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Rose’s diary entries

Diary entry: 10 years ago

She’s dead, and I don’t know if to be happy or sad. I’m not being traded in, and yet, I’m sad that she’s dead. Would it be easier to know the truth if Hardy would leave me? I don’t know. I really thought if she gave birth, he’d get rid of me. Do I want him to get rid of me?

Life has been strange lately. I’m happy. I’m sad. I trust Hardy. I don’t trust him. What’s the truth anymore? What’s real or not? I’m confused, and I’m scared. Does Hardy even love me anymore? Do I love him anymore?

Diary Entry: 10 years ago

I’ve decided to pretend nothing happened. Hardy hasn’t left, and I don’t see a point in pretending. Hahahahahaha, that’s a laugh. I’m pretending. I wake up, and I make breakfast, talk with my cheating husband, and pretend he’s not that. I pretend I’m not breaking apart inside. I pretend it doesn’t hurt to know that months ago his dick was inside another woman’s pussy. How would he feel if I was to fuck another man? Would he care? Would he give a shit? Would it even matter?

It doesn’t matter though, does it? No, he wouldn’t want to sit down and talk about it. No, we’re not allowed to talk or do fucking anything without that bastard’s permission.

Fuck this, and fuck Hardy, and fuck men.

Diary Entry: 10 years ago

Today is a bad day. Hardy’s not around. He’s on a ride with Tiny and the guys. I’m scared. What if he finds another woman? I love and hate him. I’m sticking around the clubhouse, but every whore I see, I want to hurt. Are they laughing at me? Do they know the truth? Do they care?

He’s texted me, which is great. What do texts really mean? It’s a case for people to get damn lazy, and I hate being lazy.

Shit, I’m going to have to go on a diet again. I’ve gained a pound, and I don’t want him to have another reason for screwing with someone else. I wonder how he’d handle me a few pounds heavier?

I hate my horrible life, and it’s my own fault. I shouldn’t have come to the club with my friend. I should have left, and never thought about Hardy. There are times I rub my chest, and I wonder if I’ll ever get over what happened to me. I love and hate him with equal measure, and both emotions scare me.

Will life ever be easier?

Diary Entry: 10 years ago

I went to her grave today, and to that of her baby.

I don’t know what to write.

I’m scared.

I can’t stop crying.

It hurts all over again.

Why am I even talking about this?

I hate my life. I hate Hardy. I hate The Skulls.

No, I don’t.

My life would be damned easier if I did.

I want to hate them. I want to make Hardy hurt, but when I look into his eyes, I’m sure I see him hurt.

Am I really capable of hurting the man I love?

I don’t know.

Diary Entry: 5 years ago

Angel gave birth. Tate gave birth. Everyone is giving birth, and their men are more loving than ever before. I’ve even heard that Lexie has given birth, and has taken Simon, her sister’s kid, on as her own. It hurts.

Wounds that had been healing are being split open, tearing me apart. I’m moving on. I’m happy, and now I’m being slapped, left, right, and center by everyone around me.

I can’t handle this.

It scares me.

It hurts me.

I’m not used to feeling like this.

I hate myself.

I envy all of them.

What did I do wrong?

Diary Entry: 3 years ago

I can’t do it. Her ghost is haunting me everywhere I go. She’s a constant reminder between Hardy and me.

I was the one who changed, not him.

I’m the one who is scared to put weight on. I’m scared to leave the club. I’m scared of all of the new beautiful women who are coming into the club. I saw Angel talking to Hardy with her easy smile and complete innocence, and for a split second, I wondered if she was screwing my husband.

I’m an awful person. I hate myself, and I can’t go on.

Each diary entry stripped Rose’s soul bare. They were the writings of a woman who was in love, filled with fear, and overcome by sadness. Hardy didn’t know how she’d been able to cope with him for all of these years. The insight it gave him was powerful, and what he was going to use to finally win her over.

****

Three days later

Rose giggled as Hardy continued to tickle her. They’d been playing cards, and she’d been teasing him about not going to the clubhouse. He only had to wait a couple more days and he’d have his woman at a prom.

“Will you stop? I’m going to pee.”

He kept tickling her, remembering all of the zones she couldn’t stand to have touched. When he knew she couldn’t stand it anymore, he grabbed the back of her neck, and kissed her lips hard.

“I want to take you out on a date tonight,” he said.

“A date?”

He nodded.

“At the clubhouse?”

He shook his head.

“I don’t understand.”

“It’s not hard. Whizz and Lacey are moving out of the clubhouse, preparing their home for Sally’s arrival—”

“I can’t believe they’re going to adopt a fifteen year old girl.”

She sat back, leaning against the couch.

“Tell me about it. Everything is good though. Whizz was telling me she’s had a hard life, and didn’t expect them to like her.”

He shrugged. “I guess we’re going to have to wait and see how she gets stuck in with the rest of us.”

“Lacey and Whizz are staying part of the club?”

Rose asked.

“Yeah. Whizz has helped the social worker dealing with the adoption. Sally is going to be in good hands, and from what I was told, she hasn’t settled well in other places.”

“Poor girl.”

Hardy ran his hand across her stomach. “We’re going to take care of our baby.”

She placed her hand over his, and he saw her smile. Over the last couple of days he’d seen the fear and pain slowly slipping out of her gaze. He didn’t want her to feel anything but safe and comfortable when she was with him.

“We’ll be good parents to our baby.”

“That we will.”

He was silent as he touched her stomach, wondering when he’d feel his son or daughter kick. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“For not being there at all the appointments, for not insisting we try. Everything.”

“Hardy?”

“I’ve grown up now, Rose. I’m not a dumb fucking kid anymore. I’ll be there for you, and for our kid. You can count on me.”

He pressed a kiss to her lips, sliding his tongue inside. She opened up, arching against him. It took all of his control not to take her there and then. He was determined to be the perfect gentleman with her, and to give her what he’d failed in the past.

“You’re blowing my mind, Hardy.”

“Good, ‘cause I’m not done. I’m going to blow your mind even more. How does dinner in an Italian restaurant sound?” he asked.

“In an actual restaurant? Candles? A ma?tre d’?”

“Yes, I’ve booked us a table. Go and get your ass changed. There’s a gift on the bed.”

She gave a squeal, and Hardy laughed as he watched her. Getting to his feet, he waited for Baker to enter the room.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

Baker asked.

“Let’s do it. I love my woman, Baker, and this is the shit I didn’t give her. How is my prom tux coming?”

“It should be ready for Friday. Lacey and Whizz get Sally on Saturday.”

“Fine. Is Millie coming to the prom?”

Hardy asked.

“I’ve asked her to go, and she thinks I’ve invited her as a friend.”

“You’ve got to let her know you’re wanting more, as otherwise she’s going to slip through your fingers. The last thing you need is to be put in the friend category.”

He stripped down to his boxers, taking a deep breath. Hardy didn’t wear suits. The Skulls was his life, and he’d never worn a suit during the whole of his life.

“Can you handle this?”

Looking toward the mantle over the fireplace where once his wedding photo sat that was now empty, he nodded. He was more than ready. Rose changed for him, and the least he could do was give her the same kind of commitment.

Ten minutes later he was dressed, and he ran a hand down the front of his suit jacket. “Well, how do I look?” he asked.

“Handsome,”

Rose said.

He turned to the door and growled. She wore the black dress he’d bought for her. The fabric molded to every curve of her body, and it only heightened his arousal. He wanted to see her in the prom dress he’d bought her.

“You’re beautiful,” he said.

“I didn’t know you were dressing up.”

She twirled a red curl around her finger, showing him how nervous she was.

“I’m taking my woman out to dinner. I’ve got to make an effort.”

He turned to Baker. “We’ll be back later.”

“Have fun. I’m going to stick around, watch a movie.”

“Are you inviting Millie over?”

Rose asked.

“I hadn’t thought about it.”

“Do. She’d probably love the company.”

“Don’t do anything on the couch. It costs a fucking fortune to clean,”

Hardy said.

Rose slapped him on the arm, rolling her eyes at him. “Ignore him.”

“Have a good night.”

Hardy took her hand, helping her into his car. The suit was fucking annoying, and itchy as fuck. There was nothing actually wrong with the suit. He just wasn’t used to being trapped.

This he hoped was the first night of many.

****

Rose stared across the table at her husband, and she couldn’t take her eyes off him. He filled out a tux to perfection. Several women were giving him the eye, and Rose loved it. Hardy was all hers, and no other woman would ever get the chance to claim him.

“I like that evil glint in your eye,”

he said, looking over his menu at her.

“Just admiring the view before me.”

She smiled at him looking over the choices in front of her.

The waiter had already served her with some sparkling water, and Hardy had taken the same. He wasn’t drinking and leaving her to drive.

“Do you know what you want?” he asked.

You.

She kept that thought to herself. “No, not yet.”

“I’m going to have the steak.”

“Does it have steak?”

she asked, staring down at the menu again. Rose couldn’t take it all in. There was so much going on making the whole meal surreal.

“They have something with beef. I’ll just ask for that.”

Rose giggled and closed the menu. “I’ll ask for the chef’s special.”

She gave Hardy a wink.

Over ten years of not going out to dinner in a fancy place had her out of practice. She was used to being satisfied with only a burger or at the best a parmesan chicken.

Most of the time the women cooked for themselves, and she’d eaten more luxurious meals with Angel and the girls.

“How are you feeling?”

she asked.

He ran his hand down his chest, and she chuckled. “What?”

“Is it uncomfortable?”

She had to admire and love his effort. This was all for her. There was no doubt that he was trying.

“A little. It’s something I’m going to get used to.”

He cleared his throat. “I’ll get used to it.”

“I really appreciate you doing this.”

She glanced around the restaurant, and her heart soared. “I’ve never been to this place before.”

“I’m glad I’m able to give you a happy memory.”

He took her hand, pressing a kiss to her knuckles.

The waiter came toward their table, and she listened as Hardy stumbled over his order. She didn’t giggle or mock him. When the waiter turned his attention to her, Rose gave her order, smiling her thanks.

“It’s certainly different from ordering a burger,” he said.

“It is.”

“So, when is your next doctor’s appointment?”

Rose tilted her head to the side. “You want to come?”

“Yes. I want to be part of this. We did this together, and I’m not going to leave you alone.”

She pressed a hand to her stomach. “My first scan is in a couple of weeks. I don’t think we’ll get to see the sex of our baby, but we’ll see that he or she exists.”

“What do you want?” he asked.

Rose frowned. “Want?”

“Do you want a girl or boy?”

“I don’t care. I’ll love her or him no matter what. What about you?”

“I’m the same. Don’t get me wrong, if it’s a boy I’ll teach him about bikes, and take him for his first leather jacket. Hardy Junior. If it’s a girl, I’ll buy a rifle, and start boy proofing our house.”

Rose burst out laughing. “Boy proofing?”

“I’m a guy. I know it won’t take much imagination trying to get to our girl. She’ll be a looker, too, if she takes after her mother.”

“You’re being a charmer.”

“I’m being honest, baby. You’re a beauty, and always have been.”

“So you want to be part of our bump’s adventure?”

“Yes. I’ll be at the appointments, the classes. You name it, and I’ll be there.”

Rose took a sip of her sparkling water, and smiled at him. “You’re shocking me with this change.”

Hardy frowned, glaring down at their hands. “I can sit here and tell you over and over again how much of an asshole I was. The truth is we both know how much of an asshole I am.”

He shrugged. “I can’t change what I was, but I can change what I am. I want to be the man for you. I want to earn your love and trust.”

“I love you, Hardy. I never stopped loving you.”

“And you’d have been a hell of a lot better off if you did.”

“Wow, this is not exactly a thrilling conversation,”

she said, tucking some hair behind her ear.

“I’m sorry. I’ve never stopped loving you, and being here with you right now, this is exactly where I want to be.”

“Even with the suit?”

“The smile on your face is worth it.”

Rose looked away. She wasn’t used to so many compliments.

“I was, erm, I was thinking of doing some studying online. College classes,”

she said, drawing the conversation away from the uncomfortable elements.

“What classes?”

“I don’t know. I’ve not picked what I’d like to study. It has been so long.”

“And you dropped out of college after you married me.”

“For some reason marriage and studying didn’t exactly go hand in hand. It was hard, and we dealt with it.”

“I’d like you to go back to college. I can pay for it. Money isn’t an issue.”

Rose licked her lips. “How is money? I mean, we’ve not had to worry about money for some time or anything like that. I guess I was wondering how we’re going to deal with a baby, and a pregnancy, hospital bills, college. The bills will mount up.”

“You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“Will The Skulls be doing some of their runs?”

She wasn’t an idiot. Rose knew exactly what those runs were all about. They ran drugs or guns. She’d once gone into the garage the night before a run, and she’d seen what Hardy did. The risk he put himself in scared her.

“The Skulls are getting out of that shit. It doesn’t mean we’re not still worried about a possible backlash from other clubs. We are. There are more than enough MCs out there to do the runs.”

“Why?”

Rose asked.

“Why what?”

“Why are you getting out of it? After all this time?”

“It’s time. If we don’t get out and push our energies elsewhere we’re all going to end up dead. We’re not just a biker club trying to make a big payday. We’re all a family looking out for each other. The last couple of years, we’ve had so much loss, and everything has been crazy. We’re looking to change shit, be better, be safer for everyone.”

“I like that. We need to be safer, and happier than ever before.”

Rose pressed a hand to her stomach. “We’ve got a baby to think about.”

“That we have. Lash is looking at setting up some businesses within Fort Wills. We’ve already purchased the land for the gym. The next stage is building it up, and putting the work together. We’ve got enough capital. I promise, baby. The last couple of years I’ve taken care of us. We’re good with expenses and shit. I promise,”

Hardy said, smiling.

The rest of the meal went by with them talking about everything and nothing. She loved every second of it, the meal, Hardy, and the fact he was in a suit.

By the end of the night, she didn’t want it to end. They were climbing out of the car, and walking toward the house, and she stopped, turning toward him. “I loved tonight.”

He cupped her cheek, sinking his fingers slowly into her hair. “Me, too.”

She ran her hands up and down his chest, pressing his jacket together. “I like this. Thank you for doing this for me.”

Hardy pulled her in, pressing his lips to hers. She melted against him, opening her lips, and plunging her tongue into his mouth at the same time that he did with her. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she held onto him tightly, not wanting to let him go.

He broke the kiss, moving his lips down her neck, sucking on her pulse. “We’ve got to stop, baby. I’ve only got so much strength when it comes to you.”

“I don’t want to wait. I need you, Hardy.”

She couldn’t wait for him anymore.

“Fuck, baby. I want to be the good man here,”

Hardy said.

Rose chuckled against his neck. “Then give me what I want.”

She pressed kisses to his neck trying to coax him into her bed.

Hardy growled, picking her up in his arms.

Giggling and squealing, Rose held onto Hardy as he kicked into their house. He slammed the door closed, and called for Baker to lock the door behind them.

This was what she’d been missing, and moving on had never felt better.

****

“Give me the information I want,”

Gash said. The prom was days away, and he didn’t want to be stuck around waiting for the information he wanted with people having fun.

Whizz looked toward Lash and Tiny, and Gash had enough. He’d done everything they asked, and now they were holding out on him.

“You promised me, Tiny. You promised me I could get my revenge. All I needed to do was give you what you need, and keep my nose clean. I’ve done all that shit, and now it’s my time,”

Gash said.

Tiny stared back at him. “I know what I promised, and I’ve talked with Lash. We both know how much this means to you.”

“Then what is the fucking holdup?”

Gash asked. “I’ve been sitting waiting around for this shit, and now you’re holding out on me.”

“I’m not holding out on you,”

Tiny said. “Are you sure about this? Whizz couldn’t find the woman you actually wanted.”

“But you found Charlotte?”

Gash asked.

His pulse raced as he looked at each man in turn. Lash kept staring at him, glaring. Gash didn’t give a shit.

“I found Charlotte,”

Whizz said.

“She’ll lead me to who I want.”

Lash, Tiny, and Whizz stared at each other. He waited for them to come to whatever agreement they’d made.

“Whatever happens, this doesn’t fall back on the club. We’ll always have your back just like you always have our backs, but with regards to Charlotte, you don’t have the club’s backing,”

Lash said.

“Fine. I don’t need the club to complete what I want to complete.”

Silence fell on the room before Lash grabbed a file that had been laid on the desk behind him. He pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Gash. “There’s the information you need.”

Gash took the single sheet of paper, and thanked them.

“I need to do this,”

Gash said.

“Then go and do it. We’re not going to stop you, and I hope you find peace, brother,”

Lash said.

He shook Lash’s hand, pulling him in, and slapping him on the back. In that moment he was so damn happy. No one was going to stop him from getting what he wanted, not the club, not Charlotte, no one.

****

“What the fuck, Lash?”

Whizz asked, turning on Lash the moment Gash left the room.

Lash held his hand up and gave Whizz back the file. “I’m not going to stop the brother from doing what needs to be done,”

he said. “Gash is useless to me right now, and I can’t be done with his anger. He’s a ticking time bomb, and we’ve got a club full of women who are pregnant. I’m not willing to risk their safety with Gash. It’s our job to keep the club safe. He’s not safe.”

“What about Charlotte?”

“She’s not club property, and even though you hate it, she’s not my concern. However, I’ve not given Gash all of the paperwork. All Gash knows is where Charlotte lives. I didn’t give him anything else. He’s going to need to find out the hard way.”

Whizz didn’t agree, but thinking about Sally, he understood how important it was to have him out of the club.