Page 20 of Her Shadow so Dark and Lovely (A Curse of Fallen Stars #1)

Lorel

My lantern’s dull light tries to hold back the darkness, but it’s a thick, light absorbing thing and I am a poor mage. The light in the lantern trembles as I shiver.

“Keep walking, little mouse. I will follow,” whispers Sila from somewhere behind me.

Fuck. I take a deep, trembling breath. In the labyrinth, I had Sila to guide me through its twists and turns.

I am not as sure of myself here. I put one foot in front of the other and hope the ground intends to hold.

That it won’t just swallow me down, never to be seen again. Sila would never allow it.

My footsteps echo into the dark, bouncing back to me and away again. Echoes mean there are walls, at least. This darkness isn’t endless.

I can hear my heart thumping in my ears, feel the desire for flight as well as any prey animal would. I hope it doesn’t give out before this ends.

I’ve been in the caves of the Glade before, where the silken glow worms live.

Little pin pricks of light that wax and wane in the darkness in some kind of arcane rhythm as they dangle and dance on long thin threads.

I’m reminded of them now, as a dozen tiny glowing orbs twinkle to life around me.

They shift along with me as I walk, like eyes watching me in the dark.

A chill runs down my spine and then I feel the brush of shadow and darkness that I know is Sila.

There is a snarl. Something damp touches my cheek.

Not Sila. I fight down the urge to retch.

My lantern light shivers with me, blurring as my eyes water and a vile feeling crawls over my skin.

The air moves again and I flinch, only to brush the back of my hand against something softly scaled and damp in the dark behind me.

It’s too much. It’s too much and I have to keep going.

Another snarl cut off with a screech. And another.

“Don’t let the light catch you, Lorel. Keep going. I’m here,” murmurs Sila in my ear. Another sigh of air ends in a damp scream. I want to call out for her. I want her to take my hand and lead me out of here. I don’t want to have to walk into the dark like this. I can’t do this.

You could stop.

I stumble, halting to throw the lantern around in an attempt to find the source of the voice that isn’t a voice. I remember it, clear as a bell being struck. The thing that had spoken to me in my dream. That had woken me in the infirmary. The Library’s Heart.

You needn’t go on like this. Give up and I will take care of everything. You need never worry again.

The dark presses in again, the lights drifting closer, the air moving. Screaming. Screeching. Creatures in the dark, I realise. All around me, and Sila striking out at them as they try to ensnare me. I stumble again as I try to walk on.

“Keep going, little mouse.”

I’m breathing hard and fast, as if I’ve run miles.

I must keep going. Never mind that I don’t want to.

That I would rather curl up and die. The lantern light feels as indistinct as I do, being pushed and pulled by the darkness.

Those glowing lights are still circling me.

Blinking out of existence one moment. Returning the next.

There are so many of them. Sila can’t possibly hold them all back.

Give up. I will win in the end anyway.

I trip on the edge of a stone tile and my lantern clatters out of my hand as I hit the ground hard.

My ears ring and I can hardly see the lantern through the pressing dark.

It’s that same thick fog of labyrinth darkness that is so unlike Sila’s shadows.

So much less welcoming. I try to feel my way forward as the darkness crowds in. I must keep moving.

Finally, in the dark, my fingers find the metal of the lantern. I grab it with one hand as my other hand settles on something damp and smooth. Soft and fleshy. I try to scream. Nothing comes out.

I hold the lantern up and the light glances off of thousands of glittering scales.

Thin translucent flesh is pulled tight over rows and rows of the creature's thin ribs.

Huge cavernous eyes turn on me, completely devoid of light as it opens a gaping wound of a mouth full of needle-sharp teeth.

The stench of its breath is overwhelming, threatening my stomach's stability again.

From the top of its head dangles a tiny ball of light on fleshy thread.

Behind me, Sila lets out a sound of pure fury and outrage.

Give up. Rest.

This thing is going to consume me. Sila is too far away, fighting her way through its children, and I have nothing I can do to protect myself. I don’t want to join whatever other unfortunate souls have been consumed by it, nor to leave my flesh to rot with theirs.

Give up. Stay with me.

Time slows as death comes for me. I throw my hand out in front of me and it moves too quickly for how slowly the creature shifts.

As if I can do anything to stop the horrific creature from lurching forward and bringing its gaping maw over me.

As if something so feeble could prevent the Heart from keeping me.

Give up.

“No,” I whisper, closing my eyes. I feel the word pass between my lips and my ears begin to ring, the sound rising into a high-pitched scream. It rises higher, and higher until it is nothing and everything.

Then suddenly, silence.

The darkness falls back with a hiss, and it is no longer that impenetrable black fog.

It is just darkness. The creature still looms over me, but it moves as if trying to walk through tar.

Air moves past my cheek and my lantern light catches the shadowy edges of Sila as she tears into the beast with talon and teeth and fury.

I close my eyes against it all as sound rushes back in, relentless and overwhelming.

The air around me sighs, as if disappointed.

I feel lightheaded and bloodless, though I have taken no injury.

Too warm. There is the sound of my lantern hitting the floor again and rolling away.

“Lorel?” Sila whispers.

Her hands grab my arms as I tip backwards.

She holds me up as I blink at her, my vision dark at the edges.

She is herself again, blood tracked down her cheeks and caught in her teeth.

Her hair a wild tangle bleeding into the shadows.

So tall and fierce and strong. She is so lovely, even like this.

Maybe, particularly like this. My thoughts are paper thin, crumbling at the edges, and I feel like I am being consumed by fire.

Her arms come around me, lifting me with ease.

Sila cradles me against her, and I rest my head on her shoulder. Press my face into her neck where her cool skin soothes the heat in mine. I cling to her with all the strength my weary limbs have left as my thoughts drift away.

The light changes as we exit the ghastly chamber. When I glance around the protection of Sila’s hair, we are back in those dimly lit halls and rooms, with the horror fading behind us.

Sila carries me effortlessly onwards. I hold on to her as if my life depends on it.

I recall a memory that feels so distant now, of a cool body pressed against mine as fever had burned through it.

I had thought it was a dream at the time.

When the poison had tried to take me. When Sila had tried to fulfil her orders.

I must doze, because when I blink back to wakefulness, the labyrinth has changed again.

There is a dull soft light just barely kissing the interior and it no longer looks like the Library.

There are no books anymore, only a long shadowy mural-covered hall.

Sila’s footsteps click against marble tiles.

Indistinct statues stand sentry on raised plinths.

My mouth is pressed against Sila’s skin, and the scent of it, earthy and sweet, fills my senses. I wonder what it ta?—

Dawn King have mercy on me. I find myself suddenly very awake, wrenching my face away from her skin.

“Are you with me again, little mouse?” Sila asks. She sounds her usual teasing self, but there is concern strung tight underneath it. “I’m afraid I lost your lantern.”

I wriggle and Sila stops to let me down, gingerly lowering me to the ground. She hovers as I test my legs.

I’m okay. What happened?

I can barely make out her face in the dim light. The shadows it casts are so deep and she is entirely unreadable.

“The Heart prepared a rather nasty trap for us,” Sila says. “And I couldn’t keep them all back from you. As for you, I do not know. You told me you are not adept at magic. That was no simple magic, Lorel.”

I didn’t— I can’t— What do you mean?

Sila’s voice is steady and patient in the dark.

“When you were recovering from the poison, you had a fever. When I found you, crushing yourself into the wall, you had a fever. Right now, you have a fever.” She reaches out a cool hand to press the back of it to my cheek.

I can feel the way it soothes my skin still.

Ice cold as my skin burns. I stare at her.

“What magic did you do that night, Lorel?”

She is a ghost in the dark. The curse stirs, sharp as a hissing cat, and I remember. Vividly I remember.

I had tried to soothe it, the curse, to push it down. A memory of pain arcs through my chest, leaving me breathless and I double over, clutching at my sides.

I had gone back to my room. I had been afraid of something.

No, not just afraid, terrified. The curse had been a feral thing, trying to scratch and claw its way out of my throat.

I had choked on it, not wanting to let it out into the world.

My fingers were coated with ash and ice cold.

My lips were going numb. I am caught up in the memory now as I try to pull in air like I am drowning.

I am back there, in my room as the curse tears and screams. I push it back.

Push it down. I feel a rib crack, and then another, and hope that this is only in the memory, even if the pain of it feels real.

I push it down again and there is blood on my tongue, running from my nose.

I dig my fingers into my sides, nails gouging deep.

Another rib. My fingers as I clench them, cracking as I try to hold the curse down.

Then there is darkness, and my ears begin to ring.

The sound rises until it crowds all of my senses.

And then it cuts out. Silence. My skin burns.

My throat burns. I press myself against the cool of the wall.

I press as hard as I can, desperate for the feel of it against my skin.

It gives way, soft, as arms come tight around me.

Fingers threading through my hair, clinging to me.

I open my eyes.

My bones are still intact. The taste of blood on my tongue recedes.

The cut on my hand stings from the pressure I had placed upon it.

My breath comes in silent gasps and I am pressed against Sila as if I had tried to crush myself against her body in place of the wall from my memory.

My skin is still burning. Tears burn at the back of my throat.

I sob silently into Sila’s chest, no longer caring about if I should.

I let her hold me as if she cares. It’s painful to try and cry so wholeheartedly without being able to make a sound.

To be unable to put a voice to the miserable realisation that in the end, whatever this cursed silence was, I had done it to myself.