and me?”

“Yes, you and me. The first one to the bottom of the hill wins, yes?”

He beamed, gathering the reins in his hands. “I’ll win for sure. And you better not let me win, because then it won’t count!”

Daphne laughed. “I have a very competitive older sister, as well as a competitive twin. I never let anyone win.”

Alex grinned. “We shall see.”

“On my count, then. One… two… three… go!”

The horses leaped excitedly forward.

Daphne’s breath was stolen from her in a rush, her hair whipping backward from her shoulders and streaming out behind her like a banner. She leaned forward over the horse’s neck, the reins gathered in her hands, her legs pressed against the creature’s flanks.

I’d forgotten how marvelous it is to ride, to really ride .

Cold air scraped down her throat and burned her lungs, needling away at any exposed flesh. It might have been cold if it wasn’t for her blood pumping so energetically, keeping her warm, sizzling underneath her skin.

Her worries fled away as if she’d left them at the top of the hill. Their speed was doubled on account of going downhill, or so it felt.

Alex, it turned out, was an excellent rider. His horse was neck-and-neck with Daphne’s, the creatures sweating, heads bobbing, each one trying to get the advantage. A quick sideways glance—that was all Daphne dared to risk—showed her that Alex was smiling from ear to ear, clearly having the time of his life. He was sitting easily in his saddle, and it occurred to her that when he became an adult, he’d most likely be the best rider in the country. A flush of pride swept through her, even though he was not her son, even though she barely knew him.

He’s going to do wonderful things. And I’m going to help him do them.

As the slope began to even out, about a third of the way down, Daphne began to pull ahead, ever so slightly. She didn’t mean to, it just seemed to be happening. Her horse was a little bigger than Alex’s and had a longer stride. The ground became a little rockier and less even, and Daphne felt a flash of fear that one of them would stumble. A fissure in the ground caused the two of them to part, Alex going to the left and Daphne to the right. She put on a burst of speed, concentrating more on the ground now than before.

The ground evened out… she’d made it. With a sigh of relief, she reined in her horse and turned around to see where Alex was.

He was still a little way up the hill, forced to slow down to pick his way across unforgiving terrain.

Sensible boy .

“I won, but we’ll have a rematch soon,” she called. “It was just bad luck for you. Otherwise, I think you might have won.”

“Never mind that,” Alex called back, grinning. “Watch this , Daffie!”

He spurred his horse onwards, leaning forward over the saddle, and Daphne frowned.

“What am I watching? What are you…” she trailed off as she saw it.

The fallen log lay in Alex’s path, between her and him, and he was riding straight towards it with determination.

He’s going to jump .

Close up, the log was much larger than it had seemed from the top of the hill. It was vast, chest high to a man at least, and irregularly shaped. A difficult jump for a horse to make, and a dangerous one at that.

“No!” she screamed, waving her arms. “Alex, no! It’s too dangerous!”

Perhaps he didn’t hear her, or perhaps he didn’t listen. Either way, Alex and his horse thundered towards the log, not slowing down at all.

Alex’s face was a mask of determination and fear, and for one wild moment, Daphne thought that he might make it after all.

He didn’t.

The horse balked, tossing its head and pressing its ears back against its skull. It reared back on its hind legs in an attempt to save them both. Its hooves slipped in treacherous mud, and they went down sideways.

Daphne was perfectly placed to see the absolute fear on Alex’s face before he fell off the saddle—a tiny, helpless figure. The horse screamed, its hooves windmilling.

Alex gave a shrill scream too, hastily smothered, and then there was silence.

“ Alex !” Daphne shrieked, flinging herself down from the saddle.

There was no response.

Feet slipping in the mud, she began to run.

“A doctor!” she shouted at the groom, who had just appeared at the top of the hill. “Fetch a doctor, now!”