Page 13 of Her Highlander’s Dark Desire (Highlanders of Cadney #13)

CHAPTER TWELVE

“ Y e cannae go on like this.” Bard’s voice was sympathetic as the two of them stood side-by-side, waiting for Daemon and Lyla to finish their farewells. Darren scowled at his advisor, but it was half-hearted. Most of his attention was on the slender figure standing on the other side of the open gates.

Alayne. Ever since he’d rescued her from the tree a week ago, she’d been avoiding him as if she thought him a leper. She’d taken to blocking the bedroom door when she retired for the night, and refused to emerge until after he left. It was something, he supposed, that she at least had the kindness to leave him clean clothing, a pillow, and plenty of blankets, but it wasn’t enough.

Ten days of sleeping on the stone floors, or sometimes on a settle or a nap in his study when it got too unbearable, had left him with a constant ache that not even the hottest bath could soothe. He’d tried bathing in water so hot it threatened to scald him, to no avail.

He’d finally, two nights ago, resorted to seeking out the healer for a poultice or a potion to relieve the pain enough for him to sleep. She’d looked at him in askance when he’d also asked for a liniment, claiming a strained shoulder from sparring practice with Daemon.

Which, of course, had given him the added frustration of being unable to spar, lest the healer give him a scolding and force further restrictions on him.

He understood that Alayne might be embarrassed about being so vulnerable and frightened in front of him, but it was getting ridiculous. He was on the verge of giving her a different set of quarters, or claiming another set for himself, just for the sake of getting a decent night’s sleep.

He’d hoped he’d have a chance to talk to her while they were waiting to bid Daemon and Lyla farewell, but she seemed determined to speak to anyone except him. Any time he approached her, she would step away and withdraw.

It was driving him mad. He was glad for the cessation of hateful words and angry glares, but there were already whispers around the keep. He didn’t need any more trouble, and he certainly didn’t need any rumors of a breach between them to reach the king’s ears.

The rough thump of a hand on his shoulder jarred Darren from his thoughts with a wince. He turned to see Bard and Adrian both staring at him in concern. “Aye?”

“Ye cannae go on like this.” Bard huffed. “Even if yer muscles and bones can take the strain - and I ken full well they cannae, with how ye’ve been moving - ye’ve circles under yer eyes that make ye look as if ye’ve been punched in the face, and half the time ye seem tae be away with the Fair Folk or asleep on yer feet.”

Darren scowled. He knew Bard was right. He also knew that the man knew full well what the problem was, and why he’d been unable to remedy it. “And what dae ye suggest? Breakin’ down the door and cornering her, or throwing her out o’ me rooms altogether? I cannae think either will go well, and she’s been avoiding me like I’ve the plague.”

“So find a way tae make it so she cannae avoid ye, and talk with the lass. ‘Tis nae so hard.” Adrian shook his head. “Especially with ye sharing the laird’s chambers.”

“I dinnae want tae make her feel uncomfortable. Ye ken she has good reason tae resent me. ‘Tis getting better, but I dinnae want tae push her tae far or too fast.” Darren glanced over to where Alayne was giving Lyla a tight embrace, which was being earnestly returned.

“Mayhap ye can take her somewhere. Dae some proper courting.” Bard spoke up. “Ye’re enemies who were forced intae a marriage with little tae nay warning - wouldnae hurt fer ye tae take some time alone tae get tae ken more about one another.”

Adrian nodded. “Aye. There’s a fine place I ken a lot o’ trysting folk go - a waterfall from the cliffs a candle-mark or so ride from here.”

Darren considered the suggestion. He knew the place Adrian spoke of, he’d gone there more than once with a casual lover.

His first thought was that anything to do with a cliff was a bad idea, given what he now knew about her fear of heights. His second thought was that they could enjoy the view from the foot of the waterfall just as well as from the top. His third was that he’d been considering helping her recover from her fear of heights - perhaps this was a good method? It was too cold to brave the water, but maybe the scenery would help take away her fear.

He grunted. “I’ll consider it. Might be a good idea tae dae just that.”

Bard smiled. “Ye can go taeday, or taemorrow. Winter duties are light enough, and we’ve Ryan tae help Adrian in working with the guards, so ye can afford tae take a proper day fer yerself and the lady.”

Adrian gave an enthusiastic gesture of agreement. “Aye. Take a luncheon basket or the like, and make a day o’ it. Ye could certainly use the rest and the time taegether.”

There was plenty of work to be done, but Darren was sorely tempted to take their advice. He needed to talk to Alayne about a number of things, including the sleeping situation. Perhaps forcing an outing wasn’t the best way to go, but if she wouldn’t talk to him otherwise, then what else could he do?

As if to underscore the thought, his eyes met hers, across the expanse of the gate. Alayne quickly turned away and bustled off toward the keep proper, her farewells apparently completed while he and the others had been talking. Darren felt his jaw clench.

“Bard.”

“Aye.”

“As soon as Daemon and his wife are on their way, please tell the kitchens tae pack me provisions fer a noon meal fer two, away from the castle. Include some o’ that sweet wine Alayne seems tae favor. And ask the stable hands tae saddle one o’ me horses with the wider saddle fer riding double.”

He was through with letting his wife have things her own way. They were going to talk, even if he had to act like a barbarian and carry her out of the keep draped over his saddle like a war prize.

Alayne was contemplating starting a new needlework project when a sudden, sharp knock on the door of the bedroom made her jump. She looked up, just as the door swung open to reveal the one person she’d hoped to avoid. Her husband.

Darren looked… well, it was clear he’d not slept well in some time. Beyond that, his face held an odd mix of determination and consideration that immediately made her feel wary. “What dae ye want?”

“Tae speak tae ye. We havenae had a chance, these past days, and I thought we might take a chance tae remedy that.” His voice was quiet, calm, and neutral, and the difference between it and the stubborn cast to his features made her warier still. So did the fact that she had no desire to talk to him.

She’d been avoiding him since he’d rescued her from the tree, but despite several days of thought, she was no closer to understanding the confusing emotions he inspired in her than she had been during the ride back. She knew she should speak with him. She knew her determined avoidance was endangering the fragile truce they’d established before the courier arrived.

The problem was that seeing him made her stomach flutter as it had when he’d touched her. She couldn’t help remembering how she’d kissed him, and the thoughts and sensations it had invoked. It embarrassed her, and it was the last thing she wanted to even consider discussing with her husband.

He was still waiting for her answer. She swallowed hard, and forced herself to be courteous, though what she wanted was to shut the door in his face until he left her alone. “What sort o’ talking were ye thinking o’? Is this tae be a quick conversation or nae, because I dae have things tae be doing…” She trailed off as Darren raised an eyebrow.

“Ye dinnae have much tae dae, I ken that well enough. Winter’s a time fer few duties, and spring is nae expected tae start in earnest for weeks yet. Even I’ve nae much tae be concerned with.”

She scowled at him. “Doesnae mean I’ve naething tae work on. There’s always sewing tae be done, or books tae read.”

“Aye. But there’s other occupations as well, such as spending time with those around ye.” Darren sighed. “I ken ye have yer reasons fer staying apart, and I have respected them as much as I can, but ‘twould help if we could get tae ken each other a little better. That’s why I was thinkin’ tae take a day off, and tae ask ye tae come with me.”

Alayne blinked. “Come with ye?”

“Aye. It occurred tae me…” He paused and made a wry expression. “That is, I was reminded that circumstances meant we didnae get much chance tae get tae ken each other afore we were wed. And neither o’ us were o’ the mind tae dae so, in any case. But I’d like tae change that, and get tae ken ye better.”

Alayne stared, too startled to do anything else. Of all the suggestions she’d expected him to make, the suggestion that they take time to get to know one another wasn’t among them. That was usually something courting couples did, in her admittedly limited experience. They were already wed.

Darren simply stood there, waiting for her reply. Curiosity drove her to seek more information. “Ye said ye wanted me tae come with ye? Where? And tae dae what?”

“Out riding. Ye seemed tae have a fondness fer it. It occurred tae me that I was angered because ye went riding alone when ye werenae familiar with the area. That being said, rather than wishing tae restrict ye, I should take the time tae show ye around, and make sure ye ken where it is safe tae ride and where it isnae.” He shifted his weight. “I thought tae show ye some o’ me favorite places tae go, and perhaps we could spend some time, even enjoy a meal outside the keep walls.”

“’Tis winter.” She mustered the most logical protest she could think of, though in truth, she knew it was a weak one, given that the conditions had been both colder and more treacherous when she’d ridden out a week before. The idea of riding with him, however, made her feel uncomfortable. It was too much like the situation which had led to her inner turmoil in the first place.

“Aye, but the sun is shining, and the weather bids tae stay fair, fer all I can tell. ‘Twillnae be tae cold, nae so long as we both wear cloaks and gloves and sturdy boots.”

He was right, but she still didn’t trust herself to be alone with him. Who knew what other lapses in judgment it might lead to? She shook her head. “The invitation is kind, but I dinnae wish tae go riding.”

He caught the door before she could shut it. “Ye dinnae wish tae go riding, or ye dinnae wish tae spend time with me?” His voice had developed a harder edge.

She should say she didn’t want to go riding, but the truth was that she enjoyed the activity. Alayne knew she’d hesitated a second too long when his expression darkened with what looked like frustration, anger, and some other emotion that vanished before she could properly identify it. “Ye cannae avoid me forever.”

“Doesnae mean I cannae refuse ye now.”

“If nae now, then when? When would ye be willing tae spend time and talk with me? When will ye at least give me a chance tae prove I’m nae a monster, and that I’m willing tae be a fair husband?”

She had no idea, and even if she had, she wouldn’t want to voice it. She was already confused enough by their previous interactions. “When I feel like it.”

In truth, she didn’t want to do anything until she’d received word that her brother was home once more. Home, with his health on the mend after the depredations he’d suffered in the king’s dungeon. She couldn’t let herself think about anything else until she knew he was all right.

Daemon and Lyla’s departure had reminded her that a week had passed since the courier’s departure. Surely that was enough time for Donall to be released and make his way home? She’d had no letters from him, and heard no news of his return, but the village that bordered the firth and served as the MacLean ferry was hardly the only port on the island.

She’d intended to write to him, later in the day, and after she’d have figured out a way to get the letter delivered that wouldn’t alert Darren to the fact that her brother was likely a free man once more.

Darren’s expression, however, suggested that she might not have the chance. Her answer had clearly displeased him. Though he was making an effort to remain civil, she could see the spark of frustration and anger in his eyes when he answered her. “When ye feel like it isnae enough o’ an answer. If ye’re truly indisposed taeday, then give me another day that ye will go with me. Nae a vague ‘mayhap’ or ‘later’ but a day. Taemorrow. The day after. My patience has an end, Alayne, and ‘tis just another vague answer away.”

Alayne felt her own level of irritation rise. She understood why he might be impatient, but they’d scarcely been married a fortnight. Why was he pressing the matter so urgently?

She hadn’t meant to speak sharply, but in her worry about her brother’s situation and her own recent confusion, the words came out harsher than she intended. “I meant what I said. I’ll come tae ye when I’m ready, and that’s as direct or as specific as I’m willing tae be. Ye owe me that much.”

“I owe ye the courtesy due a wife, ‘tis true. But dancing tae yer every whim and waiting on yer every pleasure isnae part o’ the deal.” His jaw clenched. “I’ll ask ye once more, will ye come with me willingly ? Agree tae spend the time with me taeday, kenning that I’ll let ye have yer space and yer own way taemorrow?”

It would have been wise to simply concede and get it over with, Alayne knew that. But she’d spent a lifetime of being ordered about by her father, forced into positions she didn’t want to be in. The marriage was just one more in a long line of situations she was forced to endure that she hadn’t chosen for herself - or, at least, a situation she wouldn’t have chosen had there been any other way to secure her brother’s life and freedom.

Maybe if she’d never had Donall, she would have been content with being a meek little mouse of a lass. But her brother had encouraged her to know her own mind, even in the face of her father’s disapproval and cruelty. And it was that, and her frustration, that made her snap back at her husband. “I said nae now, and I meant it. Go away and leave me in peace.”

She started to shut the door, but he caught it and shouldered it open, eyes hard and determined. “Nae this time.” He took a breath, and his back straightened into a posture and a look she knew well. It was the ‘lairdly’ look - the expression donned by a man who was used to giving orders, and having them obeyed, or enforcing them as required. “Whatever ye’ve planned, it can wait. Fer taeday, ye’ll be coming with me, so I can show ye the MacLean lands and where ‘tis safe tae ride, among other things.”

Her first instinct was to snarl out another refusal, but she knew that tone of voice. It was one she’d grown up fearing and despising. The voice of command.

She’d thought he might be different, but it turned out he was more like her father than his previous behavior had led her to believe. Alayne swallowed back bitter anger, her whole body stiff with hurt and outrage as she replied. “As ye will, me laird .”