Page 4 of Gonzo’s Grudge (Saint’s Outlaws MC: Dreadnought, NC #1)

Gonzo

C hurch.

The call to meet was made. It was time to share the news.

Twenty-four hours had passed, rumors were running wild. Should I have called this sooner?

Possibly. Probably.

But I had to get my head on straight first.

Half the club was gone on the trip to Bella Vista, the other half hungover, yesterday wasn’t the time.

I needed to sort through the details I could get from our attorney because no moves would be made without all the facts.

While everyone deserved to know, I had to also make sure GJ was secured and safe before taking on the club and what came next.

Somberly, I dropped my firearm in the deposit box before stepping up to the table.

I walked the space unable to put myself in the seat.

I knew the role and the expectation that I had to step up in his absence.

But moving forward without Pop Squally didn’t feel right.

Every patched brother began to file in behind me as I prepare my mind for the next steps.

Once the door closed, I took a deep breath.

“Some of you have heard, some maybe have not,” I began pacing the area not able to sit in his seat or my own.

“Pop Squally took his final ride.” The words sat heavy in my blackened soul.

Nothing about that felt right. Sure, we all had a day to meet the reaper, but this was not supposed to be his dammit.

That last ride was supposed to be peaceful or going out in a blaze of glory.

Not gunned down in his fucking boxers while sitting in his recliner waiting on a prospect to grab some keys before he crashed for the night.

Hell, the man had the water sitting out to add to his damn CPAP machine.

He didn’t have time to think much less prepare to die.

He was ready to dream about pussy or a new bike, not take a permanent slumber.

There was a stark silence over the room.

“My son.” I blew out a breath. “He’s?—”

Clutch stood moving toward me. “Gonzo, don’t even say the shit. That’s bullshit and every brother in this room knows it.”

Instantly, I relaxed. I knew my club. We were family. They knew my son and the way Pop Squally, and I go back. Shit, he was the first one I called the day GJ was born. Everyone here knew it. And they knew there was no way GJ could have done what these cops say he did.

“Prospect or not, GJ is family, we know what Pop was to him, to your family.” Clutch continued as others murmured agreements and nods.

“Tarte, she said the case is solid. Too solid,” I told them what weighed on me most. Devyn Tarte was sharp and on the ball. She was the best defense attorney in the area and cutthroat. She stood behind her clients, especially the Saints but this one even had her rattled.

“Bail?” Disciple asked, to which I could only shake my head.

I wanted to bring him home. I went to the hearing this morning. The first thing on the damn docket was that shit. How could it happen this fast and be believed? Our new district court judge sat in personally.

Judge Connor Walsh denied my son bail.

His reason: GJ’s affiliation with a known gang.

It took everything in me to remain in my seat and not correct the fucker in the robe. To be denied bail as a first-time offender, this shit was personal.

How could there be any kind of issue with this man who none of us ever had one single interaction with?

I had questions, but GJ wasn’t my sole focus at the moment. The reason he was locked up, the reason I had to give the announcement…

The reason the chair sat empty, that was why we were here and I couldn’t forget it.

The table was no longer full. Our leader was gone, and someone had to step in and fill that void.

“How can they say no bail and have these charges set so fast?” Disciple asked. “Shit don’t make sense, Gonzo. Someone’s fuckin’ with our boy.”

I could only nod. “No bail, but today, I didn’t call church because of GJ.

I called it because the head of our table is empty.

GJ needs our support, I need your support, but the club comes first, and we need to fill this seat once again.

” I muttered, standing behind the captain’s chair that once belonged to my mentor, my brother, and my very best friend.

“I nominate Gonzo,” Tower chimed in before I could continue.

“I second,” came from Jester.

“Put it to a vote,” Dippy added.

I shook my head, holding my hands up. “Can’t rush this shit. Gotta let the guys get in from the road to do the vote right,” I instructed them all.

“No need,” Disciple, our chaplain, popped up to state. He was always the one to think eight steps ahead and he was always calm. “Tower and I already got proxies from all of them.”

I looked around in shock. “How?”

“Knew what went down, brother, know what this club needs,” Tower explained. “We got the proxy’s so we can move on.” He looked around as all the men gave nods in approval. “It’s time, let’s vote.”

Starting with Tower at the table, he gave an “aye,” followed by Jester, Burn, Disciple, Loco, Peanut, Pull, Clutch, Dippy, Chains, Lead, Shanks, and one by one every other patched bother agreed.

Tower lifted the gavel, handing it to me with a nod. I slammed it against the block.

Looking around, I felt every ounce of their support not only for me, but my son, and the future of this club.

“Tower, I want you as VP.” I had to get this going even if it shattered me to know this wasn’t how it should be. “Pull will step in at secretary.”

Everyone was in agreement as we had to move through positions to adjust and adapt to our loss.

“ Y ou got him in this, Gabriel. All he’s ever wanted was to be just like you. How can you let this happen to our son?” Her tears flowed in steady streams down her face. All she has done since I told her what happened was cry and scream at me.

I deserved it all and more. Right now, though, I wished she could give me a small reprieve in order to think clearly and plan.

“Catalina, I know. I fuckin’ know. I don’t need you up my ass. I’m doin’ everything and so is the club.”

She laughed before her hand came up as her palm made contact with my cheek. “Fuck your club.”

Before I could even reply, she stormed off.

I deserved that shit too. Every ounce of her pain, her anger, I earned it.

I did her wrong for far too many years. She stood by me through every duty station move, every deployment, and held strong as retirement scared the life out of me.

Knowing I put my dick in any hole available without a second thought to her, she still remained faithful. In the end, I had to let her go.

Not for me.

The selfish sonofabitch I was absolutely would have kept our marriage like it was.

Why not? She didn’t care about the lies, the cheating, as long as I found my way back to her eventually.

I probably shouldn’t say that. Deep inside she did care.

It ate her up to know I was never satisfied.

Alas, she wouldn’t ever stand up to me and that was why I had to be the one to call it off.

It wasn’t fair to her for us to continue.

She was a good woman and the life I was giving her had no future where the scales would ever tip in her favor. She needed a good man that would come home to have dinner with her every night and wake up in his arms every morning. I was not that man.

Got married way too young. I was home visiting on a planned leave.

Had a good time with a girl I had a solid history with.

When I joined the Marines, we didn’t discuss staying together or breaking up.

I left and she waited. I came home on leave and left her again.

This continued a few times. All the while I did what I wanted and she remained at home waiting.

I was at my first duty station when she called. The pregnancy test was clear, two lines meant it was time to settle down. At least that was my promise to her. I thought I could do it. We were fucking twenty years old. I thought I could do anything.

Life was about to teach me a hard lesson though. I couldn’t save that baby or the next two she lost after. All Catalina wanted was to be a wife and mother. Did I give her that shit? No, not in the way she deserved. All I did was live the life I wanted. Took her along for one fucked up ride.

Twenty-three years I served my county, and she served me for most of them.

Twenty years, she never thought of another man, another life, all while I did what the fuck I wanted, who the fuck I wanted, when the fuck I wanted.

When I retired, she thought it would finally be her time to have life with me.

Well, when fantasy wasn’t reality, she finally had enough.

Half my retirement would be hers, along with the house, the car, and the damn dog.

Fuck, even now, she needed anything, I would move mountains for her to have it. I owed her in ways I could never repay.

Loyalty.

Catalina had that shit in spades. No one could ever love me like she did. A love I didn’t deserve. A loyalty I never earned. The respect I would always carry for her meant she could scream, slap, and do anything she needed to, and I would stand up to take her wrath.

She was right.

I knew Gabriel wanted to be a mini me. I encouraged it even knowing the risks.

I put him in this situation by allowing him into my world.

She begged me not to let him prospect. She cried for me not to take him to the clubhouse.

If I wanted to be an Outlaw, she wouldn’t stop me, but she made it clear she didn’t support it for our son.

Our only child.

Her whole world.

After losing child after child, she finally made it full term with a baby boy. We might have been in thirty years old, but she was ready for it all. She was the responsible adult. I was still fucking around and acting like a boy not the man she needed to be. Not the man he needed me to be.

And my world got him put in a fucking box behind bars with very little hope to see the light of day and enjoy the freedoms I fought an entire career to protect.

All of it for a crime he damn sure didn’t commit.