Page 37 of Hampton Holiday Collective
Having a twin who knows exactly how my mind works is all well and good until he finds an opening and calls me out on my bullshit.
“I can’t admit I’m scared,” I relent, my voice barely above a whisper. “I have to be strong for her. The doctors keep warning us the twins might come early, and that there could be complications—”
“Who are you trying to fool? You don’t think Little Wheeler’s scared, too?”
“Of course she’s terrified! None of this is going how we thought it would go. But if she’s scared, I can’t be too!”
I shove to my feet, unable to sit with my confession, and pace the length of the patio table, pivoting on my heel and stomping back toward my brother.
I feel his eyes following me, assessing, like he’s working out how to play this.
“So you’re both going to walk around pretending everything’s fine until the babies magically appear?”
That’s ridiculous.
But it’s sort of what we’ve been doing.
“Is this gonna be like that time you were madly in love and wouldn’t admit it to each other, so you let her move back to California? Like when you wallowed in pure misery for six weeks, only to find out she was just as wrecked without you?”
My head snaps up at his shrewd assessment, and I fix him with the scowl he’s expecting from me. He counters with a spiteful glare.
It’s not that Maddie and I don’t communicate. We’re both just so strong-willed that we forget that it’s okay to be vulnerable sometimes. More than anything, I don’t want her to think she can’t count on me to support her, especially right now.
I know better than to argue. Because he’s not wrong in his assessment. But there’s so much about our situation that I can’t fix for my wife.
She’s pregnant with twins, and maybe we should have anticipated the possibility, but two babies at once was never part of the plan we envisioned. The house I promised would be ready by Christmas is at least six weeks behind schedule. Her mom’s gone, and her only close female relatives are Tori, who’s never had kids, and Daphne, who loves making babies with my asshole of a brother.
I can’t take away her fear. There’s no point in trying to predict what our future holds, not after the universe has turned our lives upside down this past year. And Maddie’s got more than enough worry eating at her. I doubt she wants to hear me complain about how I’m choking on anxiety about parenthood and what comes next—but I’m out of ideas on how to play this. Maybe my brother is right. Maybe admitting how I feel would make a difference.
“Fine!” I relent with a huff and stop my pacing to focus on my brother, who’s kicked back in a lounger. “But if this blows up in my face…” I trail off, then slump down next to my him again.
I flinch when he wraps his arm around my shoulders—but relax when, instead of retaliating for being roughed up earlier, he rubs his head of unruly blond hair against my temple. For the first time in a long time, my shoulders relax, if only just a little.
“You can do this, bro. Be honest and be vulnerable. What do you have to lose? You said it yourself. Maddie’s onlynotpissed off when she’s either eating or having sex. It’s not like you can make things worse.” He shoots up straight. “Wait. That’s it! Tell her while you’re fucking her! Or feeding her. I guess you could try both at the same time—”
I shove him, but he just wraps his arms around me again and hugs me tighter.
“Seriously, Dumpy. Have an honest conversation with your wife. I promise it won’t be as bad as you think, and you’ll both feel better when it’s done.”
Chapter 29
Maddie
Thebedroomdoorswingsopen with force, startling me from my drowsy state. I came in to read in bed for a little while, but we’re going out tonight, so I told myself it was okay to doze off and enjoy a little power nap if needed.
Adrenaline rushes through me as I take in the state of my husband. His shoulders are coiled with tension, and his brows are pulled together so tightly he’s got two wrinkles in the middle instead of the usual one.
He watches me from the doorway for several seconds, his expression never changing, then stalks toward the bed. “I’m scared, Maddie. I’m fucking terrified.”
I scan his body, looking for signs of distress or injury. When I realize he’s not physically hurt, my mind eases slightly and I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. He’s okay. Although he’s very clearly not.
I wait, anxious and unsettled, as he perches on the edge of the mattress but stays quiet. His gaze is set on the floor in front of him, and he doesn’t elaborate right away, prompting me to sit up and scoot toward him.
My scoot is more of a full-body roll these days, but once I’m seated beside him, I place one hand on his elbow and rest my head on his arm. “What are you scared of, Dem?”
He turns to me and slow blinks. It’s the only warning I get before he’s back on his feet, pacing the length of the bed.
“Of this! Of you! The babies. What our life is about to become! I’m terrified about being a dad. About knowing what to do or what to say. I’m scared that I ruined your ten-year plan and that instead of supporting your dreams, I destroyed them.”