Page 10
Story: He Called Me Fat
“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. “I’ve been busy, but I’m not busy anymore,” I said.
“You’ve been busy for a month and a half or so. “Don’t ever do that again. I missed you.”
I laughed again, and in a few minutes, we were conversing as we had for the last three years and more than I had been in high school.
When the door to the library opened, Mrs. Archer was acting out something that had happened with her husband, who was sexy for an older guy. I looked up because I knew that not many students came here, let alone at lunch. My eyes widened when I saw it was Peter walking towards me.
“Hey Ava, I went outside to wait, but when you didn’t show up after ten minutes, I thought you would be in here.” What is going on? “he questioned, and even though his voice sounded normal, I could tell he was angry because of the twitch on the side of his left jaw.
I saw Mrs. Archer staring back and forth between Peter and me with great curiosity. I got up from my chair and said, “I’ll be right back, Scot. I have to take care of this.”
I came out from behind the store and moved over to Peter. I grabbed his shirt sleeve and dragged him till we were standing just in front of the library door.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t go out for lunch with you anymore. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner so you wouldn’t have had to come looking for me,” I added.
I noticed his forehead pucker up in perplexity before he asked me, “Why can’t you?” Did I do something that made you mad? “I’m sorry for whatever it is, and I won’t do it again.”
I didn’t expect this would be so hard.
“You didn’t do anything wrong.” “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and I’ve decided that we need to end this thing we have going on,” I stated.
“Is this why you haven’t picked up the phone? “I still don’t get what happened. Everything was fine until Friday,” he said.
“Please, don’t attempt to figure this out, OK? I responded, “I have to go, bye,” and turned to go. He grabbed my arm.
“Wait…” he interrupted. Before he could say anything further, Mrs. Archer popped her head out of the library door and added,
“Is everything OK, Ava?”
“Yeah, he was just leaving,” I responded, pushing away from him and without looking back as I went back into the library with Mrs. Archer.
Mrs. Archer said, “What was that about?” as soon as we sat down where we had been before Peter came in. “
“I said, “Oh, that was nothing.”
“Is he the reason you missed over a month and a half of our normal lunch dates?” she said, asking a different question.
“Yeah,” I responded, shaking my head.
“Do you want to talk about it? I’m all ears.” “She asked.
I said, “No.”
“All right, anytime you’re ready. I didn’t get your normal salad since I didn’t know you would be coming back. “I would give you a piece of my sandwich, but I know you wouldn’t take it,” she added.
“No, give me a piece,” I responded.
“But it has fattening things in it,” she continued, knowing that I was having trouble with my weight and that I usually ate items that weren’t very tasty and didn’t make me gain weight.
“Forget that; it doesn’t matter if I gain weight as long as I’m happy with myself,” I said.
She grinned at me and said, “I like the sound of that.”
“Me too,” I answered as I took the half of her sandwich that she gave me.
As I left the library, I said goodbye to Mrs. Archer. I had a great time, and it reminded me of why I liked her so much. I pushed through the library doors and hurried out to get to my next class. But when I saw Peter on the ground leaning against the wall on the other side of the library entrance, all of that went out of my mind. He looked like he had been sitting there the whole time I was in the library, waiting for me to come out.
He stood up and walked towards me, getting in the way of my exit.
“I know you said what you had to say, and I respect your choices, but I won’t feel good about myself if I don’t know why you’re doing this and I just let you walk away,” he stated.
“Please let me go. I don’t have to explain myself or my actions to you,” I pleaded.
He took a step closer, making it harder for me to get away, so I decided to simply say what I had to say and be done with it.
“Hey, you just became my buddy out of the blue, and I don’t really know what you want from me. You might not know, or you could be pretending not to know, but I know that if I keep being friends with you, you’re going to hurt me at some point. I also know that your opinion and perspective matter so much to me that when you ultimately bring me down, I don’t know how I’ll get back up. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding as I spoke.
“Isn’t our friendship worth anything to you? Are you going to let your fears about yourself affect how you see me? Do you know how much I love you and how hard I strive to never hurt you? “he asked.
“That’s the problem; I don’t know how much you care about me. I said, “For all I know, you don’t care at all, and because of that, I think it’s time to call what we had a good thing while it lasted; this friendship is over.”
He answered in a calm, dispassionate voice, “There is nothing I could say to defend myself against whatever charge you have laid against me.”
“Nothing,” I responded just as gently. He stepped aside so I could pass, and I ran down the hall. My chest wrenched, and my eyes burned. If this was the correct thing to do, why did it feel so wrong?
Have you ever done something you believed was right but then felt bad about the way it made you feel?
I knew that feeling well. For the next two weeks after I ran into Peter in the hall, I kept questioning the choices I had made. To make matters worse, Chloe, who was always on my side, told me again that she didn’t agree with my choices.
I asked myself three questions that I didn’t like the answers to since they made me feel stupid: Am I a coward?
Am I really going to allow a silly dream, no matter how terrible it was, to tell me what to do?
Wasn’t there an ancient saying that said it was better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?
The last phrase might not apply, but I know you realize what I mean. This last week was especially hard since I kept seeing Peter all over school, and I missed talking to him every day.
To make matters worse, I spotted Chloe chatting to him not once but twice before history class. Both times they noticed me, they shut up. This was strange because Chloe and Peter had never really talked before, but suddenly they were secret friends.
By Friday, I had diagnosed myself with depression, and Cymbalta wasn’t the answer; Peter Arthur was. The only problem was that I wasn’t sure if I had enough confidence to go up to him and tell him I had made a mistake and that our friendship deserved a chance. Chloe had left me in the last ten minutes, so I walked to my history class.
I turned the corner, and what I saw made me furious. Chloe and Peter were talking outside the classroom. I hurried my step, and when they heard me coming, they broke up, and Peter said something that sounded like “later” before heading inside the class.
I went into the class behind her, and as soon as we sat down next to one other, I enquired, “What was that all about out there?” “
“What?” She asked, trying to seem like she didn’t know what was going on but failing terribly.
She saw that I wasn’t going for her little act because I raised my eyebrow. She sighed and added, “It’s nothing to worry about; I’m just catching up with an old friend.”
I didn’t even bother to react to what I thought was a foolish, full-of-bull remark. I had a sense something was wrong. She leaned over and grabbed my shoulder. I didn’t feel better, but I did feel better.
“Listen, I know you’ve been under a lot of stress lately, so I’ve made the decision for both of us that we’re going to a party tonight,” Chloe remarked after a minute of silence.
I said, “No.”
“To me, you could be an alien.” She replied, “I’m coming over this afternoon, and we’ll get ready together to have fun and get you out of your sad state of affairs.”
I didn’t even try to say no again. I knew it wouldn’t matter; she had already made up her mind, and I would be going to that party tonight, whether I wanted to or not.
“You’ve been busy for a month and a half or so. “Don’t ever do that again. I missed you.”
I laughed again, and in a few minutes, we were conversing as we had for the last three years and more than I had been in high school.
When the door to the library opened, Mrs. Archer was acting out something that had happened with her husband, who was sexy for an older guy. I looked up because I knew that not many students came here, let alone at lunch. My eyes widened when I saw it was Peter walking towards me.
“Hey Ava, I went outside to wait, but when you didn’t show up after ten minutes, I thought you would be in here.” What is going on? “he questioned, and even though his voice sounded normal, I could tell he was angry because of the twitch on the side of his left jaw.
I saw Mrs. Archer staring back and forth between Peter and me with great curiosity. I got up from my chair and said, “I’ll be right back, Scot. I have to take care of this.”
I came out from behind the store and moved over to Peter. I grabbed his shirt sleeve and dragged him till we were standing just in front of the library door.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t go out for lunch with you anymore. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner so you wouldn’t have had to come looking for me,” I added.
I noticed his forehead pucker up in perplexity before he asked me, “Why can’t you?” Did I do something that made you mad? “I’m sorry for whatever it is, and I won’t do it again.”
I didn’t expect this would be so hard.
“You didn’t do anything wrong.” “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and I’ve decided that we need to end this thing we have going on,” I stated.
“Is this why you haven’t picked up the phone? “I still don’t get what happened. Everything was fine until Friday,” he said.
“Please, don’t attempt to figure this out, OK? I responded, “I have to go, bye,” and turned to go. He grabbed my arm.
“Wait…” he interrupted. Before he could say anything further, Mrs. Archer popped her head out of the library door and added,
“Is everything OK, Ava?”
“Yeah, he was just leaving,” I responded, pushing away from him and without looking back as I went back into the library with Mrs. Archer.
Mrs. Archer said, “What was that about?” as soon as we sat down where we had been before Peter came in. “
“I said, “Oh, that was nothing.”
“Is he the reason you missed over a month and a half of our normal lunch dates?” she said, asking a different question.
“Yeah,” I responded, shaking my head.
“Do you want to talk about it? I’m all ears.” “She asked.
I said, “No.”
“All right, anytime you’re ready. I didn’t get your normal salad since I didn’t know you would be coming back. “I would give you a piece of my sandwich, but I know you wouldn’t take it,” she added.
“No, give me a piece,” I responded.
“But it has fattening things in it,” she continued, knowing that I was having trouble with my weight and that I usually ate items that weren’t very tasty and didn’t make me gain weight.
“Forget that; it doesn’t matter if I gain weight as long as I’m happy with myself,” I said.
She grinned at me and said, “I like the sound of that.”
“Me too,” I answered as I took the half of her sandwich that she gave me.
As I left the library, I said goodbye to Mrs. Archer. I had a great time, and it reminded me of why I liked her so much. I pushed through the library doors and hurried out to get to my next class. But when I saw Peter on the ground leaning against the wall on the other side of the library entrance, all of that went out of my mind. He looked like he had been sitting there the whole time I was in the library, waiting for me to come out.
He stood up and walked towards me, getting in the way of my exit.
“I know you said what you had to say, and I respect your choices, but I won’t feel good about myself if I don’t know why you’re doing this and I just let you walk away,” he stated.
“Please let me go. I don’t have to explain myself or my actions to you,” I pleaded.
He took a step closer, making it harder for me to get away, so I decided to simply say what I had to say and be done with it.
“Hey, you just became my buddy out of the blue, and I don’t really know what you want from me. You might not know, or you could be pretending not to know, but I know that if I keep being friends with you, you’re going to hurt me at some point. I also know that your opinion and perspective matter so much to me that when you ultimately bring me down, I don’t know how I’ll get back up. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding as I spoke.
“Isn’t our friendship worth anything to you? Are you going to let your fears about yourself affect how you see me? Do you know how much I love you and how hard I strive to never hurt you? “he asked.
“That’s the problem; I don’t know how much you care about me. I said, “For all I know, you don’t care at all, and because of that, I think it’s time to call what we had a good thing while it lasted; this friendship is over.”
He answered in a calm, dispassionate voice, “There is nothing I could say to defend myself against whatever charge you have laid against me.”
“Nothing,” I responded just as gently. He stepped aside so I could pass, and I ran down the hall. My chest wrenched, and my eyes burned. If this was the correct thing to do, why did it feel so wrong?
Have you ever done something you believed was right but then felt bad about the way it made you feel?
I knew that feeling well. For the next two weeks after I ran into Peter in the hall, I kept questioning the choices I had made. To make matters worse, Chloe, who was always on my side, told me again that she didn’t agree with my choices.
I asked myself three questions that I didn’t like the answers to since they made me feel stupid: Am I a coward?
Am I really going to allow a silly dream, no matter how terrible it was, to tell me what to do?
Wasn’t there an ancient saying that said it was better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?
The last phrase might not apply, but I know you realize what I mean. This last week was especially hard since I kept seeing Peter all over school, and I missed talking to him every day.
To make matters worse, I spotted Chloe chatting to him not once but twice before history class. Both times they noticed me, they shut up. This was strange because Chloe and Peter had never really talked before, but suddenly they were secret friends.
By Friday, I had diagnosed myself with depression, and Cymbalta wasn’t the answer; Peter Arthur was. The only problem was that I wasn’t sure if I had enough confidence to go up to him and tell him I had made a mistake and that our friendship deserved a chance. Chloe had left me in the last ten minutes, so I walked to my history class.
I turned the corner, and what I saw made me furious. Chloe and Peter were talking outside the classroom. I hurried my step, and when they heard me coming, they broke up, and Peter said something that sounded like “later” before heading inside the class.
I went into the class behind her, and as soon as we sat down next to one other, I enquired, “What was that all about out there?” “
“What?” She asked, trying to seem like she didn’t know what was going on but failing terribly.
She saw that I wasn’t going for her little act because I raised my eyebrow. She sighed and added, “It’s nothing to worry about; I’m just catching up with an old friend.”
I didn’t even bother to react to what I thought was a foolish, full-of-bull remark. I had a sense something was wrong. She leaned over and grabbed my shoulder. I didn’t feel better, but I did feel better.
“Listen, I know you’ve been under a lot of stress lately, so I’ve made the decision for both of us that we’re going to a party tonight,” Chloe remarked after a minute of silence.
I said, “No.”
“To me, you could be an alien.” She replied, “I’m coming over this afternoon, and we’ll get ready together to have fun and get you out of your sad state of affairs.”
I didn’t even try to say no again. I knew it wouldn’t matter; she had already made up her mind, and I would be going to that party tonight, whether I wanted to or not.