Page 17 of Her Big Bad Wolf

“Sonofabitch. What the hell is going on around here?” I turned to look at all the animals lining the fence, awaiting food from me. “Which one of you did this?” I barked.

Of course, none of them replied. They just stared at me blankly. There was no sign of humanity, and I knew I had them well secured. There was simply no way they were getting out and then sneaking back in.

I thought about the pizza box, the missing eggs, and the odd sensation I was being watched. It made me paranoid.

I fed the rest of the animals and gave them the hay still remaining. Another trip down the mountain was in my near future. I really didn’t have time for this shit.

Instead of heading off into the woods, I went back inside and called Archie as I settled into my desk.

“Isaac, what’s up?”

“I need your help.”

“What? Normally I’m the one calling you to say that. What can I do for you?”

“Someone is stealing my eggs and taking my hay. Plus, I think I’m being watched.”

He already knew I tended to be paranoid. I could hear the smile lightening his voice when he responded.

“Are you sure it’s not Gertrude again?”

“For the hay, perhaps, but she would never take the eggs.”

“Don’t goats eat anything?”

“Yes, but she is well secured and so are my chickens.”

Why couldn’t he just understand that?

“What would you like me to do about it?”

“I need full surveillance around my farm.”

“Come again?”

“I didn’t stutter. I want you to send your best guy over and secure this place. I need eyes on them, especially at night, until I figure out who is doing this and how.”

“You mean what?”

“No, I mean who. There was a pizza box in my trash this morning.”

“I mean this with all due respect, and this is coming from an equally paranoid person, but you sound nuts.”

“I sound nuts? This coming from the man who had me set up off-shore bank accounts for his five grandchildren?”

“That’s not ridiculous. I’m just saving for their futures,” he argued.

“Archie, you aren’t mated and don’t even have a kid, let alone grandkids.”

“You said you supported that decision.”

“Because it’s what you wanted. Now support this because it’s what I need.”

He huffed. “You’re a pain in my ass.”

“Ditto.”

“You want the best, the best won’t be available until end of next week.”