Page 28

Chapter 28

Goose

Seeing Gemma cry gutted me like a hot knife to my insides, the pain sharp enough to steal my breath away. And she wasn’t just crying; heavy sobs wracked her chest as she shook violently in my arms.

Gasping between broken breaths, she kept repeating, “I can’t do it. I can’t do it.”

I only held her tighter, the act of burying my face in her hair the only thing calming me enough to keep it together. I needed to be strong for her, but it was breaking my heart to hear the anguish in her voice as she uttered that phrase over and over.

“Can’t do what?” I croaked, emotion clogging my throat.

Gemma clutched at my shoulders, and I could feel the desperation leaking through her fingertips. “I can’t lose you.”

Easing back so I could view her tear-streaked face, I vowed, “You won’t. Not ever. I promise.”

The haunted look in her hazel eyes ripped my chest wide open.

What the hell happened after I left her yesterday morning before the quick overnight trip to Detroit? Everything was going great; we were making progress—at least, I felt like we were—and now she was having a complete meltdown, worried she was going to lose me? Hadn’t I made myself clear from day one? That I was hers and she was mine? End of story. Nothing would ever change that.

“Come on,” I coaxed, easing her over my lap so I could wrap her legs around my waist. “Let’s get you upstairs.”

Shifting to the edge of the couch, I lifted her when I stood. Gemma’s face buried in the crook of my neck, her grip tightening, almost as if she were afraid I would disappear if she let go.

Her tears soaked through the collar of my shirt, the stream of them never slowing as I carried her to the bedroom. Her sobs tapered off, becoming muted, but her chest still jolted as hiccups took their place.

Never letting her go, I sat on the bed, positioning myself so my back was against the headboard.

I was smart enough to know that outright asking what had made her so upset would likely set her off again, so I decided to try for a diversion.

More than once, she’d mentioned her nieces—her cousin’s daughters—and when she did, I could tell she missed them fiercely. Talking about them made her happy, even though she was sad she couldn’t be with them.

“You know what I was thinking earlier?” I ran a hand over her long black hair.

“Mmm?” Gemma kept her face buried against my chest.

“You’ve never shown me a picture of Matteo’s girls. Think you might be able to help me put faces to the names?”

Sniffling, she peeked up at me, her eyes red-rimmed and puffy. “You want to see pics of the girls?”

Using my thumb, I wiped away some of the moisture along her cheeks. “Yeah, I know how much you love them. And if they’re anything like their aunt Gemma, I’m gonna fall for them at first sight.”

Her lashes fluttered to her cheeks. “I’m trouble, Sasha.”

“Of course you are.” Those hazel eyes snapped open at my chuckle. “I knew that the minute you opened your mouth at the DMV.”

“I’m serious. You’re better off without me.”

I shook my head. “That’s where you’ve got it wrong. You’re imprinted on my soul. What we have is eternal, a bond that will never be broken, not even when our time on this Earth is done.” Taking her hand in mine, I pressed it over my heart. “You might doubt it, but I feel it in here. It’s not a choice loving you; it’s a compulsion. One I’ve never felt the need to fight because it’s as natural as breathing.”

Gemma blinked up at me, her jaw dropping on a soft exhale. I knew what I had laid down was heavy, but saying “I love you” wasn’t enough. I needed her to understand that what I felt went deeper. That no matter what came our way, I would stand by her side and fight.

Hooking a finger beneath her chin, I brought her lips together before dipping my head and dusting mine over them. “How about those pics?”

She let out a shaky exhale but nodded, climbing off my lap toward the nightstand where her phone rested. I used the break in body contact to slip off my suit jacket and roll up the sleeves on my button-down, having come straight from the plane.

When she returned, Gemma curled into my side, her head resting against my shoulder as she held the phone before us. The screen showed an image of two dark-haired little girls. If I had to guess, the older one looked close to Ollie’s age, and the younger one was still a baby, big enough to be sitting up on her own but not quite old enough to walk.

She sucked in a sharp breath before identifying them by name. “That’s Bianca. She’s four.” She traced the girl’s face with a fingertip. “And the baby is Serafina. She’ll be one in March.”

“Pretty names,” I mused.

“Yeah.” She let out a wistful sigh.

Taking the phone from her hand, I swiped to the next photo. In this one, you could tell the older one, Bianca, didn’t realize she was being photographed, allowing the capture of an unguarded moment.

I couldn’t hold back a smile. “She looks like you.”

Gemma shifted against me, leaning in to take a better look. “Oh, I don’t know. We aren’t that closely related,” she protested.

“Genetically speaking, you are,” I countered.

“What?” Turning her attention away from the phone, she looked at me in confusion.

“You said your dad’s an identical twin, right?”

Her eyes slammed shut, and she shivered but nodded.

“You and your cousins would match as half-siblings through genetic testing because your fathers have identical DNA.”

“Huh.” A wrinkle formed between her brows as she considered that logic. “Never thought about it like that.”

She eased the phone from my palm, staring at the picture of the little girl. A smile tipped up the corner of her mouth for the first time since my return home, and the tightness in my chest loosened a fraction.

“I hope her life in this family turns out better than mine.”

Anything I said would feel hollow, so I remained silent, offering support through our embrace. Eventually, Gemma relaxed enough that her breathing leveled out, and she fell asleep in my arms.

After the horrors she’d endured in her past life, I knew this wouldn’t be the last time fear rose to the surface, threatening to drag her back under. But I vowed to be her anchor when those demons came calling, chasing them away and bringing her back to the present.

Gemma’s family might’ve stolen thirty-seven years of her life, but I would ensure that the rest belonged to her. I couldn’t wait to watch her blossom as time passed and she felt comfortable enough to spread her wings and relax into her new life—one where I was by her side every step of the way.

Normally, I didn’t mind the West Coast trips. A week of mild weather and sunshine was welcome, especially in the dead of winter.

But this time, I found myself restless, anxious to get back to Gemma. We’d boarded the plane to San Francisco only two days after her middle-of-the-night meltdown, and my gut told me I shouldn’t have left her.

Now that we’d moved south to San Diego, I couldn’t shake the feeling there was something more going on with her beyond bad memories rising to the surface. Every time I called via video chat, she sounded nervous, the fear still lurking in the hazel depths of her eyes. And each time, it was on the tip of my tongue to beg her to fly out and join me, certain that being together would settle us both.

Dakota had tagged along to keep an eye on Bristol when Maddox couldn’t, with her due date fast approaching, and Gemma would have companions while I was busy training or playing.

But I knew what the answer would be if I asked. Barely a month into her new position managing the bar, she wouldn’t be willing to ask for time off.

We’d trained on the beach today, the change in scenery welcomed by the team. While my teammates shuffled back to our hotel in search of a shower, I parked my sweaty ass in the sand, staring out at the horizon, stretching endless past the sea.

A soft grunt sounded beside me, and I turned to find Jenner had dropped to sit beside me.

“You seem off,” he noted casually.

I shrugged. “Worried about Gemma.”

Jenner’s lips twisted. “Everything okay with you two?”

Resting my forearms on my bent knees, I heaved a heavy sigh. “She’s got a complicated past. Can’t get too deep into it, but she’s been struggling lately. This trip couldn’t have come at a worse time.”

“Ah.” He nodded in understanding. “If I can offer a bit of advice?”

“I’ll take any I can get.”

“If you really care about her, don’t let her push you away.”

I ran a hand through my hair, blowing out a breath. “That’s part of the problem.”

Jenner cocked his head. “How so?”

“I’m used to her pushing me away. I know how to handle it. But this time . . .” I looked skyward. “This time, she completely broke down. We’re talking full-on sobbing, freaking out that she was gonna lose me. And I couldn’t even take a moment to appreciate that she was finally meeting me halfway because she was devastated.”

A hiss sounded beside me. “Shit, man. Feeling helpless is the worst.”

“Yeah,” I breathed out. “I fucking hate it.”

“Well, two more games, and we can get back to our families. Then, it’s full steam ahead on the playoff push.”

Even with my mind wandering to Gemma back in Indy, my game hadn’t suffered. I’d played lights out against the Bridgers in San Fran and the Cougars in LA. Tomorrow, we had the Surf to deal with here in San Diego. Then, it was a pit stop in Phoenix to square off against the Pythons.

I couldn’t wait to get home.

After sweeping the four teams we played on the West Coast, we took the red-eye flight home, and Maddox gave us the day off.

As dawn broke, I climbed into bed with Gemma, dozing off until she woke for work. Being gone for almost two weeks, I didn’t want to sit around all day waiting for her to return, so I hung out at the bar. Keeping her in my sights set my soul at peace.

Unfortunately, the same couldn’t be said for Gemma.

She seemed almost afraid of her own shadow. Every time she turned a corner, her eyes darted around in panic, searching for something only she could see. She even let out a blood-curdling scream when I walked through the door to her office without announcing myself first.

My heart was breaking as I found myself at a loss, having no clue how to help her.

Her eyes were vacant when I begged her to come to my game the following night. She nodded, muttering to herself, “Yeah, yeah, that’s a good idea. Too many witnesses.”

Witnesses? What the hell is she talking about?

Uneasiness churned in my gut, but I pushed it aside, making sure she had the ticket loaded on her phone before I kissed her goodbye and headed out to practice.

On game days, I usually tried to pop back over to Gemma’s place for my pregame nap, but knowing she was working most of the day, I elected to nap and dress at my house. The Speed had a stretch of home games coming up, so I grabbed extra clothes so I wouldn’t have to return for a while. I didn’t like being apart from Gemma longer than necessary, especially right now, when she was so unsettled.

Tossing the garment bag and duffle in the backseat of my car, I hopped into the driver’s seat. I liked to be one of the first at the rink; my pre-game routine required mental prep in addition to the physical warm-up the rest of my teammates needed. Getting my head straight and focusing on the game ahead would be no easy task when my mind kept wandering to Gemma and wondering how I could help her.

That’s where my thoughts were now as I drove almost on autopilot to the rink.

I cursed under my breath. The setting sun was right in my line of sight through the windshield, and my sunglasses did nothing to diminish its brightness.

Lifting one hand, I tried to block it out so I could see the road before me, the mass of cars on the freeway buzzing over the speed limit of seventy miles per hour.

That’s when the car next to me shifted, changing lanes without looking or signaling, and I was forced to swerve to avoid being sideswiped. With only one hand on the wheel, I overcorrected, and my back wheels spun out.

My second hand flew to the wheel as I gritted my teeth, trying to get my vehicle under control, but it was too late. I barely registered a jarring slam as the sickening crunch of metal reached my ears.

In a split second, my world went from blinding light to pitch black.