Page 16

SIXTEEN

Nick had never looked forward to a holiday as much as he looked forward to Ostara. Not even Christmas when he was a kid.

Well, maybe Christmas when he was a kid, because he’d been a kid and it was Christmas.

This particular Ostara felt like it carried all the significance of every Christmas he’d ever celebrated and a few Easters as well. He was happy, his life was heading in a direction that he liked, but he could feel that it was all hanging by the thinnest of threads.

Bax was restless. He wasn’t used to dating someone with so many other responsibilities. Nick knew it and felt it like a sunburn that he couldn’t get rid of, because the sun just kept shining.

He craved the sun. He wanted a relationship with Bax almost as much as he’d wanted one with Raina. He’d loved Raina with his whole heart, and it felt a little weird to love again, but he was definitely in love. And this time, he hadn’t let love come to him, he was doing absolutely everything he could think of to reach for it and keep it.

“Do we have everything we need for the egg hunt tomorrow?” Nick asked as he and Bax gathered everything they would need for the more ritualistic part of the Ostara celebrations that they’d do that night, on actual Ostara. The fun stuff for the kids would mostly take place the next day, during daylight hours.

“I have the dye right here,” Bax said, holding up the package of commercial stuff they’d picked up at Sainsbury’s on their last trip. “And all the stickers you bought for the kids are on the table there.”

Nick glanced at the table in the lounge. They were in his flat, since it was easier to keep the kids entertained with their own toys. For once, Jordan and Macy were in a good mood and perfectly happy to entertain themselves on the floor in front of the telly, although the telly was turned off and music was playing instead.

“Good, good,” Bax said as he crossed to the fridge to fetch the platter of snacks he’d prepared earlier in the day, while Nick was still teaching his afternoon class. “The table is already down in the garden?” he asked as he and Nick crossed paths in their buzz of activity.

Nick went to the fridge to fetch box drinks to tide the kids over until the ceremony gave them something to focus on. “Your altar is all set up and ready to go,” he said, turning back to Bax with a wink.

He’d never been the least bit interested in religion until Bax had come along. He’d never been interested in a lot of things until Bax. There was something fun and satisfying about preparing for a ritual that would celebrate a power higher than him, though. If that meant sticking an old table in the garden, draping it with a pink cloth, covering it with flowers, a small brazier, a chalice, and some other things that he still wasn’t sure of the use for, and calling it an altar, then he was all for it.

“The rest of the family will be down to join us as soon as they’re finished with their classes and what not,” Nick added as he headed back into the lounge to give the box drinks to his kids. It wasn’t really time for a snack, but if he gave them something now, they’d be less likely to fuss when the adults were trying to concentrate for Bax’s ritual.

He smiled to himself as he straightened after handing over the treat. It was a small thing, but the fact that he was trying to think like an adult and make the Ostara experience as close to what Bax needed as he could felt like progress to him. He was too well aware that he fell short of what Bax wanted in so many ways. Every time one of the kids cried or asked for his attention when he was trying to give Bax what he needed made him ache with regret and anxiety.

He lost his smile.

He shouldn’t be putting his kids aside for a romantic partner.

Bax might leave him if he lost patience with the kids.

He was shortchanging himself by letting his babies get between him and an adult relationship.

He couldn’t be what everybody needed all the time without losing his mind.

Those thoughts and more poked at him practically every hour of every day.

“Hey.” Bax’s gentle voice snapped him out of the grip of worry. Bax rested turned him to face him and smiled. “You’re doing great. This is going to be fun. It’s supposed to be fun.”

“It’s definitely fun,” Nick said, pulling Bax into his arms.

He bent down to slant his mouth over Bax’s. Bax embraced him and deepened their kiss. It felt so good and so right. Almost right enough to banish the fear that it would all vanish in an instant if he didn’t do everything right.

The only other lover he’d ever had had been torn from him, thanks to a tragic car crash. He knew he could survive the loss of love, but he desperately didn’t want to have to go through that again. Things with Bax were still new, but they held so much promise that he would hate it if Bax decided he couldn’t put up with his baggage and left.

“Stop going all tense,” Bax said, cradling the side of Nick’s face and fixing him with a serious look. “It’s going to be okay. We’re alright.”

“Of course we are,” Nick said, then moved in for another kiss.

Bax’s body felt so good against his. His imagination conjured up all sorts of images, some fantasy, some memories, of the two of them naked and sweaty. Bax made him so happy. He was desperate to return the favor and make Bax happy, too.

“Daddy!” Jordan gasped from the other side of the couch, where he was standing in a sea of toys.

Nick pulled back but kept his arms around Bax as he turned to see what was the matter. Jordan was staring at him and Bax with a child-like, exaggerated look of shock.

“You kiss Bax!” Jordan added, in case Nick had any doubt about what had him shocked.

“Yes, I did,” Nick said, feeling simultaneously giddy and embarrassed that his three-and-a-half-year-old had caught them in the act.

“You don’t mind, do you?” Bax asked, letting go of Nick and stepping back.

Nick couldn’t tell if he was asking him or Jordan.

“I don’t mind if you don’t mind,” he answered, grabbing Bax’s shirt and pulling him back for another quick kiss.

Jordan laughed. Macy laughed because he laughed. That made him, and even Bax, smile.

It was going to be alright.

A minute later, as Nick and Bax walked around grabbing all the things they would need for the ritual and the kids, there was a knock on the door.

Before Nick could even call out, “Come in,” the door opened to reveal his mum.

“What’s all this?” his mum asked as soon as she saw everything he and Bax were carrying. She moved straight over to all but yank Macy out of Bax’s arms.

“Mum, what are you doing here?” Nick asked, heart racing with the need to either fight or flee, he didn’t know which.

“I thought I’d come take the children off your hands for the weekend,” she said, as if that were the most ordinary thing in the world. “Joann said that Lauren told her something about a picnic that was happening here tomorrow and I thought I would take these little burdens off your hands.”

Half a dozen frustrations crashed into each other within Nick at once. He hadn’t asked for his mum’s interference in his life, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself from trying to be his puppet master. He’d tried gently telling her no, but she was his mum and “No” wasn’t something she was used to hearing.

“We’re having a picnic tomorrow for Ostara,” he told her, continuing to gather the things for their ritual as if his mum wasn’t there. “We’ve planned a lot of things for the kids to do. There’s going to be an egg hunt and everything.”

“Egg hunt?” His mum looked taken aback. “Easter isn’t until next month.”

“Ostara,” Bax corrected her as he picked up the platter of snacks, since his mum had Macy. The tension that radiated from him and the tight line of his mouth weren’t good signs. “It’s always held on the Spring Equinox, which is today.”

“What on earth are you talking about?” Nick’s mum said, dripping disapproval.

“Bax is Pagan, Mum,” Nick said. “Ostara is one of the important Pagan holidays that predates Easter and that Easter was based on, so we’re all celebrating.”

It was a huge risk to let that cat out of the bag, since his mum already didn’t like Bax for turning her son gay—she hadn’t said those words exactly, but Nick was a hundred percent certain that was what she thought. Revealing the whole Pagan thing might just set her over the edge. But it was the least Nick could do to stand by his man.

Sure enough, as they all headed into the hall carrying bags and snacks and kids, his mum bleated, “What?”

“Pagan, Mum,” Nick said, suddenly feeling incredibly tired.

“Good Lord, you must be joking,” his mum said as she followed them to the end of the hall and down the stairs. “I was willing to let the homosexual thing slide. Everyone goes through a phase like that at some point in their life. But witchcraft? I absolutely draw the line at exposing my grandchildren to witchcraft.”

“You do realize how offensive it is to berate someone else’s faith, don’t you, Mrs. Turner?” Bax said casually as they reached the ground floor and headed to the outside door.

Nick sent Bax an apologetic look. He was grateful when Bax smiled and even winked at him in return, but he could see the same strain and exhaustion with it all in Bax’s eyes that he felt himself.

“Witchcraft is not a religion,” his mum insisted, her shoulders stiff and her nose tilted up. “It’s a ridiculous fancy that teenage girls take to when they’re being rebellious against their parents.”

“Paganism has been practiced in Britain for thousands of years, long before Christianity,” Bax said, though he wasn’t enthusiastic in his own defense.

That panicked Nick. His mum was just one more thing to grate on him and make him second-guess their entire relationship. It was one more reason for Bax to turn around and run.

“It’s very much a religion, Mum,” Nick said, determined to do whatever he needed to keep Bax with him and happy. “I think it’s nationally recognized as well. There are ceremonies at Stonehenge at Yule and Litha.”

Bax glanced quickly at him like he was impressed Nick knew the names of the midwinter and midsummer holidays.

Nick smiled back at him, glad he’d been reading up on all things Pagan, not just Ostara. It was all a part of his efforts to meet Bax where he was used to being.

“Stonehenge,” his mum scoffed as they walked along the path that went past the family parking lot and into the back garden. “They’re a bunch of hippies and deluded tourists, that lot.”

“Stonehenge might be filled with tourists,” Bax said, slightly more energy in his words, “but I can assure you, there are plenty of us who still practice the old religions.”

Nick’s mum clenched her jaw and used the excuse of a squirming, fussy Macy to ignore Bax’s answer. She was seriously starting to annoy Nick. The only thing that gave him a hint of satisfaction was that Macy was reaching for Bax, like she wanted him to carry her instead of Granny.

“There’s nothing wrong with Ostara,” Nick said, losing his patience. “Easter is pretty much the same thing. Christianity stole most of its major holidays from the pagans anyhow.” A burst of inspiration hit him as they neared the edge of the garden and he said, “Why don’t you stay and do the ritual with us? Then you can see that it isn’t witchcraft at all.”

No sooner were those words out of his mouth than he saw the looming, silver glint of his unicorn statue rolling into the garden from the other side of the house. More than that, Rhys and Early, Robbie and Toby, Blaine and Alfie, Nally, and Rafe were all either pushing or pulling the cart someone had lifted it into, and they were all dressed in what looked like adult-sized chorister’s robes. Robert and Janice were with them as well, and so were Rebecca and her two lovers. The entire Hawthorne clan had turned out at exactly the right and wrong time.

“Oy, Bax!” Blaine called out, rushing ahead of the others to meet them at the table that was decorated like an altar. “We’re ready to ritual the fuck out of Ostara. And look! We brought the unicorn up to be our craven idol!”

Nick closed his eyes and shook his head. Of all the things they didn’t need just then….

“Horsey!” Jordan called out, then wriggled to get down.

Nick was carrying too many things to stop him, and instead of telling Blaine and the others off for not taking things seriously and causing trouble, he had to grab the bag that tried to fall off his shoulder and chase after Jordan instead.

“This isn’t witchcraft,” Nick’s mum hissed, glaring at the pack of Hawthornes in their robes as they brought the unicorn statue to rest behind the altar table. “This is Satanism.”

“Mum, it’s really not,” Nick said, a headache beginning to pound him.

“Idolatry isn’t a part of Paganism,” Bax said, walking forward with a little too much annoyance in his steps and putting his load of snacks and things down on the edge of the table. “I didn’t ask for this.”

“Sorry,” Blaine said, losing his goofy grin. “We just thought that the unicorn would be a nice touch.”

“It’s not ready to be moved out of the forge yet,” Nick said as he dropped his bag and caught up with Jordan. “I haven’t tested its stability.”

“Is this why you’ve been making this monstrosity?” Nick’s mum demanded. “To worship in your Satanic rituals and to make a mockery of everything that Christ lived and died for?”

Things were getting desperately out of hand fast.

“No, Mum. I made the sculpture because it’s art and for the competition in May,” Nick said, frowning at Raina’s family.

“It does look nice, though,” Rhys said apologetically.

“We can take it back, if you’d like,” Nally offered with a genuinely penitent look.

“No, it’s fine,” Bax said with a sigh. “Let’s just get the ritual over with so we can move on to dinner and egg decorating.”

“Ritual?” Nick’s mum asked. She turned to him with a demanding look. “You’re engaging in crude rituals now? And you’re involving my grandchildren?”

“Mum, no!” Nick shouted, losing his patience. “It’s just a service, like any other religious service. It’s to honor something higher than us.”

“If this is the sort of thing you expect me to allow you to expose my grandchildren to then you are gravely mistaken, Nicholas,” his mum said, practically quivering with upset. “I’ve let this madness go on long enough. You’ve fallen prey to this viper’s charms.” She threw out an arm toward Bax, which gave Macy the opening she needed to squirm so much Nick’s mum was forced to put her down. “I will not let this continue,” she went right on with her rant as she straightened.

“I’m a grown man, Mum,” Nick told her, trying not to shout as Macy toddled over to him and threw her arms around his leg. “You don’t get a say in who I love or what I do.”

“You’ve been corrupted by this family’s wickedness,” his mum raged on. “I knew there was something wrong with Raina Hawthorne when you first brought her home. I should never have let your relationship with that outrageous woman continue.”

“I beg your pardon?” Rhys demanded, stepping forward to defend his sister.

“Raina was the very best of us,” Robbie also came to her defense.

The rest of the Hawthornes looked mutinous as well.

Nick’s mum barked a laugh. “I can believe that. I can believe it because I have the evidence of how maniacal this entire family is standing right in front of me.” She waved a hand over the collected mass of Hawthornes as though dismissing them all.

“I invited you to join us for this celebration because I thought you might learn something from it,” Nick said, raising his voice. “You’ve done nothing but interfere and criticize since you got here. If you’re going to have an attitude like that, then you can just leave. This is Bax’s day, Bax’s celebration, and all I want to do is make it nice for him.”

“You want to appease your wicked lover you mean,” Nick’s mum seethed, glaring at Nick then at Bax, then back to Nick again. “I consider it my sacred duty to rescue you from this, Nicholas. I will not rest until you see how despicable these people are and until you leave them and come home where you belong.”

“You can’t tell me what to do,” Nick shouted, simultaneously furious and embarrassed, and feeling like an absolute child himself.

It didn’t help that his shouting upset both Macy and Jordan. His babies burst into tears, which had all of the Hawthornes upset as well.

Nick bent to pick up Macy, but his mum tried to race in and get her before him.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he demanded, grabbing Macy first, then taking a step back.

“I’m taking the children,” she said, going after Jordan when she saw she wasn’t going to get Macy. “I’m taking them home with me so they won’t be influenced by this madhouse anymore.”

Rhys was close enough to pick up Jordan and move him out of Nick’s mum’s way, but that tiny victory was immediately overshadowed.

“Enough!” Bax shouted, holding out his hands. “I’ve had just about enough of this. I wanted to find a coven to celebrate my faith with, but this is ridiculous. This isn’t what I want at all, none of it! It’s too much. Can’t I just have thirty seconds of peace to practice my faith and be who I am?”

It might have sounded like his question was directed at everyone, or even just Nick’s mum. Nick felt Bax’s outburst like it hit him square in the chest, though. They locked eyes, and Nick saw the frustration and hopelessness in Bax’s soul. He was losing him. He was losing the best thing to happen to him since his babies were born.

As if to prove that, Bax broke eye contact and turned to go. Nick caught his breath and jerked forward as if he could stop him. He froze, though, when Bax stormed past Raina’s unicorn statue. As he walked past, his foot caught on the rope attached to the front of the cart the others had used to roll the sculpture into the garden. Bax was angry enough that he pulled hard in an attempt to free his foot.

The entire cart lurched. The sculpture teetered. Everyone seemed to gasp or hold their breath. Nally was quick enough to dart out of the way as the unicorn unbalanced entirely and went tumbling, smashing down over the altar table with a sickening crash.