Page 14
fourteen
Sebastian
The visions of Ava walking away with tears in her eyes haunt me. I never thought my words could hurt her the way they did. I keep replaying the moment in my mind, questioning myself, trying to figure out what came over me. I can’t believe the things I said to her. I hate myself for it, and I know she feels the same way about me right now.
She came to me for help and support, and instead, I let her down miserably. I wasn’t the man I wanted to be in that moment. My insecurities got the better of me. I felt trapped, as if I were being forced to choose between her and my career. But that’s not true—she never asked me to choose. I could have my career and still stand by her, the woman I love, and take responsibility for our child.
What have you done, Sebastian?
I feel lost and alone, knowing I’ve just ruined the best thing in my life. Ava wasn’t with me because of my fame or money. She loved me for who I was, for the potential she saw in me. That kind of love is rare, and I threw it away in a single moment of fear .
When Ava told me she was pregnant, I didn’t know how to process it. For as long as I can remember, my career has been my top priority. I’ve worked tirelessly to get where I am, and I’ve never even considered the possibility of becoming a father—especially now, when my career is finally taking off.
But I love Ava. There’s no doubt in my mind about that. She’s like a breath of fresh air, a warm blanket on a cold, stormy night. She made me face my demons and become a better version of myself. The day we made our agreement, I never thought I’d fall for her. I thought we were just using each other to get what we wanted. But the more time I spent with her, the more I realized I couldn’t stop myself from falling.
Even though we’ve declared our love for each other, I never imagined we’d be talking about starting a family so soon. I thought we’d have time to enjoy being together, to build our lives. I never expected this, and I wasn’t ready.
But now, as I sit alone with my thoughts, I realize something important: I don’t want to lose Ava. Knowing she’s carrying my child, I can’t bear the thought of not being by her side.
She came to me, confident and hopeful, and I pushed her away. I made her feel like she was alone in the world. I hate myself for it. Ava deserves someone who will stand by her, someone who won’t falter when things get tough.
Needing to clear my mind, I decide to head back home to Chicago. Maybe being with my mom will help me figure things out .
The next morning, I take the first flight back.
“Shouldn’t you be back in California? Or did the team give you more time off to see your dear old mother?” Mom asks as I walk through the door.
I set my bags down, feeling the weight of everything pressing on me. “I just missed home,” I say, avoiding the real reason I’m here.
“Well, it’s always a treat to see you, son,” she says, pulling me into a hug.
“How have you been feeling?” I ask, genuinely concerned.
“Oh, a silly old heart attack isn’t going to keep me down,” she jokes. “I’m doing just fine, honey.”
It would take a hurricane to knock her down. My mom has always been the strongest person I know, with an iron will that’s carried her through life’s storms. She’s always been my rock.
That evening, we sit together looking at old photographs.
“I was quite the head-turner,” Mom says with a sigh, holding up a picture of her younger self.
I nod, smiling. “You were a diva.”
She clears her throat and gives me a look.
“I mean, you still are,” I quickly correct myself, and she laughs .
“Look at this one,” she says, handing me a photo. “Your fifth birthday at Grandma’s.”
As I sift through the photographs, I notice something strange. My father is hardly in any of them.
“Why aren’t there any of Dad?” I ask, flipping through the piles.
Her expression falters for a moment. “Your father wasn’t around much then,” she admits quietly.
The sadness in her voice cuts through me. I realize I’ve touched on an old wound.
“It must have been hard for you,” I say, my voice soft.
She looks at me, her strength shining through even as the pain lingers in her eyes. “It was,” she says simply.
And in that moment, I realize that strength isn’t just about pushing forward—it’s about enduring, about facing life head-on even when it doesn’t go as planned. And if my mom could do it, so can I.
I’ve never really thought about it, but my father was in and out of my life, while my mother was always by my side.
“It was hard,” she admits, pausing as her gaze lingers on a photograph of me as a baby.
“But?” I prod gently.
“But it was all worth it. Look at what a wonderful man you’ve grown to be.” She rubs my cheek with a tender smile .
Her words should warm my heart, but instead, I feel a pang of guilt. I’m not the wonderful man she thinks I am.
“I can’t imagine doing it all on my own,” I say, shaking my head as I think about everything she did for me—every scraped knee, every heartbreak, every triumph. She was always there.
“That’s because you’re not a parent yet,” she replies knowingly.
The weight of her words presses down on me. I hesitate, then ask the question I’ve avoided my whole life. “You never told me why you and Dad decided to get a divorce.”
She sighs deeply, her fingers pausing mid-motion as she shuffles through the old photographs.
“Your father and I got divorced a long time ago, Sebastian. We only decided to tell you once you left for college.”
Her words hit me like a blow. I’d always been told their divorce happened after I left the house.
“I kept it from you because you were too young to know the truth. I wanted to shield you and give you some semblance of a normal childhood,” she explains. “Your father and I fell out of love a long time ago.”
I watch as her face softens, sadness clouding her eyes. She packs away the photos, as if trying to tuck away the memories they hold .
“I tried to keep your father in your life,” she continues, finding one of his pictures in the pile. “But I suppose he just wasn’t ready to be a father.”
Hearing her say that hurts more than I expected. She carried the weight of their separation all on her own, while I selfishly never thought to ask how she managed it all.
“You’re the best mom a son could ask for,” I say, hoping my words can offer her even a fraction of the comfort she’s given me my whole life.
“That means a lot to me, Sebastian.” She hugs me tightly.
Her next question catches me off guard. “Why are you bringing this up after all these years?”
I hesitate, the urge to tell her everything battling against my fear of her disappointment.
“I was just curious, that’s all,” I mumble before standing up and leaving the room.
Later that night, as she heads upstairs to her room after dinner, I sit alone with the weight of my secret. I know I can’t keep this from her any longer. I need her advice.
I make my way to her room and knock softly on the door.
“Do you have a moment?” I ask, seeing her in the middle of her bedtime routine.
“I always have a moment for you, baby,” she says, patting the bed beside her .
I sit down, struggling to find the right words. “Promise me you won’t be disappointed in me,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper.
Her eyes narrow with curiosity. “You better not have broken Ava’s heart,” she says sternly.
“I think I have,” I admit, the regret evident in my tone.
Her gasp is loud, and her reaction is immediate.
“You’re going to be a father?” she exclaims, her voice a mix of shock and excitement.
I nod, surprised by the sheer joy on her face.
“Do you know how happy you’ve made me?” she says, her eyes brimming with tears of happiness.
I shake my head, feeling the lump in my throat grow. “You don’t understand. I told Ava I couldn’t take on the responsibility,” I confess, my voice breaking.
Her expression darkens. “Is that what you’ve decided?”
“No,” I say quickly. “I realize now how wrong I was. I want to be with her. I want her and our child.”
“Then what’s the trouble?” she asks matter-of-factly.
“I’m afraid I’ve pushed Ava too far. I don’t think she wants anything to do with me anymore,” I say, tears finally spilling over .
“You need to win her back, then, don’t you?”
“How?” I ask, desperate for guidance.
“I knew Ava was a beautiful soul the moment I met her,” my mom says, a soft smile spreading across her face. “And I know she loves you very much. The question is, do you love her?”
“I love her more than anything in the world,” I admit, the truth coming out like a flood.
“Then go and tell her that,” she says, patting my shoulder gently.
“Do you think she’ll forgive me?”
“You hurt her, Sebastian,” she says, her voice firm. “But I believe she’ll forgive you, because the love she has for you is real.”
Her words wrap around me like a lifeline. After everything, I finally have a glimmer of hope that I can make things right.
I hug my mom tightly.“Thank you for everything, Mom,” I say, my voice thick with emotion.
“Now go get her back,” she replies, her tone both encouraging and resolute.
That night, I catch the next flight back to San Jose, determined to make things right with Ava. I know there’s a real chance she might never forgive me, but I have to try. I can’t walk away without fighting for her, for us .
When I arrive at her apartment, I take a deep breath before knocking on the door. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as I wait. The seconds stretch painfully, and when she doesn’t answer, I knock again. Through the faint light under the door, I can see the silhouette of her feet. She’s there, but she’s hesitant to face me.
“Ava,” I say, my voice soft but urgent. “Please. I need to talk to you.”
I hear her shift behind the door, and for a moment, I think she’s going to walk away. My chest tightens.
“Just give me a chance to make things right,” I plead.
After a long pause, I hear the lock click. The door opens slowly, revealing Ava. Her eyes are puffy and red, her face a portrait of pain I know I caused. The sight of her breaks me.
“There’s nothing more you can say, Sebastian. I’ve made up my mind,” she says, her voice quiet but firm. “I’m having this baby, with or without you. You can’t change my mind.”
Her exhaustion is palpable, as if she’s too drained to even be angry.
“Can I come in?” I ask.
She hesitates, her eyes searching mine, before stepping aside and motioning me in.
“I don’t even know where to start,” I begin, standing in her living room, feeling both lost and desperate. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am for what I said. I was a fool, Ava. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I let my fear get the better of me, and I hurt you. I hate myself for it.”
She looks away, avoiding my gaze. Her silence is unbearable.
“I want to be there, Ava,” I continue. “For you. For our baby. I want to make this right.”
Her eyes snap to mine, sharp and full of disbelief. “Don’t say things you don’t mean, Sebastian. Don’t confuse what you think you should do with what you actually want.”
“When you told me, I panicked,” I admit, my voice trembling. “I wasn’t prepared for something so life-changing, and I lashed out. But I’ve thought about nothing else since. I love you, Ava. I love our baby. I want us to be a family.”
Tears spill down her cheeks, and she shakes her head. “You made it perfectly clear how you felt, Sebastian. You don’t have to pretend now. I can do this on my own.”
“No,” I say firmly, taking a step closer to her. “I’m not pretending. You’ve changed me, Ava. You’ve made me a better man in ways I didn’t even think were possible. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you.”
She steps back, maintaining the distance between us. “It’s too late. You had your chance, and you threw it away.”
Her words cut me deeply, but I refuse to give up .
“Please, Ava,” I beg, my voice breaking. “Give me a chance to prove I’m the man you need me to be. For you. For our child.”
Ava turns away, tears streaming down her face. I can see the conflict in her—her love for me buried beneath layers of hurt and disappointment.
“I don’t want to live without you, Ava,” I say softly, my own tears threatening to fall.
She looks at me then, her eyes filled with anguish.
“Our baby deserves to have both of us,” I add, my voice trembling with emotion.
Just as I’m about to leave, I hear her voice, broken and raw. “Stop!”
I turn back to her, and she’s sobbing, her entire body shaking.
“You hurt me, Sebastian,” she whispers.
“I know,” I say, stepping closer. “And I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. You met me when I was just a boy, but you turned me into a man. All this man wants is to love his family for the rest of his life, if you let me.”
She lets out a deep, shuddering breath and whispers, “I would like that.”
In an instant, I close the distance between us, pulling her into my arms .
“You have no idea how much this means to me,” I murmur, kissing her face between her tears.
She laughs softly through her sobs, and it’s the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard.
“This baby is going to be lucky,” I say, my voice thick with emotion. “She’ll have her mom, her dad, and grandparents who will love her to bits.”
Ava smiles, wiping her tears. “You sound awfully confident it’s a girl.”
“She’s going to be just like her mother,” I say with certainty. “Beautiful, strong, and capable of melting hearts.”
Ava giggles, her cheeks flushing. “I can already see the father in you.”
Today, I’ve learned how powerful love and forgiveness can be. Ava has given me another chance to prove myself, to be the man she and our child deserve. For that, I will forever be grateful.