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G unn felt like he’d just been sucker punched. “Pardon?” he ground out.
Jocelyn brought her hands up to shield her face. “I’m pregnant. I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner. It’s why I finally ran.” She stood stiffly. “I will go.”
He reached out for her arm as she passed. “Jocelyn. Lass.” The look she gave him broke his heart. Clearly, she had been dealing with so much more than she’d let on. “Ye dinna have to go.”
Her eyes clashed with his, shiny with unshed tears. He didn’t think she should be alone. Her emotions were at a tipping point, and he thought she could use some encouragement, not a shunning.
Which he would never do in the first place.
Leading her over to the chairs by the fireplace, he urged her to sit. Then he went and grabbed some wine. Pouring her a glass, he handed it to her and took a seat across from her.
“Ye needna fear my reaction. I would be lying if I said I wasna taken aback. ’Twas just a shock, is all.”
She moved the glass around in circles, causing the liquid inside to create a slight vortex.
“Are you going to end my employment?” she asked quietly, not meeting his eyes.
“Of course no’,” he spat. “Though I believe we have stepped past that, but there are other priority items we must discuss.” If she hadn’t realized it before, he didn’t want her as an employee.
Hell, he’d keep her in his bed every night for eternity and would love every minute of it. If she wanted to help him, then fine.
But as partners.
He pinched the bridge of his nose. Shite. This situation presented a myriad of problems.
“Tell me e’erything.”
Her head snapped up. “I have.”
“Nay. Your history. I want to ken it all. Parents. Husband.” He gestured to her still flat belly. “The bairn.”
Pressing her lips together, she folded her hands on her lap, before quickly unfolding them to wring them together. “How much time do you have?” she asked with a nervous laugh.
He kenned she was trying to lighten the mood, and realized he needed to school his face into a more neutral look. He wasn’t angry with her. But that louse that she was married to? Aye. He would be dealing with him.
“All the time ye need,” he said gently, offering what he hoped was an encouraging smile.
“When I was younger, and it was time to be introduced into society, I begrudged the whole thought of it. I didn’t want to spend my nights being looked over like a prized pony.
Victor, my husband, appeared out of nowhere.
He was handsome enough. But especially charming.
He showed interest and I saw him as my salvation to save me from the prancing required in society.
It was easier to court him from the beginning.
He won over my parents, convincing them that we were the perfect match, and got their blessing quickly.
The three of them came to an agreement and after that there was no way for me not to marry Victor.
“My friends were happy but jealous. Victor was the bachelor of the season.” She sighed, sad eyes meeting his. “But it was all a lie. He didn’t care for me, just my healthy dowry. He was cruel. Both in speech and in body. I could do naught right.”
Gunn’s fists clenched. He understood where this was going. And he didn’t like one bit of it. Men who beat their wives were the scourge of the earth. They didn’t deserve to be called men.
“Of course,” she continued. “He didn’t show any of those traits until after we married, and we returned from holiday. Quickly, he moved us away from my family and friends, to Rochester.”
He wanted to cut in so many times as she talked. Wanted to pull her into his arms and offer her comfort. Something her arsehole of a husband never did. He wanted to kiss away all her fears. Her worries.
Every inch of skin that was ever marred with a bruise.
“After we were in Rochester, I got to see the real Victor. The cruel man hiding behind a facade of a caring face. He disliked me keeping in contact with my friends, and soon I found it easier to let them go then withstand the beating I would get whenever I met up with them. My parents were next.” She let out a shuddering breath.
“It had been quite some time since I’d spoken with them when I got word of their passing.
” A tear slipped from her eye, trailing down her cheek and she swept at it.
Offering her a handkerchief, she gave him a sad smile and dabbed at her eyes.
“I’m sorry, lass.” His parents had been gone for a long time. But he felt it was different for women. The bond they had with their mothers was special. For her husband to rip that support system away from her was cruel.
“Before I knew it, he’d sold their house and all their belongings.”
Gunn’s ire grew. The man was truly a piece of shite.
The fire crackled, a loud pop sending sparks through the air, causing Jocelyn to jump.
Taking a small sip of wine, she shakily set the glass back down on the small rectangular table set beside the chair. Her fingers traced the stack of books the table held.
“Were ye able to return before the purchasers took ownership?” he asked, hoping that the louse at least allowed her that.
“Yes, but only for a few short moments. I couldn’t take anything because he’d sold everything inside.
But in a short respite when he was engrossed in conversation with the buyer, I managed to grab my mother’s diary and hide it within my reticule.
” She looked at him sadly. “It’s the only thing I have left of either of my parents. ”
“I canna imagine how hard that must have been for ye. How hard it still is.”
“Very. But I still have my mother’s writings. Other than the few items of clothing I left with, I made sure I had that. Her words are comforting.”
A faint smile tipped the corners of her mouth at the memory of her mother.
“I’m glad ye still have those. And that they offer ye comfort.”
“Thank you. You know that he beat me. I thank you for offering me grace when I arrived and not pushing me for details. I had been saving money for quite some time. A pence here. A pence there. My leaving was always going to happen. I just didn’t know when.
When my courses were late, I knew the time had come. I left that night.”
“Ye are a verra strong woman, Jocelyn. Dinna let anyone e’er tell ye otherwise.”
She twirled the corners of his handkerchief into little corkscrews. Unfurled them. Twisted them again. “I’m not sure I believe that,” she confessed.
“How can ye no’? Look how far ye traveled. Alone. When ’tis no’ safe.”
“I needed to get as far away as possible. My friends are south of Rochester. I knew that’s where he would look first, so I went north. My plan was always to escape to Scotland. And here I am.”
He smiled. “Here ye are indeed.”
Brows drawing down, she met his eyes. “I understand if you want to put me out. I would expect nothing less for my deception.”
“Lass,” he dropped to his knees in front of her, fingers on her chin to draw her gaze.
“If ye think I would do that, ye surely dinna ken me at all.” He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
“My feelings are still true. Does this change our trajectory? Aye. But I will help ye with this. We will get through this together.”
“You don’t have to do that. I will find a way.”
“I believe ye have misunderstood me. I am no’ letting ye go, Jocelyn Townsend. I have resources at my disposal. Friends that will help. Their wives who will welcome ye gladly into their circle. Dinna fash.”
“Your kindness,” she paused. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Answer me something? Truthfully. No matter if ye think I will be hurt by your answer, I want the truth. Understood?”
She nodded, tucking the corner of her lip behind her teeth.
“Did ye ever love your husband?”
*
The question took Jocelyn off guard. Though it shouldn’t have. It was only normal for Gunn to inquire about her feelings regarding Victor.
She sighed heavily and shook her head. “At one point, I thought I did. When we were courting. But, I haven’t for years.
Whenever I questioned it, I’d been told it wasn’t uncommon for spouses not to love each other.
My parents had a loving relationship, but Victor always called them an anomaly.
But no, I don’t love him. I don’t think I ever really did. ”
The feelings she had at the beginning of their courtship, she now understood them to be an infatuation. An escape. How ironic was it that she saw Victor as an escape from her familial duties to find a reputable husband only to find out that it was he that she would need to escape from in the end?
Gunn smiled and sat back in his chair. “’Tis settled then.”
Confused, she looked at him. “What is?”
“We will find a way to deal with all of this. Together.” His tone grew serious. “Unless that is no’ what ye want. In which case, we will do whate’er ye feel is best for ye.”
Was Gunn offering her what she thought he was? He wasn’t going to kick her out onto the street. He had every right to, but instead he was supporting her. The feeling was so foreign to her.
“This is what I want,” she said quietly. “When I arrived it wasn’t what I expected or even thought about, but it is. I thank you for giving me a choice. Something that was stolen from me long ago.”
“Lass, ye will always have a choice with me. Remember that.”
She nodded, she could never show him how much she appreciated his support. She would try, but she feared it would never be enough.
“First thing, I need to call Malcolm back.”
“I thought he had work.”
“He did, but it was at my order.”
Confused, she waited to see if he would expand on his answer.
Sheepishly, he met her eyes. “I sent him to Rochester.”
“Pardon? Why would you have done such a thing?”
“You showed up here, out of the blue, clearly beaten, with hardly any belongings, looking for a place to live and work. Without ye being forthcoming of your circumstances, which I dinna place any blame on ye,” he quickly added. “But with that, I needed to see what your background was.”