Page 15 of Forgive Me, Father

I pick up the tray of cookies and the plates while she gathers a handful of napkins and the bowl of strawberries.

We have a mini fridge and supplies for tea and coffee in the meeting room.

We make our way to the main level of the church, the worn wooden steps creaking beneath our feet.

The stairwell smells like lemon pledge and incense, and I wonder how much I’ll miss this.

There’s nothing stopping me from attending church, from still being involved.

I don’t know how it’ll feel to be on the other side of the pulpit.

I’m ready to find out, though.

The meeting room is already buzzing with several members of our Bible study group, and everyone says hello as we enter.

I set the cookies down on the table at the back of the room, and Olivia places the strawberries beside them, her arm brushing mine.

I turn to the group, smiling warmly. I take a few minutes to walk around the room, shaking hands and greeting everyone by name, asking about their families, their pets, their health.

When I get to Olivia, I take her hand in mine, electricity shooting up my arm.

“Good evening, Olivia. How are you?”

“I’m pretty fantastic, Father. And yourself?” she asks sweetly, grinning up at me with mischief shining in her eyes.

God, I love this woman. I’ve loved her from the moment I first saw her, and I’ve fallen deeper and deeper with every interaction.

“Also fantastic,” I say quietly, grinning.

“That’s so good to hear,” she says, her cheeks going pink. She rolls her lips inward, stifling a giggle. I wink at her and then move to the front of the room. Once everyone has settled, Olivia takes an empty seat in the circle of chairs, directly across from me.

“Good evening, everyone. Thanks for coming. We’re going to get started, so please take out your Bibles.” I clear my throat, picking up my worn Bible from the small table beside me. “Tonight we’ll be discussing a book that’s a bit different than our usual fare.”

A few eyebrows raise, and when I glance up at Olivia, her gaze is locked onto me.

“Tonight, we’ll be exploring the Song of Songs, also known as the Song of Solomon.

” I can feel the ripple of surprise that goes through the group.

“As much as we focus on the spiritual during our time with scripture, it’s also important to reflect on scripture that applies to our day to day, secular lives.

Song of Songs is a book about love, desire, and intimacy.

It’s a celebration of the human form and the sacred connection between two people when they give their hearts freely. ”

I open my Bible, the pages falling open naturally to the section I’ve marked.

The Song of Songs is a short book, only taking up a few pages.

I look up at Olivia again, unable to stop myself.

Her cheeks are the sweetest shade of pink, her eyes bright.

I can see her pulse jumping in her throat, the rise and fall of her chest. I know she’s thinking about us, about the love, desire, and intimacy we shared just a couple of days ago in that hotel suite.

“Let’s begin,” I say, my voice calm despite the emotions tangling together in my chest. “It may shock you to learn that scripture can be surprisingly sexy. The Song of Songs isn’t spiritual, but it is sacred.

It’s a poem about lovemaking, oral sex, yearning and searching, and hiding and finding, all between two unmarried people known as the Beloved and the Lover.

“I have to admit, I’ve never preached from the Song of Songs in my eleven years as a priest. People generally don’t come to mass to hear about oral sex.

” There’s a round of laughter, and I can tell that while they’re surprised, they’re also interested in what I have to say.

I glance at Olivia and she’s staring at me, rapt, lips slightly parted.

“Preaching a book that doesn’t mention God at all is complicated.

But just because God isn’t mentioned doesn’t mean he’s absent.

As we know, God is never absent. His presence can always be felt, and taking the time to appreciate the joyous and beautiful gifts he’s given us, such as love, such as sex, can bring us closer to Him. ”

I shift back in my chair. “Now, in an effort to make sense of this secular, erotic poem having a place in the Bible, some scholars believe it’s really an analogy.

That the passion of these two people symbolizes the love God has for us, or the love Christ has for the Church.

The latter is particularly dubious given that this book is in the Old Testament, and pre-dates Christ by some time. ”

“So then why was it included?” asks Mary Ciccone, an older lady with a bun on top of her head and glasses pinching her nose.

I shrug. “I don’t have a definitive answer for that. Most scholars agree that the Song of Songs is a secular love poem and its inclusion is a mystery. Would you like to know my theory?”

Everyone nods. Olivia leans forward in her seat, her ponytail falling over her shoulder. My gorgeous, brave, selfless girl.

“Perhaps it was included because such a joyous celebration of love and sexuality is a sacred, religious experience. The fact that a book that revels in delightful, unbridled sexuality is included in the Bible is worth paying attention to. Also of note is the fact that it’s included among the wisdom books.

The book of Job discusses suffering and God’s justice.

Proverbs gives us practical advice and insight on how to live a good life.

Ecclesiastes examines the meaning of life.

Psalms is a reflection on life and faith and how the two are intertwined.

And the Song of Songs explores themes of love and intimacy.

Let’s read what’s here, and then we’ll discuss. ”

Everyone opens their Bibles to the small book they’ve probably never read before, and I begin reading.

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine…” I keep reading, only lifting my eyes from the page to glance up at Olivia.

Her Bible is open on her lap, but she’s looking at me, eyes bright, cheeks pink.

I keep reading. “Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste.” Olivia licks her lips and my balls throb in response.

I continue, reading every single passage.

“Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely…All beautiful you are my darling; there is no flaw in you…How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice! Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue…I am my lover’s and my lover is mine…

I belong to my lover and his desire is for me. ”

I’m reading the words aloud to the entire group, but in my heart, I’m reading them only to Olivia. My girl. My future wife.

My everything.