Page 36

Aisling

I wake up gasping for breath as pain shoots through my limbs like daggers.

I reach my arm out, expecting to feel Ronan’s warm body next to me, but all I’m met with is cold sheets and a dimly lit candle.

My heart rate spikes as I scramble out of bed.

“Ro-Ronan!” I beg.

“Ronan, where are you?” My voice comes out more desperate, like I’m pleading to the darkness.

Stumbling around the room, I come across a letter, folded neatly with my name handwritten across the front.

No.

I open it with shaky hands, barely able to hold it still enough to read the smooth writing across the page.

I breathe in deeply, feeling like my sanity is going to slip with each word I read. I prepare myself for the worst.

My Gorgeous Nightmare,

There’s a version of me that only existed in your arms.

You were the only light I ever let into my darkness. The only little spark I wanted to keep.

And I did… for a little while.

Looking back, this last week has been the happiest time of my life. A time when the darkness didn’t feel so overwhelming.

It was like I could finally breathe.

And you were the air that filled my lungs .

I told myself I was protecting you, but we both knew the truth.

You were always the stronger one.

You’re everything I never thought I could have. Everything I didn’t know I needed. And I’m so fucking sorry for not getting to you sooner.

For not being enough when you needed me.

But I can be enough for you now.

My soul for yours.

If she keeps her word, you’ll be free. No more nightmares. No more looming shadows or demons haunting your sleep.

You’ll wake up to cold sheets and quiet nights, but I hope you still feel me there anyway.

In the way the rain flows from the sky and gathers in puddles at your feet. I’ll be there.

When the wind howls and the moths flutter by.

When candles flicker without reason.

When the dark feels a little warmer than it should.

That will be me.

I didn’t know how to say it then, but I’ll say it now, carved in ink so you’ll always have it to look back at.

Aisling,

I loved you.

I love you.

In the kind of way that breaks timelines and every law of reason.

You weren’t just a girl I loved.

You were the woman of my nightmares.

So I ask one last thing of you.

Remember that when the darkness starts to feel empty without me, know that I never truly left.

I’ll be in the shadows.

Protecting you like I wasn’t able to before.

You were never mine to keep, but Gods, I loved pretending.

Always and forever your shadow,

Ronan .

I sink to the floor, the letter clutched against my chest. The scent of him, lavender and rain water on burned wood, floods my senses.

He smells like protection and ruin.

I let out a wail loud enough to wake the dead. The tears streaming down my face like waterfalls.

He’s gone.

My sweet boy is gone.

My lungs seize up, my breaths coming out in ragged bursts as the panic permeates my chest.

He left me.

He walked straight into the devil's arms for me, and now I’m just supposed to sit back and enjoy life.

No. No. No. No .

My curled body moves back and forth, trying anything to stop the onslaught of bad thoughts and panic running through my system .

I’m shaking.

The door creaks open slowly as Ash peeks her head in, scanning the room slowly.

We lock eyes.

“Get me the fuck in there,” I rasp, my voice shaking.

“Aisling-”

“He sacrificed himself to Lilith. My mother. I know it’s her, I can feel it,” I growl, pointing to my stomach where the raven skull is radiating with energy.

She doesn’t ask again. She already knows my answer.

“Alright then, let’s go kill a god.”

I hold the letter in my hands, grasping it like it will bring him back.

But I know it won’t .

I breathe out deeply, trying to muster any kind of strength I can as I prepare myself for her .

I know my mother took him. I can feel it in my bones. I sigh silently, praying to whatever Gods are listening to help me get him out of this… even if it’s only him.

I watch Ash closely as she sets up the ritual. She starts by laying out bones in a circle with salt, herbs, and a raven skull at the top, pointing north. Its hollow eyes stare back at me like it’s watching.

And the fact that it probably is sends a wave of nausea through my body.

Ash hands me a dead luna moth, and I grab it gently, trying not to damage its frail wings.

“Take this into the circle. You’re going to pin it to the skull, then pour the moon water over it.

That’s going to activate it. Once the jar is empty you’re going to pick up that blade,” she glances over to the blade that Tyler was holding when everything went to shit.

“And you are going to offer your blood. While you're making your sacrifice, chant this three times. Then voila. You should be in the Dreamworld. ”

She hands me a worn piece of paper, and I run my eyes across the dark and swirling letters.

I am the vessel, sealed and whole.

Through every shadow, I keep control.

No force may bind, no will may bend.

I pass untouched until the end.

I look up at her and nod, a single tear sliding down my cheek.

“In case I don’t see you again, I just wanted to say I love you, babes. Thank you for always being here for me.”

“Shut up! You’re gonna make me cry.” She sniffles before pulling me in for a hug. “I love you too, you crazy bitch,” she chuckles as she releases me, grabbing my hand to guide me into the circle.

I step in and stand before the skull, gripping the moth like it’s my lifeline.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper to the little night butterfly before pressing the pin through its body, fastening it to the skull .

The moon water glistens in the candlelight as I pour it over the delicate wings. I swear I catch them fluttering for just a split second.

Maybe I really am going crazy .

My gaze shifts to the blade. The one that was there at the beginning of this fucked up nightmare. The one I killed Tyler with… or at least it felt like I really did.

Until I actually had to.

Reaching out, my fingers graze the cool metal, wrapping around it methodically.

I press the blade against my palm, burning like it's on fire. My blood spills, dark and hot, onto the offering.

I can feel a rush of pain, or maybe it’s power, curl through my body.

I close my eyes, whispering the chant, the words falling from my lips like a spell I was born to say.

The circle hums with energy, pulsing through my veins like a wildfire before everything blurs.

And then it all turns black.