Page 3 of Hell Hath No Fury (Tear Down Heaven #4)

“Nope,” Felix replied, reaching out to pat the unassuming bag’s lumpy top.

“This gorgeous baby was made in the fifteen hundreds by a renegade alchemist turned smuggler. He got purged by Gilgamesh shortly after completing his masterpiece, which is how my grandfather was able to acquire it on the cheap, but it still works like a charm. Despite its small size and unassuming appearance, this little knapsack can hold a functionally infinite number of weapons. Since it was made during the Renaissance, that used to mean only swords, bows, and black powder cannons, but I’ve spent a pretty penny updating it to accept modern firearms as well, including automatic weapons, grenades, explosives, towable artillery, and so on. ”

He unbuckled the knapsack and reached his arm in up to the elbow before pulling out a brand-new, shiny AK-47.

“I’ve got your whole order in here,” he explained as he dropped the gun back into the apparently bottomless knapsack.

“Only way I could do it. You asked for enough weapons to outfit an army, but while I’ve always got the goods on hand, even I can’t drive twenty big rigs stuffed with illegal munitions across America without drawing suspicion.

With this little beauty, though, all that destruction fits in one conveniently portable package. ”

“ Too convenient,” Bex observed tersely, keeping her hands firmly away from the knapsack. “You’re telling me there’s an entire army’s worth of weapons packed inside one small backpack?”

Felix grinned. “Now you see why it’s a treasure of my clan.”

“And now you see why I’m suspicious,” Bex snapped.

“You’re the one who’s always telling me not to be a mark, but blindly accepting a treasure like this is absolutely mark behavior.

We’re out of money and cornered hard right now.

I know you know that, so why are you showing up with too-good-to-be-true treasures? Is this some kind of trick?”

Given their past interactions, Bex felt that was an extremely valid question, but Felix’s beady eyes narrowed like she’d just challenged him to a duel.

“Not everything goblins do is about money,” he said, uncrossing his legs and straightening his shoulders until he was back to his full looming height. “There’s pride to be answered as well, and mine will be paid in full.”

“Pride?” Bex repeated, more confused than ever. “What does that have to do with—”

“You think I got on a plane at midnight and flew across the entire damn country just to cheat you?” Felix snapped. “I’d make more cash ripping off tourists back home! I’m not here for profit. I’m here because Gilgamesh played me for a chump.”

“Played you how?” Lys asked. “I thought you never worked with Heaven directly.”

“I don’t,” he snarled. “But I buy from warlocks all the time. Gilgamesh knew that, so when he wanted to set up the Havok situation, he had one of his damn minions sell me a famous demon who wasn’t a demon knowing full well I’d take the bait and end up calling you.”

Felix waved his green hand in Bex’s direction before slamming it back down with a thump that almost cracked the table.

“He played me for a fool, and what’s worse is he made me spend my own money to do it!

I don’t care how many gods he’s slain. No one makes a chump out of Felix the Fixer and gets away with it!

That’s why I’m here. I don’t care about your damn crusade, but if you’re taking the fight to Heaven, I’m your goblin. ”

He shoved Solomon’s Amory across the table into Bex’s lap.

“That’s all yours on two conditions. First, you gotta bring the bag back, and second, I want you to burn Gilgamesh’s precious Heaven to the ground.

Just make sure you tell him Felix sends his regards before you rip his head off.

I want that gold-plated ass to know exactly who pulled the trigger on his downfall. ”

That was giving himself a lot of credit, but Bex wasn’t about to argue.

“I’ll be happy to tell Gilgamesh anything you want while I’m ripping Anu’s crown off his head,” she promised, grinning down at the battered knapsack. “So how does this thing work?”

“Just picture whatever weapon you want and stick your hand in,” Felix explained impatiently.

“It can only cough up what it’s stocked with, but I told my warehouse team to make me proud.

There aren’t any vehicles because my staff couldn’t figure out how to drive a tank into a backpack, but anything else you can think of should be in there. ”

“Thanks, Felix,” Bex said, holding the bag open for Lys, who was already digging through it like a mad mole. “This is way more than I expected and exactly what we need for tonight.”

Lys stopped pulling out random weapons and snapped their head toward Bex. “ Tonight ? I thought you said we were waiting until next week!”

“I did,” Bex said, picking the remains of her apple fritter up off the table. “But then I realized there’s no point. I’m no more recovered now than I was when we arrived. If I keep waiting, all I’m doing is making everyone suffer longer for no reason.”

“But we’re not ready,” Lys insisted, their amber eyes terrified behind the mild face of their disguise. “If you face the Queen of War again like you are now, you’ll—”

“Be no more screwed than I was the first time she beat me,” Bex finished. “I know what we’re up against. That’s why we’re doing things differently this time.” She crammed the last of the apple fritter into her mouth before adding, “You’re the one who came up with most of this plan, don’t forget.”

“I haven’t,” Lys grumbled, scrubbing their hands through their hipster human’s perfectly styled hair. “It’s just… I thought we’d have more time.

“Well, I’m glad we don’t,” Bex said, brushing the crumbs from her hand as she rose from her chair.

“I’m tired of waiting around. Having an on-demand arsenal is nice for everyone else, but all the things I need to win this—my hand, my horns, my sword, our witch—is up in Heaven, and every day we waste down here just gives Gilgamesh longer to prepare. ”

“Prepare for what?” Felix asked.

“We don’t know,” Bex snapped. “That’s part of the problem. We have no idea what Gilgamesh is up to, but he didn’t kidnap Adrian and put the whole Blackwood on the warpath for no reason. Whatever he’s doing up there behind his locked Anchors, it can’t be good.”

“I dunno about that,” Felix said, scratching his sharp chin. “My current burning need for revenge notwithstanding, Gilgamesh’s war has been great for profits.”

Bex and Lys shot him matching murderous looks, which the goblin gleefully ignored.

“If we’re done here, I’m going back to Seattle,” he informed them as he rose to his feet.

“I stepped on a lot of greedy toes getting that armory stocked so fast, so I’ve got to go back and do some management.

” He pointed a long finger at Bex. “You’d better live up to your violent reputation.

I put a lot more than a magic bag on the line to come help you today.

If you can’t make all that murder talk into murder reality, the Armory of Solomon isn’t the only thing I’m going to lose. ”

“Don’t worry,” Bex promised. “I’ll smash Heaven or die trying.”

“That I believe,” Felix said, patting Bex on the head where her horns used to be. “Good luck, little underdog. Make me proud.”

He moved his hand before Bex could smack it away and strolled down the stairs, walking out the coffee shop’s front door without drawing so much as a sideways glance from the scale-eyed tourists he pushed out of his way.

“I will never understand how he does that without getting kicked,” Bex muttered.

“Wouldn’t matter if he did,” Lys said, taking a scribble-covered piece of paper out of their pocket and sliding it across the table.

“Is this for real?” Bex asked when she’d read all the way to the bottom.

“Afraid so,” her lust demon replied grimly.

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about before Felix showed up and gave me better news to share.

We’ve had fifteen kicks reported since we arrived in Massachusetts, mostly from demons who went into the surrounding towns to feed.

The weird thing is that all those incidents were self-reported.

That doesn’t normally happen since getting kicked into Limbo is a death sentence for anyone other than you, but now… ”

Lys’s voice trailed off as they pointed at the paper in Bex’s hands. The one that was covered in a list of times and dates all with the same cryptic description.

No kick demons observed.

“How can there be no kick demons in Limbo?” Bex demanded. “It was literally created to hold them.”

“I don’t know,” Lys said. “But I do know that all those demons were telling the truth. I took advantage of the festival crowds to get myself kicked this morning, and—”

“You got kicked ?” Bex cried. “Without me ?”

“I didn’t want to upset you,” Lys said quickly. “And I wanted to make sure this wasn’t another trap.”

“By walking into it?!”

Lys crossed their flannel-clad arms over their human disguise’s narrow chest. “Are you going to let me finish?”

Bex sighed and motioned for them to go ahead.

“As I was saying,” Lys continued, “I was worried the missing kick demon rumors might be a trap to lure you into a place Gilgamesh controlled. When I arrived in Limbo, though, I saw the same thing everyone else reported. The whole place is empty. I ran as far as I could before my five minutes ended, but there was nothing to find. It’s just a big gray room. ”

Bex bit her lip as she sank back into her chair. “If they’re not in Limbo, where did they go?”

“I don’t know,” Lys said, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder. “But this is why I think we should wait. It’s never a good idea to rush into a situation we don’t understand.”

“We’re never going to understand it if we stay here,” Bex argued. “All the Anchors are still locked tight. You’re the one who infiltrated the local warlock cabal and discovered they don’t know any more than we do.”