Page 21 of Four Ruined Realms (The Broken Blades #2)

Sora

City of Quu, Khitan

Aeri is panicked and trying to speak to me, but she’s talking very fast, and it feels like my head is underwater. My left ear is ringing like mad. All I can hear is Seok saying that he doesn’t keep track of his brother’s affairs. All I can see is his smile. And then all I feel is the fury that made me wish I had killed Tiyung myself. Ty, the man who’d tried to protect me, to free me, to love me, I wished I’d murdered him with my own mouth just to hurt his father. Just to take something, anything, away from Seok and be able to return a small part of the pain he’s caused me. Just for the satisfaction of the moment.

Aeri is wrong—I am not that good of a person. I am not a good person at all. A good person wouldn’t ever wish that.

Shame twists around me like a vine.

Hate can overcome and defeat goodness. Hate has the advantage of being easier. And there’s no one I hate more than Seok. He took my family, my first love, all the girls in poison school, and now he took Daysum from me.

“…Okay?” Aeri gestures, arms flailing.

Oh. She was talking.

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand,” I say.

“We have less than a minute before guards burst in here, Sora! We need to go!”

“Oh,” I murmur.

Aeri goes over to her trunk, pulls on the handle once, and then kicks it. She mutters something about replacing everything again and then grabs a velvet bag. She puts her new, heavy fur cloak back on. I look down and realize I have on a snow bear cape. I must’ve absent-mindedly stolen it from the carriage.

“Do you need anything from your room?” she asks. “Like, is there anything you can’t live without?”

I have no idea.

Aeri groans and then takes my hand. She squeezes, pumping my fingers a few times. “Sora, I need you to focus. We have to get out of here now. We’ll replace anything you leave behind, but get it together and let’s go. Guards are coming in the front—I saw them when Dia screeched. They will arrest you and probably me. We need to try to sneak out the servant entrance. Now!”

I nod and follow her, but the truth is, I really don’t care. I did so much. I stayed alive despite not wanting to, I endured nearly a decade of torture in poison school, and I murdered over eighteen men—all to prevent Daysum from being sold to Lord Sterling, to save her from being a pleasure house indenture. And yet it happened anyway. The very worst thing I could imagine has happened. What is the point of escaping? What is the point of living? Of continuing to struggle when nothing I do matters. I can’t stem the tide of evil in this world, so why fight it?

I float down the back staircase after Aeri.

“Come on, Sora!” she whispers sharply.

I try to keep pace, because even in my haze I can see how frustrated she is. Aeri’s body is rigid, and she keeps looking back at me. I make myself go faster so that I don’t anger her. Plus, I really don’t want her to get arrested because of me.

We go all the way to the basement. I follow Aeri as she breezes through the cold, stone space. She skirts along moldy boxes and dusty barrels, but I knock two over. Cannisters go rolling, loudly skittering across the floor. She shoots me a death stare, and I take more care. Then we go up some stairs that end at hinged metal doors. I have no idea how she knows about this exit.

Aeri unlatches the doors and then stops after she opens the right side. She waits with one hand grasping a blade and her other by her neck. Then she takes a breath before popping her head out. Her arm reaches down, and she pulls me up.

We’re on the street behind the inn. I stand in the rain, looking around as she shuts the door with a soft click.

“Sora, please. You must focus,” Aeri pleads.

I want to do what she says, but I just can’t. I am empty. Nothing could fill this void.

“It’s okay,” I say. “I’m okay. Just leave me.”

Her shoulders slump. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

She gestures wildly and then slaps her hands to her sides. “Because you’ll be caught. Because you and the others are like family, but not a family I’ve ever known. The one I’ve always wanted, one that actually gives a shit about me. And I’m not going to lose you. I lost my home once. I won’t let it happen again.”

It’s sweet, but she’s more determined and angry than anything else.

“Look, I know it’s all terrible,” she says. “I don’t pretend like you should be smiling or anything. But Daysum is still alive. We can figure this out and save her, but in order to do anything, we have to get out of Quu. You have to snap out of it for ten minutes. Just…can you give me ten minutes? Once we find winter horses, I can lead yours, but you have to stay with me until then.”

I hear her. I do. But I failed Daysum. It would be better for Aeri to go without me. Then she wouldn’t have to risk me failing her as well.

I shake my head.

“Sora…” She trails off and purses her lips as if she’s debating telling me something. “Seok is with the guards.”

That name makes me focus. I wipe the rain from my face and dig my nails into my palms, arms trembling. Seok. The Count. I will see him suffer. I will see him choke on poisons. I will be the one to show him that power is an illusion but being powerless is real. I will be the one who tortures him to his blood-soaked death. But in order to do that, I need to escape now.

I raise my head and set my shoulders back.

“Come on,” Aeri says. “He told you just to break you, but you survived. And you can’t kill him if we’re caught here.”

She’s right. I have to keep going. I have to see this through. I force all my feelings aside and become a blade once more.

I get my legs to work, and we start to run. She’s very fast, even in a long dress and heavy cloak. I should’ve remembered that from Yusan. I struggle to keep pace with her, my legs working harder under the weight of this ball gown and fur, but I manage.

After a few turns, we get to the stables, and she slows to a walk. We saunter up, appearing calm, as if we’re not fleeing, but I’m glad we stopped running. My lungs haven’t been the same since Oxerbow poisoning when I was sixteen. I get winded easily now.

“Wait here,” she says. “You’re too memorable.”

I stand around the corner from the stables. Aeri blows out a breath and then fixes her posture and strolls like a lady.

As I pull my cloak around me in the rain, I try not to think about everything that happened tonight. But as time passes, the reality of it drags on me. The energy I found in the alley dissipates. I try to focus on something, anything other than Daysum. Instead, I wonder what will become of that little owl Aeri was taking care of—Dia. I hope she will survive. But I know in my heart she won’t. There are too many predators. There are too many dangers in this world to just be a pretty little thing.

I look up at the monsoon moon, and there she is. I squint. It can’t be her, but what are the odds of there being two owls this small? She followed us. I didn’t think she could fly, but she’s stronger, more capable than I thought.

Dia lands on the roof of the stable and lets out a small hoot. For some reason, I feel hope bloom inside me like a crocus in the dead of winter. The blossom clears my mind. Maybe I am more capable, too.

Aeri is right—Daysum is still alive. As long as she’s breathing, I can’t stop. I won’t. Another wave of shame snakes around me for wanting to give up. But shame is only what you feel when you can be better.

A minute later, Aeri comes out with two horses. I manage half a smile at the girl, the thief, the princess who saved me. But she’s not looking at me. She’s staring at something else. I turn and watch smoke rise in the distance. It’s coming from the direction of the inn.

“We’re definitely going to get blamed for this.” Aeri groans, then shakes her head. “Whatever. We’ll deal with it later. Get on.”

Putting my dress boot in the stirrup, I climb into the saddle and wrap my heavy cloak so it stays closed. I cast a last glance at the flames smoking in the rain. Then I spur my horse to follow Aeri into the night, hoping that no one other than Dia is tracking us.