Page 1 of Freak

Summer

T he moment Rafael Amada’s hands met mine at the Bunsen burner, I nearly peed.

“Sorry!” I apologized immediately, crossing my legs, holding in my bladder as Mrs. Wilkins repeated the importance of safety goggles to the entire freshman class.

It didn’t matter that I was about to burst from drinking two cans of Red Bull, or that I had already spent the entire summer break with Rafael at science camp, I just didn’t want to leave his side, especially since this was our only class together this year.

“Just watch yourself around the flame, Summer,” he flicked the beaded bracelet on my wrist, the now prized possession he gave me on our bus ride back from North Bend. “Can’t have that melting now, can we?”

He said it with this grin that was just for me, as if it were a secret.

It was the same grin he gave me during summer camp each time we’d find ourselves alone, or each time he’d walk me back to my cabin for the past three years.

I could have sworn, he almost kissed me four weeks ago on just our last trip.

His full lips puckered slightly as I began to lean toward him but stopped before anything happened.

I still remembered the popping feeling in my stomach, like I’d just drank sodas nonstop and was ready to erupt with what felt like butterflies. I wished we didn’t have to come back to school or that his entire life was now consumed with football.

I clutched my bracelet away from the flame, smiling, reading the dorky, black and white letters in my head— Copper his chest wider, his arms bigger and darker now, having spent time in the Virginia sun, tossing some senseless ball to the same boys who sat next to Veronica.

They laughed to themselves, using their Bunsen burners as campfires, searching for things to singe and sniff.

“Will you at least come out after the game?” she asked. “My older brother is driving us to Sonic. His flatbed has a mattress in the back, you know.”

“So, cool.” I murmured sarcastically, annoyed that the only fun thing these jerks liked to do was cruise the single street of our small town and eat a cold burger.

“Cooler than you, Bugs. ” Veronica sucked in her lip, motioning as if eating a carrot.

I covered my mouth, shielding my humiliating large Chiclets for teeth. Of course they called me Bugs from the goddamn Looney Tunes, and not Lola, the over sexualized girlfriend that I’d rather be compared to.

Rafael looked at me, then back at the burner, tweezing a piece of Barium over the flame. It burned bright green like our own personal aurora borealis.

“I don’t know. I guess so.” He shook his head, making eyes at the portrait of his father—the head football coach who held the state championship trophy in his hand.

There was a photo of him in every classroom, a glorified supreme leader that sat nailed adjacent to the American flag.

Pledging allegiance in the morning began to feel blurry on who or what we were doing it for.

“No Mystery Science Theatre 3000 ?” I asked quietly, pinching my legs tighter. I really should have left for the bathroom, resisting the urge to rock in my seat.

“Yes. No. I, uhh…” Rafael hesitated.

“Mystery what?” One of the boys, Jake the Snake, overheard my question, his gut hanging out from his jersey.

“Dude.” Another added, as if the single word were a question and statement all at once.

“Come sit with us. Bugs can take care of herself.” The other boy motioned over as he messed with a roll of duct tape, placing sticky, silver strips along the stool he sat on.

“What’s up, Doc?” Another laughed.

“Chill out.” Rafael stared back at his paper, noting the lilac color that Potassium made when touching the flame.

I tried not to swallow my spit, already on the brink of tears that were possibly made of piss.

“We made plans.” I whispered back to Rafael, not sure if I was embarrassing him as his face cringed. There was only one Mystery Science Theatre marathon a year, and our junk food, all-nighter had already been set in stone since science camp.

“You made plans with Bugs ?” Veronica asked. “To do what? Tame that lion’s mane of frizz on her head?”

Everyone laughed, except the student at the front of the class who screamed in pain. His finger brushed across the blue part of his flame.

Mrs. Wilkins shouted, her floral dress swishing across the room as the boy started crying. “Going to the nurse! Bunsen burners off!” she demanded, yanking the injured student out the door by his wrist.

It didn’t take long for a paper ball to be tossed across the room, an unfinished homework sheet that barely had a name on it.

“So, let me see if I understand…” Veronica declared, batting her over-mascaraed eyes that resembled spider legs. “You don’t want to go to Sonic with us, and you don’t want to sit at our table?”

“I didn’t say that.” Rafael dropped his pencil, looking over at Veronica.

I couldn’t control my bobbing feet, and I didn’t know how much longer I’d last.

“I’m failing this fucking class, you know?” Jake said in disbelief. “Coach Amada won’t let me play if I don’t get a D or better. You should be helping me, not that freak.”

I assumed he was talking about me, regardless I shouldn’t have answered, because then, I basically acknowledged the title.

“I’m not a freak!” I stood up, ready to leave but froze. Even the smallest step felt like a risk of completely wetting myself, the pain pinching below the button on my jeans.

“You’re so not a team player. Wait till coach hears about this.” Jake wafted away.

The bell for third period began to ring as kids stood up.

“Shut up,” Rafael hissed. “You watch your fucking mouth,” he said defensively, his chocolate eyes searing into Jake’s.

“If I can’t trust you in the classroom, I can’t trust you on the field.” Jake stood from his stool. “You can forget about any pass rush defense tonight, you’re gonna get lit up.”

I had no idea what the hell Jake was talking about, but Rafael’s eyes widened.

“You wouldn’t.”

“I would. And imagine Coach Amada’s face, once his pretty boy son gets sacked after every snap. We all know you can’t move with the ball, you pocket pussy.”

“He’ll make you run laps.” Rafael called Jake’s bluff, but that didn’t faze him.

Everyone began to zip up their bags, the sharp sound digging into my stomach. I started to back away, knowing my time was up.

“Whatever he makes me do, won’t be half as bad as what you’ll get,” Jake warned. “And boy, I’d love to see that.”

I bit on the corner of my thumb, feeling panicked and restless.

“Leave him alone.” I finally shouted, lifting my bag to my chest. I squeezed it, holding everything in.

“Shut up, freak!” Jake yelled back, and Veronica laughed, but Rafael got in his face.

“You need to walk away,” Rafael barked, but not before Jake pushed him away. Jake reached for my backpack, twisting it in his fist.

“Hey!” I shouted, but Rafael interrupted.

“Relax!” He stepped in front of me, shoving Jake’s hands away. “I’ll go with you guys tonight. Just stop.”

“Not good enough,” Veronica glared down at my bracelet, positively fixated. “How can Jake really trust you?”

Jake’s wheels began to turn, his slow brain unable to catch up before Veronica pulled the duct tape out of the other kid’s hand.

“I’m not going to some stupid movie marathon.” Rafael confessed, scrunching his eyes as if it were all some absurd idea. Did he really just call it stupid? My heart dropped as Veronica yanked on a piece of duct tape, its screech digging into my bladder as I stepped back from her.

“What are you doing?” I asked, fixing my glasses, stopping them from falling down my nose as my back hit the wall.

“Rafael is going to prove to Jake that he can be trusted. Aren’t you, Raf?”

Jake covered his mouth as he began to laugh, but Rafael stared daggers into me, as if I had done something wrong.

“Tie her up,” Jake whispered, then repeated. “Tie up the freak.”

Freak, freak, freak.

Portions of the class still hadn’t left, watching, recording me with their phones, chanting the insult.

I pinned my knees together as Rafael eyed the roll of tape, taking it into his hand.

He stared for a moment, back to the American flag, to his dad who watched over all of us.

“Rafael?” I asked, my lip trembling.

He didn’t blink once, he only stared into my eyes before pulling my hands toward the center of his chest.

“Shut up…” he whispered, slowly, meticulously, enunciating in the most hurtful tone. “You’re a fucking freak.”

Freak, freak, freak.

For a moment I held my breath, my chest caving in with the strangest sensation; gutted, and confused, before screaming at the top of my lungs.

“Stop!” I begged, as Rafael immediately lassoed my wrists, binding me together as everyone watched and laughed.

I dropped my bag, forced to move, lifted from his strength as Veronica opened the lab coat closet.

“Do you believe in the boogeyman?” she sneered sinisterly as Rafael shoved me into the racks of coats, ripping my bracelet off in the process.

I fell against the other end of a dark, claustrophobic space, the audible smack of my back hitting the wall was followed by the collected gasp of everyone around.

And then, it got so uncomfortably quiet.

I sobbed, and the kids watched as I silently, and shamefully, began to wet myself.

“Oh my god, gross. Look!” Veronica laughed, pointing as the heat of piss trickled down my leg, making my denim jeans warm and heavy as they clung to my thighs.

“Rafael?” I asked pathetically, as if it weren’t him that just broke my heart.

He didn’t even care, or so I thought, as he forced an uncomfortable grin, staring at my mess on the ground before muttering the last words I thought we’d ever share.

“Goodbye… Bugs ,” he said, slamming the door, locking it shut.