Page 105 of Fragile Facade

I have the sudden urge to play piano. To express…this.

After sinking into this calm yet charged lapse in time, Soren kisses the back of my neck before pushing my hair aside. He starts carving, and I’m almost grateful it’s on the back of my neck so I don’t have to see it. His writing is fucking atrocious. The razor stings, the slices smarting as the air hits my welling blood, but it’s that cleansing kind of pain that feels relieving. When he’s done, he blows warm air against the exposed slices. The same three words.Just in case.

I turn to face him, extending this rare moment as long as possible before I turn it dark and unhinged.

“You ever gonna tell me how you feel?” I ask him, pushing his hair back. So silky between my fingers.

“No,” he says honestly. “Don’t know how.” He fights a smile, but it happens anyway, so he hides it by pressing his lips to mine. “You could ask me.”

I hold him against me, smiling, too. “You hate me?”

“Absolutely.”

“You mine?” I speak against his lips.

“Mhm.”

Our foreheads roll together and our smiles connect, eyes closed. “You superior to me?”

“Always.”

I lick my lips, wetting his as my nerves grow. “You love me, sweetheart?”

Soren’s fingers dig into my back, making pain scream out. It’s washed away when he whispers, “Yes.”

My exhale isn’t meant to be shaky, but it is. Beyond shaky. Entirely stuttered because… he loves me. I’m loved. By Soren Sauder. The declaration is a single word to a loaded question, but it’s tremendous all the same. I’m brimming with something new. There is so much pressure inside me that I don’t know how to contain it all. My chest is full, my head is pounding, there’s way too much air in my lungs, and my throat is backed up with emotion. There is water in my eyes!

“Do you?” he asks so quietly I barely hear him. “Love me?”

I exhale everything. The new feeling, all the pressure, the water in my eyes, and the word. “Yes.” I fucking love him.

And I don’t know how to handle it.

38

DECLARATION MURDER

GHOST

He’s going to explode.

I’m going to explode.

Emotions were expressedwithwords spokenthis time, and holy fuck, it’s heavy. The heaviest thing I’ve ever felt. But it’s weightless, too, like the weight of it can’t be determined. It’s blanketing me comfortably, but also suffocating because of what it means.

The word ‘yes.’ Just in case…

Mine, mine, mine,my soul screams.

Run, run, run,my vulnerability demands.

Stay, stay, stay, my heart requires.

We both step back at the same time, the scared look in his eyes also reflecting from mine. I don’t know why it’s terrifying. It’s new, something rare, something that has never happened before, and the casual way we declared it doesn’t fit the volatile way we feel it. We’re twisted up, caught somewhere between sentimental and detrimental, unsure which reaction is right.

I wanna love him.

I wanna fight the love, deny it, take it back because it’s horrifying.