Page 5 of Four Weddings and a Funeral Director

Lily rummaged through her duffel for a suitable outfit.

She hung up her more wrinkle-prone outfits as she went, throwing the other items on her bed until she had time to properly sort through her things.

Like the shop, the upstairs apartment had come furnished, which meant she didn’t have to haul a box of flat-pack furniture up the stairs or go begging for a replacement for an Allen key that would inevitably disappear.

Sure, the walls could use some paintings – or at least a mural – and she was definitely going to pop down some extra rugs and cushions (you could never have too many), but Lily had lived in places with worse vibes.

There was even a rocking chair that overlooked the meandering promenade – and a balcony bordered with dramatic flower baskets whose rainbow spoils spilled almost down to the ground outside.

As if called by Lily’s gaze, a beautiful black-and-white cat with a plaintive expression appeared on said balcony.

‘How’d you get there, kitty?’ Lily opened the patio door – which was trimmed with the most beautiful floral lead lights – letting in her new furry friend.

The cat leapt primly onto the rocking chair, then regarded Lily with what her mom had always called hungry eyes .

Well-fed pets always had the expectation of more food.

She opened the narrow pantry next to her fridge. Aha, a Leaning Tower of Pisa lovingly crafted from tins of cat food. So this kitty was a known visitor.

Lily cracked open the can. As the cat daintily fed, a gleaming crystal bauble dangling from its collar caught the light. Tiny rainbows spangled the air.

‘Pretty,’ said Lily, approvingly. ‘What’s your name?’

She bent to reach for the tag that sat behind the bauble: Esmeralda . A fitting name for a kitty with such hypnotic eyes – one blue and one brown.

‘I hope you don’t mind watching me get ready,’ Lily told Esmeralda as she considered a taffeta dress she’d picked up from a thrift store back in La Jolla.

It was a creamy colour that felt a bit too bridal for a movie outing, and given the whole new-wedding-planner-in-town thing, she didn’t want to give off Miss Havisham vibes.

Maybe she could dye it purple. Did she have time?

There was always time to look fabulous.

She popped a few dashes of dye into a water-filled bucket and swished the dress around in it until the cream fabric had turned the rich purple of a moonlit night.

Then she pulled out the dress, wringing the excess water from it, and threw it into the ancient dryer that lived in a cupboard in the bathroom.

While it bumped and spun around, the dye setting, Lily carefully applied her makeup and pinned up her hair. The very second she’d popped in a pair of moon-shaped amethyst earrings, the dryer buzzed.

Esmeralda purred, impressed.

‘I’m really good at time management,’ explained Lily to the fluffy cat. ‘There’s a reason I got promoted from perpetual bridesmaid to perpetual wedding planner. Well, my excellent time management skills and the whole being perennially single thing.’

Esmeralda made a noise that was either pitying or in solidarity – Lily wasn’t quite sure which.

‘Are you all right to stay here, friend?’ Lily cracked open the window for the cat. ‘Here, just in case you need to go out and about.’

She locked the door to Eternal Elegance (Wedding Edition) behind her, feeling a sense of pride as she did so.

Her own business, in her own building. And what a building.

She couldn’t think of a more perfect location to help people plan one of the most special days of their lives.

After all, Mirage-by-the-Sea was one of the most romantic places she’d ever set foot in.

The tiny storybook buildings, the hot pink clouds of bougainvillea, the tiny brook that twined its way beneath the promenade, gleaming with wishing coins and delicate glass beads.

If she were a fairy godmother, this was precisely the type of place she’d magic a beloved godchild off to.

Lily joined a chatty trickle of people heading uphill towards the theatre, which was a stately blue and white art deco building with a scalloped facade and a bold marquee sign that showed the movie of the day on one side, and personalised notes on the other.

(Today’s read Happy Smurfday, Charlie , which was a bit confusing, but the world was a diverse place, after all.)

A small crowd had gathered out the front, sipping on giant ice-cream-topped drinks and watching the sun slink down over the distant bluffs and into the spangled ocean.

Digital camera shutters clicked over and over, with Lily’s among them.

She was completely taken with how the setting sun played across the sky, creating an astonishing contrast with the village’s fairy-tale buildings, which grew somehow even more magical as the shadows stretched and the fairy lights, twined around the bougainvillea hedges and over the garden arches, glimmered to life.

Angela waved with her free arm – her other arm was looped through the arm of a svelte woman in an incredible polka dot gown. ‘You made it!’

‘I was never going to miss it. I mean, I haven’t seen Vice Versa , but I have seen Freaky Friday , which seems like it’s in the same vein, and I’m a fan.’

‘I do love a switcheroo,’ said Angela. ‘Misery. Confusion. It’s what I strive to leave in my wake.’

‘She fails miserably,’ said the woman in the polka dot gown. She had a low, warm voice – perhaps that of a singer.

‘I bet.’ Lily held out a hand to her. ‘I’m Lily, by the way. Great dress.’

‘I’m Martinka. I mostly go by Tink. And thanks, I got it on sale at Pat’s Consignments. It has pockets.’ Tink showed off the bag of M&Ms she was smuggling into the theatre in said pockets. ‘I hear you’ve set up shop next to the funeral home. Lucky you. Great space, though.’

Lily grinned. ‘It is. If you two are planning a wedding, let me know.’

Tink chuckled. ‘And not shy on the sales front, I see.’

‘I just know true love when I see it.’

‘Speaking of …’ Angela nodded at a slimy-looking guy in tight trousers and a half-unbuttoned shirt chatting on the phone.

A gold chain gleamed around his neck. (Lily had dated enough to know the dangers of guys who wore gold chains.) ‘He just had a whole conversation with someone called Amber in which he dropped the words “baby” and “sweets” and “hot tub” a lot. But he’s here with another girl. ’

‘Ooh, putting the “mess” into “mezzanine seats”.’ Tink rubbed her hands together.

Angela groaned. ‘No. Babe. That was bad.’

Triumphant in her terrible humour, Tink pulled open the bag of M&Ms and picked out a handful of blue ones. She pointed. ‘There’s the other girl.’

A tall, curvy brunette in a gorgeous satin skirt was waving at Slimy Guy, urging him to come into the theatre. ‘Nate! Show’s about to start!’ she called.

Slimy Guy/Nate held up a finger. ‘Just on a work call.’

Lily shot the brunette an urgent look, trying in one glance to communicate everything she’d overheard. But apparently all she managed was a solid dose of crazy eyes, because the brunette blinked and turned away.

‘You tried.’ Angela patted her arm. She passed Lily a small paper ticket shaped like the retro movie tickets of old, but with some lovely embossing. ‘Our treat. We’re going in!’

‘Cute ticket.’ Lily thumbed the embossed projector image on the ticket as she queued up.

‘Thanks,’ said Tink, popping another M&M. ‘Want one?’

Lily did indeed.

‘The ticket is one of Tink’s designs,’ explained Angela.

Lily was impressed. She wiped M&M stickiness off her hands so that she could examine the ticket against the light of the art deco chandelier overhead. ‘Oh, I need you as a vendor.’

‘You should stop by the studio.’ Tink took a flyer for the month’s theatre showings from the student worker handing them out. ‘It’s just around the corner: Estellita Lane, off the bit of the promenade with the bodega and the thrift store. It should be on the treasure map that Angela gave you.’

With a flourish, Lily pulled the treasure map from her handbag.

‘That’s the one.’ Tink was impressed.

‘The Chamber of Commerce works overtime here, huh?’

‘We look after our own,’ said Angela, with a grin.

The cosy crowd pressed into the theatre, which was a riot of floral carpet and plush, impossibly oversized couches banded with gold.

The concessions stand queue was almost as long as the line for the women’s bathroom: dozens of people crowded around ordering giant boxes of popcorn and equally generous pours of beer.

The warm aroma of popcorn and freshly baked cookies buttered the air.

‘This place is gorgeous,’ breathed Lily, imagining the type of wedding she could host here. What a stunning event space! And well intentioned, too, given the signs noting that profits from the showing would be donated to a local animal shelter.

‘That’s Aunt Dot over there,’ said Angela, pointing out a vivacious woman in a dramatic muumuu and turban combination. ‘Hey, Dot! Come meet Lily!’

Dot waggled her fingers at Angela. Shoving up a half-door on the counter, she came over to greet them.

‘Lily! You’re in Janessa’s space, next to the funeral home!

That’s where I got this.’ She tapped the swan-shaped jewel in the middle of her turban proudly.

‘We’re going to love having you here in Mirage-by-the-Sea.

There’s a small business owners meeting at the library next week.

Join us! You can meet the giant goldfish in the library fish tank. Jaws.’

‘Sure.’ Lily never passed up an opportunity to meet someone new, and Dot looked like a hoot. ‘I’ll bring wedding cake samples. And decorative napkins.’

‘Sounds like a date.’

‘Aunt Dot, do you have your stamp handy?’

‘Do I ever!’ Pulling a stick of wax from her bra, she heated it up with a gold cigarette lighter, waiting for the dollop of wax to drop on Lily’s treasure map. This she jabbed with the giant ring on her index finger, leaving an ornate seal. ‘How’s that.’

‘That’s … remarkable,’ said Lily.

‘I aim to surprise. Well, this popcorn isn’t going to serve itself.’ Dot waved, then returned to dispensing popcorn and beer to the hungry crowd.

‘In we go!’ Tink guided Angela and Lily towards the theatre door. ‘Oh, I love this theatre so much. And the fact that everyone gets so dressed up, like we’re a town of old-school glitterati.’

The trio pressed into the theatre, which was a dazzling space crafted from endless red velvet and elaborately painted rosettes. Heavy curtains draped the sides of the room and the screen in front, and tiered, geometric lights glinted like glass wedding cakes.

Lily was so focused on contemplating how a cake maker might actually reproduce these that she required a nudge from Angela to turn her attention to the tall, broad-shouldered guy in a very well-fitting tuxedo – with tails!

– stalking down the dimly lit aisle towards the front of the theatre.

Poor thing must have arrived too late for any of the decent seats.

Lily blinked as the guy passed them, his head turning, briefly, just long enough to catch her eye. She blanched – Mort? Mort was here? And in a top hat and tails, no less.

Then Mort took a seat at the piano on the stage.

Lily sloshed her drink. Mort was playing the film score?

‘Are you all right?’ whispered Angela, passing Lily a crumpled tissue from her handbag. ‘You look like you’ve seen—’

‘The love of your life,’ whispered Tink. ‘I’d know that double take anywhere.’

‘Shh!’ whispered an old guy behind them. Turning sheepishly, Lily recognised him as Roddy, the village’s bicycle delivery guy. She offered him an M&M in apology, receiving a wink of forgiveness in return.

The theatre lights softened until only the faintest light glowed along the aisles and over the doors.

There was a hum of microphone feedback as Aunt Dot swanned out on stage.

‘Thank you, all, for coming out on this beautiful Thursday evening! Rerunning Up That Hill is one of the many jewels of Mirage-by-the-Sea, and I’m honoured that you chose my dinky theatre over all the other options. Like The Hot Pot. Or the ocean. Or the funeral home.’

A light laugh rose up as Mort waved awkwardly and tinkled out a quick few improvised notes.

‘Tonight’s showing is Vice Versa , an amazing British science fantasy film where a schoolboy swaps places with his father. If you love Freaky Friday – and who doesn’t – you’ll love this one. Especially with Mort Vesper on the ivories.’

With a creaking sound, the curtain rose, and the wobbly sounds of the world’s ricketiest piano filled the air.

Of course, the muffled tone of the piano, together with the slight ringing sound that overhung it, could have been due to Lily’s slightly-too-fast breathing.

Ahem. Lily chowed down on her popcorn and tried to focus on the movie – and not the moody soundtrack played by the pianist with the dark, beautiful eyes.