Page 18 of Grace in Glasgow (Seduced in Scotland #3)

“She didn’t say,” Grace said, climbing in after him. “Perhaps it’s in the liquor compartment.”

He turned around, sitting down as he watched Grace sit opposite, her hands going to a small rectangular door that unlatched from the interior wall, revealing a small crystal bottle of reddish liquid and two sherry glasses.

“Your aunt has a liquor compartment?”

“Of course. She gets sick from the swaying of the carriage on long journeys. She takes a dram or two of sherry to fall asleep.”

James shook his head, as a humorous breath escaped his lips.

“That woman is an enigma,” he said, leaning forward to trace his hands along the carriage floor. “Is it a vial of liquid? Perhaps powder or pill form?”

“She didn’t say.”

“Well, what’s it for?”

Grace shook her head.

“She said it was for pain, but I’m not sure I believe her. She seemed secretive,” she said, leaning forward until their faces were quite close. “A trait you and she share, evidently.”

James had stilled, noting the miniscule space between them. It was exactly the sort of situation that would usually make him wary, but there was a comfort in Grace’s amber eyes that steadied him and he exhaled.

“What do you wish to know, Miss Sharpe?”

“Why were you so against me shadowing you when I first asked?”

James felt his nerves fray at the question, but he would answer it, because despite what he had thought that night, it wasn’t as if he was in an embarrassing position.

“In truth, I was caught off guard that night and perhaps my ego was bruised a little,” he said steadily, staring at her. “It is not a very professional thing to admit.”

The slight bounce between her brow caught his attention.

“But I don’t understand. Why would your ego be bruised? Unless you… Oh…” Her face suddenly smoothed with recognition. “Oh.”

Oh indeed. Was there ever a more pathetic Oh spoken before?

“Yes, well, I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“Oh dear,” she said, her eyes unfocused as she leaned back away from him. “I can’t believe I didn’t realize it.”

“It’s quite all right.”

“No, it isn’t. You thought…” Her gaze fell to the ground. “But, your aunt.”

Now it was James’s turn to frown.

“My aunt?”

“It’s just… She told me that, well, that you were, um… how should I say this?”

“In her own words. I’m used to them, believe me.”

Grace hesitated before continuing.

“Well, she said that you were outside the idea of companionship ever since, um… Well, you know.”

He let out a sigh.

“Since Catriona.” Grace nodded. “Yes, well, that was a situation.” A silent pause followed and when he glanced at Grace, she appeared far more interested than he cared for her to be.

He sensed her curiosity building, questions hovering on her lips as was her usual response to learning a new topic.

He leaned back himself. “What do you wish to know?”

“Everything.”

A laugh escaped him.

“Everything?”

“Yes. How did you meet? Were you in love with her? Was she in love with you? Why did she leave? Were you able to forgive her?”

Although it was a series of incredibly private questions, James seemed almost eager to unload the answers, as he had never been able to speak freely about it.

Not with his friends or family. It was just something that he was expected to bear by himself, silently and stoically as he always behaved.

Not to mention, no one had ever asked him point blank any of these questions.

Taking a deep breath, he leaned forward again, resting his elbows on his knees as he clasped his hands together.

“We met three years ago, during one of her father’s lectures.

I had known Sir Ward for a few years, since the end of my studies at the university, but never knew he had a daughter.

She was the Wards’ only child and so they raised her to have a proper education and she was brilliant.

” He peered up. “She wanted to be a doctor too.”

Grace’s eyes widened at the confession.

“Did she?”

“Yes, and she was quite capable. She was studying under her father as an apprentice since she wasn’t admitted to any of the universities due to her sex. Even with her father, who is renowned in the medical field, they still wouldn’t permit her.

“We were fast friends and soon our relationship turned romantic, except that, from my point of view now, I daresay that it was one-sided.”

“How so?”

He hesitated for a moment, but the weight of relieving himself of it all was too tempting.

“Catriona was rarely affectionate. I had told myself that it was because she was an educated woman, too refined in that her mind was preoccupied to be distracted with basic human instincts. But the idea of her, of us together, was too tempting for me. I was in awe of her mind and mistook it for love, or at least that’s what I have to believe.

” He smirked, bitterly. “I think she accepted my proposal at the behest of her father. It wasn’t until the day before the wedding last autumn that I was made aware of her relationship with an English peer that she had met during some lecture.

They had been writing to one another ever since, but her father didn’t approve of him for reasons unknown to me.

But it seems she couldn’t bear the thought of marrying me, because she ran away to be with him and I never heard from her again.

” His mouth quirked to the side as the memory of their last meeting engulfed him.

“I was not completely unaware of her feelings, although I must admit now that I wasn’t as attentive as I should have been.

I should have listened more to what she wasn’t saying. ”

Grace’s brow flinched.

“How could you listen to what she wasn’t saying?”

He sighed, amazed that he was revealing so much of the things he had gone over and over in his mind since being left by Catriona. But the darkness of the carriage that engulfed them made him feel comforted. Perhaps it was the company too.

He shook his head.

“When I asked her if she was happy and she said yes, but the expression on her face said otherwise. When I asked her if there was something I should know about when she started acting sad, she told me not to worry. I should have recognized the anxiety she was displaying. I should have been able to see it, to identify it.”

“You wanted to diagnose the problem between you.” A long pause followed his confession. “And did you forgive her?”

“Forgive her for what? Loving someone else? It’s hardly a thing to forgive. Besides, she doesn’t require it of me.”

“But you might.”

James’s gaze lifted and he saw Grace staring at him.

“Yes, I forgave her. I hold no ill will toward Catriona and what’s more, I’m grateful that she left. It would have been a miserable life to be married to someone who didn’t love me.”

“And you loved her?”

“I thought I did.”

Another pause followed and James felt a creeping sensation crawl up his spine, as if Grace might begin to pity him. Wanting to suddenly be out of her presence, he moved to leave the carriage.

“It seems your aunt’s medicine has vanished, if there ever was some to begin with. Let’s return—”

But Grace’s hand touched his forearm and he stopped as a wave of heat wafted over him.

“Your aunt told me you were outside the idea of companionship.”

James’s brow crinkled.

“Yes, you said as much.”

But Grace was shaking her head.

“No, I mean… It was why I wanted to study with you. Because you were supposed to be incapable of amorous feelings.”

James frowned.

“I’m sorry to say that I’m not. I’m only human, Grace.”

The use of her name seemed to reverberate around them as she stared at him; she appeared almost in a panic.

“You must though.”

Confused, he slowly sank back down to the velvet seat.

“Why must I?”

“Because… Because I can’t… You can’t. We can’t—”

He reached for her hand to try and help steady her. He had never seen Grace in a panic before and yet, she seemed to be having an issue all of a sudden.

“Grace, it’s all right. We’ve been able to work together these last few weeks without issue. I’m not a worry to you, believe me.”

But she was shaking her head.

“It’s not you I’m worried about. It’s me.”

He frowned, confused.

“You?”

“Yes.” She paused. “You see, I-I’ve been too aware of you, I suppose, for lack of a better way of explaining it. That is, there are things about you that I often find myself thinking about and while harmless, I do tend to, well, that’s not to say that I often do, but I have done so in the past—”

“What have you done?”

Grace closed her eyes and sighed.

“This is going to sound mad, but I… I didn’t ever believe that I was capable of amorous feelings.”

James tilted his head.

“Oh?”

She opened one eye, as if to peek at his reaction.

“But I’ve tried.”

His brow lifted, unsure what she was telling him.

“Have you?”

“That is to say, I tried once, to see if I might have the ability to feel such things. It was when we were in London. Actually, it’s the entire reason we left London,” she began.

“You see, my friend was set to marry a man who was very smart, but also very dull. He spoke endlessly on mathematics and bored everyone around him, and when someone would try to interject or even add to the conversation, he refused to allow it.”

James nodded, unsure where this was going.

“All right…”

“Well, my friend, she was set to marry him, an arrangement with her parents had been made, and she was sure that his brilliance was the reason she couldn’t feel anything for him.

That he was too clever and that only other clever people found him interesting.

Well, I am a clever person and seeing how upset she was at the match as well as being consistently curious, I decided to try something. ”

“What did you try?”

“I kissed him.”

James had heard that one of the Sharpes had caused a scandal in London, which had been the reason they had come to Scotland in the first place, but he had always assumed it was one of Grace’s sisters, either Hope or Faith who had been rather cavalier with themselves. Not smart, steadfast Grace.

“Why?”

“I wanted to see if it was true. If perhaps clever people were attracted to other clever people, not to mention that it would help my friend get out of what most certainly was going to be a loveless marriage. So, I kissed him and… And there was nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Not a feeling, not an idea, not an epiphany, not anything. It was rather boring actually, and from that moment on, I always assumed that there were people who were outside of the world of companionship.” She glanced at him.

“When your aunt mentioned that you were similar, I thought this might be a practical partnership.”

“And now?”

“I’m not so sure.”

“Because you believe that I’m incapable of helping myself?” he asked. “I assure you; I can control myself.”

“No, no,” she said quickly. “It is because I am no longer sure of myself.”

It took a moment for her words to sink in.

“Pardon?”

“I’m saying, I’ve noticed certain reactions that I have whenever you are near and I can’t help it,” she said, glancing down quickly.

“I’m mortified to admit this, but for the sake of my apprenticeship, I feel that I must tell you.

” Her gaze lifted and James felt the air go out of him. “I believe I’m attracted to you.”

The honesty, however small and seemingly insignificant, affected James in more ways than he’d like to admit.

She was attracted to him. Outside of their work together and their differences in social standings, here was a woman, whose very image had haunted him for months, admitting that she felt a certain way about him.

James had always prided himself on his practicality. Even in dire situations, his mantra to “trust the journey” had always managed to bring peace and stillness to any circumstances he found himself in.

But this was something he had never experienced. With Catriona, it had been mostly one-sided and even when she did finally admit to having some feelings for him, it had taken nearly a year and he knew now that said feelings were likely more platonic than romantic.

Yet Grace Sharpe didn’t seem to be hindered by shyness or even social decorum. She was straightforward and rather blunt in her confession and it was… Stunning.

She looked away once more.

“I’m sure you understand why then, that I would like to end my apprenticeship.”

And that was the last thing he had expected to hear. James felt a knot form in the pit of his stomach at her suggestion.

“No,” he said, leaning forward still. “Grace, you don’t have to stop your studies because of this.”

“It will hinder me.”

“It won’t. I won’t allow it.”

“How can it not?”

“Well, because. We are two practical, well-behaved people who can be aware of a symptom without provoking it. We’ll just take the extra caution to not be affected by it.”

“Do you really believe that we can?”

“Absolutely. Besides, it’s not as though we cannot control ourselves. Right?”

He held out his hand, in a gesture of good faith and with a slight smile, Grace took it.

“Right.”

With a single shake of their hands, they agreed to continue their professional relationship while ignoring whatever silly feelings might be between them. Yet in the next moment, her smile vanished and a force beyond both her and James seemed to settle around them.

His thumb glided over hers and the air began to thicken with tension. Grace’s gaze was transfixed on their hands when she suddenly pulled his hand back toward her. It was not enough to command him anything and yet he went toward her, as if she possessed the strength of ten men.

Grace’s other hand came up and she stroked the edge of his jaw.

“I like your beard.”

What a silly thing to make a man’s heart beat, but beat it did.

“Do you?” he asked gruffly.

“Yes,” she said, her voice soft as her gaze moved over his face. “Perhaps, in the name of science, you might oblige me just this once. So that I might make a decision possessing all the facts.”

“And what facts are you hoping to acquire?”

“Basic ones. Facts based in human nature and instinct.”

“I see,” he said. “And how might I be of service to this inquiry?”

“Well, Dr. Hall, I’d like it very much if you would kiss me.”

Thunder sounded in his ears at the request and he went to shake his head, but then that same pang he felt on the steps of the opera house reverberated within his chest and he bent his head down and kissed her.