Page 18

The Plum Bear

A bear.

A bear was standing right there on all fours, staring straight at me.

And sure, I’d learned a lot this already very, very long morning, including my own status as a female bear shifter.

But half of me was still human, and human instinct is human instinct.

Especially when it came to creatures that were much larger than you with razor-sharp teeth.

I opened my mouth to scream, but before I could let it out, a huge paw spread in front of my entire face, its rubbery palm blocking out everything beyond it.

He didn’t cover my mouth, but my rising scream ebbed back.

Partly out of surprise that he had held up the bear equivalent of a stop sign in front of my face, and partly out of surprise that it wasn’t ripping that same face off.

We stood there like that for several moments, until the stop-sign paw was withdrawn to reveal the bear, now regarding me with a wry, censuring look.

One that I translated as, “Seriously, don’t do that.”

So, I didn’t do that.

Curiosity replaced fear as I took in the large beast standing before me.

And that was when I noticed it had eyes the same color as a gray lake and a streak of white running through its fur that started a few inches above its left eye and disappeared over one fuzzy white ear.

It stood in sharp contrast to his dark-brown fur, but unlike Tadhg and Cian, he wasn’t wearing a medallion on a long chain.

“You must be Brigid’s husband!” I realized with a sigh of relief.

“So this is what a plum smells like!”

I indulged myself in a huge sniff.

“She’s right. Your scent is delightful. Sweet and sour, sharp and rich, all at once. I’ve never smelled anything like it before. Want a muffin?”

I held out one of the muffins Tadhg had encouraged me to take with me.

I’d stuffed them into both dress pockets as an emergency snack before setting out to find an emergency mental-health whittling stick.

The bear squinted. Then reared back and bared his teeth.

Making me cringe. Stupid!

Stupid! Stupid! Who offers a bear a muffin?

I nearly jerked my hand away.

But then he deftly plucked the treat from my outstretched palm without so much as touching me with that razor-sharp maw.

The muffin disappeared into his mouth with one quick tip back of his furry head, and his lips curved up in a smile.

For me or the muffin, I didn’t know.

Either way, it pleased me that my gift had pleased him.

“I’m glad you liked it.” I put the stick in my now empty muffin pocket.

“I wish you could tell me if your brother likes muffins, too. That’s what I did back in St. Ailbe, when I was trying to get this one male to like me. I baked.”

My shoulders sagged.

“It didn’t work. And your brother doesn’t sound like the kind of guy who can be swayed by baked goods, anyway.”

The bear tilted his head to the side, in a way I translated as, “Don’t be so sure about that.”

“So, you think I should make him some kind of bread or muffin?” I asked hopefully.

“Wait, what am I saying? He has his own chef. Obviously, my home-baked goods won’t compare.”

A sullen frustration made me shake my head.

“Ugh! I hate being back in this position again. It’s Faoiltiarn all over again. Me trying desperately to get somebody to like me who obviously doesn’t want to like me. But even worse, because your brother-in-law told me that he and the Shadow King are fully on board to mate with me. I guess it’s the High King holding things up, and he’s got all the power in this situation. I’ve got to be trained to please him, and I think I’m supposed to perform for him or something?”

I fretted my bottom lip as old, familiar feelings of not being good enough—good enough not even being within the realm of my possibility—washed over me.

“You know, I don’t have a ton of pride. Especially when it comes to males,” I admitted to Brigid’s husband.

“But this feels crazy, like it’s crossing some kind of line. Now that I know I’m a bear, I don’t want to keep on chasing after males who don’t want me. I should tell Tadhg no. Ask him to drop me off…”

I mentally searched, and more frustration welled up inside my stomach when I realized out loud, “Goodness, I don’t even know where I’d go. Scotland’s all wolves who don’t want me. And my village in Canada no longer feels like home. I guess because it never truly was.…”

My chest clenched as all my St. Ailbe memories rewrote themselves with a “you’re actually a bear” filter.

“I don’t know if Brigid told you this yet, but my mom didn’t even tell me I was one of you. I just found out this morning. How messed up is that?”

Brigid’s mate tipped his head to the side in a way that said, “Pretty messed up.”

And I found myself rubbing a thumb over the thick branch sticking out of my right dress pocket.

“But I probably should go back to Canada. Get answers. Maybe find other bears. Or just one—one bear who’d actually want me without any caveats. You know, for once in my life, have some pride instead of settling for somebody’s table scraps. Want another muffin?”

The bear hesitated.

“Don’t worry, there’s a lot more for me back at the house.”

A warm feeling filled my chest as I told Brigid’s husband, “Tadhg had a ton of food put out for me. It was nice. So nice.”

In a way that made the question of whether I’d take him up on his conditional offer not as clear-cut as I’d like it to be.

The bear wasn’t nearly as conflicted about my offer, though.

He plucked the second muffin out of my palm and tipped his head back to toss it into his razor-sharp maw with a great CLWOMP!

of his jaw.

How fascinating.

It made me wonder what else there was to find in this Secret Kingdom, who else there was to meet.

But…

“I should go back to Canada,” I told the bear.

“Tadhg’s reasonable. He’d understand why I’d need to get some answers and why I’d rather try my luck there without risking getting my ego re-broken. But what if my mother joined a wolf community for a reason? Maybe there aren’t really any bears in Canada. Maybe that’s why she was all alone?”

My eyes fell on the stone steps leading up to the Mountain Fortress.

“What if Tadhg and the Shadow King are my best chance—my only chance—of making my dreams come true? I mean, I don’t hate them. In fact, if not for this High King snag, I’d be pinching myself. And this training stuff…”

My cheeks heated, but I had to admit, “It doesn’t sound terrible. Sometimes—usually during the spring—I can’t help touching myself in ways forbidden by our Ordnung. That’s the set of rules that govern the Wolfennite community I’m from. But I’m not a wolf, I’m a bear, and Tadhg made me wonder what it’d be like to have someone else touch me.”

I searched the ground and found a few other candidates for whittling sticks.

“Maybe it would be nice with them,” I told Brigid’s husband as I continued to forage.

“Not like the bad sex I had with Reuben. He’s the guy back in St. Ailbe I used to bake for, but it turned out he was just using me.”

I sighed.

Strange how that felt like such a distant memory already, even though it only happened a few months ago.

“At least Tadhg has pure intentions. Even if they’re governed by your brother, the High King, who may never come around.”

The bear didn’t respond to my dig about his brother.

Just continued to regard me with a neutral expression.

And a few muffin crumbs stuck in the fur around his mouth.

Honestly, the crumbs and non-judgment in his gray eyes made him easier to talk to.

I folded my arms over my chest, hugging myself as I parsed my dilemma out loud.

“It’s such a long shot, but so was coming to Scotland. Anywhere but here —that’s what I kept telling myself when I left St. Ailbe. And technically, this secret kingdom is anywhere but here, even if it wasn’t my intended anywhere but here.”

I threw the bear a rueful smile over my shoulder as I bent down to pick up another stick.

“I wonder if you felt like this when you defied your brother in order to marry Brigid. It was a risk, but it all worked out. She’s so happy. I can’t even imagine being that happy.”

I began sorting through all the sticks I’d picked up while rambling on, tossing away the ones that were thinner than I wanted or spongy from rot.

“But what if I could? What if I let Tadhg and Cian train me, and the High King actually ended up saying yes to accepting me as their wife? After everything I’ve been through, don’t I owe it to myself to at least try before I’m handed over to this mysterious High King for judgment?”

I waited for a response.

But, of course, it never came.

Who knew if the bear even understood me while shifted?

I mean, I’d never remembered anything from any of my full-moon nights—not even my true form.

I thought of Naomi’s weirdly cynical and almost scientific view of the world.

Maybe I was giving this bear more humanity credit than it was due.

Like when I kicked the fox out of the hen house with a stern warning, instead of snapping its neck like any other Wolfennite would have done.

But I wasn’t a wolf.

I no longer had to play by St. Ailbe’s rules.

“Oh, my heavens,” I said to the bear who may or may not have understood a word I said.

“I think I know what I have to do.”

The bear tilted his head in a way that could have been interpreted as curiosity.

I laughed at him. And myself.

“Sorry for unloading on you. But Brigid was right. Even in bear form, you’re a really good listen?—”

“Sadie? Sadie? Where are you?!”

Tadhg’s voice in the distance cut me off.

“I guess that’s my cue to go.” I looked over my shoulder, where I could hear but not see Tadhg calling for me.

“Thanks for listening.”

The bear just blinked at me.

But that was okay.

“Believe it or not, you helped me make my decision,” I let him know.

“Now all I have to do is tell Tadhg.”

I gave him a little wave before hustling back through the hedge woods toward the palace’s front lawn.

Tadhg wasn’t going to like what I had to say, but I was done with being walked all over.

I’d made up my mind, and I was prepared to stand firm in my decision—even if it meant losing my first and maybe only opportunity to become a wife and mother.