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PROLOGUE

They were fighting again. They were always fighting these days. Brax stepped over his baseball bat to get to his desk. He wanted his headphones.

“I’m leaving.”

“The hell you are! Your daughter needs you!”

Brax stopped mid-stride.

“Lou, you don’t understand. I can’t handle it. It’s too much.”

“You can’t handle it? You can’t handle it? CiCi is lying in a hospital bed, and you say you can’t handle it? I can’t effing believe you.”

Brax had never heard his dad sound so angry. Had his mom really said she was leaving? That couldn’t be right. Not with CiCi so sick.

“This is the third time she’s been in the hospital. Every time they say she’s going to get better, and then she relapses. I keep having to put my life on hold. I can’t be expected to live like this.”

“Our daughter’s only seven years old. Please, Candy, you can’t do this. She needs you. She needs her mother.”

Now his dad didn’t sound angry. He sounded like he was begging. Like when Kenny Renfrew begged the coach for a third chance and started crying.

“No, Lou, I’m already packed.”

“But tomorrow she starts another round of treatments,” his dad said. Was he going to cry?

“I’m just taking the car, my clothes and what’s in the checking account. I’m not touching our savings. You’ll be fine.”

“How can you say that? How? How am I expected to tell CiCi that her mother left?”

“You’ll think of something. I don’t know. Tell her my mother had an accident, and I needed to be with her.”

“You hate your mother. We haven’t seen her in four years. What the hell am I going to tell Brax?” Now he was starting to sound mad again.

Brax strained to hear them, but they weren’t talking. Finally his mother said something. “I’ll go talk to him. You might not understand what I’m doing, but my son will. He knows what I’m going through. He’s seen my pain. He’s seen my sacrifice.”

“Bullshit, Candy. Brax will be madder than me.”

“You’ve never understood the special bond between a mother and her son. Braxton will understand.”

Brax heard his parents’ door open. He could hear his mother’s heels clicking on the hardwood floor. They stopped outside his door. His mother knocked softly.

“Braxton, honey, Mom needs to talk to you. Can I come in?”

He went over to the door and opened it. His mom was dressed nice, in a skirt and sweater with necklaces. Her hair was all poofed and curled, too. Like the old times when she would go out with her friends from work. Or when she went out with Sally or Kathy. If he hadn’t heard the fight he would have thought it was just another night out, like normal.

His mom came into his room and sat on the side of his bed. He was supposed to sit beside her, for one of their talks, like normal. He didn’t. He sat in his desk chair and turned it around so he could watch her.

“I guess you’re too old for mother-and-son talks on the side of the bed, like we used to have, huh?” She gave him her sad face. He knew he was supposed to go sit next to her now, but he didn’t. Dad was right. He was mad.

“What do you want to talk about?” Maybe he could talk her out of leaving. Dad was right about another thing too; CiCi needed her.

His mom leaned forward, her elbows on her knees. “You’ve caught me crying sometimes, haven’t you?”

He nodded.

“The last two years have been really hard with your sister in and out of the hospital,” she whispered.

“Yeah, for all of us,” he said clearly. “But mostly for CiCi.” He saw his mother wince.

“Your sister has had a lot of support and attention. The nurses and doctors have been with her constantly. Then we have been at her bedside all the time. I even quit my job when CiCi was five years old when she relapsed a second time…”

Brax nodded.

“You know,” she prodded.

“Yes, Mom, I know.”

“Come here, and sit next to your mom.” Brax reluctantly got up and sat next to her, and she put her arm around him. “I loved my job. I was going to be someone.”

Brax had heard her say that more times than he could count. She talked all the time about the promotion she was going to get and having to give up her dreams at the magazine because CiCi kept getting sick. But now was different.

“Mom, maybe you can do both. I’m older. I can help.” Brax was desperate. “I’m eleven. Maybe you can go back to your old job, and Dad and me could be the ones to visit CiCi all the time. You can just see her on weekends. How about that?”

Please let her say yes.

She squeezed him tight, and he smelled the perfume she was wearing. It didn’t smell the same as always. All the other times it smelled sweet and nice, this time it smelled almost sour.

“Braxton, you have always been my good little man. You’ve always been on my side, no matter what. That’s why I love you so much.”

“And CiCi, you love CiCi too, right?”

“Of course I love CiCi. But it’s you who I’ve always relied on to understand me. To believe in me. And you have, Braxton. You have.” She brushed back a lock of his brown hair. “I’ve always believed in your dreams, and you’ve always believed in mine.”

Suddenly, he didn’t want to become an astronaut. Not if his dream would take him away from his sister. Not if his dream would make him go away from his family.

“But why do you have to leave?”

His mom winced. “You heard your dad and me talking?”

Brax nodded. “Can’t you just call up your old boss and get your old job back?” he pleaded.

“No, I decided it was time I moved on to a bigger and brighter future. I applied for a job in New York. They liked my ideas and I’ve been hired. I’m going to be a Social Media Intern for three months, and then I will be a full-time Social Media Assistant. This magazine is read by over a million people!”

She squeezed Brax so hard he could hardly breathe. “Brax, that’s my first step to becoming the Senior Fashion Editor. Me , a girl from Iowa! Can you imagine that?” She bounced on the bed.

He shook his head. He didn’t know what she was talking about. All he heard was that she was leaving them. Leaving CiCi. His sister had the biggest brown eyes, and she hardly ever cried. Not even when they used those big needles on her. Dad told him that the cancer hurt her all the time, but CiCi always tried to smile when Brax was in the room. So Brax smiled. He saved his tears for when he was home.

“Mom, you can’t leave. It’s not right.”

His mom pulled her arm away and looked at him. “I thought you would understand.”

“I don’t understand. I don’t understand how you would do something that would make CiCi so sad.”

She stood up.

“She’s strong. She’ll be okay.”

Brax shot up off his bed, his arms stiff by his sides, his fists clenched. “You’re wrong. She’s not strong. She just tries to be to make us feel better. You’re supposed to be the one to help her. You’re supposed to hold her. It’s the right thing to do.”

His mom knelt down in front of him. “One day you’ll understand. The right thing for me to do is follow my own dreams.”

He looked her dead in the eye. “No, Mom, I. Will. Never. Understand.”

He sucked in a deep breath so he wouldn’t cry or yell.

“Not ever.”