Page 53 of Grand Romantic Delusions and the Madness of Mirth, Part Two

“I’m not interested in fucking anyone but Mirth,” Bolan says utterly seriously.

“I’m not homophobic. It’s sexy as fuck to participate.

If you want me there. And I’m happy to lend a helping hand when more than two are desired, or four for that matter.

But I can tell you now, I wouldn’t be able to get it up with any of you. And my fucking ass is off-limits.”

“Everyone knows that, Bolan,” Sully says sourly.

Looking at Sully, Bolan points at me. “You just said baby brother didn’t know. Baby fucking brother, Sully. There is a line.”

The intensity of the crowd shifts again. I glance up at the screen to confirm that the second race has begun. “Perseus is in the fifth race,” I say numbly.

“Mirth will need to be down here,” Elias says. “Visible. We’ll keep the children out of camera view. Bolan and Sully, you’ll flank Mirth. She’ll be more comfortable publicly acknowledging you two than Christoph or me right now.”

Sully nods.

Bolan shifts on his feet, looking at me. “It’s Rian’s race … his accomplishment. Even if Perseus doesn’t win.”

Elias side-eyes me for a moment. Then with cool viciousness, he says, “Rian made his choice. Staff members don’t stand at the side of their princess.”

“Slow the fuck down, asshole.” Bolan raises his hands toward the earl. “Mirth was clear that Rian is part of us, that he —”

“I agree,” Sully says, setting down his tea. “With Eli.”

Bolan looks conflicted. Then all three of them turn to Christoph. And I realize what’s happening. What I’ve put myself on the outside of …

They’re protecting Mirth. They’re putting it to some unvoiced vote. Organizing things now, like who sits where, so that Mirth doesn’t have to worry about it later.

Protecting Mirth.

From me.

But … I’m hers. I’m her safe space. “I haven’t …” I say, addressing Christoph. “I have made a choice. I chose Mirth. I choose Mirth.”

Christoph looks at me steadily. His dominance is an actual weight. “Mirth needs balance. We’re already struggling to provide that for her, for ourselves. We’re all sorting out our own personal shit. Losing Armin has destabilized the bond.” He glances over at Elias, as if for confirmation.

“I believe it has, yes,” the earl says. “And not just for Mirth. For both Bolan and Sully as well.”

“It’s not about who is fucking who,” Christoph says. “Or feeling jealous or inferior. It’s that we are stronger together. And together, we can support Mirth. Just as she unequivocally supports us.”

I nod. My heart is pounding.

“You think none of us had better things to do today?” Elias asks caustically.

“I’m in the middle of drafting fucking water-conservation legislation that will hopefully impact the fucking world.

But I’m here, because you, Rian, are racing Mirth’s horse.

And this is what bond groups do for each other. ”

Sully touches the back of Elias’s hand. The earl’s fingers twitch. But without lessening his glare on me, he tangles his fingers through Sully’s, taking the comfort offered.

“I, myself, never have anything better to do,” Bolan says. “I totally volunteer to follow Mirth around and attend to her every whim.”

“Mirth doesn’t have whims,” Sully says.

“That’s an issue for another day,” Christoph says. “First we stabilize. Then when she knows we’re devoted to her, the kids, and our life together, Mirth will accept that she can ask for more … personal things.”

I haven’t been this lectured and schooled in my entire life. But I’ve always prided myself on my ability to actually listen, to make corrections when needed.

A sharp knock precedes the door opening behind me. Mirth’s main guard, Roz, pokes her head in, immediately scanning the room for Mirth and frowning deeply when she doesn’t see her.

“In the lookout,” Bolan says.

Roz nods, her tension instantly easing. “Word has gotten around that Her Highness is attending today’s events and has a horse in the fifth race. Will you be issuing any invitations?”

I’m seriously confused by the question.

Elias steps in smoothly. “The royal guard may issue a blanket statement. Her Royal Highness is pleased to attend today’s races in support of her horse Perseus in the memory of her late brother, Prince Armin.

But as she doesn’t want to cause any distraction, she will view the race, along with Lord Savoy, Bolan, and her other chosen, from the royal box. ”

“Her chosen?” Christoph murmurs. “Is it time for that?”

“Mirth isn’t hiding any of us,” Sully says. He looks at me pointedly. “She made that clear, right?”

My face flames like I’m a fucking child. Like the fucking child I’m being.

“Plus,” the blue-haired mage adds, holding up his phone, “there are already pictures of Christoph hand-feeding Mirth pieces of salmon maki an hour ago. So that isn’t going back behind closed doors.”

Christoph stiffens in surprise.

Bolan whistles. “Someone is so getting fired for taking pictures in the clubhouse. I hope the payout was worth it for them.” He leans over to peer at Sully’s screen.

“Look at you, Duke. Fucking besotted. I seriously thought you were in the no-fucking camp. But Mirth climbing you like the behemoth you are about a half an hour ago made your intentions pretty clear.”

“This is information I don’t need,” Roz says, though she sounds amused under her curt, professional tone. “Are you all happy with that statement?”

“Yes,” Elias says.

Roz closes the door behind her.

Cheeks flushing, Christoph pulls his own phone out of his pocket, holding it like it’s something he’s forced to carry but doesn’t really know how to use. “Can you send me those, Sully?”

“I’ll do you one better,” the blue-haired mage drawls. His thumbs are already flying over his screen. “I’ll get the originals.”

Then as if they’re engaging in some kind of silent communication, but without looking at each other, each of the four steps away from guarding the door Mirth and the kids disappeared through.

I instantly take the opening.

“Tell Tommy and Kitty to come down,” Elias says, not looking directly at me. “They haven’t eaten enough.”

“Yes.” Sully’s tone is even frostier than the earl’s. “I need to see how Tommy’s arm is healing.”

I understand my place now, and what I need to do to start building trust if this bond group is what I really want.

Understanding doesn’t make any of what I might have seriously fucked up easier to fix, though.

Mirth is practically hanging over the top of a short balcony, gesturing down toward the track, with the kids standing at the railing to either side of her.

I slip through the already open door at the top of the stairs unnoticed and take a moment to do some watching myself — of Mirth and the kids.

I barely notice the few empty seats behind them, or any of the other minimalist decor.

This perch is purely a way to view the track below without anyone, and everyone, watching right back.

It doesn’t take me more than a moment to see how the kids lean into Mirth, how they look at her. But not like they’re worshiping a princess or are simply enamored with a pretty woman. They’re drawn to her, yes. But they’re … safe with her.

She feels like home to me too.

“Oh, there he is!” the young girl — Kitty — cries, jabbing her finger at a downward angle toward the track. She’s got a small pair of binoculars pressed to her face, the straps looped around her neck. “That’s him. Number 1. Number 1. That’s Perseus, right?”

I understand that they’re parading some of the horses around the track between races to increase the take on the later races. As long as they’re kept separate, it’s good to let them stretch their legs.

“But who’s the rider?” Tommy says distrustfully. “Eli says that Perseus is fast, young but fast. But that the rider will make the difference between first and second place.”

“I don’t know,” Mirth murmurs, glancing toward the stats now scrolling over the huge screen hanging over the center of the stadium. “The rider’s name wasn’t posted when I last checked.”

“We should have asked Rian,” Kitty says.

“He wasn’t answering Mirth’s calls, remember?” Tommy says darkly.

“Oh,” Kitty whispers quietly. “Right …”

Mirth’s shoulders stiffen. My heart pounds in my chest as I wait for whatever she’s going to say. Even though I need to speak up, step up now … I wait just a moment more.

“I’m certain,” Mirth says, her tone perfectly pleasant, “that had I asked Rian directly, he would have provided us a name. He knew we were coming to see Perseus race. He took time out of his very busy schedule to send me all those stats, remember? I should have forwarded those to Eli, but I didn’t know the earl would take you to place bets. ”

“Okay …” Kitty says, still a little doubtful. Then her enthusiasm floods right back in. “I mean, truthfully, we kind of begged Eli. And he’d already given us each a draw on our allowance.”

Tommy watches Mirth steadily as she completely covers for me. Disappointment— in myself— adds another sharp edge to the maelstrom of painful emotion lodged in my chest. Mirth lying. For me. And Tommy already old enough, smart enough, to see right through it.

The last seventy-two hours have been utter hell on my perception of myself. All of it self-inflicted wounds.

Mirth catches Tommy watching her, offering him a slight smile. “Does your arm hurt?”

“No,” he says, also valiantly lying.

“Must be the shoulder, then,” she teases back, grinning.

Tommy grins right back. I’m not certain it’s possible to not smile back at Mirth when she smiles at you. “It ain’t nothing.”

I scuff my foot on the floor, already stepping forward so it doesn’t seem as though I paused to watch them at all. Mirth straightens from hanging over the edge of the balcony, glancing back but not really looking at me.

Tommy glowers.

Kitty grins, wide and welcoming. For the second time.

And this time, I shove all my other shit away, all the shit I carried with me into the Royal Household Box below, and I grin right back at the young girl.