Page 39 of Her Highlander’s Darkest Temptation (Highlanders of Cadney #14)
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
L ydia was helping Maisie with her chores, learning from the petite maid, when the door opened fast and hard and Donall strode over to her. His expression was grim, lines carved into his face. “I need a word with ye.”
Lydia blinked at the brusque tone of his voice, with no warmth at all. “As you wish, my laird.”
Donall led her out of the room and down to another room, one long disused from the look of it.
He gestured for her to enter ahead of him, then followed her inside and locked the door.
Lydia felt her heart begin to beat faster.
In other circumstances, the locked door might have felt like an opportunity.
Now, however, it felt like a trap, closing around her.
Donall paced to a stop in front of her, looking more agitated than she had ever seen him.
“I spoke tae the prisoner we brought back, from the fight where I was injured. When I got this.” He tapped his chest. “I asked him what Laird Cameron wanted, why he was sendin’ men ontae our lands.
An’ he told me that they were lookin’ fer a lass. ”
If she’d been kicked by a horse in the gut, it would have hurt less. Lydia felt the breath leave her lungs in a rush, her head pounding at the sudden and complete realization.
He knows. He knows the truth.
She could try to deny it, but she knew that would only destroy any chance she had of repairing the chasm she saw opening between them.
Her mouth was dry, and she had to swallow several times before she could force her voice to work.
“He spoke the truth. My name is Lydia Wycliffe, of the Wycliffe province in England. My uncle is Lord Cedric Wycliffe. And at the end of last season, he signed a contract with Laird Rory Cameron of Clan Cameron, declaring an alliance through marriage. I was expected to wed Laird Rory Cameron, with the agreement that any sons I bear would inherit lands on both sides of the border between our peoples.”
Silence fell between them, like stones falling into a well.
Lydia stared at Donall, her head up and her shoulders straight while she waited for him to say something.
She wasn’t sure what she wanted him to say, only that the silence was oppressive and her stomach was clenching in a way that made her fear that she was about to regurgitate her last meal.
Then Donall swore, long and hard, in a thick Highland tongue that sounded nothing like the English language she knew. “Ye… I asked ye… I asked ye more than once.”
“I know.” Lydia swallowed again. “I know. But I was trying to flee… and…”
“An’ I would have helped ye. I would have given ye sanctuary, if ye’d asked it o’ me. I wouldnae sentence anyone tae be bound tae Rory Cameron, nae if ye asked me tae protect ye. But now… now…”
His hand scrubbed through his wild blond hair, and Lydia’s chest ached at the hurt and betrayal in his eyes.
“I would have protected ye. Given ye safe haven.” His voice was quiet, but the emotions in his eyes were evident in his words. “I would have fought fer ye, if ye’d asked.” Hearing the words repeated made them no easier to listen to.
“Donall, I…”
“Ye lied tae me. Ye’re nae a maid… ye’re a lady. An’ I didnae ken… last night… I didnae ken…” Donall swore again. “A lady’s virtue is an important thing, Lydia, an’ we both ken it. I wouldnae have been so brazen, nae if I’d kent.”
Hurt flared in Lydia’s heart. “I knew what I was doing, Donall.”
“But I didnae, an’ that’s what troubles me. I didnae ken, an’…” Donall trailed off with a wordless snarl.
Words filled Lydia’s mouth, choked in her throat, but died before they crossed her lips.
Donall’s anger stung, but the hurt was so much worse because she knew he was right.
She’d made a decision based on fear in the heat of the moment.
And then, despite repeated chances to tell the truth, she had refused to do so.
Even when Maisie had forced her to tell the truth after discovering the dress, she hadn’t told Donall. Not even when he’d confessed his feelings to her, and carried her to his bed. She’d kept the truth to herself.
Even though he’d given her no reason to distrust him, and given her every kindness, still she’d kept her silence. And now it was too late for honesty to matter. The damage was done.
He is right to be angry with me. I knowingly deceived him, even when I knew we were going to be intimate. I was foolish, and clung to my fear and my determination to flee and to hide. Now all I can do is wait for him to decide what he shall do - continue to protect me. or send me away.
Lydia watched Donall pace the room, and watched as his expression twisted through a myriad of emotions. Finally he stopped, looking at her. “Dae ye ken what ye’ve done?”
Lydia bit her lip. “I know I lied to you…”
“Tha’s nae what I meant. ‘Tis more than that, Lydia. Me clan is nae a powerful one, nor a rich one after I was been imprisoned for so long. I dinnae have a great number o’ allies, an’ ye…
. ye already ken that I’m nae in the best graces o’ the king.
This… Rory Cameron thinks I kent who ye were an’ kept ye from him fer me own purposes.
This is likely tae bring a feud tae me clan, if nae an outright war. ”
“I…” She got no further before Donall spoke over her, his voice rising with his agitation.
“A war! An’ what am I tae tell me Council when they ask me why Laird Cameron declared war on us?
What am I tae tell any allies I might reach out tae, like me kin-by-marriage?
Dae I lie tae them, an’ tell them I dinnae ken why we’re being attacked?
Or dae I tell them the truth, an’ leave them all askin’ me why I’d shelter a lass who lied tae us, used us, and brought trouble down upon our heads? ”
There was no good answer to that, not that Lydia could see.
She had no desire to be sent to Rory Cameron, and she was happy to be Lydia the serving maid and healer’s apprentice for the rest of her days - but that was a selfish desire, and one she could not give voice to.
Nor could she ask Donall to lie to his clan members to hide her, any more than she could have asked Maisie to keep the truth from her laird if the maid had decided the secret was too important to be kept.
Finally, Donall shook his head. “I have tae think about this. There’s…
” He shook his head again, his eyes filled with a twisting morass of pain and anger that made Lydia want to flee and reach forward to embrace him at the same time.
“This… yer identity, what ye’ve gotten me clan involved in, our relationship an’ the fact that ye lied tae me, even when we were taegether… ‘tis too much. I need time tae think.”
The words hurt, and Lydia bit her lip to stop her first response which might have been something similar to ‘Do you not love me? You said you did.’
Donall had every reason and every right to be angry, and to require some time to think. Instead of responding with hurt, it was up to her to give him the time and space he needed, especially since she was the one in the wrong.
Lydia bowed her head in understanding. “I… I understand. What do you wish for me to do?”
“Continue working with Evelyn, Corvin, an’ Maisie. But dinnae expect me tae call fer ye. An’ dinnae seek me out. I dinnae wish tae see or talk tae ye right now.” Donall’s words cut like a knife, and all the deeper because she knew they were entirely deserved.
“As you will.” Lydia dipped a curtsey.
“Go.” Donall waved her away, turning to the window and gazing through it as if the garden held all the answers he needed.
She wanted to ask for some kind of reassurance. To offer some apology. It was clear, however, that neither would be well received, even if she could find the words to make the attempt.