Page 89 of Girl, Empty

‘Mrs.Carter.I’m so sorry.’

‘I recognized you from the pictures.You look exactly the same.’

‘I… I don’t know what to say.I miss him.’The truth fought for escape, but Ella swallowed it down.I did this.Your son is dead because he knew me.

‘He talked about you.Even after he moved away.He never let you go.’

Ella swiped at new tears.‘I talked about him too.I wish things had been different.’

‘I’m just happy he held onto some good memories.Thank you for the card, too.It meant a lot to me that you sent it.’

Her intestines twisted into knots.Her well of tears dried up.‘The card?’

Mrs.Carter gestured to the table.‘The picture of you two.I’m happy you kept it.Ben look really happy there.’

Another mourner summoned Mrs.Carter over, and she left Ella alone.Ella turned back to the table, then scoured the cards one by one until she found a glossy picture of her and Ben ankle-deep in the Atlantic at Ocean City beach.Some tourist had offered to take their picture, and Ben had whispered something filthy in her ear just as the camera clicked.

The sound of the other mourners, the scent of the lilies, all of it became distant.All she could feel were the cold trails of drying moisture on her cheeks.

Ella hadn’t sent this card.

Her thumb found the edge of the card, and she bent the stiff photo paper open.The inside was a sterile white, except for a single line of script at the very bottom.

Death is the greatest form of love.

No name.No signature.

Someone had stood here, among the mourners, close enough to smell the flowers and hear Mrs.Carter's tears.Close enough to place this calling card among the genuine condolences.Close enough to watch Ella discover it.Or if not that, they’d mailed it straight to Ben’s family.

And this card, with its image of a stolen, happy moment, was suddenly the most obscene object she had ever held.

Her right hand brushed against the lapel of her jacket, and she felt the stiff, sharp rectangle of folded paper inside the lining.She checked no one was looking, folded the card up and slid it into the opposite pocket.

There was no more room for tears.If Ella wanted to end this, she couldn’t it from California or D.C.

The only place this ended was in a cell in Louisiana.

And she had the signed paperwork for an immediate and unrestricted visit.