Page 5 of Her Rogue for Christmas (Wicked Widows’ League #28)

Four

E lena still could not fathom why she had thought arranging a game of cards—or rather, a lesson on how to play cards for Lady Gabriella—would be such a brilliant idea. Clearly, she had lost her wits. Not that she didn’t enjoy cards; on the contrary, she loved them—immensely. But not when the Earl of Northfield would be among the players. He would be a distraction she simply could not afford. Unfortunately, there was no conceivable way to exclude him from the game. She would have to find a way to manage his presence or somehow pretend he wasn’t there. An impossible task if she ever heard one…

Would that even be possible? She doubted it. She was too attuned to him for such a feat. Elena could never act as if he did not exist. Perhaps it would be wiser to engage with him as little as possible. Her task now was to avoid acknowledging how much he still affected her. Somehow, she would summon the strength to endure the evening spent in his company over a game of cards. Elena believed in her skills at pretense. She’d honed them enough over the years of her marriage. It was a tool she had needed to survive, and if she was anything it was a survivor.

Drawing a deep breath, she straightened her shoulders. There was no avoiding the inevitable. It had been her idea, after all, and she would have to see it through—lest she appear the fool she already felt like. Elena strolled into the game room, sighing upon finding herself the first to arrive. How was that possible? She had delayed as long as was decent before heading to the game room, and now she was forced to wait for the others to join her. She supposed she could make certain everything was in order so they could begin the game as soon as the party gathered. It was to her advantage to do so, and she was mercenary enough to use whatever arsenal was at her disposal.

They could choose from various games, but she favored Faro. It was one of the simplest games of chance to learn, and she suspected Lady Gabriella might find it enjoyable. The odds were nearly even, and they wouldn’t need partners; one of them could act as the dealer. Elena fully intended to take that role, maintaining control over the game and limiting her interaction with the others. She would have to pay attention to each person equally and not favor any of them. That would be enough for her to keep the earl at a distance. A necessary part of the upcoming interaction she’d lay heavily on throughout the game.

As she set the table with the necessary items, the remaining three entered almost simultaneously, with Lord Northfield trailing last. Lady Gabriella and Eli walked in together, as if they had come side-by-side. Eli seemed in high spirits around Lady Gabriella. Surely this meant her dear friend had found someone he could grow fond of—if he allowed himself the sentiment. She certainly hoped he would; that wager of theirs had compelled her to arrange this foolhardy gathering. Once Eli fell in love she could depart the house party and never look back.

“I am so glad you three could join me,” she greeted with a pleasant smile, then turned to Lady Gabriella. “Come,” she gestured to the table, “sit here, and I shall give you a quick lesson and explain the rules.”

Lady Gabriella moved over and took a seat. Meanwhile, Lord Northfield and Eli lingered behind, apparently deep in conversation. The sight made Elena slightly uneasy, but she held her tongue. Let them talk; if Eli was scheming—highly likely—she would deal with it later. Her priority now was Lady Gabriella. “The first thing to know,” Elena began, “is that you are playing for yourself, and the cards will be dealt from this box.” She tapped it lightly, then proceeded to explain the rules of Faro. Lady Gabriella was an excellent pupil absorbing all the details with ease. Now she had to encourage the other two to join them so they could play. She had avoided the inevitable as long as she could. Now it was time to face them all and play Faro.

“We’re ready,” she called out. “If the two of you have finished your discussion, I would like to start the game.”

Eli nodded. “We’ll be right there.”

She threw him a look of reproach, to which he only laughed. Insolent rakehell… She sighed, taking her seat at the table. Studying Lady Gabriella, Elena pondered whether she ought to probe further about Eli. Would it seem too forward to encourage Lady Gabriella to spend time with him again? She was on the verge of saying something when Eli and Lord Northfield finally joined them, with Eli seating himself beside Lady Gabriella and Lord Northfield taking the chair to his left.

“Now that you both have been so kind as to join us,” Elena said with a touch of censure in her tone, “I shall begin dealing the game.” She fixed Eli with a meaningful look. “I expect you to assist Lady Gabriella through the first few rounds to help her learn the game.”

“We aren’t playing for real stakes, I assume?” Eli asked.

“Not at present,” Elena clarified. “Though perhaps at a future game, once Lady Gabriella is more confident in her skills.” Something Elena would likely be present to witness.

“Excellent,” Eli said, running a hand through his dark hair before flashing his roguish smile—the very one that tended to set many hearts aflutter. Fortunately for her, Elena was not one of those women who fell at his feet. “Then let us begin.”

The Earl of Northfield remained silent, neither contributing nor questioning. He merely sat there, observing, as though gauging her reaction. It saddened Elena to realize how far they’d drifted apart because of her forced marriage. Theo… her Theo. She nearly sighed. She must return to thinking of him as Lord Northfield. It was the only way she could keep her heart at a safe distance. The very sight of him still brought a pang to her chest.

Elena turned to the card box and commenced the game. So long as they were playing, she could pretend this was not an agony. She moved through the motions with practiced ease, as if she felt nothing at all. But that, she knew, was the greatest lie of all—the truth was she felt far, far too much…

Theo did not want to play cards. But he had gone to the game room to do just that. Even his earlier conversation with Lord Savorton had been more pretense than anything he genuinely wished to discuss. His sole reason for attending the house party was Elena, and she was doing everything in her power to ignore his presence. He didn’t blame her, even if it gnawed at his patience.

He played Faro and helped Lady Gabriella grasp the game’s mechanics, yet remembered very little of it. Not because the game lacked entertainment or Lady Gabriella lacked charm and wit, but because nothing shone as brightly for him as Elena. All else faded into insignificance. How could it not? She had been his everything for too long.

When the game ended and Lady Gabriella departed with Lord Savorton, Theo remained behind. Elena still did not acknowledge him, focusing instead on tidying the cards and returning them to the box. He watched her, noting how she kept her distance and her demeanor chilly. It stung more than he cared to admit. He wanted her to see him again, to look at him with the warmth she once had. But she didn’t, and the ache in his chest was like a wound reopening.

“Elena,” he said softly.

She froze, her hand resting on the card box. Her back was to him, so he couldn’t see her face—only the gentle curves of her form and the rich auburn of her hair. He wanted to loosen her elegant chignon and watch her locks spill down her back, as he’d imagined countless times. The ache in him only grew sharper, a longing that refused to fade.

“Are you going to ignore me for all of Christmastide?” Theo asked, his tone quiet but firm.

Slowly, she turned to face him. Her eyes held a look that chilled him—a mixture of pity and resignation. Another blow to his heart. Did she truly feel nothing for him now? Was she lost to him forever? He couldn’t accept that. Not yet. If, by the end of Christmastide, she still wanted nothing to do with him, he would walk away. But he had to try.

“I haven’t ignored you,” Elena replied, her tone stern. “We played Faro, did we not? Or have you already forgotten?”

“You know precisely what I mean,” he said, his voice hardening. Theo couldn’t let her evade him. Not now.

“Do I?” She raised a brow. “And how would you know one way or the other?”

“Because I know you.” He held her gaze steadily. She was putting on a mask of indifference, but there were cracks in her armor. He saw it in her slight flinch when he spoke her name. “It’s time you stopped pushing me away.”

“I didn’t realize I had,” she replied, turning away to adjust the cards for what felt like the hundredth time. “What is it you think you know, Lord Northfield?”

“I didn’t realize you’d stopped using my given name,” he said softly. “Am I no longer someone you know, Elena?”

She stiffened again. “I ceased being that girl you knew when I married Lord Dryden.” She turned back to him, her gaze steely. “That girl had to grow up, faster than she’d have liked. Life isn’t a fairy tale—not the sort with a happy ending. The ones that have the harsher endings and diabolical evil—that’s what I’ve had in my life. That’s the life I’ve had.”

He shook his head. “I wish?—”

“Wishing never helped anyone.” Her voice was so cold it was like ice on his skin. He suppressed a shiver. “Don’t offer me platitudes. I survived. That is enough.”

“Is it?” he asked, raising a brow. “Because there is more to life than merely surviving.”

She stepped closer to the table, and Theo rose to his feet. She was achingly beautiful, and he wanted nothing more than to wrap her in his arms, to soothe away the hurt he saw lingering in her eyes. But he knew some wounds were too deep to be so easily healed.

“I would not be here if I had not learned to survive,” she said evenly. “I’m grateful for the strength I found. I am sorry you do not seem to appreciate the woman I am today. But I cannot change. Not even for you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Theo said, his voice gentle. He didn’t want to change her; he only wanted to care for her, to love her. “I never asked?—”

“You did not need to.” She met his gaze without wavering. “I can see what you want from me. But I can’t be that person for you. I can’t be anything for anyone.”

Theo swallowed hard. He had not anticipated how difficult this would be. He had thought he could simply tell her he loved her, and all would be well. That they would reclaim the love they had promised each other long ago. Now he saw how naive that hope had been.

“You deserve more than the life you have had,” he said, his tone soft. “I may not be what you want anymore, but you are still the woman I gave my heart to. Even if you no longer believe that.”

With those words, he turned and left the room. Theo needed time alone to gather his thoughts. This was his last chance to win her heart, and he couldn’t fail. He simply couldn’t.