Page 41

RUMI

I nod against Jack’s neck, his skin warm and soft against my cheek, and I internalize his words.

He’s got me.

I’m safe.

Reliving this night is unlike anything I’ve experienced—while Ava knows I fled because of Trevor that night, I’ve never told her that he tried to kill me.

Until this moment, I’ve never told anyone exactly what happened.

I sit up, taking in a breath and letting it out, meeting Jack’s gaze.

“His hands wrapped around my neck, and I couldn’t breathe.

It felt like my eyes were going to pop out of my head.

I clawed at his hands until my fingers went numb, but he wouldn’t stop.

My lungs burned, and all I could think about was how my daughter was going to die before she even got a chance to live. ”

And through it all, Trevor never said a word.

He just stared at me, apathy lining his features, and I knew he was going to kill me.

Having a baby was never the plan. It wasn’t even a consideration when it came to what kind of life I pictured for myself, not after my sorry excuses for parents.

And especially not after Trevor.

I was so careful with birth control—taking my pill religiously every night and making sure they were hidden, so Trevor couldn’t find them. I was deliberate in avoiding sex as much as I could, knowing that pregnancy was always a possibility with Trevor never wanting to wear a condom.

I had to get tested almost weekly because I knew I wasn’t the only person he was sleeping with, and it was on one of my trips to the clinic that I found out I was pregnant.

I realized I had missed a pill a few weeks prior after I came home exhausted from a shift at the restaurant and rushed to bed when I heard Trevor get home, too scared to find out what kind of mood he was in.

When the nurse told me, I knew I couldn’t go through with the pregnancy. I wasn’t prepared, wasn’t ready, to bring a baby into my life—not the one I was trapped in, not with the father he or she was doomed to have.

Six weeks into my pregnancy, I was set on terminating—access my right to choose, the same way I believe every person with the capacity for pregnancy should be able to do—but there was a small part of me that felt like maybe this is what had been missing from my life.

My parents were never my family, and I never had any siblings. I didn’t have friends or people in my life that made me feel like I wasn’t alone.

The night before my appointment for the abortion, I couldn’t shake this feeling that this pregnancy was my chance at a real family, one that I had longed for my whole life; one that was mine to grow and cherish; one that would be the beginning of me rewriting my story.

I reach for Jack’s hand, craving his touch but also his comfort.

Holding his hand in both of mine, I bring it to rest in my lap.

“One second, his fingers were squeezing into my neck, the next, my leg was kicking forward, my bare foot connecting to his groin.” I can almost feel the air that rushed into my lungs the second his hands went loose around my neck, and I’ll never forget the strained howl that came from his lips when he bent over in pain.

“And before he could crumple to the floor, I clenched my fist and swung as hard as I could, aiming for the temple.”

It was something one of the waitresses at the restaurant taught me after a shift where one of the regulars got too handsy with us when we were walking to our cars.

They go out like a light, she had told me.

And so did Trevor.

“He was out before he hit the floor.”

“Atta girl,” Jack praises, but I shake my head.

“It was a lucky shot.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, baby. You did what you had to do.

” The words warm my whole body, bringing me back to myself a little more.

I’ve told myself that it was the night I had enough, that I mustered the strength to leave because of Evee—and while that’s true, I think I also found strength inside myself that night.

“Without a second thought,” I say, remembering how I didn’t even hesitate to leave—how I knew it was my only option the moment Trevor fell to the ground.

I couldn’t even let myself take a moment to feel the relief that I was okay, that he didn’t kill me, that he wasn’t going to get back up and try again.

“I grabbed my keys off the hook by the front door, and with nothing but my nightgown, took off.”

“That’s incredible,” Jack breathes, the adoration in the words making my skin warm.

“You’re incredible,” he adds. “I just wish you didn’t have to do it all alone.

I wish—” He stops again, shaking his head before looking at Evee, the words on his lips forgotten as she turns over her little shoulder to look at us, a playful squeal escaping her lips.

I reach for her, pulling her away from her sensory books, snacks, and strands of grass she tore from the ground and on to my lap. She looks up at me from under her sunhat, and I can see her blue, curious eyes through her sunglasses gleaming in the sun.

I chose to have Evee and give her the life that wasn’t meant for me but was meant for her . The thought of her life being in the hands of a monster before she was even born gave me power I didn’t even realize I was capable of. That’s how I did it. That’s how I broke the cycle.

And not a day goes by that I don’t thank my lucky stars that I was able to when so many others aren’t as fortunate.

“I’m so fucking proud of you, Rumi.” I turn to look at him, his arm coming behind me, giving me the perfect space to lean back against him, my head falling into the crook of his neck.

“I’m proud of myself,” I whisper, letting myself bask in both his words and mine, feeling pride wash over me as I hold my daughter close to me, her sticky fingers grabbing on to my arms as she wiggles in my hold.

“Is he—” he pauses, his face hardening. “Is he the reason you lost your kidney? You didn’t fall did you?”

I exhale, the memory of when Trevor pushed me down the stairs at my college dorm. We were fighting, and at the time, he really did convince me it was an accident, that I tripped and fell, and he couldn’t reach me in time.

But rose-tinted glasses only work for so long.

I nod.

Jack shakes his head, rolling his lips together.

I can feel the anger radiating off him, but he manages to hide it well.

Clearing his throat, he says, “Thank you for telling me your story.” I open my arms, letting Evee crawl back over to her half-eaten lunch and her toys. “I know it couldn’t have been easy.”

Feeling lighter than I have in years, I look up at him, aching to get lost in the forest of his eyes. “Thank you for listening.”

We both sit in comfortable silence, watching Evee as his head rests on top of mine.

“Where is Trevor now?” Jack asks after a moment.

I shrug my shoulders, leaning more into him, loving the warmth of his body.

“You haven’t heard from him?”

I shake my head, blowing out a breath. “Nope,” I say, popping the “p”. “And I probably never will.”

“He hasn’t tried to contact you since you left?” His voice becomes more hard, his tone rising in tension. “Not even to ask where you are? To see if Evee was born, that she’s okay?”

“He doesn’t even know Evee’s name,” I say, letting out an exhale. I sit up, crossing my legs and looking over my shoulder to meet his gaze. “I didn’t put his name on her birth certificate.”

“He shouldn’t be able to just get away with what he did to you.”

I can tell Jack is trying to keep his anger tamped down, but the way his jaw tics gives him away.

“Most abusers never get arrested because survivors don’t report it, not with the possibility of retaliation or lack of support.

I didn’t report the abuse because I didn’t think anyone would believe me.

Even when abuse is reported, the legal system can fail.

” Whether from a lack of sufficient evidence or failing to take any action, it was too much of a risk for me—and for so many others.

“What about child support?” Jack asks, and I raise a brow. “You’ve never thought about it?”

“Honestly, no,” I answer, the idea never crossing my mind. When I didn’t put Trevor on Evee’s birth certificate, it was my way of making sure he never had any ties to her. I knew that leaving him meant starting over and raising my daughter on my own.

I’m lucky with my situation that I can support Evee in all ways, especially financially, and have Ava to help me, so I never thought of child support as something I needed to do.

“When my dad left and didn’t want to be part of our lives after my mom’s cancer diagnosis, my mom decided to file for child support, not because she couldn’t do it all on her own—raise Emerson and me, work, her cancer treatments—but because she knew it would help us,” Jack explains.

“She was already holding everything together, but that support meant the three of us didn’t have to worry. ”

I absorb Jack’s words, admiring how much he loves and values his mom and the obstacles she overcame as a single mother of two.

The sentiment makes sense, and there’s part of me that agrees that, while I have been raising Evee all on my own and doing a damn good job of it, there would be a sense of comfort from having financial help.

The other part of me is scared.

“It’ll piss him off, that’s for sure,” I tell Jack, thinking about how the smallest things set Trevor off, remembering how hot and cold he would be when it came to my pregnancy—sometimes, he was the doting, loving partner who was so excited for our baby to be born.

Other times, he would question if the baby was even his, even though he was the only person I ever had sex with.

And throughout my entire pregnancy, his physical abuse never stopped.

“Fuck him.” The simplicity of his response makes me laugh. “He doesn’t deserve either of you, and I’d prefer if you continue having nothing to do with him, but we have to think about what’s best for Evee.”

We .

He said we have to think about what’s best for Evee.

Like we’re in this together.

He kisses the top of my head, and I lift my head to meet his eyes.

“You’re right,” I say with a sigh. “Even if he’s not around, he still should have some sort of responsibility in providing for Evee. I just don’t want anything he can hold over my head.”

“I promise you this, Rumi,” his eyes bore into me, his lips just an inch or two from mine, “I will do everything in my power to make sure he never hurts you—or Evee—ever again.”

His promise wraps around me, healing pieces of me I thought were forever broken as he leans down, closing the distance between us. His lips meet mine, and the world stops. His kiss is gentle, tentative, so unlike what I would picture from someone like Jack—but it’s perfect.

His lips softly move against mine, as if he doesn’t want to move too fast and scare this moment away. There’s a gentle urgency, like we’re on borrowed time—and a little squeal coming from just beyond my lap reminds me that we are.

Jack pulls away but only enough to press his forehead to mine for a moment, before we both turn our heads, finding Evee clapping her hands with her mostly-toothless grin.

“And one for you, Evee girl,” Jack beams, reaching for Evee and pulling her into his arms. He settles her between us, and we both lean in pressing a kiss to each of her cheeks, her giggles warming my heart and soul, just like the man who has completely set my heart ablaze.