Page 1 of Half Sight Whole Heart

ERISS JACKSON

“Mama, why her eye like that?”

My head swiveled to the young child. Her mother and I met eyes, and her shoulders hiked up to her ears.

“Sorry,” she mouthed, tugging the little girl in the other direction.

Pushing the shopping cart, I continued to sift through boys’ clothes for my five-year-old son, Ermias.

He stayed the night at my parents’ house so I could have some time to myself, per their request. Ermias was my heart, and I loved every moment with him.

My parents, especially my father, felt like I needed some time to do things for myself, but here I was in Ross, looking for clothes for him instead of myself. That’s how it always ends up.

Ermias rarely liked leaving me. He was my little helper, so he called himself.

He felt like my condition called for him to be by my side 24/7.

He was such a sweet kid. If he were with me and heard what that little girl had said, he would have balled his little fist up and, in his squeaky little voice, would have said whatever five-year-olds say when they’re upset at someone.

It didn’t bother me. I was used to the stares from kids and even some adults.

I was born with monocular vision. I still did normal things such as drive and work.

I just relied on one eye for vision. Some days, I wore dark shades so I wouldn’t get the sympathy looks or the pointing from the little ones.

I wanted to shop peacefully, just like everyone else.

Grabbing a few short sets for Ermias, I wandered to the laundry detergent and picked up a box of Gain. Leaving the aisle, my phone vibrated in my back pocket. I stopped and picked it out of my pocket to see my best friend, Mahlia Graham, calling me.

“Hey Mahlia,” I answered with the phone to my ear.

“Hey Sunshine! I see you’re out near the shopping center. Where’s my nephew?” she asked, popping her gum.

I giggled. “You’re always checking my lo. Ermias is with his grandparents. Where are you at?”

She sighed. “Stuck at work for now.”

Mahlia was an emergency medical responder who worked long hours, while I was one of three receptionists at an orthodontist’s office.

I was off on weekends, and Mahlia got stuck working most weekends.

We were either on a call or FaceTime to keep up with one another because obviously our lives didn’t align.

“Any craziness today?” I asked. Mahlia had stories for days while working as an EMT.

“Shhh! It’s been a lil’ quiet so far. Don’t speak the craziness up. Mr. Jerry from the west side might fake a heart attack and have us rush out for nothing. It’s like he wants to die or something, Eriss. He fakes a heart attack every other week, and nothing is wrong with him.”

I chuckled. I knew exactly who she was talking about. Mr. Jerry was a hot mess and well-known in Heartville. You could always catch him bopping home from church with a forty in his hand.

“I called you because my people are having a family reunion next weekend, and I’m off. I haven’t been able to make one since I started this job. I want you and Ermias to come,” Mahlia announced.

“Where is it?” I asked, mentally checking if anything was going on with me and Ermias next weekend.

“My cousin’s backyard in Love Grove. You and nephew can ride with me. I’ll book our hotel rooms too.”

“Oh, it’s an overnight stay?” I questioned. “Sorry,” I told a man when I realized I was in his way. I began to slowly move my cart as I headed to the book section.

“Yeeees, is that a problem?”

“No, no, it’s not. I want to make sure I have everything Ermias might need for the weekend. You know I like to be prepared, Mahlia,” I answered her. In the book section, my eyes roamed over the books until one caught my eye. “Have I met this cousin?”

“Girl, no. Zyro keeps to himself. He owns an auto shop, and he does well for himself. His house is huge, and he is big on family, so we have our family reunions there every year.”

“That’s an interesting name,” I mumbled, placing the book in my cart. It was time for me to check out. I’d be in this store for another hour just looking around and picking up items I didn’t need. I had to stop myself before going to the toy section. Ermias had way too many toys.

“His mama’s name is Zena.” Mahliah chuckled. “His brother Zyleek is the street nigga with three kids and three baby mamas. He might try to holler at you, friend.”

I scoffed. “I’m not trying to be his fourth.” We laughed in unison.

“I don’t blame you. Now Zyro…he doesn’t have any kids. You and he might…” her voice trailed off.

“No, Mahlia, don’t. If you try to play matchmaker, I will leave. You know I’m not ready to date again,” I warned her sternly.

“Okay. Okay.” Mahlia sighed. “I just want you to be happy and in love again, E. You deserve it.”

“I am happy, Mahlia,” I countered.

“I knoooow,” she groaned, “but you need some peen in your life. A big, thick one, friend.”

I snickered. “I’m good on that for now, too. I just want to focus on Ermias.”

Ermias’ father and I were together for three years, and then I got pregnant with Ermias.

When we came home from the hospital, I found out he had gotten another woman pregnant because she was waiting for Delion on our doorstep.

I went into depression for a month, and I went to stay with my parents so they could help me with my newborn.

One day, I was holding my son, and out of the blue, he smiled at me.

It was the cutest thing, and from that day on, I shook back.

I realized that I had to be strong for him, and no one was going to love me like he did.

Delion and I co-parented, but that was where our relationship ended.

Mahlia quieted down for a second, chewing on the inside of her cheek like she was thinking hard.

“I get it,” she finally said. “And I respect the hell out of you for how you bounced back. Emias is the happiest lil’ boy I’ve ever seen, and that’s because of you.

I gave her a small smile, my fingers absentmindedly twisting in my bundles.

“But,” she added, cocking her head, causing me to groan because I should have known better, “just promise me you won’t block your blessings, alright? You don’t gotta be out here searching, but don’t shut the whole world out either. Love might sneak up on you when you least expect it.”

I rolled my eyes, but I wasn’t fully dismissing Mahlia either. I’d been focused on being a mama and healing, so I hadn’t even thought about dating. And to be honest, the idea of trusting somebody again? Terrifying.

“If it sneaks up, it better be ready to work overtime,” I muttered.

Mahlia snorted, “Girl, you sound like you’re hiring a man, not looking for one.”

I shrugged. “Again, I’m not looking for one, Mahlia. I need a man who I can have around Ermias, too, eventually. Not just good pipe.”

Mahlia’s head dipped to the side. “Yeaaah, I agree with you on that.”

“You just… You deserve to be wild again, E. Just for a little bit. Not reckless like pre-Ermias you, but like…emotionally reckless. Take risks. Not my kind of risks ‘cause you know how I get down.” Mahlia stuck her tongue out, leaned over, and bounced her ass.

I snickered with a shake of my head. “What if I allow someone to come in and they wreck me worse than Delion did?”

Mahlia’s smile faded, and for once, she didn’t have a clever comeback. “Then we piece you back together. Like we did before, friend, only this time, you’ll know it’s possible.”

Mahlia wasn’t wrong. I had survived the worst already…betrayal and heartbreak. And yet, here I was.

Still standing.

Still healing.

Still loving my baby with everything in me. He deserved a strong mama. He has a strong mama.

“I’ll think about it,” I said softly.

Satisfied with my response, Mahlia nodded. “That’s all I ask. E. Just don’t shut the door before he knocks.”

Humming softly, I gathered the scattered crayons from the floor and dropped them into the plastic bin. The gentle ache behind my left eye pulsed, but I ignored it.

The smell of lemon cleaner wafted through the air as I wiped down Ermias’ play table, moving slower than usual. My depth perception was a little off today, the shadows heavier on my left side. I missed a spot twice before finally scrubbing it clean. I had my bad days.

Behind me, I heard the soft shuffle of feet and the faint jingle of something metal, probably the junk drawer in the kitchen.

“Mommy?” Ermias’s little voice floated in, muffled as if he had something in his mouth.

“Hmm?” I answered, groaning from the ache in my knees as I stood up from the floor. When I rounded the corner to the kitchen, Ermias stood near the trash can, clutching one of the kitchen tongs.

“Why didn’t you come get me? I am here to help because I am strong.”

I blinked. Something in my chest twisted and unraveled all at once.

“Yes,” I exhaled, palming my forehead. “How could I forget? I could use some strong around here.”

Ermias nodded with exaggerated seriousness and grabbed a crumpled paper towel off the floor that was by the trash can. It must have fallen out when I’d dumped trash inside. He used the tongs to pick it up.

“Got it!” he declared, dropping it into the trash can.

“Good job, baby.”

Ermias, of course, saw everything. Even when he didn’t say much. I didn’t know if he felt bad for me or what, but I was sure that baby loved me.

He moved over to the table, tugging out one of the chairs to climb on. “Can I wipe this? He asked me, already reaching for a napkin on the table.

I tossed him the damp towel. “Use this. Napkins leave fuzz.”

“Okay!” Ermias scrubbed enthusiastically, missing half of the table, of course, but smiling so hard it didn’t matter.