Page 43 of Hemlock & Silver

We slowly skirted the edge of the pit. It was farther around than I’d expected.

The ground was solid underfoot, but I nudged a small stone toward the lip.

It rattled against the wall as it fell, skittering downward, but the muffling silence of the mirror-world meant that we couldn’t hear it hit the bottom.

I saw what looked like scratch marks cut into the walls, though it was so hard to tell in that unrelieved gray. Quarry marks, maybe?

“There are holes in the sides,” Javier said, pointing.

I followed his gaze and realized that he was right.

What I’d written off as unevenness in the stone were actually openings.

Caves? Tunnels? It was impossible to tell how far back they went.

I picked up another pebble and tried to toss it into one, but the angle was completely wrong, and while I might be able to get an arrow across the pit, I certainly couldn’t throw a stone that far.

“Perhaps we don’t want to throw rocks into the mysterious hole in the unnatural mirror-world?” said Javier.

“More nerves?”

“They’re a trifle unsteady today.”

“Can’t imagine why.”

We stared into the pit some more. It did not suddenly begin to make sense. I had the feeling that we were both hoping the other one would suggest some course of action other than staring into the hole. Neither of us did.

“Well?” I said finally.

Javier grunted.

“Do you think our poisoner dug this?” Once I said it aloud, it sounded laughable.

“An army would take weeks to dig that,” Javier said. “And they don’t have an army. I hope.”

I scanned the desert, as if an army might have been camped next door, and we’d simply overlooked it.

Nothing materialized. Toward the villa, I could see the palo verde trees that lined the approach.

The trunks should have been smooth and green.

I looked down at myself just to see colors.

The tan robes that Isobel had mocked as drab seemed as vivid as a sunset.

“This place could drive you mad if you let it,” I said.

He looked toward me, clearly surprised. (Not nearly as surprised as I was, to be honest.) “What happened to ‘isn’t this amazing’?”

“It’s taking a beating,” I admitted. “If it weren’t for the poisoner, I’d still be excited.

But here is this astounding new world, and instead of being able to take the time to study it and figure out the rules, we’re fighting against someone who’s poisoning a child to get what they want.

Whatever the hell that is.” I pulled my robes more tightly around myself against the cold.

Javier was silent for a moment, then reached out and gripped my shoulder briefly, the same way Aaron had when I’d lost the lotus-smoke patient at the temple. “I’m sorry. It must feel like something important has been taken from you.”

He was right. It felt exactly like that, and I somehow hadn’t realized it until he said something.

This ache in my chest was loss . I felt a prickle at my eyelids and squelched it ruthlessly.

“It’s fine,” I said, when I was sure that my voice would come out steady.

“I’m sure the first person who discovered the ocean was upset when he learned about sharks, too. ”

“Well, we’re not getting closer to catching our shark standing here looking at this hole,” Javier said. He helped me down from the embankment when the rocks slid under my sandals. “Let’s go back and figure out what to do next.”

There were several newly frozen servants in the hall as we made our way back to my rooms. We both gave them a wide berth.

You couldn’t tell if their eyes were open or closed until you were so close that you could make out the line of gray eyelid on gray eye.

It made it feel as if we were being watched, even though I knew we weren’t.

“When this is over,” I remarked, “I’m going to make sure there’s not a single life-sized sculpture anywhere on my father’s estates. I may lobby to have them removed from the city, in fact.”

“You’ll have my support,” Javier said, opening the door. He went through first, looking around, then pronounced it clear. I wondered idly what he’d do if he found Snow lurking inside.

The mirror was also clear. Javier went through, then nodded to me. I stepped through and…

Something snatched at my back. For a moment it felt like a hand grabbing my robes, and I smothered a cry, stumbling forward. The fabric pulled taut around my legs.

Javier was already at my side. “You’re hung up on something.” He put his face and shoulder into the mirror, and I felt a different tug, then he withdrew, looking baffled. “You’re not hung up on something. You’d better take a look.”

I told my racing heart to settle down and turned back myself.

The cause of his bafflement became clear.

Part of my robes were just… stuck? They hit the surface of the mirror and went no farther.

I grabbed a handful of fabric and pulled until it became clear that I would tear it before it would go through the silver.

Is the apple wearing off? No, of course not, my clothes didn’t eat the apple. This isn’t even the same set I was wearing.

… Wait, is there something in my pocket?

I had to step backward through the mirror to get everything disentangled, then dipped my hand into my pocket and pulled out a handkerchief-wrapped bundle.

For a moment I couldn’t think what it was, then I remembered the hummingbird.

I unwrapped it carefully, afraid that trying to pull it through had damaged the delicate lace of its bones.

It looked unharmed, but it still lay limp and lifeless in my hands.

I put it against the silver, and it was exactly like when I’d tried to bring Javier through before he ate mirror-food.

My fingers went through, the bird did not.

It would be crushed to paste against the glass rather than cross over.

“But you can take things out, ” I said, baffled. “It’s going into the mirror that’s the problem, isn’t it? I brought a book through before. And the potato.”

“The bird’s alive,” Javier suggested, joining me on the far side of the mirror.

“So are potatoes. You can plant them and grow another potato. And even the apples have seeds that are alive.”

Javier lifted his hands in a helpless shrug. “Maybe they’re a different kind of alive?”

I tried to pass the hummingbird through the silver again, and then again.

There was a strange tension to it somehow.

I had the irrational feeling that I was doing it wrong, that if I somehow pushed the correct way, the tiny body would go through the glass.

I pressed, leaning forward, shifted a little to one side, following that tension… just a little closer…

Suddenly it was as if I were trying to hold something heavy at the fullest extension of my arm.

That fragile body, which weighed no more than a breath, felt a hundred times denser than lead.

My muscles began to tremble with the strain of holding it, but I kept pushing, feeling as if something were being drawn up out of me, not just energy but something real and physical.

I could feel it sliding out of my body. If I had looked down and seen myself gutted and my intestines dragged painlessly through the mirror, I would have been horrified but not surprised.

“Anja?”

Sweat popped out on my forehead, but it was working, I was sure it was working, the mirror was thinning, more like glue than glass now, and if I just… kept… pushing…

“Anja!”

Strong arms locked around me, and Javier pulled me away from the mirror. I tried to struggle, but my muscles wouldn’t obey. I felt as limp and drained as if I’d been running.

“What were you doing ?” Javier looked utterly horrified. “Whatever it was, don’t do that again!”

I blinked up at him. I kept getting hugs that didn’t count.

This one definitely didn’t since he seemed to be holding me up.

I locked my fingers on the edge of his coat, trying not to fall.

My head throbbed. “What happened?” I asked.

“I was trying to push the bird through, and then… I thought if I could just do it the right way, it would work, but it was so hard…”

“You started to turn gray.” His face was only a few inches away, brown eyes searching my face with alarm. I could see the line between his eyes, gone deeper with concern.

Concern? About me?

Don’t read too much into it. He’s your bodyguard, that’s all. If you die, it’ll be a professional failure.

But he was so very close. If someone walked in, it would look like we were about to kiss, if they didn’t know I felt so dreadful, and that apparently he was disgusted by me.

Okay, kissing was probably out of the question.

“I do feel woozy,” I admitted.

“ No, ” he said, with some force. “I mean you were turning gray like the mirror .”

I stared up at him, no longer thinking about kissing at all. “What?”

He shook his head. “Come on. I want to get you out of here.”

I left the hummingbird on my desk, out of the way, but where there was still a tiny bit of reflection to keep it colorful. Getting through the mirror together was difficult, but only because it wasn’t wide enough to fit two humans. I slid through the silver as easily as ever.

Once we were out, I sat down on the bed, winded just from the walk.

Javier grabbed my hands and turned them over, peering at them as intensely as a palm reader.

“No gray,” he said, even though I could see it for myself.

“Your hands went first.” He looked at me, his brow furrowed, and I think he would have ordered me to strip if he could.

Which was either tragic or hilarious, when you got down to it.

“I’ll check later,” I promised. “I think I need to lie down.”

“I don’t want you to be here alone. What if it starts to happen again?”

“What would you be able to do if it does?” I pointed out, quite reasonably.