Page 64 of Heart of Stone

God, I am pathetic.

Club business had come first. Just like it always will.

"Hey." Ginger appears in the doorway, two cups of terrible hospital coffee in her hands. "Any change?"

I shake my head, accepting a cup. "The doctor dropped by and said the steroids are helping. Her oxygen levels are better."

"That's good." She perches on the arm of my chair, her hand settling on my shoulder. "Steel's outside if you need anything."

I manage a weak smile. The prospect had shown up an hour after we'd arrived, stationed himself in the hallway like a guard dog. He'd even managed to find a stuffed unicorn in the gift shop for Amy.

"Tell him he's off duty," I say, turning away. "We don't need a watchdog."

"Oh, honey." Ginger squeezes my shoulder. "Steel's not here as a prospect. He's here because he cares about these kids. And you."

I swallow hard against the lump in my throat. "I shouldn't have waited. I should have brought her in as soon as I heard her coughing. But I thought... I thought I could handle it."

And the medical bills. Insurance hasn’t added them yet. I have no idea how I'll pay for this—or for the tests they'd had to run on Amy and Adam.

God, this could financially ruin us.

"You did handle it. You got her here. She's getting better."

I swallow. "But what if?—"

"No what ifs." Her voice is firm. "She's going to be fine. And you're not alone."

Except I am. Because the one person I'd started to believe would be there for me is still missing in action.

"I can't do this anymore," I whisper.

"Do what?"

"Pretend." I gesture vaguely. "Pretend we're a family. Pretend he cares. Pretend any of this is real."

"Andi—"

"No." I straighten in my chair, decision crystallizing. "I need to stop lying to myself. These kids need stability. They need someone they can count on, not..." I trail off, the words stuck in my throat.

"And you don't think Hawk is that someone?" Ginger's voice is gentle. "Everyone makes mistakes."

"Yeah." I watch Abby's chest rise and fall. "But not everyone has three kids who need them."

She is silent.

"I need you to do me a favor," I say quietly.

"Name it."

"Can you have Steel help me move our stuff back to the house? While Hawk's still out?"

She’s quiet for a long moment. "You sure about this?"

"No." I manage a weak laugh. "But I'm sure I can't watch my kids get hurt waiting for someone who's never going to put us first."

"Okay." She pulls out her phone. "I'll call in some help. We'll have you moved before sunrise."

I reach up, squeezing her hand where it still rests on my shoulder. "Thank you."