Page 28

Barbara

I stood in front of the mirror in my bridal suite. It shocked me how perfect I looked, my cheeks rosy, eyes big and glistening, lips red. The makeup did a great job hiding the evidence of all the sleepless nights I spent crying into my pillow. The dress lay perfectly, too. My mother had already praised me for finally getting around to losing those last ten pounds.

It was shocking how easy weight loss was when misery kept you from eating.

As she came over, her heels clicking, and stood behind me, I smiled automatically. It was all I did these days: smile, smile, smile. No one needed me to speak, it seemed, including my groom. He liked looking at me, though. He stared lecherously when I smiled or danced, even though I was just going through the motions, none of it bringing me joy.

I held on to my last freedom when I refused to kiss him, hinting at my shyness and good breeding. But even that freedom would end soon. We would get married in fifteen minutes.

“There you go,” my mother said softly, smiling back at my reflection. “See how easy it is? Mother always knows best. You will be so happy.”

I wanted to scratch the smile off my face and scream that she was wrong, but I didn’t move. Her terms were very clear. If I stopped being agreeable, she’d send her assassins to kill Scarab, and I couldn’t risk it. I had to protect him at all costs. Even if that cost was letting Adonis Landizza claim me as his wife and touch me with his slimy hands tonight.

And so I nodded, murmuring a quiet thank you. Her smile widened, and she embraced me from behind, sighing happily.

“Finally, you came around,” she said, pulling back to smooth out the white lace covering my arm. “Here is the daughter you should have always been. I’m so proud of you. I knew I did the right thing.”

I nodded again, bile burning my throat. It shocked me that she believed in my transformation when she herself knew that I was only doing it because she threatened the man I loved. But maybe I was better at fooling people than I thought. I certainly did a great job with Phantom. He believed I used him and didn’t try to contact me at all. I was so grateful. He was safe.

“Adonis will do right by you,” she said, fussing with my white veil that cascaded down my back from an elaborate updo the hairstylist managed to coax out of my nape-long hair. “So much better than that disgusting monster. He didn’t care about you at all. See? I saved you from so much heartbreak.”

I still said nothing, focusing on keeping a pleasant expression on my face. It was harder the longer she spoke.

“If he had truly loved you, he would have fought for you,” my mother said, as if sensing my quiet dissent. “But he only cares about himself, which is always the way with trash. Did you know he disappeared a week ago? We sent him a fine for breaking the terms of his contract, and that cockroach fled instead of paying. He’s probably out of the country by now. You dodged a bullet.”

He’s gone. They don’t know where he is.

I was completely still, barely breathing as I stared into her eyes in the mirror. Was it a trick? It had to be. Otherwise, why would she tell me? Why would she reveal her only means of controlling me was gone? I didn’t understand.

She patted my shoulders and looked up at my face with a wide grin. I smiled back on instinct, but my heart raced, my thoughts whirring frantically.

Could it be true?

If Phantom left, her assassins couldn’t get him. He was safe no matter what I did. And it meant… it meant…

I could say no.

Of course, with him gone, I had no one to protect me. My mother would likely make good on her threats and have me committed. That thought failed to make me afraid, though. I’d gone through so much pain and heartbreak, it suddenly didn’t matter what happened to me next. Being locked up in a mental institution couldn’t be as bad as marrying Adonis when I was in love with Phantom.

“It’s time. Let’s get you to the altar, my diamond.”

It hit me, then. I would have done anything to have that approval from my mother even just a few months ago. Now that I got it, it felt like ashes in my chest, because I was dead. It took killing off everything that was me to become the perfect daughter she’d always wanted. And for what? So I could die even more, killing off more parts of myself to please the husband I didn’t even want?

I’d rather get locked up.

As we walked slowly out of the suite to meet my father waiting for me in front of the church, my mind kept whirring, comparing the two futures that stood before me. In one, I was locked up, subdued with meds, my will and soul broken apart by cruel doctors who only cared about money.

But the other future was worse. I could imagine with perfect clarity becoming someone like my mother. If I lived my life alongside a man I hated, bearing him children I didn’t want, would I still be me? No, I wouldn’t. I would hate every day of that life, and I would probably hate my children, too—just like she hated me.

I finally understood her now that my future unrolled with perfect clarity, all smoke and mirrors falling away. She’d been forced to make this choice, too. She married my father out of duty and resented him every day for it. Then she resented me for not being born a boy, or maybe simply for being born at all.

If I married Adonis right now, I would have children. I’d either hate them or watch them grow up into monsters, since I would be powerless to make any meaningful decisions in their upbringing.

As I took my father’s arm and the music started to play, I walked slowly up to that altar that might as well have been the electric chair. Whatever I chose, it would be death for my soul, but I knew I preferred one death over the other.

Adonis looked perfect in a black suit, doing his name justice. I gave him a smile, too, as the pastor began to speak. I was vaguely aware of my surroundings, the church smelling heavily of flowers, the few hundred guests crowding the pews, the cameras quietly clicking in the background. It was a society wedding, the best our families could throw in two weeks.

It felt like a dream. My head swam, my fingers numb where Adonis held my hand. He said his “I do” with a perfect, white-toothed smile, the ruby glittering in his canine. Nausea swelled in my belly. The pastor spoke to me. Then there was silence.

Adonis watched me expectantly, his smile turning a bit rabid when I didn’t speak. Someone coughed in the back of the church. Something rustled. A camera clicked.

Slowly, making the moment stretch to bursting, I turned just enough to see my mother sitting in the first pew. She smiled wolfishly, delicately inclining her head to the side. I looked at the man sitting next to her.

Grayish skin, bald head, and eyes, eyes that glowed orange. I gasped, but his will already tumbled through my synapses, taking root deep in my brain.

Smile. Say “I do”. Smile. Say “I do”. Smile.

I felt his surprise when I didn’t immediately obey. My body was liquid, falling away as the world narrowed to me and him, wrestling in my mind. I felt his shock, his grudging admiration, then his resolve. My lips parted to speak, and I fought desperately, grabbing onto my dwindling will.

No, I pleaded. Don’t make me.

He pressed at my resistance, crushing it like it was paper.

Smile. Say “I do”.

I opened my mouth again, making a loud, grunting noise to keep the words from falling out. More rustling drifted to me, some whispers, frantic camera clicking. But the fight wasn’t over.

Pain enveloped my brain, an invisible force squeezing it from all sides. I remembered flashes of what I learned, eye contact, know what you want, weak-willed. None of it helped me as I struggled, the pain blinding me until I wanted to cry, fall to my knees, or curse, but I could do none of those things. He held my body rigid, controlling all of me save for my voice.

You’re weak , he whispered, his voice reverberating ominously in my skull. It sounded authoritarian and absolute. You don’t know what you want. I know better. You can’t do anything right. You can’t ever make the right choice. I choose for you. Say “I do.”

I felt my mouth form the words, but my throat tightened as I bid for control. No , I chanted. I don’t want to. I don’t want to. I don’t want to.

Yes, you do , he hissed, his presence like a constrictor snake wrapped tightly around my mind. You want what I tell you to want. You say what I tell you to say. Be a good girl and do what I tell you!

His anger made me hurt, but I couldn’t let out the whimper of pain that clawed up my throat. He was in control, and I was fading. I was weak, after all. Too weak to withstand him. Too weak to choose for myself.

And yet, a feeble flame of anger warmed my chest, lending me one last, small burst of strength. Because I wasn’t his good girl. Only one man had a right to call me that. Only one man had a right to tell me what to do, because only he did it out of love.

No, I thought again, smacking my lips together when they opened to seal my fate. No. I know what I want, and this is not it.

My resistance shocked him again. I felt his confusion. I should have given up by now, yet I still made a stand. His control slipped as he wavered, just for a moment. It was enough.

“No!” I roared, my voice echoing off the tall walls. “I don’t want to! No! No! No!”

I fell to my knees, breathing hard, while chaos erupted all around me. Adonis screamed angrily, people talked over one another, and the cameras clicked like insects. I blinked time after time, refusing to raise my head for fear of meeting those glowing eyes again. I wouldn’t survive another fight, so when someone gripped my arm and hauled me to my feet, I slammed my eyes shut, stumbling.

My limbs shook, my head swimming. Nausea boiled up my throat. As the person who grabbed me pulled hard, making me stumble again, I had no choice but to follow, too weak to put up resistance.

We crossed the church. I looked at the floor, keeping my head down. A door opened, then clanged shut after we passed through. The chaos of the church grew muffled.

“You little bitch,” my mother hissed under her breath, wheezing from effort and hate. “You ingrate! I tried to be good, and what did you do? Caused a fucking scandal!”

She dragged me through a maze of corridors until we arrived at the door of my bridal suite. She pushed me inside, and I fell on the carpet, heaving. Sweat poured down my back and into my eyes. I felt feverish.

“You will stay here while I fix your mess,” she said, her voice high-pitched from fury. “And once my hunters find your monster, they will drag him here and finish him in front of your eyes. After that, you will go back to that altar and do what you’re told!”

Her heels clicked away, the door closing with a thud. The key turned in the lock. I still couldn’t move, desperately trying to breathe while acid burned my throat. I shook so hard, I had to lie down completely, curling up on the floor. The world spun when I opened my eyes, the light falling in through the big windows hurting my eyes.

But that physical pain was nothing compared to the ache in my heart. What if they found Scarab, after all? I was so stupid , playing with his life like this. I should have just done what I was told.

But then, Scarab was strong, wasn’t he? And he was gone. It would take time to find him. Maybe I could warn him.

I braced myself, trying to slide my weak, trembling legs under me. After the third attempt, my body listened, and I managed to heave myself up onto my knees. Nausea tightened my throat again, and I breathed slowly through my nose to make it pass.

Carefully and with many stops, I managed to crawl up to where my bag was. I took out my phone with shaking fingers and called his number. I hadn’t tried it before, because my mother made it clear any attempt to contact him would end up with him dead.

But that didn’t matter anymore. Those hunters were after him no matter what I did. I could warn him now so he could hide.

I waited. Three rings. Five. Seven. The call ended without making it through, and I sobbed, calling his number again. He probably hated me so much, he didn’t even want to hear my voice.

“Please, pick up,” I begged shakily. “Please.”

He didn’t. After the call disconnected, I opened my messages, starting to type. My hands shook so badly, I hit all the wrong letters. I groaned, furious with myself, and started again.

A faint click from the window made me look up in terror. Did someone come for me? The mind manipulator? Or the hunters? Did they already catch him?

A dark shape loomed behind the window, but the light blinded me so much, I couldn’t see who it was. I squinted, getting ready to close my eyes if I saw even a hint of an orange glow.

The window swung open. A heavy bag landed on the floor, followed by a pair of black combat boots. I hiccupped, terrified and ready to beg for my life, until I heard his voice.

“Hello, doll.”