Page 6

Even with the ground swaying under my feet, I make it to my car without faceplanting on the asphalt, which I absolutely count as a small victory. Though, a voice in my head screams at me to turn around. Not because I feel like I should make amends with Ian or apologize to Mitch for leaving, but because I amway too wasted to get behind the wheel of a car.

Before I can decide what to do, another voice, louder and more aggressive, bellows in the night, “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

I turn to find Ian, his face twisted in a mixture of anger and concern.

“I’m going home,” I yell, returning my attention to my car.

“There’s no fucking way I’m letting you drive off after you just downed two shots of vodka on an empty stomach,” he barks.

“Why do you care?” I cry out, scrambling for the door handle. My heart races along with my mind as I yank the door open, but Ian’s reflexes, while mediocre at best, seem lightning quick to my intoxicated brain. I only manage to get the door open about an inch or two before Ian throws his body against it, effectively ripping the handle from my grip and slamming the door shut.

“Hey,” I yell, stumbling on my feet. “What the fuck is your problem, you–”

In a dizzying blur, Ian’s strong hands grab both sides of my face and pull me toward him. “Shut up,” hemurmurs just before his lips crash into mine—hard and desperate. His hand snakes around to the back of my neck, gripping me firmly and pulling me into him. He twists me around and pins me between his warm body and the cool metal of my car.

His tongue runs across my bottom lip, and they part like the mother fucking sea granting him access. His tongue wastes no time invading every inch of my mouth.

Time ceases to exist as my body responds to his touch without my permission. A euphoric buzz vibrates my senses, stemming from my fingertips all the way down to my toes. I grip the fabric of his shirt into tight fists, not pushing him away, much to my surprise, but not pulling him closer, either. I stay perfectly still, in mind and body, allowing myself to exist in the moment. A flood of desire courses through me, rough and needy.

The logical part of me wants to push him away, but the more primal and desperate part of me reels in his sudden, intense energy.

My heart beats wildly in my chest as he pulls away slowly, running his thumb lightly along my jaw. He takes a few steps backandstretches his arms wide in a grand gesture.

“Well, did you die?” he asks mockingly, his arms dropping dramatically to his sides.

“What?” I ask, confused and flustered as hell.

My eyes follow his tongue as he licks me off of his lips, mesmerized at the fact that those lips were just on mine. He returns a look that’s just as confused before stepping back toward me. “Is the idea of being with me so abhorrent that you won’t even consider it?” he asks, cutting me to the bone.

My brain stutters for a moment as I try to process his questioning. Everything slows down until I feel like I’m underwater, unable to hold onto coherent thoughts.

“You think the reason I don’t want to have a threesome is because I don’t want to fuck you?” I say incredulously.

His Adam’s apple bobs in his throat as he swallows hard, his eyes narrowing at me, clearly taken aback by thesheer possibility that he’s wrong.

I shake my head, letting the shock of the situation wash over me. The reality of what just happened, and my body’s complete and utter betrayal, slaps me in the face.

“This is so fucking stupid,” I mutter, pushing off of my car and brushing my hair out of my face. “Do you have any idea how fucking hard this is for me?” I say slow and deliberate.

I take a deep breath and consider shutting my mouth and hightailing it out of here, but the alcohol won't let me let it go, and instead of my usual shut up and run, my mouth decides to pour out my soul while looking at him dead in the eyes.

“I see the way you look at people, Ian. Your eyes light up with this…this…this disgusting excitement every time a customer walks through the door of the shop. Just talking to people makes your whole day better because you are just that kind. But then you look at me ,” I pause, poking myself in the chest for emphasis, “…and there’s nothing. You look at me like I’m nothing. You make me feel like I’m nothing.” My voice trembles as I try to keep my composure, holding back every emotion swelling within me.

“Roxy, you’re not nothing,” he says, sadness taking over his features.

“Stop.” I wave my hand at him. “Just stop. Words don’t mean shit when I see it every time you look at me. I know I'm broken. I've always known it, but you…you make me feel it.” I look down at my feet, trying to regain my composure and silence the wave of humiliation that courses through me.

I feel the heat rising on my cheeks as panic rises in my chest. A blush spreads across my face as the tears spill freely.

“He’s going to choose you,” I say, wanting to end this conversation as quickly as possible.

“What?” Ian asks, taking another step toward me, but I step back against my car to keep the distance.

“You’ve been his best friend for years,” I say, letting the alcohol dull my senses. “Mitch is going to choose you over me every single time.” My true insecurities are crawling out of the darkness into what’s left of the dying daylight.

“That’s what all this is about? Rox, you know that’s not true. He wants both of us,” Ian says, trying to reason with me.

“Yeah, sure, while it’s fun and new and exciting. But when it comes down to it...when it comes to settling down and getting serious, Mitch will choose you. The worst part is I don’t even blame him. Truly. Ian, Mitch deserves you.”

Ian’s eyes wrinkle at the edges for a moment. He inhales a deep breath and opens his mouth to speak but hesitates and lets out the breath in a huff.

“Just let me go,” I cry, my chin dimpling. “You have him all to yourself now. Go enjoy him.”

“Roxy, if I wanted you out of the picture, you wouldn’t even be here tonight,” he smiles.

“Oh, you’re threatening me now?” I say, nodding at how ridiculous this is. “I’m already walking away. Why are you trying to trip me on my way out?”

“What? No, I just…Jesus, why do you have to be so fucking difficult…I think…maybe…we should give him what he wants," he says, throwing his hands out again and letting them drop heavy against his sides—clearly a signature move.

“Oh my God,” I say, rolling my eyes. “You’re seriously considering this?”

“Did you just roll your eyes at me?” He snaps, and the shock of it lands right between my legs.

A smile grows on his lips as he crosses his arms over his chest, watching the surprise and heat dance up my cheeks as if this was the exact reaction he was expecting.

Mother Fucker knows my weaknesses. What has Mitch told him?

“I see what you’re doing,” I shake my head in disbelief that he knows the effect that would have on me. It’s so hard to resist the ache between my thighs, but I have to remind myself this isn’t real, and his intentions are clouded at best. “You don’t think this will really work, you’re just dick whipped. You will do anything he asks, and I will not compete with you in a losing game,” I say, treading lightly, not wanting to feed into this too much.

“You’re a fucking nightmare, you know that?” he says, shaking his head and raising his eyebrows.

I stand straight and cross my arms, matching his posture but not his confidence. I want to be angry. I want to scream at him and tell him all the deepest, darkest parts of me. I want to be able to tell him how fucked I am for Mitch and that the thought of losing him knocks the wind out of me. I want to tell him how hot and bothered he’s managed to get me and how unfair it is that he’s using me to satisfy his lover boy’s needs.

“I’m trying my best here, Ian, and I’m hanging on by a fucking thread,” I say, choking back more tears from spilling out of me. “Nightmare or not, I’d rather leave now than stick around long enough to have to live through losing him.”

His eyes don’t leave my face, but his mind is elsewhere. He licks his lips and focuses on me again.

“You’re seriously worried that I’m so good at fucking that Mitch is going to forget you're there with us?” he says, taking another step closer.

“I know how stupid it sounds. I don’t expect you to understand.”

He takes another cautious step forward, unfolding his arms as he leans closer to me. “God, you really are a cynical little shit,” he whispers.

“Don’t make fun of me,” I snap.

“Shut up,” he smiles, throwing my words back at me, closing the distance between our lips again.

My eyes flutter closed as I find myself not only allowing him to kiss me, but this time, my fingers curl at the collar of his shirt, pulling him closer. I’ve never felt so unsure about my own feelings before. I’ve never been so desperate for anyone’s approval, either. The submissive in me craves his control. To be told what to do to satisfy this newfound hunger for his attention.

My body immediately responds to the thought of Ian taking control, my brain and emotions lagging behind, desperately trying to catch up. A moan slips out into his mouth as he deepens the kiss, pulling my hips against him, our bodies fitting perfectly together. I wonder if this is what Mitch feels like when Ian kisses him.

Ian slides his hands around the back of my thighs and lifts me, carrying me over to the hood of my car, setting me down and parting my thighs as he steps between them. I wrap my legs around him instinctively, pulling him closer. His hands roam up and down my thighs, leaving a trail of heat and desire in their wake.

He pulls back from our kiss but remains close, his voice low and husky, “What if…I can guarantee there won’t be any competition between us for Mitch?”

I look up at him surprised, my eyes narrowing slightly as I try to gauge if he’s serious or just fucking with me.

“How can you possibly guarantee that?” I say breathlessly, still reeling from the taste of his mouth.

I’m appalled at how badly I want him to be serious. For this to be a possibility for all of us, but I can’t help the part of me that is still guarded and afraid to hope for anything.

Ian brushes his thumb over my bottom lip, and I study the amusement and frustration in his eyes as he brings his lips to my ear. “Because you’re forgetting the part where I get to fuck you too.”

My eyes widen, and my lungs fill with air, shocked by the prospect of him wanting to fuck me. Ian’s words sink straight to my core, breaking through the haze of lust that has clouded my senses, and I’m suddenly aware of what’s happening.

I drop my legs from his waist and push him away, “You don’t want to fuck me, Ian,” I say, but he grips my hips keeping me in place. He presses his body into me, and I feel an unmistakable hardness against my thigh.

“You may want to tell that to this guy then,” he says, grabbing my hand and placing it over the hard outline of his cock, straining against his jeans. “It’s so incredibly frustrating that you don’t realize the effect you have on me,” Ian says, not letting me back down so easily. “I get so fucking hard thinking about you.”

His cock throbs under the grip of my hand, and desire overwhelms me as I notice the thickness under my fingers.

His breath is hot against my mouth as he lingers impossibly close. “I’ve wanted you since the day I met you. I just cursed my luck that Mitch got to you first.”

“Got to me first?” I repeat, more confused than ever. “Mitch has been trying to hook us up since we met. He didn’t get to me first. You just shot down every attempt he made to get us together.”

“I never shot down anything,” he snaps, then takes a breath to center himself. “I don’t know how to act around you,” he confesses, with an edge of vulnerability. “I’ve never been so attracted to someone and so fucking terrified of them at the same time.” He laughs. A nervous laughter that reflects in his eyes.

“Terrified? You’re scared of me?” I ask, dumbfounded.

“Fucking petrified,” he clarifies with some confidence. “You are so fucking intimidating. Some days, I look at you, and it’s like looking straight into the sun…like, I know I shouldn’t do it, that I’m only hurting myself, but you’re so fucking mesmerizing I can’t help it. Other days,” he pauses as if he’s unsure he should say the parts he’s held inside for all this time out loud. He grips the outer edges of my thighs as he breathes deeply, “Other days, you could chew me up and spit me out, and I’d beg you to do it again.”

To say I’m shocked is an understatement. Dumbfounded doesn’t even begin to cover the extent of howI feel right now, and he’s looking at me like he can sense it. “You were pretty clear right off the bat that you weren’t interested, so I just matched your energy because I was a fucking coward. Too scared to tell the scary girl I thought about her in ways that would make her knees weak.”

“Bullshit!” I manage to say this time, but the heat from his hands on my thighs forces my breathing to quicken. “You can have anyone you want, Ian. I’ve seen several customers run into displays craning their necks to get a glimpse of you.”

“Their eyes aren't the ones I'm looking for,” he confesses.

“I don’t believe you,” I say cautiously, starting to believe him.

“Then let me prove it to you,” he pleads. “You know, for someone who has a hyper-critical and logical approach to everything, you really are a fucking idiot.” I roll my eyes, and he grabs my jaw to return my face to his. “A beautiful, stubborn, scary, fucking cunt of an idiot.”

I can’t help the laugh that escapes my throat. I shake my head, looking at him with new eyes. I study his features, soaking in the lines of his face and how his eyes crinkle when he smiles.

Because he is smiling at me. For me.

“I see you,” he whispers. “I see that deep down behind all the cynical bullshit, you’re just as scared as I am.” Ian looks at me as if he’s looking inside my soul and finds something familiar. “You’re so afraid that you’ll suck up every ounce of good in people until they're shells of themselves, and you’d rather push people away than risk bringing them down to your level.”

I open my mouth to argue, frustration and sadness warring for dominance inside me. Ian leans in and captures my lips once more, and I forget how to breathe, let alone think. They are so similar in so many ways; it’s no wonder he and Mitch have been best friends for so long.

“If a bit of corruption is the price I have to pay to be with you, then I’ll pay it tenfold. I’ll give you my soul…even if I have to shove it down your fucking throat.”

My heart beats faster under his grip, firm but gentle.

“I want you. I want him. And he wants us,” he says, punctuating each sentence with a soft kiss.

His free hand slips up my skirt and traces his fingertips along the edge of my panties, and for some godforsaken reason, I don’t stop him.

“Do you want me, Roxy?” he asks so softly, running his fingers along the crease of my thighs, teasing me.

Brick by brick, my resolve crumbles.