Page 65 of Forever Mann

His mouth was on mine swift and full, and it held all of the things I saw in his eyes. The longing, the want, desire, and regret was in it as fully as if he had confessed to each of the emotions running through him.

“You are all I see, Jack,” he panted against my lips. “I can’t stay away from you, can’t not touch you, can’t stop wanting you to touch me,” he claimed my lips again, harder, then pulling away. “I can’t think straight when it involves you,” he whispered, kissing me again in such desperate tenderness I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks before I even knew they were there.

“What,” I pressed a hand on his chest. “What are you saying? That we can’t be together?” It was there, unspoken but there in his words and in his actions.

“He can’t know I feel this way about someone, not until I figure out how to take care of this.”

“So, wekeep to ourselves. . .” God, it was so hard for me to say it, I hated the taste of the words in my mouth, but I forced it out. “Like asecret?” I finished.

His eyes snapped to mine with a fierceness I had never seen. I knew it hurt him to be placed in that same category Rhodes had asked of me so long ago.

“No, Jack. I would never ask that of you, ever.”

“You aren’t asking, then. I’m giving.”

“I would never take that, either. Never.”

“Jack, the entire town has seen us, together, since the day you arrived - almost literally - it’s not like he wouldn’t know . . ..”

“How easy would it be, then? To say we burned hot and fizzled out? I’ll be a fucking wreck without you, so it’s any easy sell,” Perrin said, running his hands through his hair. “They don’t know how I feel about you. How fuckingessentialyou are to me.”

I watched him, with my mouth open in surprise. I felt this way about him, but to know he did too was leaving me speechless. My emotions were hammered and whiplashed, being told we were over, but that he loved me all at the same time.

His hand cupped my face, as my head shook. I wasn’t sure if it was at disbelief of his words or of the idea of not being with him.

“You don’t believe me, sweetheart? You need the words?” His eyes burned into mine, peaceful now, banking the storm that raged inside the brown and gold sea. Perrin kissed me possessively, saying I was his and he was mine all in one kiss.

“I love you, Jack.” Perrin said it so simply, so easily, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I’ve been in love with you for a while too, P,” I admitted softly, drowning in the push-pull of the tide that was him claiming his love for me and also telling me goodbye.

His thumb wiped the tears that were still coming from my face. “I’m sorry, Jack. But, I want this too much, I wantustoo much not to try and make it possible.”

“And we have to be apart for that to happen?”

His forehead rested on mine, but it seemed he couldn’t say the words, but heslightlynodded. “I won’t let him hurt you, Jack. You don’t know what he is capable of. I don’t even know. He will hurt your family . . .”

I felt the breath rush out of me as I nodded, shattering my own heart in the process.

Perrin looked down at me, pulling away to study my face. “I may not have said the words, Jack, but our bodies have been making promises to each other for a while now, and I intend to keep each and every one.”

Perrin

A sick twist of relief and loss started in my gut when I got Jack to agree to what I needed. At least I could keep him safe. If Holden heard anything, he would see me in the state I was sure I would be in without Jack and think I was weak and easy prey for him again. Maybe I could use that to my advantage. If he was coming here, then he was - as I told Jack - coming for me and whatever unfinished business he thought we had, and he was not always a patient man.

Jack’s eyes had closed at my last words, and tears leaked from his eyes. If that was all this night was, it would have alone been enough to break my heart.

Something shifted in Jack, as if he finally accepted what I was telling him. He reversed our previous roles, and placed his hands on my face now. The emotions were too high, too raw, and I crashed against him.

“If we have been making all of these promises, then promise me one more time, P,” he breathed.

I came at him so hard I had him pushed against the wall before I could think, my mouth claiming his, hands tearing off clothes.

“I want you so desperately, Jack,” I said, hungry to get my hands on his bare skin. “Fucking want you more now than the first day I saw you.”

Our clothes were off already, and I couldn’t even remember which way my bedroom was because my head was spinning.

“Need you,” he whimpered. “Fuck the bedroom, Perrin.” He growled, reading my mind. “Turn me over the couch.”