Page 42 of Her Temporary Duke (Rakes and Roses #2)
“So that is why he behaved so aggravatingly whenever I was with him!” she gaped in realization.
“I spoke to the other women, too. He behaved similarly with them. That is why I figured him to be such an unpleasant individual. I see now what he was trying to do... Good grief! And he has chosen to be here rather than rush back to London to protect his birthright?”
Charlotte nodded, her eyes brimming with tears once more. Amelia tried to sit up to embrace her sister, but lacked the strength to go beyond propping herself on her elbows.
“Cherry, do not cry. This is wonderful news! We have both found the man of our dreams, willing to sacrifice anything and everything in this world for us. And I’m sure that feeling is mutual, is it not?”
“Oh yes! There is nothing I would not do for Seth,” Charlotte said fervently.
“Nor I for Luke,” her sister beamed.
“But I am so afraid that he will come to resent me as the one who cost him... well, everything . How can any love withstand that?”
Amelia grasped Charlotte’s hand in her own, stroking her knuckles. “He is here, is he not? Do you think he would be if he cared one jot less for you or more for himself? If it helps, I will write at once to the Regent and to Princess Caroline to demand that Tewkesbury not be recognized as Duke.”
Charlotte shook her head. “There was a terrible storm in the border hills, and the Carlisle road was blocked by a landslide. No letter will get through.”
“Then it must be by ship,” her sister pressed. “Glasgow is a couple of hours' ride from here, and there will be many vessels travelling to the southern coast of England. Whatever proofs are needed, he can carry to London. If you say he is worthy of the effort, then it should be done.”
“He will not go. Not if it means leaving me behind. And I will not go until I know that you are recovering. Are you recovering?” Charlotte asked.
Despite what the doctor had said, it was difficult for Charlotte to accept that Amelia was anything but deteriorating rapidly. She was weak and pale as a ghost. It was too close to what Charlotte remembered of her mother’s final days. Amelia sighed, closing her eyes.
“Oh, Cherry. I do hope so. Luke discovered Doctor McGill and wrote to him. He sold his estates to pay for my treatment. He… he specializes in the illness that Mama suffered, that I now suffer. As far as he knows, he is the only physician in the world who does. The journey here is like a dream. I could barely open my eyes, my body ached all over, so that even poppy juice could not give relief for long. That seems to have passed, but I feel so weak sometimes...”
Charlotte held her sister’s hand to her cheek, closing her eyes against tears, wanting to cry but willing herself to remain strong for Amelia.
“All will be well, Cherry. All will be... ”
Amelia's voice faded to a whisper, and then the deep breaths of exhausted sleep.
Charlotte remained with Amelia while she slept.
Eventually, at the suggestion of Doctor McGill, she left the room to seek food she did not have an appetite for, and rest she did not desire.
Twilight was settling over the small town, rendering the sky dark in the east and purple in the west. Outside the hospital, she found her husband sitting on a wooden bench in the grounds.
He rose when she approached, concern etched on his face.
I must convince him to go. It is for his own good. He will see that everything he stands to lose is more important than me. He should not be willing to sacrifice for my sake.
As she approached, she tried to put enough conviction in her voice, “You should go. Glasgow is only a couple of hours' ride, and a ship can carry you to England. There is still time.”
“I am not leaving you,” Seth said firmly.
Charlotte felt a sudden rush of anger. When she’d first met Seth, for the longest time, he’d been unbearable—arrogant, indulgent, selfish to the core. A rake, a gambler, a man who took and never stayed.
Why can he not revert to that now? Why can he not be as selfish as he was when we first met? Why must he choose this moment to grow a conscience?
“Do not be foolish. You must. Whatever you say, you are not a man to be content in a sleepy, rural town. You are of the ton and will miss it. You must go back and protect your title.”
Seth approached, but she stepped back, trying to keep a distance between them. He gave a wry smile, somewhere between amused and wounded.
“I was never of the ton ,” he corrected gently. “I was an inveterate outcast. But that man is no longer there.”
“I don’t believe people can change their nature so easily,” Charlotte said quietly. “Better for you to go now than months from now, when you realise you want your old life back—and it’s far harder for us both to undo everything.”
The smile slowly faded. Seth reached for her, but Charlotte kept herself out of his reach. It hurt. It was as though she were physically harming herself. Denying his touch was like removing a piece of her own heart.
“I think it was a mistake for us to marry,” she blurted out suddenly, “I have never wished it before. I got caught up in the romance of the travel.”
I must say it all now because I will not be able to speak if I think for one moment.
I feel like I am tearing myself in two, but it must be done.
Either he resents me for rejecting him, or he resents me for what I have cost him.
I and my family. Better it happens now, endure the pain, and go back to my old life.
Charlotte thought about going back to Hamilton House.
About Aunt Judith and her empty-headed, selfish cousins.
It was not a terrible life. She was comfortable and provided for.
Her needs were inconsequential, and, without Luke, it would be lonely, yes.
But that was her lot in life. Amelia was the one with a wide social circle.
Amelia was the one who had found love. Charlotte was happy for her sister and content with her own lot. As she always had been.
“You do not mean that,” Seth said flatly.
“I do mean it!” Charlotte cried out, “Please, just go! I will remain here with Amelia and then return to Yorkshire. And if— when you require an annulment of our marriage, I will not contest it.”
When Seth still did not move, she pushed against his chest with both hands. He rocked on his heels, taking a step back. Charlotte pushed again, slapping her hands hard against him.
“Just go. I do not want you in my life. I never did. Go back to London and be a rake or be a good man. I do not care. I care for my sister and nothing else in this world. Go or I will ask Doctor McGill to have you removed!”
She saw the hurt in Seth’s face, and that was enough to bring her physical pain. It lanced through her from her chest outwards. She fought back tears, glaring at him resolutely. Seth inclined his head sharply, breathing hard around clenched teeth.
“Very well. Have it your way.”
He turned on his heel and stalked away. Charlotte turned and walked quickly in the opposite direction.
She did not know where she was going, simply that she needed to be alone.
The grief that surged within her was second only to that which she had experienced at the death of her mother. It tore at her like a ravening animal.
She rounded a corner of the hospital building and crossed a wooden bridge over a fast-flowing stream.
Beyond that was a slope that was traversed by stone steps.
Large, mossy outcrops of rocks broke through the hillside to either side of the steps, and there was a stone bridge at the bottom, crossing a wider stream.
She flew down the steps, half blind with tears, and dashed onto the bridge, only coming to a halt when her stomach hit the stone wall.
She stared into a deep gorge through which the stream boiled and gnashed.
It is done. I can concentrate on Amelia, for better or worse. And Seth has a chance to hold onto his Dukedom. I will not hear stories of him in Yorkshire. It will be as if these last two months were nothing but a dream.
Except her body screamed at her that it hadn’t been a dream.
Her body remembered his touch and craved it.
But must be denied it. Perhaps one day there would be another man.
She doubted it. It seemed unlikely that any other man in the world would be Seth’s equal.
So, there would be no one. She would be alone.
An aunt to Amelia and Luke’s children. That would be something. If Amelia survived.
Charlotte wiped her face, looking back at the hill she had run down. She cursed herself for a fool. It would have been very easy to stumble on those steps and fall to her death. Amelia didn’t need a foolish sister.
But Amelia has her husband now. Does she need me at all?
Taking a shaky breath, Charlotte made to ascend the stone steps back towards the hospital.