Page 7 of Fortress (A Monster By Any Other Name #4)

“ B ienvenido a casa.” Alex Rodriguez pushed open the door to her garage apartment, leading Jake and Toby inside. “I had some friends staying here recently, a mama with a couple young kids looking for a new start, but they did a nice job cleaning it up before they went on their way. We’ll need to restock the pantry, though. Tobias, you want to settle in and unpack while Jake and I head over to Walmart on a food run?”

Toby looked up, his eyes wide and startled in his pale face, and something in Jake’s chest constricted. He hadn’t seen that lost, hollow look on Toby’s face—or the body language radiating vulnerability and fear—since, well, probably the last time they’d met Alex. Life wasn’t fucking fair , because if they’d run into her before that damn troll, she could’ve seen the awesome, confident, kick-ass person Toby had really become.

Three days ago, Toby would have probably glanced at Jake before answering the question himself, even if it came from a stranger. Now, he just turned toward Jake, pleading with the minimal eye contact he dared. Jake forced a smile, and it hurt. “You’ll be okay, right? We’ll be quick, and you can take a breather.” The whole drive south, Toby had been struggling to find a comfortable position in the Eldorado and to hide his wince every time they hit a bump in the road.

Finally, Toby offered a hesitant nod, and Jake decided to take it as the victory they could get right now.

Jake handed Tobias the keys to the Eldorado and listened to him turn the locks inside the apartment before getting into Alex’s Honda Accord. As they pulled out of the driveway, Jake exhaled louder than he meant to, sagging back against his seat.

Alex glanced at him, her eyebrows raised. “That bad?”

Jake glowered at the road. “Goddamn hospital. If you’d seen him right before this—you wouldn’t have fucking recognized him. I’m telling you, you wouldn’t have.”

“Roger told me a little, after Christmas,” Alex said.

Jake glanced at him, surprised. “Yeah?”

“We catch up now and then. So what went down?”

Jake gave her the highlights, adding detail where necessary and trying not to think too much about the words. Telling the story again—relaying to Alex the ultimatums that he’d received, the reminder of what the goddamn papers said—made it impossible to ignore how close he’d come to losing control of everything. Losing Toby. Those fuckers at the goddamn hospital forced him to break every promise he’d made to Tobias, starting from the first day he’d gotten him out. He’d fucking promised that he would take care of Tobias, keep him safe, never let anyone treat him like that again—and now they both knew how worthless Jake’s word was.

“They took his clothes.” Jake forced himself to say it. “That’s all he said to me when he was fucking strapped to a hospital bed, wearing one of those fucking slips that don’t cover anything. They took my clothes . Fuck. And I don’t think he was even awake when they did it.”

Alex drew in a sharp breath. When Jake glanced over, her grip was tight on the steering wheel, lips pressed together. At the next red light, she said simply, “It’s good you got out of there.”

After the light turned green and they eased forward, she continued. “The way I see it is this: it’s important for him to have a safe space now, re-establish a sense of privacy, but I don’t want him to shut himself away completely, as good as it might feel in the short term. Get out and about, visit the library, go back to that park he liked last time. And it’d be nice if you drop by the church again this weekend, say hi to the abuelitas. They’ve missed him.”

Jake managed a crooked smile. “We’re not exactly the Sunday School type.”

“So come by at the end of the service for coffee and tacos. If the pastor doesn’t mind—and I hear she doesn’t—no one else can say anything.” She winked at him.

“Well, we never turn down a meal.” He wouldn’t admit it in so many words, but damn, it was nice to be with someone who had a plan or at least advice.

Alex switched on her turn signal for the Walmart entrance. “You made a fast exit from that hospital. I bet Tobias’ll need some check-ups to make sure those bones are healing properly.”

Jake bit back a groan, rubbing at his forehead. “Yeah, but—shit. How long do you think we can put that off?”

“You really want to find out you waited too long?” Alex turned into a parking spot and shut off the engine. That wasn’t a fair question, and Jake was still trying to come up with a retort when she asked, “So, how are you gonna keep busy while he’s on the mend?”

Jake shrugged. “Just, uh. My usual thing, I guess.” Alex gave him a skeptical look as she took hold of a shopping cart outside the front doors. “What, you got a suggestion?”

“Well,” she said thoughtfully, “the local auto shop is looking for another pair of hands.”

“Sure, I’ll check it out.” Jake had never been a fan of civvie jobs and only took them when absolutely necessary. Something about every boss he ever met made him reach new heights of creativity telling them how to fuck themselves, usually during the first shift. But he’d try to behave himself, if only out of respect for Alex.

The first week, Jake rummaged up supplies to make up a new pair of backup IDs so they could prove at the drop of a hat that they were Frank and Dan Hardy, a couple of brothers from Oklahoma. Toby barely spoke or moved from the couch, struggling to find a position that would put the least amount of stress on his injured bones and bruises, dozing when he could.

After finishing the ID job, Jake joined him at the other end, flipping through daytime soaps. Finally, he decided the only way out was through. “So, Alex mentioned that the neighborhood library is pretty cool, and they’ve got this really good Chinese restaurant. Wanna check it out?”

Toby focused on him more quickly than he had responded to anything else in days, and Jake had to steel himself against the blank dread on his face. For long seconds, he thought he might not even get a response, but finally Toby closed his eyes and let his head fall back. “If you want to.”

Jake groaned. “No fucking way, dude. You know that’s not how this works. We don’t do anything just ’cause I want to.”

“We do things all the time just because you want to,” Toby said, unexpectedly argumentative, even though his tone was quiet and his eyes were still closed. “That’s all we ever did at first.”

Wincing, Jake watched him, rubbing the heel of his hand against his jeans. He didn’t have a clear idea of where Toby’s head was at. It didn’t feel as bad as the early days, thank fuck, but he didn’t want to push. “Well, now you kick ass at bossing me around, right?”

Toby’s lips twitched in something that might’ve been a smile. “If we have to go, first thing in the morning. When it won’t be too crowded.”

Jake let out a breath. “You got it, tiger.”

The drive through town was quiet, except for Jake humming along with the Metallica tape, played at a much lower volume than usual. Tobias leaned his head against the window and tried to pretend that the quiet streets meant something like peace. If only they could keep driving for hours and hours, stopping only for brief breaks at abandoned rest stops, with the stars spread above them like a blanket, no guard to ever tell him to drop his monster eyes.

He knew Jake was worried about him, and Tobias wished he could reassure him, but he had felt little but bone-deep exhaustion since Jake had freed him for the second time. It reminded him of old Thursday mornings, when he sometimes couldn’t pull himself up from his cot until Kayla gave him a kick in the ribs. Or until Crusher would—

Tobias flinched and then winced again when the motion jarred his ribs. He forced his head up, trying to focus on the passing streets and other cars. He had to stay focused on the here and now, or he might find himself trapped in that horror that he knew he had only barely left behind. Every time he closed his eyes or drifted into fitful sleep, he could feel the thick straps tightening around his wrists, the unforgiving hospital lights blazing onto his eyelids.

Jake had done so much for him, shown him so much of the world. But the hospital had reminded Tobias that it wasn’t really his world. The ASC would always be out there, waiting for freaks they didn’t even know about yet to mess up. And they already knew all about Tobias, down to the sounds he made when he couldn’t take any more punishment.

When they pulled up in front of a squat brick building marked PIMA COUNTY LIbrARY, Tobias couldn’t stop his hands from curling into fists and his breath going shallow. He’d never gotten a good look at the hospital’s exterior, but something about the white, multi-arched library entryway and the blank glass wall behind it reminded him of a place meant to keep people inside.

But when they stepped through the doors (Tobias limping as little as he could, aware of the ache in his shoulder and how easy it would be to take him down), he saw only books, like in any other library. Jake headed toward the front desk as he waved Tobias toward the shelves. Gratefully, Tobias slipped away from the curious eyes of the stocky male librarian.

He stepped into an unoccupied aisle where he could see Jake and the front doors with plenty of warning before anyone approached him. His fingertips brushed over the books’ spines. He wasn’t really interested in finding a new book (between the exhaustion and the meds Jake had been giving him for the pain, it was hard to concentrate on anything), but something set prominently on a display shelf caught his eye.

A minute later, he joined Jake at the front desk, cradling the worn tome to his side with his good arm.

Jake tilted his head to study the title. “Is that the book about upside-down rabbits?”

Tobias looked between him and the cover. “It’s called Watership Down , but I don’t think the rabbits are upside down.”

“Well, let me know if things go real south for them.” Jake nodded at another librarian. “Mandy here is getting our new library cards squared away.”

Mandy smiled at both of them, which Tobias glimpsed before he dropped his gaze. Had he really stopped paying attention just because he was distracted by Jake? “Are you Tobias? Pastor Alex said you might be coming in.”

“Yeah?” Jake sounded surprised, and Tobias stood very still, even as his grip tightened on the book. Stupid, stupid, stupid . Alex didn’t mean any harm, Tobias was fairly sure, but she still shouldn’t be talking about him. The fewer people who noticed or knew about him, the better.

“She mentioned what a good help you could be,” Mandy said. “She knows we’re short-staffed right now, with Diana on maternity leave and Gary only doing half days because of his back.” She paused, then said hopefully, “We’d be grateful for a volunteer to help reshelve books, make sure they get back in the right spot, that sort of thing.”

Tobias had the horrible certainty that she was talking to him. He shot a quick glance at Jake, both to confirm his suspicion and to beg for backup. Jake was watching him with a furrowed brow, but when he saw Tobias’s look, he turned back to Mandy.

“Hey, why don’t you give us a couple days to think it over? We’re still settling in.”

Mandy laughed. “Well, there’s not that much going on in Sahuarita. Take this volunteer application form and definitely think about it.”

Two days later, the still-blank application was pinned to the refrigerator where Jake had put it. Jake took it down and brought it over to the table with his second cup of morning coffee. Tobias tensed and glanced up when Jake put it down next to him.

“You thought any more about helping out at that library?”

Tobias swallowed before shrugging. “I—I d-don’t think...” He trailed off, caught between his old instinct to tell Jake whatever he wanted to hear and the knowledge that that wasn’t his life anymore. “I don’t kn-know how I’d be able to h-help them.” He twitched the fingers of his right hand toward his sling, hoping Jake would think he was only talking about the bad shoulder.

Jake slouched back in his chair, one arm dangling over the back, fingers tapping along the edges of the chair. “I’m sure they’d show you around. Not like they want poetry and motorcycle maintenance together, or Shakespeare in with the gore-fest horror novels. They’d watch out for you.” Something must have shown on Tobias’s face, because Jake abandoned his casual posture, sitting up to give him his full attention. “This is only if you want to. You know I’m not going to force you out the door.”

Thank God. Tobias should know that by now, that there would be no consequences for saying he couldn’t do something, but it still helped to hear it out loud. “I don’t—” He couldn’t meet Jake’s eye. “I d-don’t think I’d d-do a good job right n-now. Of being—n-normal. Like them. W-we’re using new IDs, p-people we haven’t been before, and I don’t want to draw a-attention.”

Jake exhaled, then leaned over to rest his hand on Tobias’s knee. “I know, Toby. But we’re gonna be here for a while. Another month or so. You’re gonna get sick of just these walls, homey as Alex’s place is.”

Tobias shook his head. He was fine here. This was safe, secure, and no one could sneak up on them.

“Look, even if you’re doing great here—which is totally okay, you’re healing—I’m gonna go crazy if I don’t get out once in a while. Alex mentioned an auto shop where I might be able to pick up a shift now and then. You okay with that?”

Tobias nodded. Jake should never be held back by him.

Jake squeezed his knee. “Awesome. We’ll take it one day at a time, like the shrinks say. That’s all I want, that’s all we need right now. You up for going over to Alex’s house for dinner tonight?”

Tobias tried to smile, though he wasn’t sure it was convincing. “I can handle that much.”

Dinner was corn and turkey chili with tortilla chips and other toppings. Jake and Alex carried the conversation, Tobias adding nothing unless asked directly. He ate quietly with one hand, the other secured against his chest in the sling, his shoulders tensing when Alex’s gaze rested on him too long. He knew this was a safe place and she had shown him and Jake nothing but kindness, but it was hard to remember that in each individual moment.

For dessert, she brought out a tub of chocolate chip ice cream, to Jake’s enthusiastic approval. Tobias savored every small spoonful of icy sweetness.

As they scooped the last bites out of their bowls, Tobias forced out a quiet, “Thank you—it was v-very good.”

She leaned back, eyes crinkling with her smile. “Glad to have you join me for it. I can’t cook every night, but you’re welcome to join me whenever I’m up for more than microwaving leftovers.”

“That’d be great,” Jake said. “We’re got microwaving down cold, right, Toby?”

Tobias glanced up and tried to give him a smile. It felt thin and worn as a shirt that hadn’t been removed before a whipping, but he managed it.

“You look a little more alive,” Alex observed. “How’re you feeling? I only had busted ribs once and it sucked. Hurt to eat, hurt to breathe, hurt to talk.”

“They’re okay.” Tobias kept his voice quiet, kept his eyes down. Alex had never treated him like a freak, but she saw everything, and Tobias didn’t think that he could bear to be seen right now.

“And that collarbone? I know six weeks is standard for the ribs, but other kinds of fractures vary a lot. What did the doctor say?”

Tobias glanced at Jake, who shrugged one shoulder defensively. “About eight weeks.”

Alex watched Jake, as though waiting for more, but as the silence stretched, she leaned forward, crossing her arms on the table. “I’ve heard that healing collarbones can be tricky, kind of like ribs but with more chance of disaster. It’s smart to have a doctor check them out regularly.”

No . Tobias froze, even his breath stopping for a moment. He could see where this conversation could lead, and he did not like it. Slowly, he raised his eyes first to Alex, who was just as calm and intent as ever. Then he looked to Jake.

“I don’t need a doctor.” Tobias tried to sound firm, but his voice sounded small and faintly panicked, even to his own ears.

Jake scratched the back of his neck, not meeting his eyes. “Actually, Toby... the doc at the hospital said pretty much the same thing. Thought it would be good to have checkups, just to make sure it doesn’t heal crooked or something.”

“It doesn’t need to be at a hospital,” Alex said softly.

Tobias stared at the both of them, heart pounding in his ears. Did they plan this together? Did Jake and Alex think that it would be the only way to make him go quietly—that the only way to get the message through his thick monster skull was to corner him, to hit him from both sides? Tobias swallowed, his heart beating painfully against his aching side. In camp, when freaks had tried this, they had usually been unpleasantly surprised, or else Tobias had been left broken. There was no third option from a sneak attack.

“I’ve been asking around,” Alex added. “I found some doctors who wouldn’t mind making a house call.”

Tobias jolted back in his chair, pushing it a few inches away from the table. “Y-you’ve been—t-telling them about me?”

“Toby, hey.” Jake reached for his hand, but Tobias jerked back. It was all he could do not to throw himself off the chair to get away.

“Jake.” Speaking was almost impossible when he had to fight just to breathe. If he looked Jake in the face—he couldn’t do that and get the words out and hold onto a modicum of calm. He focused instead on the table between them. “Jake, you t-t-told me—you s-said—if I’m not c-com-comfortable, if I’m not o-okay—I’m not , Jake, I can’t . Please don’t—”

“Hey, hey, Toby.” Jake had leaned close, though he didn’t try to touch him this time. He spoke quietly, as though it were just the two of them. “No one’s going to make you do anything you’re not ready for, I promise. But this isn’t going to be that cold-blooded fuckhouse hospital. Doctor visits are different, and you can walk out whenever you want. If someone gives you so much as the stink eye, I’m taking them down, ’cause I’m not leaving you for a second, understand?”

“Jake...” Tobias could only shake his head, squeezing the bridge of his nose. How could Jake think that a trained real could look at Tobias and not know , clearly and irrevocably, that a freak sat before him? Even without the ASC finding out, and the panic, how could Jake ever think that would be okay?

“Tobias,” Alex broke in, “what do you think is going to happen with a doctor?”

But Tobias couldn’t speak to her. She had been talking to people about him, and that had to make it easier for the ASC to find him. Maybe Alex didn’t know or didn’t care about the consequences of that. He turned to Jake again. “They’re going to kn-know.”

“Toby, they only knew at the hospital because that one nurse made a guess. If she hadn’t seen the scarring, they would have treated you like anybody else, I swear.”

Tobias shook his head. “They’ll know, because she t-told them.” He couldn’t look at her.

“I didn’t tell them where you came from, Tobias,” Alex said, surprised. “No way, I’d never do that. I just said that I knew a kid who needed a checkup after a recent accident and that they didn’t want the hassle of dealing with a pack of strangers at a doctor’s office. That’s all. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about it first.”

Tobias dropped his forehead into his hand, still fighting for control. “They’re going to know.”

“They won’t,” she said with calm certainty. “I can swear that no one I bring to you will put any kind of restraints on you or touch you without your permission. I know this shit sucks and you went through hell at that hospital. But it’s not something that’ll get better if you avoid it. Aside from messing up your shoulder long-term—if you keep hunting, you’re going to end up in a hospital again. Not to mention if you come down with something nasty your med kit can’t take care of. If you learn to handle small visits now, it’ll be easier when you got no other choice.”

Jake was nodding. Tobias had to look away, bringing his hand up before his eyes, willing himself not to cry here in front of them. He had to trust Jake—he had to trust both of them and believe that this wasn’t going to end in restraints, a gag, a black van taking him away for more testing. “When?” The word was rough in his throat.

“As soon as you’re ready,” Alex said quietly. “Within a week, I’d say.”

But Tobias shook his head. “Soon. Tomorrow. If it has to happen... then as soon as it can.”

“Okay, Toby.” Jake’s voice was quiet, his hand making careful contact between Tobias’s shoulders.

“I’ll call first thing in the morning,” Alex said. “I don’t know if she’ll be available tomorrow, but I’ll see what we can do. Do you want to meet here for the appointment? Or maybe the church?”

Tobias nodded without looking up. It wouldn’t matter that much if the doctor made a report to the ASC, but he could tell that she was trying to make him feel better.

Back in the garage apartment, the silence was unusually heavy. Tobias opened his tenth-grade science textbook, but he couldn’t make himself focus for more than a paragraph at a time. He couldn’t forget he was about to be examined .

Finally, Jake broke the silence in an attempted offhand tone. “You mad at me?”

Tobias shook his head, not looking up. “I don’t get m-mad at you.”

“Seriously?” Now Jake sounded a little amused. “Think I don’t remember that time that diner gave you the wrong sandwich and I tried sending it back? Man, you were this close to decking me.”

To Tobias’s own surprise, his lips turned up in a smile. “I wasn’t about to deck you.”

“Please. You were about to flip tables. I was about to roll and cover. That diner is lucky to still be standing.”

Tobias ducked his head, still smiling. “I wasn’t that angry.”

“But you were pissed at me.” Jake sounded oddly satisfied.

Tobias hesitated. “Yeah. Yes.” He hesitated, then went ahead with the question. “D-did you... plan that in ad-advance with Alex?”

Jake glanced swiftly at him. “What, the doctor thing? Hell no. I mean, she mentioned that you might need a checkup and that she’d look into it, but I didn’t know she’d ambush us with it tonight.”

Tobias said nothing. That response didn’t ease the cold dread in him about the whole situation, but at least one knot had loosened. He relaxed a little into the mattress.

“Hey.” Jake extended one hand, palm up and without demand. Tobias took it, the firm, familiar grasp grounding him. “I’ll be there, okay? No one’s keeping me out of the room this time. And if we have to, we’ll clear out of here afterward, fuck, out of the whole state. Even if you just want to.”

Tobias took a deep breath and nodded. It wasn’t reassuring, exactly. Nothing could be reassuring with the prospect of more doctors, tests, examinations before him. But he had to trust Jake that this was yet another real test he could pass.

Alex knocked on the door the next morning as they were finishing their breakfast of cereal and toast. Jake was quick to answer the door, stepping back to let her in.

“Morning, boys.” She took a seat at the small table, facing Tobias. “I’ve been making some calls. Michelle Nguyen is an old friend of mine, a doctor who used to work with kids in Tucson, both at her practice and volunteering. She’s retired now, but she still knows her stuff and would be comfortable helping out for a simple checkup. I’ve known her for years and would trust her with anyone. Would you be okay meeting her?”

Tobias swallowed, his awareness of the room—the wooden chair underneath him, Jake’s worried glances—growing both more distant and sharper. “Yes,” he managed at last.

Alex nodded. “She’s free today, or she has time later this week. Do you and Jake want to talk it over and let me know?”

Tobias looked up, and it grounded him to meet Jake’s eyes, his expression tight with worry but focused unwaveringly on him. He didn’t need to ask. “Today.”

“All right. One p.m.? We could even do lunch together, all four of us—”

“No thank you,” Tobias said too quickly. He wouldn’t tell Jake, but a large part of him still recoiled at the thought of how a real would react when she realized she’d eaten at a table with a freak. “Wh-wh-wh—” He swallowed, clenching his teeth, and tried again more slowly. “What. Will. You. Tell. Her. About. Me?”

“That you’ve been through hell and don’t like to be touched by strangers,” she answered quietly. “Nothing more than that. She’ll understand, Tobias. Shame is that she’s seen hundreds of kids like that.”

“Okay.” It wasn’t okay, nothing about this would be okay, but it was going to happen. Tobias couldn’t doubt that, not with his bone-deep understanding that when hunters or other authorities made a decision, he wasn’t going to be able to change it.

Alex nodded and stood up. “All right, how about we meet at the church? Nice neutral space, it’s got all the usual protections so no baddies can slip through.”

After she left, Tobias dropped his head onto his folded arms on the table. He never wanted to move from this spot. He especially did not want to have a stranger, a doctor, looking at him in a few hours and spotting everything freakish in him, pointing it out so that Jake might also look at him in disgust and never touch him again.

Jake sat down next to him, scooting his chair over so he could rest a hand on Tobias’s back.

Tobias swallowed hard. “You’ll stay with me?”

“Every minute, Toby. Not gonna let you out of sight for a second. And if we gotta hit the road afterward, that’s what we’ll do. But it’s gonna go fine, really.” After a moment, he added reflectively, “Waiting’s gonna be shit, though.”

Tobias huffed out something that wasn’t quite a laugh. Yes, he remembered that from all the long Wednesday afternoons he’d waited for the Director to teach him his next lesson.

In the Eldorado, Tobias closed his eyes to the passing neighborhood, trying to pretend they were on an open highway with nothing awaiting them but the next rest stop or drive-thru or motel. He tried to repress what Jake had told him of regular doctor visits. Each description of cuffs, touching, or being told to open his mouth sent that same buzzing terror under his skin. Jake meant to reassure him, but neither of them knew which test would be the one that gave him away.

Jake didn’t think that would happen. He didn’t believe Tobias was a freak, but Tobias knew all the ways he could be wrong. There were so many ways a freak could manifest without leaving any evidence behind. He tried to hold on tight to the knowledge that Jake would never knowingly take him into a situation that would end with Tobias strapped into a black van.

He tried .

He was trying, always fucking trying, but it was hard. Hard not to think about being dragged to Special Research. Hard not to be hyperaware of the bands currently around his shoulder and arm—protecting an injury, but also marking him instantly as weak and vulnerable. His left wrist rubbed against the leather seat, maybe to prove to himself that he could still move it, that he could get away if he had to. Maybe because that was the only part of him that felt free with the bands tightening around his chest, his breath coming thin and short and—No, no, this had happened outside of Freak Camp and before the hospital, the sensation of being tied too tight to breathe, no air in his lungs and his brain screaming nonstop—

“Toby. Toby!”

Tobias couldn’t answer, couldn’t even draw breath to try, but he felt the car swerve and stop, Jake leaning over him to open the shotgun door. In a moment of mindless panic, Tobias grabbed at Jake’s sleeve, terrified that Jake had finally decided that Tobias wasn’t worth the struggle anymore, that he was just going to shove him out of the Eldorado to die or be taken—but no, fuck, of course not, Jake was just telling him to breathe, deep breaths, unzip his jacket if he had to.

It took minutes before the invisible bands eased, before Tobias could draw in deeper, ragged breaths. As the panic faded, frustration and shame took its place. He fisted his free hand, slamming it into the seat. “I hate this. I hate being so weak—”

“Toby, you’re not.” Jake sounded so exhausted that Tobias opened his eyes, sure it couldn’t be that bad, that it couldn’t have wrecked Jake too. He shouldn’t have, though, because the dark circles beneath Jake’s eyes hit him like a punch in the gut.

Tobias drew himself up. He couldn’t force a smile, he couldn’t be okay, but maybe if he faked it hard enough, some of the weariness in Jake would go away. “I’m o-okay. Let’s go.”

Jake hesitated. “Toby—”

“Let’s go , Jake.” Tobias was afraid his voice would break if he said anything more—that anything else he said would fall apart into pleas for them to hit the nearest highway, to get as far away as they could—but Alex had been right. Sooner or later, they’d have to face something like this. Better now, when Tobias was sixty-two percent sure that he wasn’t going to end up dead or worse, than later, when they had no choice of when or where.

Slowly, as though he were the one headed for Special Research, Jake slid back behind the wheel.

Alex tried not to hover while her old friend Dr. Michelle Nguyen sat in a chair before Tobias, leaning toward him as she asked quiet questions. They were using her church office as an impromptu exam room, and the boys sat side by side on her lumpy orange couch. Jake was nearly on the edge of the seat, apparently ready to pounce on any threats that might emerge.

But Tobias had gone totally, disturbingly blank. He stared straight ahead, eyes focused on nothing. A couple times he gave a minute nod or shake of his head, or some stiff answer of a syllable or two.

Michelle knew her work, though. Everything she did was smooth, unhurried, and kept to a minimum. Alex watched as she asked permission to touch Tobias’s shoulder. After his stiff nod, she moved with feather-light touches, checking just a few spots, before withdrawing again.

After another uneventful fifteen minutes, Michelle thanked Tobias for his time, and he and Jake made a quick escape outside.

Alex took a seat behind her desk, looking at her friend sitting in the chair across from her. Michelle gazed out the window, lost in thought.

Finally, Michelle turned to her, her brow furrowed. “I don’t ask you many questions.”

“But?” Alex suggested.

“Those scars, Alex.” Michelle held her gaze, unwavering. “Does whoever did that still have access to him or others?”

“Tobias’s safe,” Alex told her. “There’s nothing you or I can do about the others.”

Tobias kept a tight hold on himself, kept at bay the panic and fear still bubbling inside, until they reached the safety of the Eldorado. Once inside, he leaned against the shotgun window, hands between his knees, staring into the depths of the foot well. Tobias was grateful when Jake wordlessly started the car and got them moving.

A few blocks away, Jake said, “See, just like I told you. You got nothing going on besides how that troll banged you up. How do you want to celebrate? Hit up a bookstore, go on an ice cream run, start head-banging to some Beethoven?”

Tobias managed a small smile. “I’m okay. She didn’t... didn’t see anything. But in two weeks, we have to do it again.”

Jake groaned, raising and dropping his hands onto the steering wheel. “Toby, you seriously think that it’s going to go down any differently next time? She said already that today was the big exam. Next time she’s just going to poke at that collarbone. You passed, dude. I swear, there’s nothing weirder about you than about me.”

Tobias drew a breath, straightening his back. Jake really sounded desperate, half-exasperated, half-wheedling—a specific mix Tobias remembered clearly from the early Boulder days. He’d been using it since the hospital, treating Tobias so carefully. It hurt in some ways that Jake still felt the need to coax and placate him. Tobias had to do better, because despite how real the danger had been, the awfulness of being tied down naked helpless again in the hospital—they had gotten away.

Here in Alex’s neighborhood, they were as safe as they were going to get, and Tobias had to stop acting like such a cowardly little bitch-freak. Jake needed someone better, someone who could watch his back, who didn’t cringe every time a real looked at him. He had to trust Jake that the worst had passed and the next examinations— appointments —would be okay. And until then...

“You’re right.” He tried to make the words strong, confident. Stronger than he felt, at least. “I passed.” One more deep breath so he wouldn’t stumble on the next words. “I’d like to t-try volunteering at the library.”

The library turned out to be so simple, Tobias was taken aback. Mandy seemed genuinely glad to have him there, and while she asked a lot of general questions the first day ( How are you liking Sahuarita? What brought you to southern Arizona? ), she easily accepted the cover story that he and Jake had agreed on: they were visiting their old friend Alex while recovering from a car accident.

She was surprised when he had the Dewey decimal system memorized after the first day. That made him anxious at first, heart thudding as he wondered if he’d revealed himself to be abnormal again. But she seemed more pleased and impressed than suspicious, lamenting that he and Jake wouldn’t be staying in Sahuarita long-term, so she couldn’t hire him on full-time when Gary retired.

As soon as Tobias demonstrated that he knew his way around the stacks, she left him alone with a cart of books to shelve. The work was methodical and peaceful in a way he hadn’t expected. He’d often worked in the small library inside FREACS, but with the cameras in every corner and the knowledge that a guard might come in at any time, he had never truly relaxed or even known how. Here, there was something breathtaking about the huge range of books he handled, the tap of keys at the bank of computers, the sound of children unafraid to be noisier than they should. When he finished everything they had for him (Mandy delighted and a little gleeful at the empty reshelving carts), he took a book to a secluded corner and read until Jake came to pick him up after his shift at the auto shop.

On the drive back to Alex’s and through most of dinner, Jake told Toby stories about the bozos he worked with and their weird sense of humor. Then that night, like most of their nights since the doctor visit, they watched a movie from Alex’s collection.

They started with the animated Disney films, and Toby liked them all, especially Lion King and Toy Story . Jake remembered the controversy around Toy Story , the protests and theaters that banned it until Disney released a long statement about it being fantasy and make-believe, not possessed toys.

Jake hadn’t been gung ho at first about rewatching kids’ movies, but watching Toby light up at the silly jokes and characters put a big grin on his own face every time. And he’d forgotten how just damn catchy some of the songs were.

To his satisfaction, Toby turned out be a huge Indiana Jones fan. He loved Raiders (which, duh, best in the trilogy). Even before Toby bumped his shoulder and marveled at how cool Indiana was, Jake knew that Toby had good taste in awesome badasses.

Temple of Doom went a little rougher. Jake had forgotten about the child slaves, and the whipping, and the extremely creepy force-feeding-blood thing. Toby had a vise-like grip on Jake’s arm through those scenes, but they got through it and he was smiling again at the end. Jake’s relief felt a little absurd, but he knew that this wouldn’t have been possible just last year. It was a damn good thing that even the hospital nightmare hadn’t taken them all the way back to square one.

The next night, he got out of the shower to find Toby sitting again before the DVD shelf, flipping through a small stack he’d picked out.

“ Star Wars .” Toby looked up at Jake. “That’s something everyone’s seen, right?”

Jake hesitated, trying to think of what in the series was likely to give Toby nightmares. Darth Vader Force-strangling his underlings, Luke getting his hand chopped off—and, oh yeah, there was that scene with Leia in the golden bikini, chained to that slime monster. Jake was a little ashamed of himself now for once finding that super hot. Didn’t she even have a chain around her throat? Shit.

But Toby was examining the case cover closely. “This looks like Indiana Jones! The actor who played him, I mean.”

Jake huffed a laugh, moving closer. “Yeah, that’s Harrison Ford, a few years younger than he was in Raiders . Still pretty smoking, even without the hat. But, uh—some stuff in there’s pretty hardcore, I dunno if you’re in the mood for it.”

Toby glanced up at him, frowning a little, then looked back down at the DVD. “But this is something everyone knows, isn’t it? So I guess I’ll just have to deal.” His voice was casual, dismissive, like the issue was already settled. Since the doctor appointment and Toby’s announcement that he’d volunteer at the library, Jake had seen a resurgence of an earlier Toby—the one from last fall who had pushed his own boundaries without regard for his own comfort. These days, it wasn’t quite as obvious that Toby’s goal was to make Jake happy, but Jake was still torn between pride and guilt.

Jake sighed. “Toby . . .”

Toby stood up, giving Jake a lopsided smile. “I won’t watch if I don’t want to, okay? Like with some of Temple of Doom , I watched your shoulder instead.”

“It’s a nice shoulder, if I do say so myself.” Jake still wasn’t sure about this, but Toby was probably right. He should get to decide for himself.

Toby liked the robots a lot, as anyone would, and got really excited when Harrison Ford showed up. They paced themselves, and three nights later, they finished Return of the Jedi , which had the creepy Jabba the Hutt scene that Jake had been dreading. But he’d forgotten how Leia proved what a badass she was, even in that skimpy bikini, by throttling the slimy son of a bitch. He hoped Toby had paid attention to that bit. His only reaction to that whole scene had been to go absolutely still against Jake’s side. Once Leia reunited with Luke and they escaped before blowing the whole place up, Toby exhaled and relaxed.

After the cheesy images of Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Anakin faded from the sky, Toby leaned back against Jake’s chest. “I still like C-3PO and R2D2 best,” he said at last. “Though Han Solo was pretty cool too,” he added, turning his head to grin at Jake. No, not grin, smirk . “He really loved his Millennium Falcon.”

“’Course he did. It was his baby.” Jake shrugged, a little defensively. “I get the feeling, y’know?”

“Yeah.” Toby slid a little farther down, so he was almost lying with his head in Jake’s lap, looking up at him. “I guess that makes me Chewbacca,” he said thoughtfully—then, seeing Jake’s face, he added, “You’re always saying I have a lot of hair.”

“Yeah, on your head . You know who else has a lot of hair just on their head? Leia. She has luscious locks, is cute, and badass. Just like you.”

“Oh.” Even in the dim light from the TV’s blue screen, Jake could see Toby’s wide smile and flushed cheeks.

“Yeah, that’s right.” Jake slipped a hand behind Toby’s neck, dropping his head closer. “And you know who Leia got to kiss, in the end.”

Toby raised his head to meet him, gripping Jake’s shirt behind his shoulder.

A little later, Tobias lay on his side in the most comfortable position he’d found, with one arm and ankle tangled with Jake’s. Jake had already fallen asleep, his breathing slow and regular.

There was a lot to be scared of in the world. Humans and hunters, Freak Camp and the ASC. Yet lying there, listening to Jake’s steady breathing, Tobias felt truly safe for the first time since the hospital. It wasn’t just the warmth of Jake’s arm twined with his, the comfort of the bed, the delicious meal they’d eaten, or all the movies they’d watched where the good guys always won. He felt safe because he knew where they were again with each other and what their relationship could look like when they weren’t both afraid, fucking up, and treating each other like glass.

Tobias and Jake Hawthorne had survived another day, and it had been a good one. A very good one, the kind he never could have imagined in Freak Camp. Maybe, together, they didn’t even have to be afraid.