Page 7 of Gator (Bourbon Kings MC #1)

The next morning, two days before the wedding...

I rolled over, stretching as I opened my eyes to find Donut curled up next to me, hugging an empty bottle of Hell’s Breath, a whiskey so potent it should come with a hazmat suit, as he sucked his thumb in his sleep.

Thirty-five years old, this guy. Thirty-five and still thumb-sucking his way through a hangover.

The sheer audacity of it all was almost impressive.

Rolling my eyes at the grown-ass man-child, I sat up and moaned, my voice a gravelly whisper. “Well, at least you got your skivvies on this time,” I muttered, the words somehow sounding both weary and impressed.

Last time, it had involved a strategically placed throw pillow and a well-placed hand.

Don’t ask.

Seriously, don’t.

Rubbing my hands down my face, I surveyed the battlefield—er, the room.

Empty whiskey bottles littered the floor like fallen soldiers after a particularly vicious whiskey-fueled war. My brothers, in various states of inebriation and undress, were sprawled across the furniture like casualties of a particularly boozy game of twister.

Thore, bless his artistic soul, had somehow managed to drape himself over a taxidermied raccoon, creating a bizarre tableau that could only be described as “ rustic nightmare .” Braveheart, bless his simple heart, was snoring with his mouth open, a half-eaten bowl of chili precariously balanced on his chest—a culinary feat rivaling any Olympic gymnast. Worm, the perpetually unlucky one, was hogtied to a bar stool with the word “Nerd” written on his forehead in what looked suspiciously like lipstick ( Juju, no doubt ).

And Juju? Well, that crazy sonofabitch was asleep naked as the day he was born, with an itty-bitty hand towel strategically and hilariously inadequately covering his erect Johnson.

“Guys,” I said, my voice echoing in the strangely silent aftermath of the previous night’s chaos. “Anyone want to explain the raccoon situation?”

Silence.

Then, a muffled groan from Braveheart, followed by the chili bowl tipping precariously before finally tumbling to the floor with a satisfying splat. “Nope,” he mumbled, his voice thick with sleep and chili. “Not my problem.”

Donut, stirred by the chili incident, let out a loud, hiccupping sob, clutching his empty whiskey bottle tighter like a security blankie. “My thumb... hurts,” he mumbled, his voice a slurry of whiskey and self-pity.

“Your thumb?” I replied, unable to keep the amusement from my voice. “Dude, you’re thirty-five. You should be able to handle a hangover without resorting to childhood comfort objects.”

“It’s therapeutic,” he mumbled, eyes still closed, thumb still sucking.

“Therapeutic? You’re a grown ass man cuddling an empty bottle of whiskey while sucking your thumb!”

“It’s... a coping mechanism,” he grumpily insisted, before rolling over and snoring again.

Getting to my feet, I stretched, yawning loudly as I scratched my stomach. Needing coffee and possibly therapy, I stumbled my way to the bathroom, not bothering to close the door—what was the point? It wasn’t like any of my brothers hadn’t seen my dick before.

Leaning against the wall, I dug out my prized possession and pointed it at the toilet as I stared out at the bright sunshine encompassing Rosewood, Virginia, and I wondered if I should stage an intervention or just start a reality TV show.

The ratings would be off the charts.

As I finished my business and flushed, I heard a loud crash from the other room, followed by a string of creative curses. “What in the holy hangover hell was that?” I yelled, already knowing the answer.

“I... may have knocked over the raccoon,” Thore’s voice called back, sheepishness dripping from his words. “Sorry, little buddy. My bad.”

I rolled my eyes again, a familiar feeling when dealing with my eccentric brothers.

As I stepped out of the bathroom, I noticed Juju had managed to find a pair of tighty-whities, which were stretched to their limits, and was attempting to make coffee.

His naked ambition was on full display. Braveheart was still snoring, a string of chili connecting his face to the empty bowl, and Worm was rubbing his wrists, looking like he’d had one too many run-ins with Lady Luck.

Donut, my dear, sweet, man-child of a brother, was sitting up, thumb in his mouth, looking like a lost puppy.

I shook my head, knowing that despite the chaos, I loved these idiots.

“Alright, boys, let’s get this hangover show on the road,” I ordered as someone unlocked the door and walked in.

“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!”

“ Laissez les bon temps rouler , Doc!” I happily greeted, arms wide as the good doctor walked into the room along with a familiar face I hadn’t seen in a long time.

“Ooh-ee, Gator.” Romeo smiled as he stepped into the room, grinning like a po-boy knee deep in collard greens.

“Cuz!” I bellowed happily as I walked over to give the man a hug. “When did you get into town?”

“Been here a few days,” he said with a hearty back slap. “Should have come up to the lodge. We could have partied together like old times.”

“No,” I grunted. “Ain’t steppin’ foot in those fancy digs until my m?man shows up.”

Romeo rolled his eyes. “Good grief, Gator. Auntie Marabella ain’t gonna care. There’s a weddin’ coming and she would expect you to help.”

“Not gonna dis’ my m?man . No way. No how.”

“It’s like we tried telling the doc last night,” Donut piped up, all helpful like, sans the thumb. “The prez ain’t above his station...”

“I get it, Donut,” Romeo groaned.

“What the hell happened last night?” the doc spoke up, glaring about the room. “I said you could help yourselves to the bar, not drink it dry. And why the hell is Thore crying over a dead raccoon?”

“It’s dead!” Thore screamed. “I killed it!”

“This is the most asinine thing I’ve ever seen,” the doc grumbled as he stood next to me watching the scene before us. “The damn thing was already dead, Gator. Why the hell is Thore digging a grave?”

“Because, Doc, Thore’s gotta pay his respects. The man has a soft spot for all critters, and he feels responsible,” I explained, watching my brother dig a hole in the ground for the dead animal. This was nothing new to me, just another typical Saturday morning.

Or was it Monday?

I couldn’t remember.

Hell, the backyard at my m?man’s place deep in the bayou was nothing but graves, but I didn’t think the doc needed to hear that.

“But the damn thing was already dead!”

“Yep.” I nodded. “But it don’ matter.”

“For crying out loud,” the doc grumbled as his phone vibrated. Looking at it, he stiffened.

“Hey, guys!”

“Great, crazy is here,” the grumpy man groaned.

“Wow!” Cameron gasped. “What’s Thore doing?”

“Digging your grave. Jump in,” the doc deadpanned, shaking his head. “Romeo, I hate to do this, but I need to go bail Josie out of jail. Can you handle Cameron and whatever the hell it is?”

“Sure.” My cousin rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “And let my cousin know if she needs help to castrate your balls, I’ve got the perfect knife.”

The doc grumbled, “She’s mad. I was just letting her calm down.”

“No, you were biding your time, trying to find a way out of the doghouse.”

“Whatever,” the doc muttered, walking off and yelling, “Just watch the brat and make sure he doesn’t get into trouble.”

I narrowed my eyes.

“Is Josie sure about that one, cuz? He seems a little wound tight for our family, if you get my drift.”

“He’s an educated idiot, but he’s harmless.”

“He needs to get laid.”

Romeo quirked an eyebrow at me and smiled.

“No. No. No!” I grumbled, shaking my head. “I don’t want to know that shit!”

“I’m already gonna have nightmares for life.” Romeo shivered.

Thore cleared his voice and sniffed. “Dearly beloved. Here lies Beulah—”

“Uh, Thore,” Cameron interrupted, tugging on his pants. “It’s a boy raccoon.”

Sniffing, Thore started again, “Dearly beloved. Here lies Beauford...”

After the longest eulogy for a stuffed raccoon I’d ever seen, I grabbed the brat and shoved him inside the tavern.

The whole Biker Federation knew what that little shit was capable of.

Ain’t no way I was letting him run loose in this town.

I was already treading water with the good doc, ain’t no tellin’ what King would do to me.

“Stay away from the bar,” I ordered as Cameron took off running around the tavern, no doubt to check the place out. Pulling out a chair, I sat, and my cousin Romeo did the same.

“I see Thore’s gotten better with his eulogies.”

“He’s a fucking pro at ’em. I’m surprised he didn’t regale us with a few hymns. You should see my m?man ’s backyard. Looks like a pet cemetery.”

“So, what’s this I hear you got a woman in the family way?” Rome smiled before adding, “The family grapevine is ringing off the hook, cuz.”

Groaning, I hung my head and nodded. “Yeah, M?man ripped into me the other day and, according to that brat, it’s all true.”

“Never pegged you to believe what a kid says. He give you proof?”

I nodded, reaching into my cut, before handing him a sheet of paper.

Saying nothing, I watched as my cousin read the contents and whistled.

“Damn, Wade. Don’t know whether to congratulate you or start plannin’ your funeral.

” Sliding the paper back to me, I picked it up when he added, “What are you going to do? ’Cause your mom ain’t gonna let go of her granbaby? ”

“I know,” I groaned, rubbing my hand down my face. “It’s complicated. My woman don’ want nuttin’ to do wit’ me.”

“And there’s the fact the last time she saw him, she held a knife to his balls,” Juju offered, placing two beers on the table.

Romeo coughed. “She did what?”

“In light of current events, I’m inclined to agree with her.”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t wear a condom, and while she took the morning-after pill, I should have known the family curse would rear its ugly head.”

“Wade, you don’t believe in the La Croix curse.”

“I do now,” I muttered, taking a swig of my beer. “How else do you explain the pregnancy? That damn pill is designed to prevent unwanted children, not cement the outcome.”

“Uh.” Romeo smirked. “Have you even considered that just maybe you’re not the father?”

I glared at my cousin and growled, and Romeo quickly held up his hands in retreat. “My apologies, but you have to at least consider it. You what, only slept together once, right?”

“Yeah,” I grumbled, not liking where he was going with this train of thought.

“Oh, Ms. Devlyn ain’t got no one else,” a voice from the peanut gallery piped up. “All she talks about is Gator. Well, that and her crappy job. She really hates working at city hall.”

Turning in my seat, I looked at the annoying pillar of information and asked, “Why?”

“Because of all the crap that went down with my Princess. You see, the old mayor was dirty. Like really dirty. He did a bunch of bad things and made my Princess cry. But my boys took care of him. Douche Canoe is now worm food.”

“So she talks about Wade, huh?” Romeo grinned. “Well, that’s something.”

“Oh yeah.” The brat smiled brightly. “She talks about the many ways she wants to kill him. She can talk about that for hours!”

Gaping at the kid, I didn’t know what to say as Romeo laughed his ass off.

Fucker!