Page 18

Chapter eighteen

Guilt

Kylie

W hat the fuck is wrong with me? How could I sleep with both Axel and Gideon on the same day within hours of each other without protection?

I’d tell you what it made me. A big freaking ho! That’s what. How could I be so careless? It didn’t matter that, at the moment, nothing could have dragged me away. I wanted each man too fiercely, albeit for different reasons.

Axel touched a part of me, a need to be protected. He made me feel safe and cherished, like he couldn’t believe his good fortune. I was worried how he would react to my sleeping with his friend. I know we didn’t make any promises to one another. But I still felt like I betrayed him.

But then there was Gideon. Even thinking about him made my panties wet. Passionate didn’t begin to describe our lovemaking. I had turned into another woman. One I didn’t recognize but who had always been simmering beneath the surface, just waiting for the right man to release her from prison.

Gideon called to me on an elemental level. Made me want to engage in the most depraved acts and let them burn. I fucking loved the way his passion charred me. It was like walking into a supernova and emerging on the other side.

He had indicated he wanted more, wanted to take me to bed again and take my ass.

But it left me in a quandary. I didn’t tell Gideon I’d slept with Axel because I fell asleep before I could broach the topic, but it needed to be discussed. Not to mention, I had to come clean with Axel, because I wanted him again too.

I know that I will have to choose one of them. But I didn’t want to make this decision. I felt like I had wound up in a dream—a naughty, raunchy dream where decadent pleasure was the prize, but a dream, nonetheless.

I didn’t fully trust my good fortune. After years with Carlos and his evil, narcissistic abuse, I couldn’t really trust anyone completely, myself included. It would be foolish of me to give them my trust without a thought.

But they were why I sat on the couch in the living room, trying and failing to read a book by the fireplace. Reading normally relaxed me. Reading provided me with an escape, especially during my marriage.

But I couldn’t focus on the words this evening. Mateo and Chase had come to dinner tonight. But neither man I had been with had appeared. I’d been told they were working. I had Mateo take them each a plate, but I still hadn’t seen either man. It made me antsy. And left me worrying.

“Something wrong?”

My head shot up at the deep bass.

Axel. He looked sexy as sin in his dark gray military-style cargo pants and black shirt that stretched over his mammoth muscles. He gave me a simmering once-over that I felt to my core. My pussy fluttered in remembrance of his massive cock. One look and I wanted him. What the hell was wrong with me? I’d slept with his friend and co-worker today. Surely, he would hate me and treat me like a pariah.

Axel frowned. “Did something happen, Angel?” He sat on the edge of the couch and took my hand in his without a thought.

God, this man and his care of me. He was a total badass, yet infinitely tender with me.

It made what I did today that much worse. Tears slid down my face. “Yes. I’m so sorry. I had sex with Gideon today. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve never been like this. Besides my deceased husband, I’ve only had sex with one other guy, but that was in high school. I—” I lowered my head because I didn’t want to see the anger and betrayal I was sure to find.

But Axel cupped my chin. I flinched. It was instinctive. I knew rationally he wouldn’t hurt me. But after years of abuse, no matter how rational I was, the fear continued to crop up at times. Like now, when my anxiety and guilt overwhelmed me.

I didn’t fight as he tilted my face. His thumb brushed away my tears. “Look at me, Angel.”

I didn’t want to. I was terrified at what I might find. Carlos had used this tactic a time or two to fuck with my head. But I took a leap of faith with Axel and lifted my gaze. The connection zapped through me, a live wire I felt at my core. “It’s okay if you hate me. I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Angel. We didn’t make our arrangement exclusive. And I’m glad you told me.”

“You’re not mad at me?” My bottom lip quivered with more tears threatening.

Axel hauled me onto his lap until we were nose to nose. “No, I’m not mad at all. In fact, I don’t mind sharing you with my friends.” He caressed my back and made me want to purr with pleasure. “I realize sharing you makes our relationship unconventional. It’s all right if you just want to be with one of us. I know it’s not for everyone. As long as you keep it to just the four of us, I won’t be mad at you. But if you go outside the four of us, I’ll turn that cute ass of yours bright red, and no amount of apologizing will stop me.”

He didn’t hate me. He was giving me the green light to—“Wait a second. You want me to have sex with Gideon, Mateo, and Chase?”

A startling image of me with the four of them at the same time arced across my mind. And it dropped a bomb of lust into my system. The thought of having the four of them naked and sharing me was like offering me the keys to heaven. In my deepest, darkest fantasies, I had imagined being at the center of a gang bang. Of having one man in my pussy and another man in my ass while having another in my mouth and one in my hand.

Could these men, my bodyguards, gift me with that fantasy? Was I brave enough to take what I wanted?

He pressed his forehead against mine. “No. I’m not saying you must or that I want you to. If you’re attracted to them and want to be with them too, I’m okay with it. We didn’t make any promises to each other.”

Did he understand what he was offering me? A chance to experience unparalleled fantasies. I tried digesting the new information, but it was too fantastical that it felt like a dream. This type of situation didn’t happen to other women. Just like most women wouldn’t get taken in by a man in the Mafia. If my life ended up in a story, no one would believe it.

The thing was, I liked Axel. And I mean in an I could fall for him way, liked him. He held me through the night. The moment his arms were around me, my nightmares vanished.

He kept them at bay with his presence. He had become my stalwart bastion.

Even though I had sex with his friend, I still wanted him. The real question was, did he still want me back? “But do you still want me even though I slept with Gideon? Or if I were to sleep with Chase or Mateo?”

“Angel, I will always want you. You’re a beautiful, sexy woman. I adored the way your pussy gripped my cock. I’m looking forward to getting another taste. That is, if you still want me.”

Not want him? I would have to be dead not to want him. And to prove it, I cupped his handsome face. His stubble scraped deliciously against my palm. “Will you come to bed with me? I don’t want to sleep alone.”

The smile he gifted me with felt like the sun breaking through the clouds after a violent storm. I wanted to bask in his light. His sexy smile made everything tighten in my core. “Gladly, Angel.”

Before I could protest, he swept me into his arms and carried me. With my arms around his neck, I laid my head against his sturdy chest, excited by the prospect of another night in his arms.