Page 16 of Forgiving My Chuchunya (Snuggling under Snowdrifts #5)

Hannah

Eyes stare at me from the opposite side of snowy dunes and between sparse stands of trees.

Maybe I’m in my head and Gleb’s warnings haunt me, but every set of tracks we pass sends a shiver down my spine.

I should have grabbed my rabbit pelts before I abandoned Gleb’s campsite, but I didn’t want to call Jack’s attention to Gleb’s primitive bags.

My intuition tells me I shouldn’t allow Jack and Gleb to face one another again.

“Can you walk any faster? I’m the one carrying all the stuff,”

Jack gripes for the thousandth time.

“I’m carrying the tent! I’ll gladly trade you,”

I reply between puffs.

We aren’t athletes.

The air burns my insides with each inhale and steams my face with each exhale.

The ice storm dropped the temperature to the lowest I’ve experienced since the crash. Part of me wishes I could call Gleb on Jack’s cell phone and have him pick me up.

“What so funny?”

“Giggles are infectious in the Arctic Circle,” I lie.

“Are you losing it? If you needed to rest because you were losing it, you should have said something,”

he snaps.

He dumps his backpack and side bag on the ground.

The insides crash and rattle as if he broke something inside it.

“Dammit, if that was my phone…I swear!”

“Should we keep moving? I feel like we’re being watched—”

“Stop to rest, keep moving, make up your mind, woman! We’re stopping because I said so.”

“I’m scared.

There’s something ahead of us.

My intuition—”

“Don’t start with your woo-woo shit, either.”

“What? You always supported my gifts before.

What’s changed with you, Jack?”

A chill runs down my spine and my guts tie themselves in knots.

Something’s not right.

I tuck an escaped lock of hair into my hat in a nervous stim.

“You broke up with me, remember? Sorry if I’m done with understanding or accommodating your crazy.

I’m a little hurt that you could drop me to the side as soon as the next guy comes alone.

Seriously, I leave you alone for a few days and you hook up with the first guy in your path.”

“I’m sorry if it looks that way, but we’ve had issues all summer—”

“Oh! Now we had issues.

That’s rich! We didn’t have issues before the bus sank, did we? Mighty convenient that we have them now that you found a freak as weird as you.”

“Name calling is a big issue.

Listening to my feelings is a big issue.

Hell, listening to me at all is a big issue—”

A wolf howls in the distance.

Alarm bells ring in my head, but I’m too mad to process them.

“Well, I’m glad we broke up since you were so unhappy that you asked me to propose at every sunrise and sunset on this stupid trip.

You’re rich as hell.

Why can’t you just do rich people stuff? Why do you want to slum’ it all the time? Don’t you realize how privileged you are?”

“If you hate my slumming , think I’m out of mind, and get annoyed with me so much, why were you dating me? You have money too.

If you wanted to do rich people stuff this summer, why did you insist upon coming to the Arctic with me? I chose to work.

That doesn’t mean you had to tag along.”

“Because I knew if I let you out of my sight, someone else would snatch you up,”

he sneers as he jumps to his feet.

The sun reflects off the phone waved in front of him, hurting my eyes.

Every time I blink, he appears closer, like a doll in a horror movie villain.

His hair waves with the force of his head bobs as he nods in agreement with his own statements.

“Why am I a prize if I annoy you so much? You could date someone else.”

My question flips a switch in his brain.

He freezes, drops his outstretched phone to his side, and stretches his mouth into a maniacal smile.

Oh no, this is bad.

This is horror-movie-bad and I’m not final girl material. I stand woodenly as he wraps his arms around my shoulders. He pushes my head until I lean on him. His heart is pounding. But then again, that could be mine.

“It’s not you,”

he whispers over my head.

“It’s the Arctic.

I’m not built for the survivalist lifestyle.

If you look inside yourself, with that intuition you love to quote, you will find you aren’t cut out for it too. You’ve scared me, bubble brain. I fear you will choose to stay up here and find misery instead of returning home to the life we know in LA.”

I’m on thin ice and not just the thawing permafrost.

The gravity of traipsing across the Arctic Tundra with a madman on his last tether falls onto my shoulders.

He acknowledges our breakup but also suggests a future.

He’s hugging me too tightly after approaching me with rage. I wish Gleb were here. This is the side of Jack he saw on the iceberg. Meanwhile, I was blissfully unaware of Jack’s darkness because I brainlessly followed his every whim. My nanny job was my first act of defiance…perhaps my intuition knew we needed space…or that I needed to run.

“I appreciate your concern and understand how these conditions aren’t our normal habitat,”

I say in a bland customer service voice.

I can’t make him lose it or let on that I sense he’s on the brink.

“However, I’m in a self-discovery phase.

That’s why I chose to travel with Ms. Greene. I came up here to find myself.”

“Don’t the stars tell you everything you need to know?”

Something about the tone of voice he uses to ask the question has me pulling away in disgust.

“Haven’t you noticed the decreased daylight? We had darkness last night because of the storms.

Summers aren’t dark enough to see the stars.”

I try to keep my voice even, but Jack’s words hurt.

Gleb was sensitive to my feelings and listened to me.

If I endure Jack for one more trip, I’ll be at Gleb’s home, where I’m valued.

Wait, what are those? I scuff my foot over a patch of snow.

“Well, aren’t you a Little Miss Naturalist? Did your furry teach you about the daylight? ”

“Yes, in fact, he did,”

I reply, sitting on the ground to investigate further.

There are red clover buds nestled in short grass.

We should be north of the boreal shield’s soil.

The plants shouldn’t be able to grow roots in the permafrost.

Where I found grass should be bryophytes… If Jack isn’t leading me to the bus accident site, where are we headed? My hand stings as I push the snow over my discovery. He can’t know I’ve caught on until I have a plan.

Two more wolves howl in the distance.

I wish I had Gleb’s advanced hearing to discern if the wolves are too far to be a nuisance or so close they’re a potential danger.

Images of Gleb’s blood-soaked fur flash through my mind.

He was sore from defeating a lone wolf. There are at least two howling. “Do you hear the wolves?”

“Yeah, but they won’t bother us,”

he says with a smirk.

“Why’s that?”

I ask as I stand and dust the snow from my butt.

“We’re out of food,”

he says, dumping a pile of wrappers from his backpack.

I scramble to pick them up as he laughs.

“Chill out, the Mounties won’t travel this far north for a litterbug.

They’re too busy catching tourists in the parks down south.”

“Just because you won’t get caught doesn’t mean you should do the wrong thing,”

I whisper under my breath.

“Fine, we’ll carry empty wrappers and attract predators.”

His reminder of predators steals the warmth from my body.

We don’t have to worry about his wrappers when I’m still bleeding.

It’s not my heavy day, but the pelt tucked into my underpants weighs a few pounds.

There are a few splatters between the legs of my jeans. My fursuit is tucked into the tent because I planned to change into it when the temperature drops. The fact that I’m still comfortable in my jeans is more evidence we aren’t traveling north. We better get moving…who knows what follows us…and at the end of those tracks ahead of us.

“I’m going to those trees to pee.

You identify those tracks to your right.

They’re too big to be bunnies’ hops,”

I say, pointing at the tracks.

“You worry too much about dumb things.

Wild animals don’t attack people without someone provoking them first.

If we stay away from them, they will leave us alone.”

Leaving the tent next to a chuckling Jack, I head for the nearest stand of birch trees.

Trees is a generous term.

White spindles with brown spots reach over my head.

There’s enough of them to shield me—not that Jack hasn’t seen everything I offer. The cover is to hide my bloody mess from the wild animals lurking around us. I can’t see them or prove they’re in our path, but I sense them.

Ugh, yeah, this pelt is saturated, gross, and steaming.

I drop the soiled fur onto the snow.

It melts into a stream of red.

This will make a great chew toy for whatever’s stalking us. Maybe it will throw the animal off the scent, like a decoy! My underwear is soaked too. Should I leave them behind? What will I use to secure my next pad substitute? Or should I tough it out because my heavy days are over? These jeans are history anyway. I shimmy out of my jeans and panties to do my business. If I’m spending more time in the wild, I’ll have to ask Gleb—No, if I’m with Gleb we will provide pelts, fires to smoke them, bathing pools to wash them.

“Hannah.”

A tender whisper caresses my ear and brings a smile to my face.

Now I’m imagining his voice!

“Gleb.”

Do I dare to hope he followed us? Will he take me away from this nightmare? I whirl around, scraping my elbows on the birch branches poking into my space.

“Gleb? Please tell me you’re with me.

I’ve been so scared without you.”

“Do not be afraid,”

he whispers.

He crawls to me like a wild beast and awakens my libido.

Hello, next phase of my cycle.

“I’m right here.”

“This is the most secure I’ve felt since we parted—”

“I know you don’t have the materials to care for your bleed.

Predators have caught your scent.

I brought—”

“That’s not what I meant,”

I say breathlessly.

Kneeling before me, he’s real! Gleb’s here! I won’t be eaten by what’s ahead or attract something from the shadows with Gleb to provide for me.

Even if they do attack, Gleb will know what to do and where to hide.

“I’m scared of everything—all the time.”

I throw my clothes into a bloody heap and wrap my arms around him.

My lips find his mouth in a crashing of longing, desire, and excitement.

I nip at him, lick inside his mouth, and pour every emotion I possess into the kiss.

His hand spans my butt. I stifle a moan when he kneads me softly. The other hand cradles the back of my head to tilt my face to his liking. All I can do is wrap my arms around his neck to hang on for dear life. I’ve already lost my heart, and he threatens to consume the rest of me.

“Oh, my svet kamina , I never thought I would taste your kiss again.

Tell me you’re not a dream.”

His words tumble out in whispered gasps against my collarbone.

“As long as you are alive, I will keep you safe.

Even if you don’t choose me, I can’t stay away and wonder if you are okay. ”

“I belong with you,”

I blurt out.

“That’s what I didn’t get to say when Jack appeared.

I needed to tell him to go home, so he didn’t bring a bunch of searchers to the Arctic.

We can’t spend the rest of our lives looking over our shoulder for him or my parents.”

“The rest of our lives?”

“If you would have me,”

I say as I lean back to look into his eyes.

My God, they are a striking blue.

I can’t believe I thought he wore a fur suit.

The blush of his cheeks below his eyes has no mask seams.

“I’d love nothing more,”

he says, shuffling backward.

“I brought you clothes.

Please dress—not that I don’t delight in touching your curves—not that you invited me to or I should be looking—who can resist when you’re so beautiful—just you’ll freeze.”

“Where did you find leggings? Wait—you don’t have to tell me.

I’m so grateful.

You’re the best,”

I say before kissing his cheek.

His adorable blush darkens to cherry red.

I tuck a fresh rabbit pelt into the leggings and slide my legs into them.

They’re a little big, but they are insulated with cotton fluff.

“They belong to Sydney, Sergei’s mate.

I raided his house with the help of two more clan members—”

“I’m so sorry.

You didn’t have to do that for me.”

“No, it’s fine,”

he says, standing to full height.

“They are giving my respects to Sergei and helping us rejoin the group.

Everything will be okay.”

“I believe you,”

I say, wrapping my arms around his waist.

“Now that I’m with you, everything will be okay.”