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I got closer, put both of my hands around his palm, and brought it to my lips. I kissed his hand softly and said, “I’m never leaving you.”
He carefully put his palm on both of my cheeks, glanced at my lips, then back at me, and then, very slowly, closed his eyes and kissed me.
His lips slid slowly against mine, and my eyes fluttered closed. It wasn’t like the first kiss we had; it was extremely gentle, soft, sweet, and passionate, and it made my knees weak as I threw my arms around his neck for support.
This time, I didn’t taste the smoke; instead, I tasted mint as I opened my lips for him. When he caressed my lips with his tongue and then went into every nook and cranny of my mouth, my heart skipped a beat. He put all of his feelings into it.
He took his hand off my cheeks, and without breaking the kiss, he abruptly picked me up and wrapped my legs around his body. He then carried me to the bed and carefully laid me down.
And gently pulled away from the kiss, leaving us both panting for air.
He hovered over me, out of breath, and touched my bottom lip with his thumb. It was swollen from the kiss.
“Jaxon?” I murmured, out of breath, and he looked up at me.
“Who…did you…kiss me as?” I said quietly, trying not to hurt his feelings.
“What?”
“Did you kiss me as Julia or as me?”
He looked into my eyes for a minute as if he was looking for something. Then he shut his eyes and opened them again.
He held my cheek and whispered, “I kissed you as Clara…I kissed you as my wife.”
I just needed to hear that before I kissed him again and gripped his face. He climbed over me, pinned my arms over my head, and kissed me deeply. He kissed me quickly and then bit my bottom lip softly before leaving.
He kissed my forehead and let his lips stay there for a while. Then he kissed both of my cheeks, rolled over, and wrapped his arm around my waist to draw me closer.
“Let me sleep with you in my arms; it makes me feel safe,” he said.
“But last time you got mad,” I added, and I don’t know why, but I said it in a whisper.
“I promise I won’t.”
He kissed my hair, and then we both fell asleep in each other’s arms.
At that moment, being in his arms made me feel the calm and happiness I had been looking for for years.
He was everything I needed.
Jaxon’s point of view:
I woke up next to my wife with one of my hands around her waist and the other on my stomach.
I like calling her my wife. Sounds excellent.
I smiled as I looked at her sleeping comfortably, and brushed a few strands of hair out of her face.
I carefully stroked her face with my finger, starting at her forehead and moving down to her eyes, then her cheeks, and finally her bottom lip.
When her eyelids flickered open, I carefully stroked her face.
“Good morning,” she murmured in a raspy voice.
“Morning,” I said, kissing the tip of her nose.
She was so tired that she fell asleep again in less than a minute. It was Saturday, so she could sleep as long as she wanted. I carefully exited the room, trying not to wake her awake.
I went into my study and opened one of the drawers to get a file. That’s when I saw the picture frame that Clara brought me last night. I snatched it up and ran my finger over Julia’s photo.
I said, “I’m sorry,” and a tear fell from my eye.
After what occurred, I don’t think I can fall in love again. I loved Julia and lost her. I don’t want to fall in love again because I don’t want to put anyone else’s life in danger.
What was I thinking when I kissed her again last night? Why did I kiss her? Why did I embrace her again? Why did I tell her to stay? Why does my heart race so fast when I think of her?
This isn’t right. I’m not meant to like her. I can’t.
So why did I give her false hopes last night? I kissed her like she was the most important thing in the world. I felt safe in her embrace. I don’t want her to go. I need her, but I can’t love her.
Why is all of this so hard?
I married her to make sure I didn’t lose her again, but I didn’t anticipate falling in love with her. No, no, no; I can’t fall for her.
It feels great that she cares about me, but it’s also worrisome.
When she told me she loved me, my heart skipped a beat and melted. But what did I say back? I never told you to care about me. Dumb.
I was worried that if she started to care about me and spoke to me sweetly, I might fall for her. Damn! I’m still afraid!
I walked down to my gym, took off my shirt, and started pounding the punching bag.
Why Am I Giving Her False Hope?
I will simply harm her again. I keep hurting her, yet she always remains with me. I don’t deserve her.
I have to push her away, or she may get harmed. If she loves me and I don’t love her back, it will pain me too.
But I really need her.
I finally felt safe in her embrace after all these years. I slept like a baby. After I told her everything, I didn’t feel like smoking to calm down since she gave me a loving hug.
I smiled as I remembered her saying, “All we need sometimes is a warm hug.”
I adore how her body responds to my touch, how her face became pale when I informed her she was mine, and how she smiled at me in the car on the way back from the hospital. I liked how she looked at me with adoration.
I adore how she tries to make me envious and does a good job at it.
Spunkiness. I liked how much she kissed me back. I liked that she stayed with me that night while I was inebriated. I liked how she asked me whether I had eaten dinner. I liked how she encouraged me to stop smoking since it is bad for my health. I liked how she said I look cute when I’m mad.
I liked how she assisted Rose and bought her house. I thought it was great that she was willing to give up her life for her firm.
I love…
No, no. Heart, you stupid! Stop hammering so hard. You are not falling in love with her! Why don’t you get it?
You can’t love her! You are not good enough for her. You will just put her life in danger!
I hit the punching bag one last time and then laid my forehead on it to calm myself.
“Jaxon?” I heard her voice.
Great!
“Are you okay?” she questioned as she stood next to me.
No.
“Yes.”
“Look at me,” she said, and I did.
When did I start taking commands from her?
“Did you eat breakfast?” Here we go again.
“No.”
“Come on, you can work out later. First, eat something,” she urged, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the door. She gave me my shirt, which I hurriedly put on.
Tell me you don’t care about me. Get out of here and leave me alone. I will harm you.
But she didn’t read my thinking and kept pulling me to the kitchen and making me sit at the table.
She looked down at my knuckles, which were injured since I was pounding the bag without a glove.
“Look what happened to your knuckles. You should be careful,” she added as she left the kitchen. She returned back a minute later with a first-aid kit.
She put the package on the table and pulled out a cotton ball, which she dipped in an antiseptic. She took my hand and gently pushed the cotton on my knuckles, which made me grimace a little. She quickly said she was sorry.
I couldn’t take my eyes off her as she carefully took care of my injuries.
Please don’t do this.
A piece of hair fell on her face, which really bothered her. Before she could get rid of it, I brushed it back myself, and she glanced up at me and smiled, which made my heart skip a beat. Then she went back to what she was doing.
She kissed the back of my hand once she was done.
She is making me nuts.
She then walked to the kitchen counter, got two plates, and put one in front of me and one in front of her.
“I hope you don’t mind that I gave Jenny a day off. I made strawberry and chocolate crepes today,” she said.
“It’s fine.”
The crepes looked excellent, so I took a piece off and put it in my mouth. My lips curled up in pleasure because they were so tasty.
She watched me eat attentively and then said, “Do you like it?”
“They’re good,” I said, and she smiled brightly.
One day, her grin will kill me.
“I love to cook because good food brings people together,” she said while filling her teeth with the pancake. I watched her eat without worrying about how she looked.
She took my plate with her after we ate and put it in the washbasin to wash later.